


sky full of stars.

by fallfrovmgrace



Category: Karlie Kloss (Model), Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2020-12-31 06:16:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 88,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21095993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallfrovmgrace/pseuds/fallfrovmgrace
Summary: "Oh no," Taylor whispered, unable to look at the breathtaking bride and cover her embarrassment. The stranger glanced at her. "Oh no,""What's wrong?" she asked in a whisper. Taylor gripped her purse tightly."This is not the wedding I was supposed to attend!" Taylor replied in a worried whisper.*****The one where Taylor Swift found herself in the wrong place at the right time.





	1. flicker ; prologue

**sky full of stars.**

*****************

Taylor Swift found herself in the wrong place at the right time.

It all began when she sat in the middle of one of the half empty pews, hands smoothing the fabric of her long, pale pink and yellow dress. The white sparkly purse lied on her lap, legs pressed tightly against one another as big curious blue eyes examined the intricate details of the church's ceiling.

  
It was her best friend's wedding day; she unfortunately couldn't be there for all the preparation or be there to calm her down. She had a job that had needed her, therefore as soon as she had set foot outside of her work place, she had taken a taxi and had told them the address of the venue. Taylor sighed, playing with the strands of her long wavy blonde hair; she had had too little time to properly style them in a fashionable hairstyle, so she had decided to wear them down. Minutes passed, and she wondered when it would all begin. Taylor got lost in her own little world, thinking about Abigail and Matt's history. They were a wonderful couple, and she had been fond of Matt the very first time Abigail had introduced him to her. Taylor had been ecstatic when her best friend had told her that her longtime boyfriend had finally gotten down on one knee and asked her the fateful question. She remembered the day she and Abigail had gone wedding dress hunting, and how she had cried when she had seen her best friend with the perfect white dress. They had hugged so tightly, and she had whispered in her ear, "Matt's jaw is going to be on the floor when he'll see you in this dress,". They had laughed, and a smile of bitter sweetness appeared on Taylor's face at the memory replaying at the forefront of her mind.

That was, until a long legged beauty stood beside her, slim index finger pointed to the pew.

"Excuse me?" Taylor looked up, heart stopping at the sight of such a gorgeous woman. "Is this seat free?"

Unable to form any words, Taylor nodded quickly, and with a blinding smile, the stranger sat down beside her, a glimpse of her perfume getting inside of Taylor's wide nostrils. The woman had beautiful golden hair, obviously dyed, and sparkling green eyes lied on Taylor's face as their gazes finally met. The stranger — who had yet to introduce herself — seemed out of breath, and Taylor let her eyes wander lower. She was wearing a grey pantsuit, something that seemed unusual for a woman to wear at a wedding, but it seemed to suit her perfectly. Her legs were incredibly long, and they almost didn't fit behind the pew in front of them; Taylor almost felt bad for her.

"Are you here for the bride or the groom?" the woman asked. She unbuttoned her blazer, the gentle movement of her hands and the heart shaped embroidery attracting Taylor's wide eyes to her chest. The stranger seemed to be quiet fit, and the blonde tried not to let herself get distracted by the tight fabric enveloping her arms.

"Bride," she replied with an easy smile. She was good at socializing. She has never been a shy girl; always telling others what was on her mind and her honest opinion. All of her friends appreciated this trait of her character, but sometimes she went too far; if only she could learn to bite her tongue and think before opening her mouth sometimes. "What about you?"

The stranger let out a breathy chuckle. "Where do you sit when you're friends with both?"

"I guess that that is a problem, then," she said dryly.

The woman laughed quietly; there was a bit of chatter floating around the church, the wedding not having started yet. Green eyes analyzed her briefly, before a question slipped out of the stranger's mouth, "What's your name? It's strange that we have never met. Usually, _Jourdan_ introduces me to all of her friends."

Taylor's brows furrowed together at the name. She briefly chuckled, glancing down at her purse before looking up again. "Jourdan?"

The stranger nodded. "Yeah," she replied. "The _bride_."

Taylor's entire world fell upon her. She wished the ground would open and swallow her whole, because the embarrassment she felt at the clarification made her whole face burn red. _That _is why she hadn't recognized any of the faces that surrounded her. _That _is why the wedding hadn't started yet. She had been sure, when she had gotten inside the taxi, that she would have been late for the ceremony. But now, she's not so sure if it's worse being late or not even showing up at your _best _friend's wedding.

Taylor shook her head, about to get up and leave without looking back, but then, the bells finally rang, and everyone stood up as the bride walked down the aisle with an emotional smile. When Taylor looked at the spouse, to her horror, it wasn't Abigail. She had wished for the _stranger _to be at the wrong wedding, not the other way around. Perhaps, in her rush, she had said the wrong address to the taxi driver. How _could _this happen?

"Oh no," Taylor whispered, unable to look at the breathtaking bride and cover her embarrassment. The stranger glanced at her. "Oh _no,_"

"What's wrong?" she asked in a whisper. Taylor gripped her purse tightly.

"This is not the wedding I was supposed to attend!" Taylor replied in a worried whisper. The stranger's eyes widened at that, and the buzz of Taylor's phone interrupted their panicked staring contest. When the bride walked by their pew, the taller woman smiled at her, and the blonde put the most forced smile on her face, almost looking crazy and out of her mind.

When everyone was finally able to sit down, Taylor frantically looked for her phone inside her purse, grabbed it and read the incoming message. _Where are you? The wedding has already started!_, it said. The blonde wanted to slap her own face, or at least slam it against a hard wall, because how could one person be _so _stupid?

"I really can't stay here," she whispered, as the priest's voice filled the church. A few pair of eyes eyed them skeptically, but Taylor couldn't care less.

"What? No you can't, the ceremony has already started," the stranger replied. "It would seem rude."

"I can't miss my best friend's wedding!" she hissed. Taylor immediately regretted her tone, not knowing what gave her the courage to get mad at someone whose name was still a mystery. "I'm sorry," she whispered apologetically, and averting her eyes, she added as an afterthought, "I'm Taylor, by the way,"

The stranger smiled, and as subtly as she could, she offered her hand. "Karlie. I would tell you it's nice to meet you, but I would have preferred meeting you under very different circumstances," she grinned. The smile was breathtaking, and Taylor hated the feeling of clear discomfort growing inside her chest.

"Abigail is going to hate me," she muttered, mostly to herself. She sunk in her seat, shoulders slouched as she watched with impassible eyes the ceremony.

"She's going to forgive you," Karlie assured her. "You two will share a laugh when you'll tell her your side of the story."

"Yeah, well — I hope you're right."

"I usually am,"

Karlie smiled her way, and Taylor couldn't help but shake her head and look away. She didn't know why she was hiding the slight grin that was beginning to overcome her nude lips, but this woman had some kind of energy, some kind of magnetic field that made Taylor want to shuffle closer. For the whole wedding, the blonde woman kept thinking of her best friend, of how disappointed she must be feeling, and of the gorgeous woman beside her. When the groom shared his vows, and Taylor saw the bride dab at the corner of her eyes, she couldn't help but let herself be overwhelmed by the sweetness of the exchange. When it was time to say _I do_, Taylor was fully crying. And as the newlyweds let themselves be swarmed by the delighted cheers of their families and friends as they walked down the aisle together, Karlie nudged her shoulder.

"Shut up, don't even try," Taylor warned, taking a tissue out of her purse to wipe her tears and not ruin her light make-up. Karlie tried not to let out the threatening chuckle out of her thin lips. As they placed their hands on the pew behind them to get a great view of the two newlyweds, their fingertips accidentally brushed, and Taylor blushed as she glanced at the taller woman. Karlie didn't seem to notice their light touches, but there was a faint blush coloring her cheeks.

After a few moments, they finally went outside the church, throwing rice at the now wife and husband, and Taylor almost forgot that this was actually the wrong wedding. She had fun, and as they watched the newlyweds step inside the car that would take them to the venue for the wedding reception, Taylor shared her thoughts with Karlie, who was still standing beside her. She had never left her side for the whole ceremony, and the blonde wondered why.

"I should probably get going," Taylor said, looking up at the other woman.

Karlie looked disappointed to hear that, but she tried to hide her true emotions by lowering her head, kicking a few pebbles. It was a beautiful day, and the sun shone above their heads. They were a bit far from the gathering of friends and family, and most of them were getting inside of their cars, ready to follow through with the ceremony. "You could stay."

Taylor laughed quietly. "I—I actually don't know. Abigail might seriously start hating me if I don't show up at least for the cake."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Karlie giggled.

The shorter woman shrugged, teasingly replying, "I usually am."

The smile that overcame Karlie's face made her eyes twinkle, her hands nervously and shyly burying deep inside of the pockets of her pants. "What if—you swing by later? Jourdan is typically a partygoer, it will probably last till sunrise. What do you think?"

Taylor narrowed her eyes and thought about the proposition. "Yeah, maybe—maybe I could. I will see what I can do."

"Alright," Karlie said, starting to walk in the direction of her car. "I hope to see _you _later," she smiled gently. She waved her hand at Taylor, and the shorter woman timidly waved back. "Bye,"

"Bye,"

Taylor watched her go. 


	2. emotion ; chapter 1

Life has its strange ways of making people meet each other. One could meet their soulmate late in the night, as they lazily pick up their Chinese food, and not know it. One could meet their best friend at the cinema, at a restaurant, in the middle of a storm, and all of these situations have one thing in common: the simplicity and the luck of the draw of meeting someone new. That is what happened at the wedding. Had Taylor not sat in that particular pew, she would have never crossed paths with Karlie. And had Taylor not given the wrong address to that taxi driver, she would have never known that somebody else was getting married the same day as her best friend. Taylor had never believed in coincidences, nor fate. She was a mature woman, who stopped believing in fairytales once her age turned in a number made of two digits. Taylor was reasonable and rational, sometimes losing herself in her own little bubble way too much. But it was hard to believe in kismet, and soulmates, and all that _stuff. _When life slapped her hard at the age of fourteen, it was hard to believe that beautiful things happened because of destiny. One has to work hard to achieve whatever is the job of their dreams, or the house of their dreams, or the car of their dreams. One cannot wait for something to happen to them, to magically fall down on their laps because of some unknown deity above their heads.

At least, this was what Taylor thought. Life got so much better for her when she had started to lower her expectations.

"Please, give me one good reason why you went to the wrong wedding,"

Abigail had finished her first dance with Matt, and had now sat down with Taylor, who had just arrived from the wrong wedding.

Taylor exhaled soundly. "Abi, sit down, please," a breathless smile formed on the blonde's lips. "This is going to be fun."

The redhead looked at her suspiciously, brows knitted together and body slightly tilted to the side, as if she were ready to flee at any moment. Abigail slowly took a seat beside Taylor, the floor beneath them slightly shaking with the loud music's force. Guests had flooded the dance floor, and the lights were dim, most of the tables of the enormous and elegant hall empty. The blonde woman watched her best friend take a sip of her champagne, her white dress lightly wrinkled at the edges and an invisible line of sweat trickling down her temple. It had been a long night.

"Okay, so," Taylor began, moving in her seat. Abigail waited in anticipation. "I guess I kind of gave the taxi driver the wrong address, and I was terribly late, so I didn't check if it was right or if the location was the right one. And I just—I arrived at the church, everything was beautiful, and I was slightly confused because I didn't recognize any of the faces, but I just—I just sat down on a pew, you know? And then, this _beautiful _woman sits beside me, and I just—my mind went blank. I realized I was at the wrong wedding when it was too late."

Her best friend stared at her with narrowed eyes, the emotions inside them unreadable. Taylor feared the worst, but then Abigail leant back and burst out laughing. Her chirpy laughter attracted some of the guests' attention that were talking around them, and the blonde blushed under such blatant scrutiny. "You stayed at the wrong wedding because of a _woman_?" Abigail asked laughing, a tear of joy sliding down her sweaty cheek.

The blonde began to smile then, a confused one as she said, "Yeah? Kind of?"

"Oh my God," Abigail wiped her tears with a napkin and placed a hand on Taylor's shoulder. "Was she _oh my God she's cute _beautiful or was she _oh my God just push me against the wall and kiss me _beautiful?"

Taylor widened her eyes at the insinuation, and averted her gaze. "Abigail!"

"I'm just asking!" the redhead raised her hands in surrender. "So?"

"I don't know," Taylor shrugged embarrassedly. "I guess she was a mix of both."

Abigail let out a low whistle, and the blonde couldn't help but roll her eyes at that. She was glad that her best friend didn't hate her for missing her big day, but she also hated that she was enjoying teasing her about the encounter with this new woman. There haven't been a lot of women in Taylor's life, but the ones that had stumbled upon her path and then disastrously left have all made an indelible mark on the blonde's heart.

"I forgive you, then," Abigail said with a genuine smile. "But you have to tell me more about this—what is her name?"

"Karlie," it is the first time that her lips molded into the tall woman's name, and an even deeper blush appeared on her cheeks. She tried to hide it by looking out at the crowd of dancing people, averting her gaze from Abigail's curious one.

"You have to tell me more about this Karlie!"

"I—,"

Matt didn't let her finish, as he came into view behind her best friend's back. "Sorry, Taylor. Really glad you could make it, but I have to—steal Abi for a few dances," he said, hurriedly taking ahold of his wife's hand and already dragging her towards the dance floor. Taylor is left there, speechless as she shook her head with a wide and bewildered smile. She placed her elbow against the table and then let her forehead rest on her palm, closing her eyes as a slight headache overcame her. She was exhausted; having worked more than seven hours at the bakery. Taylor thought back at the happenings of her day, and recalled Karlie's invitation. It was slightly tempting her, as she now found herself completely alone in the midst of loud celebrations and music. She sat there for a few more moments, just enjoying the sight of her delighted best friend dancing with her now husband. Taylor recalled Abigail's first heartbreak; how she had cried, at the age of sixteen, over a boy who had broken up with her over a text message. It had devastated the redhead, who apparently had been so in love with that said guy. Taylor remembered holding her for hours, until she had soundly fallen asleep between her arms. And now, seeing her so happy, with a face split by an enormous grin, and hands around Matt's neck, Taylor smiled. She found herself wishing she could have something like that. In her twenty eight years of life, she has struggled with cheating women, low self-esteem, and just a lot of insecurities, born by the hands of all of her failures and disappointments. Abigail had found Matt when Taylor had just started working as a baker, but that was almost four years ago. The years that were before that, Taylor wasn't keen on remembering them too often.

The blonde woman pursed her lips and looked away. Her mother had always told her not to ponder over the past too much. It only brought back old and healed scars and pain and sadness; it wasn't worth it, to waste so much time of the present in worrying about something that had happened years before. One needs to focus on the people _around _them, not the ones that are not there anymore, and keep on planning the future.

When one hour passed, Taylor sighed and got up. She straightened her dress and took a deep breath. Upon deciding that she could take up Karlie's offer, she said her goodbyes to the guests she was familiar with, and left the venue with a sense of excitement.

She arrived at her destination a few minutes before midnight, and the sound of blaring music welcomed her as soon as she stepped inside the location. The amount of people gave her a little bit of anxiety, and it set free all of her shyness. She didn't know what to do with herself, as with her eyes she looked for the tall figure of her new friend. But the venue was huge and not very well lit, therefore she found it to be a rather difficult mission. Taylor let out a small sigh, and went towards the bar, where a tall, smooth-shaven man immediately asked her what she would like to drink. She ordered a light cocktail, and the bartender prepared it in a few swift motions. When her drink was handed to her, she held the cold glass in her hands and nipped the straw. The alcohol eased some of the tension in muscles, and she turned her back towards the counter.

"Are you planning on eating that or what?"

The voice came unexpected, and Taylor's heart almost flew out of her chest. She startled, turning to her left to face the stranger. It turned out that the person that had almost killed her with fright was actually Karlie, who had an amused smirk dancing on her lips.

"You almost scared me to death!" Taylor yelled over the sound of the loud music. She couldn't help but hide her smile behind her drink, as she took another sip and watched Karlie order a drink for herself.

"Sorry," Karlie apologized, but Taylor knew by the look in her face that she wasn't, not even one bit. "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough to get a drink," the blonde replied. Karlie nodded. Then Taylor added, "I was kind of looking for you when I arrived, but—I actually didn't know where to do that, so,"

The taller blonde woman smiled down at her. "Don't worry,"

"How did you find me?" Taylor asked curiously, biting once again the straw. Karlie smiled at the action.

"I—saw you when you walked in. I didn't come right away because one of my friends held me up."

"Oh, it's fine," Taylor shrugged. She couldn't help but wonder if Karlie had been waiting for her. If she had seen her walk in, then Karlie must have been looking at the door for a very long time. At the possibility, she blushed deeply. Fortunately, the lights were dim and too scarce for Karlie to see the red color in her cheeks.

"So?" Karlie began, placing her empty glass on the counter. "How did it go with you friend? Did she take it well?"

"She laughed at me," Taylor confessed. Karlie chuckled by her side, waiting for more details. "I usually check that everything is right before doing something, but—I think that today my mind was too caught up with work when I had given the wrong address to the taxi driver,"

Karlie intently listened to her talk as she curiously asked, "Oh—where do you work?"

"I'm a baker!" the shorter woman exclaimed with a smile. "I worked a lot so I was kind of exhausted when I arrived at the wedding."

A hint of guilt flashed in Karlie's eyes, but it was gone before Taylor could say something. "I love baking!" she affirmed, sounding excited as her green eyes sparkled. "We should bake together sometimes,"

There was a strange glint within her irises, and Taylor couldn't help but avert her eyes. She felt her face burn, and she wondered if it was the alcohol's fault or Karlie's face for being so unbelievably gorgeous.

"Yeah, we could."

Karlie leant in a little, small smile on her lips. "Your kitchen or mine?"

Taylor laughed out loud. "Uh—,"

But their conversation was interrupted by a male figure, invading their private space as he tightly hugged the taller woman. Karlie silently apologized to Taylor with the sorry look of her gaze, and the blonde smiled apprehensively.

"Karlie!" the man exclaimed. He sounded drunk, and when he pulled away from their embrace, Taylor saw the redness of his cheeks and the way he slightly swayed. "I just got here and saw Jour! How was the wedding?" he didn't seem to notice the woman behind him, but Karlie lightly pushed him to the side and glanced at Taylor.

"The wedding was great. Jourdan's dress was incredible and she looked amazing," the taller woman shortly described the ceremony to the nameless stranger, and Taylor felt slightly out of place, as she stood motionless with her hands laced across her hips. "Oh, and this is my _friend _Taylor. Taylor, meet Derek, my best friend who is slightly drunk."

The man, with glazed eyes, looked at Taylor, before shaking her hand with a smile that was too big for his face. "Nice to meet you, Taylor!" his voice was too loud, but the blonde grinned nevertheless and awkwardly stood on her feet. When she looked back at Karlie, she noticed that the other woman had been staring at her the whole time. The intense gaze she was receiving made her stomach twist inside her chest. It was exhilarating to be looked at with so many emotions, but Taylor tried to think of something that wasn't Karlie's green eyes on her. _You've just met._

"How did you two meet?" asked Derek, placing a bent arm against Karlie's shoulder. The taller girl seemed to snap out of the trance she was in, as she directed her piercing green irises at her best friend.

"Oh—," a laugh escaped from her thin lips. "We actually met today. At the wedding," Karlie seemed to hesitate. Perhaps she thought that telling him that Taylor had gone to the wrong wedding would embarrass the shorter woman, therefore she let a silence hang around them as she let Taylor decide if she would include that particular detail.

"Really?" Derek swayed a bit, and Karlie's arm went around his waist to keep him steady. "Are you a friend of Jeremy?"

Taylor assumed that Jeremy was the groom, therefore she replied, "No, I'm not," she smiled shyly.

"It's a long story," Karlie finished for her. "Maybe I will tell it to you tomorrow, alright?"

Derek seemed to be lost in his thoughts for a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah, sure," he shrugged, as if he didn't mind. "Well, girls, I will leave you to it. I have a really cute guy waiting for me at the dance floor, so if you don't mind," he faked a salute.

Taylor held in a laugh as Karlie replied sarcastically, "Oh, we don't mind at all."

Derek was apparently too drunk to care about her comment, and left on swaying legs and with a chirpy laugh coming out of his mouth. The shorter woman chuckled at the sight; oh, how she loved drunk people.

"Sorry about that," Karlie apologetically smiled down at her. She inched a little bit closer, and Taylor swallowed. She placed her now empty drink on the counter and rested her left arm against the cold marble surface. Taylor felt like Karlie was now standing closer to her than before, and wondered if it was because she wanted her to hear her over the sound of the music, which seemed to increase as the night progressed into the early hours of morning. "So—where were we?"

"You were telling me all about your passion for baking," Taylor said with the corner of her lips slightly turned upwards.

"Ah—yes. Right," Karlie giggled to herself. "I really think we should bake sometimes, maybe—at my place?"

Karlie was bold, and unfortunately, Taylor has always had a weakness for brave women. She loved the subtle flirting, the light touches and the lingering stares. It all drove her heart down an unknown and dangerous road, one that she had taken way too many times. One that had always ended disastrously, in flames.

The blonde quickly recovered from that, and asked, "Is your kitchen big enough for two giraffes like us?"

Karlie chuckled and bit her bottom lip. "I guess you'll have to find out."

Caught off guard, Taylor stared at her for a moment before lowering her head and giggling like a high school girl. Karlie joined her, and they both shared a quiet laugh. Their conversation left space to a peaceful pause and silence, as they both rested their backs against the counter and watched the crowd of people dancing wildly on the dance floor. Taylor glanced at Karlie, who seemed to be lost in her thoughts, and took this moment to finally analyze her features. The structure of her cheekbones made her look like a breathtaking goddess, and all of her face looked like it was chiseled out of perfection. Her eyes were catlike and focused, the brows a light shade of brown, which was all Taylor needed to know that Karlie was originally a brunette. But blonde looked good on her, and the shorter woman bit the inside of her cheek, as the compliment almost slipped out of her mouth. Taylor's eyes then lowered to her lips, which were so thin yet looked so pliant upon Taylor's sight. She almost wanted to trace her fingers along them, and the baker closed her hands into fists as she held back from doing something that she would probably regret.

But then, the urge to be courageous and chivalrous overwhelmed her, and before she knew it, words were already escaping from her mouth.

"Do you want to dance?"

Karlie turned towards her, as David Guetta's song _Turn Me On_ began to fill the hall of the venue. Purple and pink lights began to shine to the rhythm of the music.

"What?" Karlie asked with a laugh.

But Taylor had already decided for her, detaching from the counter and boldly taking Karlie's hands in hers. She dragged her towards the dance floor, the ground beneath their feet shaking, and Taylor loudly said, "Come on, it will be fun!"

Karlie still held onto one of her hands. The people surrounding them obliged them to stand close to each other, and Taylor's breath hitched in her throat when she was accidentally pushed against Karlie's chest. The chorus of the song accompanied Taylor's laugh, as she muttered an apology, but the taller woman told her to shake it off, jumping up and down with a smile that was worth all of the exhaustion that was now disappearing from Taylor's body.

Karlie was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen; with the jacket of her suit open and her wild blonde hair flying around her face as she bounced up and down, one hand holding onto Taylor's waist. The touch, although her fingers weren't directly touching her skin, made her feel alive and burn with happiness. She knew that in a matter of hours she would need to wake up and go to work, but she honestly couldn't care less. She was having the time of her life, with a woman she barely knew but felt like she had known for her whole life, and she didn't want this to end. Not soon, at least.

Taylor bravely put an arm around Karlie's neck as the bridge made the lights go down. Its intermittence almost rendered her dizzy, as it looked like Karlie's body was moving with jerky movements. The song went on the final chorus, and the taller woman looked heavenly under bright, almost blinding purple and yellow colors.

They danced for what felt like hours, but when the last chords of Jennifer Lopez's _On the Floor _finally echoed between them, Karlie and Taylor simultaneously decided that it was time to take a break. The taller woman put an arm around her back as, giggling, they made their way through the people and escaped from the maze that was the crowd. Taylor thought that they would stop by the counter to pick up a glass of water, but Karlie's feet kept moving and led them outside the venue. The fresh and cold autumn air hit them hard, their cheeks still flushed and their bodies a little bit sweaty from all that motion. Their laughter run down the deserted streets, the sound of distant music reaching their ringing ears. The last time Taylor has gone to a party was a long time ago, and she almost forgot how good it felt to just let go and dance with a beautiful girl by her side.

"That was the most fun I've ever had in a long time," Karlie said, as if she had been able to read Taylor's thoughts.

The shorter woman nodded. "Yeah," she said, out of breath. They carelessly sat down on the sidewalk, their feet hurting from all the standing up. Taylor tiredly rested her head against Karlie's shoulder, as the other woman looked up at the starry sky. She suddenly felt like she could fall asleep at any moment, and she didn't even know what time it was. She didn't know if she wanted to know.

"Taylor?"

"Hm?"

"Oh, okay, you're not asleep."

Karlie's body shook with giggles. "What?"

"Thought that you were taking a nap on my shoulder,"

Taylor laughed softly. She didn't know why it felt so right to cuddle with a woman that was still a complete stranger to her. She closed her eyes for a moment, and basked in the intimacy of the moment; Karlie smelled of warm skin and roses.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," Taylor mumbled, and hoped Karlie could understand what she had said since her lips barely moved. She was just _so _tired.

"Me too,"

Taylor felt Karlie turn her head, her cheek resting against the shorter woman's hair, and Taylor smiled softly at the action.

"I think I should probably go to bed," the shorter woman chuckled to herself. "I have work tomorrow,"

"Fortunately it's my day off," Karlie sighed in relief.

It is then that Taylor realized that she didn't even know where Karlie worked or what she did for a living. "Hey, where do you—,"

"I'm a veterinarian," Karlie answered before she could finish. "I don't work on Mondays,"

"Oh, God, you're so lucky," Taylor moaned, groaning as she mustered up all the strength she had in her to lift herself up on her feet.

"Do you want me to take you home?" Karlie asked quietly.

Her voice sounded almost too loud for the quietness of the night. Taylor looked down at her, thinking about it. "You—you don't have to."

"It's no problem," the taller woman smiled brightly, standing up so quickly that Taylor wondered if she were even a little bit tired.

"Alright," Taylor shrugged, but deep down she appreciated the gesture more than anything.

They walked side by side, shoulders brushing and tired feet lazily sliding along the cobblestone of the sidewalk. Autumn leaves fell to the ground, the slight breeze rendering Taylor slightly chilly. Karlie immediately noticed the way her frame shook with tremors, and didn't waste another moment before offering her jacket.

"It's okay, it's just a little bit cold," Taylor shrugged it off, wrapping her arms around her bare arms. She hated the fact that she had chosen a strapless and relatively flimsy dress to wear. It was the 28th of September, in New York City, and she should have known better.

"Come on, take it," Karlie chuckled. "It's not a problem. I'm generally a warm person, don't worry,"

Before Taylor could object further, Karlie's suit jacket — which strongly smelled of her — was immediately wrapped around her freezing shoulders. It felt more like a loving and cozy embrace, as warmth spread throughout her whole body. Taylor tugged at the sleeves, snuggling beneath the soft fabric of the jacket. When she looked up to thank her, Karlie was staring at her in a weird way. "Thank you," she whispered, feeling _another _kind of chill run down her spine. The light of the lamppost illuminated Karlie's eyes, and Taylor saw millions of galaxies fly through her irises. It was such a heavenly view that she had to avert her own gaze.

But as her stare run away from Karlie's eyes, her own accidentally rested upon, for a brief moment, the necklace that was now revealed. A golden ring — that alarmingly looked a lot like a wedding band — hung from the silver chain and lied on the hollow of Karlie's chest. The taller woman quickly stuffed the necklace under her white turtleneck, clearing her throat with a tinge of embarrassment on her cheeks. No words were spoken between them, as they finally reached Karlie's car.

Taylor's mouth parted in surprise, as she asked, "You have a _freaking _Porsche?"

The other woman scratched the back of her neck and laughed shyly. "It's my dad's. I use it for the fancy occasions, you know? And this one was one of them,"

Taylor giggled with bewilderment, as the black car shone under the light of the moon. Karlie boldly opened the door for her, and she got in with millions of questions racing in her brain. She wondered if Karlie had a wife or a husband waiting for her at home, and hated herself for feeling jealous. She took in a deep breath, and everything around her smelled like old leather. It was a pleasant scent, as it mixed with Karlie's as soon as the tall woman got in and sat on the driver's seat. Karlie turned on the engine, and the car roared into life. Taylor strangely trembled, as the other woman's slim and nimble fingers wrapped around the marvelous steering wheel.

"So," Karlie began, driving slowly through the dark road. "Where do you live?"

"Cornelia Street."

A brief, unrecognizable emotion crossed Karlie's face, but it was gone before Taylor could analyze her further. "It's not so far, then," the laugh that followed sounded forced to the blonde's ears, but she didn't comment as a silence fell upon them. Taylor looked down at herself, smiling when she caught sight of how long Karlie's sleeves were compared to the length of her arms. She thought back to the daunting ring that was now safely hidden beneath the white fabric of Karlie's turtleneck, and shuddered. Taylor didn't know why she suddenly felt so disappointed and discouraged. It's been a while since she felt so many emotions ripple through her whole body. And it's been a while since the last time she's felt so comfortable around someone.

Taylor looked at Karlie, and saw the focused look in her eyes, how she stared at the road ahead and kept her hands firmly wrapped around the steering wheel. She seemed lost in thought, therefore the shorter blonde didn't feel up to start a conversation.

When they reached Cornelia Street, Taylor pointed at her apartment and Karlie stopped the car right in front of it. There was a moment of hesitation from both parts, as the shorter woman finally glanced at the time on the display of her phone. It was past two in the morning, and the exhaustion from hours before finally caught up to her.

"So," Taylor let out a breathy laugh as she met Karlie's eyes. "Tonight was fun. Unexpected, but fun."

"I really enjoyed my time with you, Taylor," Karlie replied with a gentle grin.

The baker stared at her, at a loss for words. "Me too," she whispered. Their eyes seemed unable to detach from each other, as if a magnetic force was forcing them to look at the other woman.

But way too soon, Karlie averted her gaze, cleared her throat and shifted in her seat. "About that baking date—,"

"I can give you my number, if you want," Taylor interrupted her quickly. Then she finally realized what Karlie had said, and blushed deeply.

The veterinarian seemed lost for a second, before she nodded and silently handed Taylor her phone. The baker put her own number in Karlie's contacts, and gave the object back to its owner.

"I will text you tomorrow," the taller woman seemed to ponder over what to say next. "Or today. I don't know—since it's two in the morning, it is Monday morning already, right? It's not Sunday night anymore."

"Yeah, it's Monday," Taylor chuckled. They shared a shy laugh, and then Taylor realized that there was no reason for her to stay in the car any longer. "So—I guess I will see you soon?"

"Yeah," Karlie smiled broadly. "You bet,"

Her grin turned into a mischievous and flirty smirk, and Taylor looked away. She timidly gripped the handle and opened the door.

"Bye, Karlie," she waved her hand at the other woman, as Karlie leaned over the console in order to see her more clearly. "See you,"

"See you,"

Taylor closed the door, and took a few steps back. She watched wordlessly as the car disappeared into the darkness of the night. When there were no more sounds filling the deserted streets of New York City, the blonde woman climbed the few steps that led to the building's door.

When she lied in bed, body sprawled and eyes unfocused, the only thing she could think about, as she stared at the ceiling, was Karlie's innocent and infectious smile.

One that followed her even in her dreams. 


	3. what i needed ; chapter 2

Karlie texted her on Monday evening, when Taylor finally got home from work and collapsed, exhausted, on her comfortable couch. She had her eyes closed, about to fall asleep, but then her phone vibrated and she stood up with a lightening's speed. The baker pulled the device out from her pocket, and gripped its sides as she read the two lines of message.

_Hey, it's Karlie! The girl you met at the wrong wedding. I was wondering when you would like to meet._, it said. Taylor's cheeks colored a deep shade of red at the reminder of her stupidity. Then, another ping was heard, followed by another sentence appearing on the display. _For the baking date. _The fact that Karlie called it a _date _rendered her a nervous mess, with hands sweating and trembling as they typed out a response. Before she could hit send, she wondered if she seemed to eager. Nobody replied in less than five seconds. She didn't want to seem too desperate or needy or scare this new woman off.

Taylor, with a sigh, threw her phone on the couch, and sat down once again, not so gracefully. She stared at the ceiling for a few moments, before her cat finally decided that it was time to acknowledge its owner's presence. Taylor smiled as Meredith sprawled its small body on her lap, immediately folding into a tiny and adorable ball of fluff. The baker petted its head, the fur soft underneath her fingertips.

After a few moments, she glanced at her phone, and got to the conclusion that a little desperation didn't hurt anyone. Therefore, she sent the message before she could ponder over it too much.

_Hey! It's so nice to hear from you. I'm free this Friday, if you're up to it._

Karlie replied shortly after that.

_Sure! I have surgery in the morning, but I'm free for the rest of the day. I warn you, I'll be a little bit cranky. I am like that after a long operation. _

Taylor giggled. The fact that Karlie saved animals for a living made her all warm inside, since she loved them deeply. _Don't worry, I don't mind. Baking cookies will lift your mood up! _

When she received the reply, she swallowed thickly and tried to keep her smile down a notch. _Talking with you already lifts me up, but cookies are the best!_, another message followed, _I got to go now, but I'll send you my address later._

_Alright. Talk to you later!_

Taylor turned her phone off and just sat there, with her cat between her arms, thinking about Karlie. Her mind quietly wandered back to the night before, and then she recalled never returning the jacket to the veterinarian. The garment still lied at the bottom of her bed, carelessly carrying around Karlie's scent.

That night Taylor ordered some food from a really great Italian restaurant, and invited her friend over, to catch up and just hang out.

Selena Gomez knocked at her door just as the baker finished washing the dishes.

"Sel! I'm so happy to see you!"

The two friends embraced tightly, the brunette jumping up and down with excitement. They hadn't seen each other in so long; Selena hadn't shown up at Abigail's wedding — work problems — and the last time they've hung out alone was probably ages ago. Taylor let her friend in, taking her beige coat and hanging it on the coat rack. Selena Gomez worked as a nurse at one of the most prestigious clinics of New York City, owned by the famous and ambitious doctor Lincoln. Most of the times she was at the hospital during the late hours of the night, or the early ones of the morning. However, one of her colleagues had called in sick last minute the day before the wedding, and Selena sadly couldn't go anymore. Abigail had been heartbroken by this; the three of them were the best of friends, having the time of their life whenever they had an outing. But the redhead had understood, because, at the end of the day, everyone had work. It was vital for survival, after all.

"It's been so long! — like, weeks?"

"Yeah," the shorter woman smiled. Taylor handed her a glass of delicious red wine, and sat beside her on the sofa. "I'm so sorry I couldn't come to Abi's wedding. — How was it, though? Tell me everything!"

At the mention of the ceremony that happened on Sunday, a blush appeared on the baker's cheekbones. A subtle one, but Selena noticed it nevertheless. "About that—," Taylor rubbed the skin under her nose and averted her eyes. The words weren't out of her mouth yet, but she already felt embarrassed about her terrible stupidity. "—I actually _don't know _how it went. I didn't attend the—,"

"—what?"

Selena let out a bewildered laugh, setting down her drink on the coffee table. The shorter woman rested her elbow against the soft backrest of the sofa, turning her body towards her best friend as she intently listened to her speak.

"I didn't go, but—let me explain, _I swear _that I can explain," the baker couldn't contain her giggles as she covered her mouth with two fingers. Selena was already laughing at her, even though she didn't know what had happened yet. "Okay, so—the other day I was really late for the ceremony, so I think that, when I called the taxi, I told him the wrong address, because—,"

"_The wrong address_?" Selena giggled.

Taylor nodded, gulping down the last droplets of wine and then putting the empty glass down on the table. "Yes," she replied quickly. "When I arrived at the church, I didn't recognize anyone—but it didn't occur to me to call someone. So, _then_, I sat down on this pew, and this gorgeous—and when I tell you gorgeous, I mean _gorgeous_—woman sat down beside me. Then we started talking, and I realized I was at the wrong wedding when it was too late. I saw the bride, and when I noticed that it wasn't Abigail, I just thought—_I really am the dumbest person alive, am I_?"

Selena burst out laughing, holding onto the armrest as she threw her head back, unable to control her sudden laughter. Taylor joined in, giggling quietly by her side, at this point making fun of her own mistake.

"And then? — What happened?" Selena asked, wiping away a joyful tear.

"I couldn't just—leave, you know? So I missed the ceremony, but then I was there at the wedding reception, so Abigail just forgave me only because I met a beautiful woman."

The nurse suddenly turned a bit serious. "What's her name?"

Taylor fondly smiled. "Karlie."

Selena raised her eyebrows in a suggestive way, one that conveyed way too many questions, but Taylor ignored all of them and went on to explain, "She actually asked me to swing by her friend's wedding reception, so I spent a few hours at Abigail's, and then I accepted Karlie's invite and spent the early hours of Monday with her, dancing and just—talking. But _mostly _dancing."

Selena licked her lips curiously, analyzing every move her best friend made. "So," she began, shifting her weight and folding a leg beneath her backside. Taylor poured her a little bit of wine, looking up at her expectantly, although she had a vague idea of what was about to be asked. "You met a woman, uh?"

Taylor nodded, slowly. "I—I met a woman," she stuttered.

"Well? — Give me some details, girl!"

The baker laughed and turned her head away in order to hide the impending blush building on her cheeks. "I already told you that she's beautiful, but—," Taylor halted, staring at her own fiddling hands as she thought about the right words to use. "—she has, I think, the most beautiful pair of green eyes I've ever seen. They just, look like they shine with their own light, and they—they are narrow and catlike. Her smile is blinding, sometimes restrained, as if she's afraid of truly showing her whole, _big_, smile. — Then, you have her height. She's so tall! Like a giraffe, or a high ceiling or something. She's slim, and—well, _really _attractive. Like, handsome. She has this kind of powerful, magnetic field, and it's really hard to stay away from her. And then—her hair is blonde and it touches just below her shoulders, and—," Taylor paused, eyes dazed and mind lost in the maze of memory that is Karlie. She shook her head, absentmindedly, biting her own bottom lip as she caught a glimpse of her friend smiling smugly at her. "—nothing else."

"_Nothing else?_" Selena mocked her. "Girl, you sound smitten."

"I am not," Taylor denied, blushing profusely. She hated that term. She's been in love before, once or twice, but she quickly learned that all love does is burn you. If you're not careful, you play with fire, and it will only hurt you in the end.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Tay," Selena smiled upon noticing her friend's discomfort. "Liking someone new is good for you. It distracts you from that busy life of yours,"

Taylor still couldn't meet her eyes. "I don't know, she seems like a really private and mysterious person."

"So?" the nurse laughed. "That doesn't mean that she's off limits."

Taylor remembered that strange golden band hanging from her necklace. "She had a ring," she quietly muttered. That slowed down Selena's excitement, who momentarily stopped hopping up and down beside her. "But she also flirted with me the whole time, so—I don't really know. I'm confused."

"Well," the nurse slumped against the couch. "Did she tell you that she's married?"

When the baker heard her question, she remembered that she and Karlie never really got the chance to speak about their private lives, apart from their passion for baking and what they did for a living. "No," she replied, furrowing her brows. "—but it wasn't like—she wasn't wearing the ring. She had it on a necklace that I only saw because—," Taylor paused, that slight detail not revealed yet.

Selena hung onto her every word, raising her eyebrows when only silence met her ears. "—because?"

Taylor sunk her chin on her comfortable sweatshirt. "—because she gave me _her jacket _and that necklace wasn't visible while she was wearing _the jacket_."

The nurse let out a low whistle, taking her glass and a big gulp of wine. "Girl, I need more wine for this."

"Sel," Taylor groaned.

"Taylor!" Selena laughed, perplexed at her friend's frustration. "She had a ring _but _she gave you her jacket? That must mean something!"

"No, it does not," Taylor muttered. This conversation was only bringing her confusion, because _who the hell could possibly begin to have feelings for someone met a few days prior?_

"_Yes_, it does," Selena objected firmly. "Maybe that ring wasn't a wedding band? Who knows?"

"Yeah, _who knows_," the baker muttered darkly. "I just—don't want to get my hopes up, alright? You know I've never believed in this cliché stuff, I won't start believing it _now_,"

"Well—it's never too late."

Selena wiggled her eyebrows, and Taylor, with a tired smile, pushed her away with a hand against her shoulder. "Stop,"

"I like seeing you flustered!" her friend reasoned. "And—you know, I like seeing you happy, too," the last comment was more serious and said with a much softer voice than the other, and Taylor knew that Selena meant well. She could be messing with her, but at the end of the day, she only wanted the baker to experience happiness, whether she found it in someone or something inanimate.

Their conversation moved on to something lighter, less serious — like how Selena believed that two of her coworkers were having an affair, even though they were both married — and enjoyed their night together. When Selena left, it was well after one in the morning, and Taylor wondered when she will be able to go to bed at a decent time. She was utterly tired when she finally slipped underneath the soft and warm blankets — after she had brushed her teeth and washed her face. The baker hadn't checked her phone for the whole night, ignoring it solely because she had wanted to enjoy her time with Selena at its fullest. She hadn't wanted any distractions, especially after their first conversation that had happened on the first half of their night, but when Taylor controlled her device, she saw that two messages — which had been delivered more than two hours ago — appeared brightly on her display.

_I live in the West Village. This is my address. _

Read the first one, followed by the promised address. Taylor smiled, replying a quick thanks before shutting off her phone and placing it on her nightstand. She stared at the ceiling, in the dark of her bedroom, and listened to the faint traffic coming from outside. Her apartment was on the last floor of the building, and from her own bed, looking out the large window she saw the lights of the city that apparently never slept, and the stars looking as bright as ever. Taylor recalled that time when she had been sitting beside Karlie, the woman who had lent her a shoulder gazing lovingly at the lights that had decorated the dark sky on early Monday morning.

The baker moved to lie on her side, keeping on staring outside the window as much as she could. The last thought that crossed her mind was the veterinarian, and their upcoming date at the end of the week.

Friday couldn't come sooner.

In the end, Friday _did _come rather quickly than anticipated.

Before she knew it, Taylor was finishing her shift on Thursday evening, and then, when checking the calendar on her phone, went on to realize that she hadn't even planned an outfit for the following day. The next morning, the baker called her best friend in panic, the latter deciding to face time her so she could see what they were dealing with.

"That shirt is horrible—I suggest you throw it in the trash,"

Taylor hung her mouth open, staring at the tiny display of her iPhone. "What?" she asked, trying not to sound too offended by her friend's statement.

Selena shrugged. "It's the truth. It just makes you look fat, which, for the record, _you're not_, so," she paused. "Next?"

"Sel, I really think you should look at it more closely because—,"

"Next," the brunette waved her hand at the screen. But Taylor persisted.

"Oh, come on, Sel—,"

"_Thank you, next!"_

Taylor let out an exaggeratedly loud sigh, taking off the white shirt and picking a simple light blue plaid flannel shirt. Faded blue jeans were her next choice, and when she put herself in front of her screen for Selena to see her outfit, she wore a little frown on her lips.

However, when her friend turned around and looked at her clothes, her mouth literally touched the floor. "_Taylor_! — Okay, _this _is the one. This is _the one_!" she exclaimed excitedly, hopping up and down. Selena was still at the hospital, but this was her lunch break, and Taylor was glad that she was wasting her precious time on her, because she had feared that she might go _insane_. Not knowing what to wear for a date is possibly the most horrible thing to experience.

"You like it?"

"You're asking me if I like it?! Girl! — I absolutely _love it_!"

The brunette's enthusiasm was genuine and not forced, and Taylor smiled; she had always loved a little bit of exhilaration in her life.

"Good, good, now I just have to choose—," _the shoes_. She had almost finished her statement, but then the doorbell rang and she looked up, with both fright and confusion swimming in her eyes.

"Who's that?" Selena asked.

Taylor shrugged. "I have no idea."

Just then, her iPhone vibrated, an incoming message covering half of Selena's face. What she read made her panic. _I'm here. I know you were supposed to come later, but I finished early. _

"Oh, _God, no_," she muttered. She picked her phone. "Oh, no!"

"What?" her friend asked impatiently.

"It's Karlie! _She's here!_"

"What?! _No way!_"

"Selena, I—oh God—I _got_ to go,"

She hung up before her friend could say anything. Taylor quickly sent a reply to the veterinarian. _Alright, about to open the door! _

She decided that going barefoot was the best choice for her, now. Before lunging towards the front door, she quickly checked her appearance, applied some sweet perfume, and tried not to melt into a puddle of nerves as she swung the door open. Karlie was standing on the other side, looking as beautiful as ever — with an ivory blouse and dark ripped jeans. Her smell immediately floored Taylor, who forced a big smile on her face and tried not to appear as caught off guard as she felt.

"Hi!" she greeted, her voice an octave higher than usual.

"Hey, so glad to see you,"

Karlie quickly enveloped her in a friendly hug, her scent — linen and conditioner — invading her nostrils and rendering her dizzy. The veterinarian had a small bag in her hand. "What's that?" Taylor asked, pointing at it.

"Lunch," the taller woman replied. She run a nervous hand through her long blonde hair. "I thought that it would be lovely to, you know, share takeaway food since I showed up here without a forewarning."

A chuckle of embarrassment and awkwardness floated between them, as Taylor had yet to let her inside. "Yeah, sure, I don't mind."

They stood there for a few moments, Karlie staring at her neutrally and Taylor trying not to die of mortification. Then, the veterinarian cleared her throat, a weird smile upturning her lips. "Can I come in?"

Taylor stared blankly at her. "Oh, yeah, sure! Sorry,"

She laughed to herself, moving to the side as Karlie gracefully made her way through the apartment as if she knew it like the back of her hand. Taylor watched her go, her mind and thoughts swirling in a thousands of different directions. She didn't know what to think of this; she didn't even know if she had the suitable ingredients for the cookies they had to bake. Karlie had succeeded in catching her off guard for the second time.

Taylor went to the kitchen, finding her new friend already there, taking out the items from her bag.

"I know that I didn't warn you and that—," Karlie placed a plate of take-out Italian food on the marble counter top. Her unsure eyes met briefly Taylor's crazy ones. "—_you _were supposed to show up at _my _house. I gave you my address and all—," the veterinarian quietly chuckled. "—and since this was totally unexpected, I don't want you to stress over the cookies. I also brought all the ingredients on the way to your place."

Karlie turned around, two pair of plastic cutlery on both of her hands as she held them high. She had a small, nervous smile on her face. Taylor still had to say something.

"I _really _hope you don't mind."

The baker finally gained back the control over her body and, shaking her head quickly, she replied, "It's okay! I'm glad that you brought groceries, because—," Taylor went to open the fridge, and was disappointed to find it almost empty. "—I literally have nothing here."

She heard Karlie laugh behind her, and then the sound of a chair being dragged against the wooden floor. Taylor shyly smiled her way, sitting beside the taller woman. She didn't know how to act towards her; Karlie had come in so suddenly in her apartment, making their friendship feel cozy, as if they had been best friends for over a decade. The veterinarian had had no problem in finding her kitchen, sitting down at her table and getting ready to eat as if they weren't complete strangers who were hanging out together for the very first time.

"I'm still sorry, though," Karlie muttered after a long silence. She wiped her napkin against the corner of her mouth. "I don't usually do this, but I just—well, I thought that it would be a nice thing to do."

Taylor blushed and hid her blush behind her glass of water. "Don't worry, really," she said. "If it wasn't for you coming over here, I don't know what I would have eaten today for lunch."

They shared a hearty laugh at Taylor's dry humor. A soft meow coming from their feet interrupted their moment.

"Oh—," Taylor muttered. "Karlie, this is Meredith. Meredith—this is Karlie," she introduced the pair, as if they were both people and not a human and a cat. The veterinarian cooed at the animal, bending down to lightly pet its snout. Meredith purred, and Taylor smiled at the woman.

"She's so cute," Karlie commented. They watched with amused eyes as the cat walked away with nonchalance. "And a little bit sassy."

"Yeah," Taylor giggled, savoring the taste of the food in her plate. She _really _loved lasagna.

"How old is she?"

"Eight."

Karlie smiled. "I didn't know you were a cat lover."

Taylor blushed. "I was actually thinking of getting another one."

"What's stopping you?" Karlie's eyes sparkled with mischief, as she stared at the baker with challenging eyes.

"I don't know," Taylor played with the food in her plate. "It's just—a really big responsibility, you know? Two _cats_. My house would be a mess," she laughed.

Karlie nodded and chewed. "Yeah—fair enough."

They stayed silent, until Taylor asked, "How was surgery?"

The veterinarian stared blankly at her, as if forgetting that she had shared that small detail a few days ago. "Oh—," she blushed, lowering her head. It was the first time she saw her act as anything but bold and charming. It was a nice sight; the reddened cheeks, the timid smile. It made Taylor's grin grew wider. "—it went well. It was nothing big. Just a sterilization of a cat."

"That's nice," the baker replied, smiling softly at her friend as she set down her cutlery. "I'm glad to hear that. Sometimes work can be a lot,"

"Yeah," Karlie laughed.

They finished eating in a comfortable silence, Taylor counting all the seconds that passed by listening to the ticking of the clock on the wall. The baker tried to get a better view of the other woman as subtly as she could, not truly getting tired of the breathtaking view that she was. Karlie's make up was minimal today, and Taylor appreciated the natural color of her skin, her green eyes bare of any eyeliner or eyeshadow. She looked fairly young.

"Not to sound rude, but—," Taylor swallowed her water. "How old are you?"

Karlie chuckled, amused. "I'm 29."

The baker nodded, widening her eyes as she took another sip. "You're young," she muttered.

"What about you?"

"I'm—32."

Karlie raised her eyebrows, looking surprised. "Really? Can I just say that—you look younger than that."

Taylor blushed and averted her eyes. "Well—I will take that as a compliment, then."

The veterinarian threw her a charming glance. "Oh, it was _definitely _a compliment."

The rest of their lunch was spent talking about their jobs, because apparently Taylor was too curious about what Karlie did for a living. She found out that Karlie had a particular obsession with dogs — she was, disappointedly, a dog person — and had one, named Joe, back at her mother's house. Taylor admitted that she preferred cats, because they were more private and _on their own_, while dogs were just invasive and too loud for her. Karlie went on to tease her, saying that she was actually a drama queen, and Taylor had playfully shoved her. Their light banter went on and continued through their baking session. Taylor had never thought it would be possible for time to go by so quickly and slip right through her fingertips as if it were sand. One moment before, it was one in the afternoon, and the moment later it was already time for them to take out of the oven their fourth batch of cookies.

Karlie accidentally burnt her fingertips, and Taylor heard her curse for the first time.

"Sorry," the veterinarian apologized, pushing her hand under the cold water of the faucet. She hissed. "I never curse, but sometimes they just slip out of my mouth."

"It's okay," Taylor replied absentmindedly. While Karlie was busy with her burn, Taylor carefully chose a steaming chocolate chip cookie to munch on. When the veterinarian noticed her, she let out a breathy laugh. "What?" Taylor asked, her words muffled by the food inside her mouth. "You can't blame me—they're delicious!"

Karlie shook her head, and asked, "Do you have a band aid?"

Taylor nodded, and looked for it in the cabinet across her. She handed one band aid — which was covered with cat prints — and blushed.

"Seriously?" Karlie asked with a bewildered chuckle. She shook her head, glancing at her softly before wrapping the band aid around her injured fingertip. She extended her arm and looked at her hand. "It's cute."

"Yep," Taylor agreed, biting on her second cookie.

"Hey, don't eat them all without me!"

They shared a quiet laugh, sitting down on the marble aisle, stuffing their mouths with succulent cookies, the chocolate chips melting on their tongues. They were possibly the tastiest cookies they've ever eaten, and Karlie shared her thoughts with the other woman. "These are so good."

Taylor hummed in agreement, and finished her fourth cookie. "If I keep eating, tomorrow I won't be able to fit in my pants."

Karlie almost choked on her own food as she tried to hold back her laughter. "You're so dramatic."

Taylor shrugged, and smiled at her. When she looked at the clock, she realized that it was almost dinner time. Karlie had mentioned earlier that she had another outing to attend, and Taylor found herself feeling a little bit sad. She wanted Karlie to stay more, for them to have more fun together, but then she realized that this was only their first afternoon spent together — the first of many.

When it was time for them to part, Taylor followed her to the front door, and hovered, not knowing if she should be the one to initiate a hug. Karlie had taken a few of their cookies with her, to eat them the following morning as breakfast.

"So," the veterinarian began. "This was fun. We should do it again sometime soon,"

Taylor nodded. "Yeah, we should."

They stared at each other, both of them eager to take the other in their arms. Karlie was the one to make the first step, extending her arms and gently wrapping them around Taylor's small back. The baker accepted the soft embrace and hugged her back, not squeezing too tight for fear of seeming _way too _eager. When they pulled away, there was a light blush on both of their cheeks, and Taylor felt a warm feeling spread throughout her body, like the wings of a blooming butterfly.

"I'll see you soon,"

"See you, Karlie."

Taylor watched her go; watched the other womanuntil she disappeared behind the closing elevator doors. 


	4. hollow ; chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: the titles of the chapters are actually song titles

The gravel crunched beneath her tennis shoes, slow footsteps following the sound of a gentle autumnal breeze. Ever since she turned fourteen, the sixth day of October, her skies had begun to turn gloomier, her nights colder, and her eyes emptier. Her mother had passed away a few days after her fourteenth birthday. It had been a sudden death, faster than a lighting. It had struck in the middle of the night; Taylor remembered the smell of rain, of fresh silky sheets, and the desperate sound of her father's cry for help. She recalled the way paramedics had filled her house up, one of them — a fairly young woman — trying to sooth her father's pain but failing. Taylor had been too juvenile, too naïve and innocent to truly understand that her mother was never going to come back. That she was gone — forever. The following days at school had been difficult for the young teenager; everyone had seemed to look at her with pity, finally noticing her presence as she had walked through those corridors like a phantom. She had _felt _like a ghost, her heart heavy with her mother's absence.

But then, she had grown up. She had turned into an adult, had broken her heart various times because of cheating girls, and had found an apartment where to live. Taylor had never forgotten her mother; she will never do that. Sometimes, the memory of her would resurface and linger, but it never stayed long enough to open the healed scar and make her suffer.

Taylor stopped right in front of her mother's grave. Her smiling face was a bright light compared to the cloudy sky above her head. That was something she had always liked — and dearly missed — about her mother; she never stopped smiling, not once. It was as if she were always on cloud nine.

Taylor let out a long, melancholic sigh, as she knelt to the ground, her knees touching the yellow and dry grass. Autumn was, for her, the period of death and sorrow. Everything just felt less colorful; the leaves on the branches of the trees would fall on the ground and on the streets, signaling the end of a long journey through the seasons. The days would turn shorter, the daylight a little bit colder and feeble. All the women from her past have always broken her heart in October, whether it was by cheating on her or directly dumping her like she meant nothing to them.

Taylor looked at the image of her mother, and as she caressed it with her index finger, she wondered if she were in a delightful and shiny place.

The sixth day of October 2003 happened eighteen years ago, but it almost felt like it happened just the day before.

Taylor lowered her face, the emptiness in her stomach betraying her as a thunder coming from afar reached her ears. The baker took the beautiful white flowers she had bought that morning at the shop near her apartment, and placed the bouquet on top of the grey grave. She forced a small grin on her lips, shaking her head as she stood up on her feet and said a silent prayer.

This day has always felt strange to her; everything seemed to slow down around her, while she moved almost too fast. The sounds around her were hazy and faint, the bones in her body tired and worn out. Taylor sighed quietly, watching as a few passers-by walked by her. They all looked sad in their own ways; the baker wondered who they were here for, if they had lost someone recently or years ago like she had.

She looked at her mother's picture one last time, her eyes lingering on her death date. Taylor wondered if her father still visited her grave. The baker hadn't heard from him in a long time; he had just disappeared after his wife's passing.

Taylor finally stepped away, her hands buried inside her beige trench coat. She dived into the softness of her scarf and relished in the warmth that it brought to her. She walked slowly, listening to the sound that her feet made as they moved along the gravel. The silence gave her a sense of sadness, as her mind couldn't help but wander back to the days she had spent in her mother's company. How she had helped Taylor rise from the ground when she had fallen from her bike for the first time. Or how she had kissed her fingertips the first time she had accidentally burned them during a baking session. Or how her mother used to tuck her underneath the sheets and sing her to sleep when she was only six. As Taylor walked towards the entrance of the New York City cemetery, she kept thinking about those moments that seemed to fade as time progressed.

That was, until she stumbled upon someone halfway. She had kept her head low, eyes far away from all the deceased around her.

The first thing she did was, instinctively, apologize. "Oh God—sorry! I wasn't looking—,"

But then she raised her face, and when her greyish blue eyes met empty and familiar green ones, she almost laughed at the absurdity of the moment.

"Karlie?"

"—Taylor? What are you—why are you here?"

The baker smiled broadly as she fixed her hands inside her pockets. It was just _so _cold already. "I could ask you the same thing."

Karlie seemed to blush, her pale skin almost blending in the color of the sky. The veterinarian mimicked her action, pushing her hands in the pockets of her black jacket. The dark jeans she was wearing made her legs look even longer, and Taylor narrowed her eyes as she looked up at Karlie.

"Just—visiting someone."

The distant voice she used made Taylor understand that death wasn't an easy subject for the other woman.

Therefore, the baker used her dry sense of humor to lighten up the mood. "Yeah. Me too."

They shared a light laugh, and Taylor observed the other woman. She seemed tense, alerted, as if at the mere prospect of danger she were ready to flee as fast as she could. Karlie kept avoiding her gaze, the faint blush never leaving her high cheekbones. The baker shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking around herself as she wondered what to say next. Should she ask her out? Invite her to dinner? Or should she just let her go?

"I, uh—how are you doing? How's work?"

Karlie seemed a little caught off guard by the sudden change in their conversation. But she recovered quickly, and replied, "Yeah, it's—well, going. It's good," she paused. "What about you?"

Taylor shrugged. "The usual, you know. A lot of customers, so it's really good for the shop."

Karlie nodded, and gazed intensely at her own feet. When Taylor lowered her eyes to her barely bare neck, she noticed that she was wearing a necklace — perhaps the one where that mysterious golden ring hung. The baker swallowed, so many questions she wanted to ask on the tip of her tongue. But she refrained, not wanting to sound invasive or overstep. Their friendship was still new and delicate, fragile. She didn't want to ruin it before it could truly flourish.

"Well, I'm—I'm going to go. Have lots of things to do," Taylor chuckled, hoping that Karlie could ask her to stay or perhaps ask her if they could hang out more. But the veterinarian gave her a tight lipped smile, shoulders raising and hiding her neck behind the jacket. "See you,"

"See you, Taylor,"

Their shoulders brushed as they said their goodbyes. When they were at least ten feet apart, Taylor exciting the cemetery while Karlie dived into it, the smile on the baker's lips gradually vanished. And as she walked towards home, she realized that the reason why she felt so disappointed and sad was because she had let herself be hopeful for the first time in a long time.  
  
  
  
  
  


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Taylor met Karlie again when the latter had decided to unexpectedly pay her a visit at her workplace.

It was on a Wednesday, three days after their encounter at the cemetery. The bakery was about to close, and Karlie was — fortunately — her last costumer. Taylor had been so lost in her own world, already pronouncing the phrase that she used whenever she greeted someone at the cashier.

"Hello! Welcome to Ceci's bakery, how can I help you?"

However, when she raised her eyes, they widened at the sight of a very amused veterinarian.

"Hot espresso with a spot of milk and a croissant, please,"

Taylor nodded, the hint of a blush faintly coloring her cheeks. "It's 4$ in total."

Karlie handed her a five dollar bill. "Keep the change," she winked. The baker, speechless, walked towards the display cabinet and took one of the biggest croissants, placing it on a small white plate. Then, as she set up the coffee maker, Taylor turned around and faced her friend. "I didn't know you were coming here today."

Karlie's amused expression seemed to slightly fade. "I wanted to see you," she replied softly. "But I also love surprises, so—," she shrugged, looking quite shy. Taylor nodded, appreciating this more than she probably should. Once the coffee was prepared, the baker encouraged her to take a seat in one of the empty wooden tables.

They sat across each other, near the window. The remaining rays of the sun bathed New York City with an orange and tender glow, as Taylor looked outside at the last moments of dusk. It was her favorite part of the day, when everything suddenly turned a little bit quieter and calmer. The passers-by weren't rushing to their workplace, but rather they were slowly going back home, their footsteps lazy and sluggish.

"So? How are you? How was work today?" Karlie started the conversation, quietly sipping her beverage.

Taylor averted her attention from the world outside of the bakery and turned towards her friend, who was expectantly looking up at her. Only then did she notice the simple yet beautiful outfit of the veterinarian. Fawn baggy woolen sweater paired with dark skinny jeans looked lovely on Karlie.

"Normal. The same stuff every day," she chuckled. "What about you?"

"Had a bit of trouble with a kitten today. She was a little stubborn, but I won in the end, so that's what matters," Karlie replied with a cheeky grin. Taylor giggled, already imagining the veterinarian struggling with a cat that was about the size of one of her hands.

There was a bit of silence between them, the baker loosing herself in her own mind. However, she felt Karlie's gaze on her the whole time, and when she looked up, unable to keep on ignoring it, she caught her staring at her. Taylor blushed, not knowing if she should ask her if something was wrong, but then Karlie spoke.

"Hey, about Sunday..." Karlie sighed, playing with the handle of her cup. "—I'm sorry if I was a bit weird. I just felt a little bit down and—,"

"Hey," Taylor instinctively placed her hand on the veterinarian's, their fingers brushing with the gentlest of touches. "It's okay. You don't owe me an apology," she gave her a sideways smile. "Besides, the cemetery isn't particularly a happy place."

Karlie's lips turned upwards, and the baker hated the fact that she couldn't tell if it were genuine or forced. Nevertheless, when she noticed that her hand was still on top of the other woman's, she retracted it and cleared her throat. It was the first time that they've touched each other's hands, and Taylor already felt a blush creep up on her cheeks.

Karlie sat there quietly, as if pondering over what to say next, but she never spoke. She stayed silent, simply enjoying Taylor's presence. And as time slipped by, the baker couldn't help but wonder how much of Karlie was still hidden from her. The more she spent time with her, the more Karlie seemed to be a mysterious person, a kaleidoscope of secrets and truths untold. Taylor still didn't know her past, or her love life — not that it truly _mattered_ — or the story of her life. But if she had to think about it, Karlie didn't know all of these things about her either. So, technically, apart from a few things that have emerged from their past conversations, they were still strangers to each other. And Taylor wanted to change that. She wanted to know more about this fascinating woman sitting pensively across her. She wanted her to share secrets with her, maybe talk about their deepest fears in front of a glass of wine. Hell, she wanted to get drunk with her and do the stupid things that drunk people do.

The night of the wedding had been a little insight of all these activities, where Karlie had seemed a completely different person. A person she wanted to see again.

"Hey, um—," Taylor stuttered, not really knowing how to continue. "—are you free now? I mean, if you aren't, it doesn't matter, it's just that—I would really like to hang out. With you. Tonight. Maybe go to a pub and flirt with men," when Karlie stared neutrally at her, perhaps expecting more details, she cringed internally at the way she had brought this up. So suddenly, and so damn awkwardly. "I—I mean, you can say no. You're not obliged to say yes, it's just a proposal," Karlie raised her eyebrows, lips still unmoving. "—Alright, I will just stop talking now," Taylor muttered.

The veterinarian giggled, as the baker lowered her head in shame and embarrassment. Why did she have to be so weird with other women? When did she get so bad?

"Even though it was _really _cute—," Karlie began. "—I really can't tonight. I have an outing with my friends and I had promised—remember Derek? And Jourdan? Yeah, them,"

Taylor tried not to let her disappointment shine through. She forced a smile, "Oh—it's okay. We'll hang out another time."

There was a bit of an awkward and tense silence between them, as Karlie — both her plate and cup of coffee empty — had nothing left to do but stare at her own fiddling fingers. Taylor cleared her throat, not knowing what to say next as she played with the hem of her yellow apron.

She was about to excuse herself, go back to work even though the shop was closing and no more customers were coming in.

But then, although hesitantly, Karlie let her trembling voice fill the space around them. "You could—come with me?" she swallowed, looking as unsure as she sounded. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but—it'd be nice. It'll be me, Jour, Derek, and two other friends of mine. It's—nothing big. We're going bowling."

Taylor's eyes lit up with both excitement and surprise. She hadn't expected to be invited. And she _really _loved bowling. "Oh—are you sure? I don't want to intrude or—,"

"Yeah! It's totally fine!" Karlie smiled broadly and hopefully. "I would really appreciate your presence," she added with a faint blush on her high cheekbones. Her eyes shone even more when a particular soft ray of the sun hit her green irises. "And—my friends kind of wanted to meet you."

"Really?" Taylor was caught off guard. Did that mean that Karlie talked _about _her with her _friends_?

Karlie cleared her throat. "Yeah," she didn't elaborate, and the baker had to hold back a bigger smile as she averted her blue eyes. "So—are you in?"

Taylor looked up again. "Yeah! I'm _totally _in. I love bowling."

Karlie smiled, looking relieved to hear that. "Good," she replied. "So, I got to go now, but I will text you the details as soon as I get home, alright?"

Taylor only nodded, the softest of smiles on her face as she watched Karlie stand up and wrap her silky scarf around her elegant neck. The veterinarian waved shyly at her, saying her farewell before exiting the bakery.   
  
  
  
  
  


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Taylor was freaking out. And Abigail was the lucky one that witnessed her mental breakdown in person.

"I don't know what to _wear_!"

The redhead swirled in the baker's swivel chair, mindlessly playing with her curls as she stared at the elegant grey ceiling of her best friend's bedroom. Abigail hummed disinterestedly, and once Taylor noticed, she stomped her foot like a baby and pouted.

"Are you even _listening_ to me?"

Abigail raised her head and looked at the other woman. "Yeah," she replied, amused.

"I _really _don't know what to wear—do you think that a skirt is too much?"

"Taylor," Abigail sighed. "We're about to approach mid-October. It rained yesterday and today there were sixty degrees outside."

"Okay—so no skirt," the baker muttered, throwing away a pair of skirts. "Ripped jeans? Or skinny jeans?"

Abigail pondered. "Go with skinny. It makes your legs look even more thick," the redhead grinned.

Taylor rolled her eyes, but nevertheless she put a pair of black skinny jeans on top of her bed.

"Okay, now what? Sweater? Which color? Yellow or grey?"

The redhead skimmed her eyes over the two possibilities. "Grey. It looks good on you."

Taylor nodded. They spent over half an hour for the choice of outfit, and once the baker was wearing it and got out of the bathroom, Abigail whistled.

"You look fucking gorgeous, babe," she commented. "Oh—and the makeup. _Lit. _You'll leave her speechless."

"Abi," Taylor whined. "We're just friends."

Abigail shrugged and kept on swirling. "If that helps you sleep at night."

Taylor rolled her eyes once again, but a smile still grew on her lips.

Karlie was supposed to come and pick her up in a matter of few minutes now, and Taylor was profusely _sweating. _She didn't know if she were just nervous because she was going to see Karlie again — her presence really made her anxious — or if she were nervous because she was going to be introduced to her friends. Taylor wanted to make a good impression on them. She wanted to let them think that she was an excellent and smart woman — who had _accidentally _gone to the wrong wedding and met Karlie. Taylor was grateful for Abigail's presence. The redhead tried anything to make her focus on something that wasn't the impending date she had with the veterinarian. And somehow — between recalling that time Matt had burnt his hand while cooking and Abigail hitting her head against a lamppost that she had apparently not seen — Taylor relaxed.

That was, until the doorbell rang.

The baker fell into an anxious spiral, and while she got her purse and checked that her appearance was good enough to get out of the house, she said her farewells to her best friend and descended the stairs of the building. It was cold outside, and Taylor hugged herself as she looked at the time on the display of her iPhone. It was nine o'clock, and Karlie was like clockwork, as usual.

The first thing she saw while she sat down on the passenger seat was the veterinarian's broad and warming smile. "Hey," Karlie greeted her.

The second thing she saw was the other woman's simple outfit; black sweater and grey jeans. Taylor realized that they were matching, and she hated herself for blushing so deeply.

"Hey," the baker smiled. She was overwhelmed by the scent of the other woman. Karlie smelled of pumpkin pie and of cologne, a mix that she didn't expect to be so good.

The veterinarian turned on the engine. "You look great," she commented quietly, not making eye contact. She dived into the slight New York City traffic, and Taylor giggled.

"Thank you," she replied. With courage and trying to sound as steady as possible, Taylor added, "So do you."

She watched as a shy smile bloomed on Karlie's lips. They stayed silent for a long moment, the baker looking outside the window and staring at the few New Yorkers mindlessly walk around the sidewalks. A soft tune was playing on the radio and it matched with the rumbling sound of the engine of the car. The yellow and red leaves fell from the trees, swirling in the air with the help of the gentle autumnal breeze.

"So, you love bowling, uh?" Karlie made small talk, glancing at the woman beside her. Her voice was quiet and curious.

Taylor blushed. "Yep," she replied, letting its sound linger in the silence of the car. "But I'm really bad at it, though,"

"I'm sure you'll do great,"

"Hm, you're overrating me,"

Karlie chuckled. "Are you really that bad?" she asked, sounding genuinely confused that someone could be that _bad _at bowling.

Taylor nodded enthusiastically. "Oh—you'll see."

When the car halted at a red light, Karlie finally turned to look at her. Their eyes met, and Taylor narrowed her own as she was washed over with a weird feeling. It rested at the bottom of her stomach, and it stayed there throughout the rest of the ride.

After exactly fifteen minutes, they arrived at the venue, the word _bowling _hanging above the double doors in rainbow colors. Karlie held the door open for her, and Taylor ducked her head as she got inside. The interior wasn't big or extravagant — on the left, there were the five lanes, with ten pins at the end of each one, and on the right there was a large and long counter, with a part dedicated to candies and other types of sweets. It wasn't very crowded — it was still a Wednesday night, after all.

The wooden floor under their feet creaked as they walked towards a group of four people standing beside the counter. Taylor fiddled with her fingers. When they were right in front of them, a huge ruckus was caused by the one woman that seemed to be the youngest between all of them.

"You're finally here!" she exclaimed — her British accent shining through. Taylor immediately put on a smile on her face. "And you're _not _late, surprisingly!"

Karlie blushed. The teasing from her friends had already started, and they weren't even playing yet.

"I'm not always late," she defended herself.

"Yes, you are," the only guy spoke, and Taylor recognized him as Derek. She had met him the night of the wedding, and beside him stood the bride — Jourdan.

"By the way—," Karlie rolled her eyes, turning her body towards Taylor. "—guys, this is Taylor," she introduced her, and the baker waved awkwardly at all of them. "—Taylor, you already know this guy, Derek—," Derek enthusiastically shook her hand.

"Nice to see you again, Taylor. I can properly _see _you now that I'm not drunk," he joked.

Taylor giggled and replied, "Nice to see you, Derek."

"—this is the _extravagant _and _exuberant _Cara—,"

The British woman, instead of taking Taylor's offered hand, pulled her in a friendly hug. "Nice to _finally _meet you, Taylor!"

She was incredibly loud and bouncy, and the baker couldn't help but let out a lively laugh. "Nice to meet you, too, Cara," she said. Cara had long brown hair, and she was the smallest of the group. Nevertheless, even though she was the smallest in height, she was the most noticeable one between the five of them.

"—this is Jourdan, you may have seen her wear a wedding dress a few weeks ago—,"

"Hi,"

Taylor shook Jourdan's hand. "Hey,"

Jourdan was a dark skinned woman, maybe in her early thirties, and had wide and alerted chocolate eyes. They quickly checked Taylor's appearance, and the baker blushed slightly upon noticing the curious stare from Karlie's friend.

"—last but not _least_, this is Gigi—,"

"Hi, Taylor. Nice to meet you,"

"Nice to meet you, too,"

Once the baker's been introduced to everyone, they made small talk before walking towards the counter, where a man in his fifties was scribbling down something on a wrinkled piece of paper. They asked for six pairs of shoes, each one of them telling him their sizes, and then finally headed to their respective line — the fourth one. There was only another group playing — at the second line, but Taylor noticed that they were about to wrap up.

"So—," Cara began. "—we will divide into two groups of three. It will be me, Jourdan and Taylor. Then, on the side of the _losers_, it will be Karlie, Derek and Gigi."

Karlie scoffed, but said nothing. Derek seemed unimpressed by Cara's comment, and Gigi just laughed it off. Taylor decided she liked the British woman.

"Who goes first?" Jourdan asked.

"We will go," Karlie replied, already picking a white ball. It looked really heavy, and as she prepared to step towards the line, the rest of the group sat down on the chairs that surrounded the small machine where balls were delivered. Taylor observed the way she walked with such gentleness and grace; the fabric around her forearms tightening as she raised her ball — which probably weighed about 10 lbs. The veterinarian focused on the pins at the end of the lane, and after a few seconds of taking deep breaths, determinedly, she fiercely threw the bowling ball, it knocking down all ten pins — _strike_.

Karlie squealed and jumped around to face her friends. "Ah! Who are the losers _now_?"

Cara groaned, getting up from her seat and readying her ball. "Just wait and see,"

While Derek and Gigi amusedly watched the light and playful banter between the British woman and the veterinarian, Jourdan, who was sat beside the shy Taylor, started a conversation with the baker.

"So—," she started. "You met Karlie at my wedding?"

Taylor blushed. "Yeah. It's a long story."

Jourdan smiled. "Oh, Karlie told me everything," she replied. "It happens sometimes. Nothing to be ashamed of. And—hey! You got an amazing friendship out of it, right?"

The baker nodded slowly. "Right," she put on a tight lipped smile on her plump lips. "What about you? How long have you and Karlie known each other?"

Jourdan leaned back on her seat and stared across herself, as if reminiscing an old memory. "We met a long time ago. I think we've known each other for—what, like fifteen years? I don't remember. Math isn't my cup of tea," they chuckled. "But yeah, we—," she pointed at the group. "—know each other since school days. It's been a long road. We're all grown up and starting our own family. We've seen each other grow, you know?"

Taylor hummed apprehensively and looked at Karlie, who was laughing out loud and throwing her head back. She looked incredibly beautiful, and she swallowed, as she returned her attention to the woman sitting beside her. "By the way—," Taylor played with her fingers. "—I didn't have the opportunity to tell you, but you looked incredible at the wedding. You and Jeremy seem like a really nice couple."

Jourdan looked caught off guard by the genuine comment. "Oh—," she averted her gaze timidly. "Thank you. It's still a little crazy that I get to call him my husband. I have to get used to it."

"You will," Taylor chuckled. They stayed silent for a few moments, before Jourdan was called; it was her turn to play.

As the dark skinned woman walked towards the beginning of the lane, Karlie replaced her and instead sat down beside Taylor.

"Did she tell you something embarrassing about me?" the veterinarian immediately asked.

Taylor giggled. "No, she didn't," she replied. "She was actually really nice."

"Good," Karlie smiled. "I'm glad you're bonding with my friends. It's—_great_."

"Yeah,"

They stared at each other for a long minute, each one of them wearing a shy blush on their cheeks. Until—

"Hey, _princess_! It's your turn!"

In a matter of seconds, Cara was shoving an 8 lbs. ball in Taylor's hands. The baker, bewildered, looked at her side, surprised to see an amused Karlie stare back at her.

"I'm sorry for what you're about to see guys," Taylor commented dryly, sighing exasperatedly as she went towards the lane. Nobody moved or dared to breathe as the baker threw the ball down the lane.

And, unexpectedly, Taylor knocked over almost nine pins, to everyone's surprise.

The baker's group burst into a fit of cheers and happiness as they surrounded her with a massive hug.

"You told me you were bad at bowling," Karlie said, feigning offence. Taylor could still see right through her, the mild astonishment clear in her green eyes.

"What can I say," Taylor sighed with a content smile. "People can change."

From then on, Taylor participated in what was one of the most competitive matches of bowling she had ever played. The first match was won by Cara's squad, the second by Karlie's, and the third was more fun and games instead of serious activity. They tried out different poses; throwing the ball from between their legs, with their backs to the pins, with both of their hands. Taylor had never laughed so much in just one single night.

The group of six was still laughing hard when they handed back their bowling shoes and exited the venue.

"When I say that I hate balls, I mean it," Cara muttered. She had hurt herself when she had thrown a ball in the wrong way, one of her fingers still red from the accident. The group giggled to themselves, and they all parted ways in a bittersweet manner. As Taylor said her farewells to each one of them — and hugged them tightly — she hoped she could see them again soon.

Then, it was just her and Karlie, once again inside the veterinarian's car and headed to Cornelia Street.

"So—that was fun," Karlie finally broke the ice, glancing over at her friend.

Taylor thought back at Cara's face when she had hurt herself, and chuckled quietly. "Yeah. That was a _lot _of fun. Your friends _are _fun."

"Yeah," Karlie smiled nostalgically. "We would always get in trouble in the past. We used to love the simple act that was hanging out and make a racket."

Taylor grinned, imagining the five of them, all young and wild and free, during their high school days, staying out too late and getting drunk with beer. In her head, it was the perfect scenery; one she would have loved to take part in when she was of that age. The baker stared out the window, the stars covered by the dull haze of the autumnal night.

When they reached Taylor's apartment, the baker was reminded of the first time Karlie had dropped her here, a few weeks ago. It seemed like years had already passed from that day.

"Thank you for taking me home," Taylor said, getting a hold of the handle but turning around to look at Karlie. "I really enjoyed myself tonight."

"Anytime," the veterinarian smiled softly. She looked even more beautiful now; with her dyed blonde hair swept to one side and face illuminated by the nearby lamppost. "We could do this again."

"Yeah—of course." Taylor gripped her purse, and looked at her own hands. "I'll see you soon, alright?"

"Yeah, sure," Karlie grinned.

The baker, after staring at her for a brief moment, opened the door and got out of the car. She waved shyly at Karlie, who waved back with as much enthusiasm, and then walked up the few steps that led to her building. Only when she was safely inside the apartment, did Karlie drive away.

Taylor placed her purse on the counter of herkitchen, and then collapsed on one of the stools, looking up at the ceiling. Inher mind, she played her evening spent with Karlie and her friends over and overagain, until she finally fell asleep, her face against her arms and dreamsfilled with sweet smiles and green eyes.


	5. capsized ; chapter 4

Only sixteen days after the wedding, did Taylor realize that she still had Karlie's suit jacket.

It was hidden in the far corner of her wardrobe, ominously. The baker was about to put the dirty garments inside the washing machine, and she had found it while rummaging through her clothes.

Taylor picked it up, slowly, touching it tentatively as if it would burn her if she held onto it a little bit tighter. Hesitantly, she moved it towards her face and put the soft fabric against her nose, smelling it with her eyes closed. Karlie's scent was still attached to it.

The baker let out a mindless sigh, looking at it and thinking back at the night the veterinarian had given it to her. It felt like a decade had passed from that night, when in reality it had only been barely over two weeks. They talked regularly, discovering new things about the other every day. Taylor thought about her constantly, almost way too much; she lingered on her mind at work, while she made lunch at her own home, or even when she was under the shower or about to fall asleep.

The last time the baker had felt like this was with — Emily. A woman who was four years older than her and incredibly gorgeous. She had met her at a bar one Friday night, while she had been out with friends. They had instantly clicked; Taylor was young, innocent, and Emily had been looking for love. They had been the perfect match, for a while. Almost two years. That was, until the older woman had found it appropriate to slip under the sheets of another man. The perfect reason for Emily to leave her and dump her ass. Taylor had been heartbroken; all she had done for weeks was cry on the shoulders of her compassionate and understanding friends. She had wished, multiple times, for her mother to still be alive and comfort her, take her weeping daughter in her arms and soothe her pain with a lullaby. And even though that could have never happened, Taylor moved on. She got over the ache in her heart, had told herself multiple times that Emily hadn't been worth of her love and time. That someone else was going to take her place and love her instead.

And now, having her brain react this way to this new woman, scared the shit out of her. It made her think about all the insecurities she had, all the secrets she had yet to reveal. But it also exhilarated her; the feeling of discovering someone's body for the first time, getting lost in someone new, in their imperfections and falling in love with each one of their characteristics.

Taylor shook her head; she didn't even know if Karlie liked girls. She couldn't fall for yet another straight girl. She wasn't sure she could handle getting her heart broken another time.

The blonde woman placed the suit jacket on the end of her bed, taking her phone out of the pocket of her pants. She quickly sent a message to Karlie:

_Hey! Don't know if you've noticed, but I still have to return your suit jacket. Kind of forgot it. Sorry._

The blue bubble stared back at her. She guessed that Karlie was still working, it was early in the afternoon, and Taylor had the day off. She wanted to ask the other woman if she had plans for the night, if they could meet and maybe watch a movie together. It sounded really cozy, and Taylor really yearned Karlie's presence as of lately. They hadn't seen each other since the day they've hung out with the veterinarian's friends; almost five days ago.

Taylor decided to distract herself by playing the guitar.

Her mother had taught her how to play that instrument when she was only ten years old. After her death, just looking at the guitar hurt. She used to think about her mother whenever she played it, and then went on to let her tears land on the chords of the instruments. But now that she was older, playing the guitar was a good reminder of just how nice her mother had been when she was still alive. As her fingers danced across the strings, Taylor smiled, because she was reminded of all the great memories that they had shared together, instead of the grieving and sorrowful ones.

The baker played for hours, until finally, after dinner, her phone pinged by her side. When she looked outside her floor to ceiling windows of her living room, the sun was setting.

_Hi, Taylor! Thank you for telling me that, I hadn't noticed. Do you mind if I swing by later and come at your place? _

Taylor immediately replied. _Sure! It's just me and Meredith here, and sometimes it gets a bit lonely. I wouldn't mind some company._

She hoped Karlie would understand the subtle implications of her message. Taylor waited for a response, lounging on the couch and mindlessly playing the guitar. Until a knock at her door startled her awake, making her go into panic mode as she realized that she was still in her pajamas and her hair probably looked like a mess. Still, the baker run towards the door, adjusted her long sleeved shirt and briefly checked her appearance on a nearby mirror. She looked decent, but as soon as she gently opened the door, she immediately felt underdressed. It seemed that pantsuits were Karlie's passion, because the one that the veterinarian was wearing made her look like a complete goddess. Its color black complimented the jade within her eyes, and Taylor was left breathless as not even a greeting came out of her mouth.

"Hey," Karlie shyly said, pushing her hands inside the pockets of her pants. A faint blush colored her cheeks. Taylor noticed that her usual necklace was hanging from her neck, its golden ring hidden underneath the long sleeved cotton white shirt. "Sorry for not answering to your message, but I was driving."

The baker finally regained her senses. "Oh! — it's okay, come in! Sorry," she muttered. As Karlie walked inside and brushed past her to go to the living room, Taylor's nostrils got a glimpse of her natural sweet scent. This time, Karlie smelled of summer nights spent at the ocean and of roses. "Make yourself at home, I'm going to get your jacket."

She heard the veterinarian hum quietly. Taylor went to her bedroom, applying some light perfume to her neck before going back to her friend with her jacket on her hand.

"Here you go,"

"Thank you," Karlie smiled. Taylor stood before her, crossing her arms over her chest as her eyes kept on involuntarily trailing down to her friend's beautiful outfit. "So—do you play the guitar?"

The baker looked at the instrument. "Oh, yeah. I don't play often, though. It's something that I do when I'm either stressed or need to just stop thinking."

The veterinarian hummed, her long fingers skimming over the steel strings. Taylor watched her silently.

"Did you learn by yourself?"

The baker replied almost instantly, "No, my—," she winced as her voice trailed off. Karlie looked up at her at the sudden change in her voice. Taylor cleared her throat, "—my mother taught me when I was ten years old."

"Oh," Karlie analyzed her features. "That's great."

The baker nodded and hummed indistinctly. She felt like she had to elaborate on this subject, get the secret out of her chest as soon as possible. She was the one that wanted them to be best friends, after all.

"Remember when we—um, when we saw each other...at the cemetery?" Taylor's voice was strangely low pitched and hoarse. Karlie nodded, hanging onto her every word as she listened to her intently. "Well—I was visiting...my mother, that day. She died when I was—fourteen. Sudden death, a heart attack. But I still remember every single detail of that night. Every single detail."

The veterinarian's eyes turned dark. "Oh—I'm sorry. I didn't know,"

Taylor chuckled, feeling better now that Karlie knew. "Don't worry. I would have told you sooner or later."

Karlie nodded. "I'm glad you told me," she smiled.

Taylor's lips widened into a soft and genuine grin, not knowing what to say next.

But Karlie interrupted the silence for her. "Hey, do you wanna—go out for a walk? It's really chilly and quiet."

"Yeah, sure!" she replied enthusiastically. She was hoping for Karlie to ask her something like that. "Just—wait here while I get dressed, alright? I will be as quick as possible."

The veterinarian smiled her way before sitting down on the couch. Taylor run out of the room, reaching her bedroom and frantically looking for a nice outfit to put on. The baker opted for something dark, since Karlie was wearing black and white clothes, and chose a beautiful knit sweater and jeans, both of them an obsidian color. On her rush, she applied some light make up to her eyes and cheeks, fixed her hair, and then picked up her own coat and walked back in the living room.

"Hey, you," Taylor said with a giggle.

Karlie was reading an article from a newspaper that she had found on Taylor's coffee table, but immediately set it down upon noticing her friend's entrance. She looked up, briefly meeting her stare before blatantly checking her out. Taylor blushed, and Karlie smirked timidly.

"Hey. Ready to go?"

It looked as if Karlie really wanted to make a compliment, but refrained for unknown reasons. Taylor nodded, and decided to just pick up her apartment keys and leave her purse at home. It was just a walk, after all.

They walked silently side by side, the New York City sidewalks lacking the chaos of the early mornings. The breeze was, as Karlie had said, mildly cold, but Taylor didn't mind the shivers running down her spine as her shoulder brushed the veterinarian's.

"Are you doing something for Halloween?" Karlie asked after some moments of silence.

Taylor shook her head. "I have no plans so far. Why?"

The taller woman shrugged. "Me and my friends are thinking about throwing a party at Cara's house. She has this nice estate in Rhoda Island—her parents are really rich, and they're abroad the last week of October. Would you like to come?"

"Hm, I don't know. I don't know if my friends are doing anything."

"Maybe they can come with you?"

Taylor glanced at her, hearing the slight eagerness in Karlie's voice. "You really want me to come, don't you?"

Karlie blushed profusely. "Shut up."

"Hey, I'm just kidding," Taylor giggled. Seeing the veterinarian act so flustered made her pride skyrocket. "I'm going to ask them, by the way. I will let you know as soon as I can,"

Karlie nodded. "Cool," she still sounded embarrassed, and Taylor let out a loud laugh.

Simultaneously, they decided to turn left and enter Central Park, the lampposts illuminating their steps as the sky turned a pitch black color. The dry leaves crunched beneath their feet. "I love autumn," Taylor gushed happily.

"You do?" Karlie asked with a smile, eyeing her from the side.

"Yes! The colors are just so beautiful and cozy," Taylor explained, as she stared at the orange and red colors all around them. "Everything is just so soft, you know?"

Karlie seemed detached. "Yeah,"

Taylor glanced at her, but didn't comment on her sudden change of mood. "Hey, you want to sit down?"

Karlie nodded, and they quickly found a wooden bench in the middle of a deserted path. Karlie seemed to be on another world with her mind, but Taylor didn't want to intrude and stayed silent. It was true; she loved autumn. Despite the great losses she has suffered from, autumn was still one of her favorite seasons, no matter what. She loved the warm feeling she got whenever she slipped under the soft blankets of her bed after having spent all day outside in the cold. She loved drinking hot chocolate, or feeling the steam cloud her face and let her hands wrap around the tepid cup. She loved staying up late and read one of her favorite books or watch a marathon of her favorite TV show. So, yes; Taylor loved autumn. She was never going to change her mind about that.

"Can I ask you something?"

Taylor turned around and nodded. "Sure,"

"How long did it take for the pain to go away? When your mother died, I mean,"

The baker was caught off guard by the unexpected turn of their conversations. "I—,"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."

"No! No, it's okay. It's just that—," Taylor carefully chose her words. "I was fairly young, and it hurt a lot when she died. The first few months were almost unbearable, because I would come home from school—all excited because I had gotten a good grade and couldn't wait to share it with my mother—only to realize that she was not there anymore," the baker said. "It took time. A lot of it, actually. Whenever the anniversary of her death comes up, I always get sad because that's the day I miss her the most. But—yeah, it took a lot of time. But eventually, the pain faded away."

Karlie nodded, absorbing the information. Taylor noticed that she was absentmindedly playing with her necklace, finally revealing the golden ring as it shone under the light of the lamppost. The veterinarian must have noticed her staring, because then she said quietly, almost shyly, "I know you have a lot of questions."

Taylor looked up at her. "What? No—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare. It's just—," she stopped herself. Karlie seemed to understand her question anyway.

"I _am _married," she started. The baker immediately felt the jealousy and disappointment rest at the bottom of her stomach. Of _course _Karlie was married. But then, "Well, I guess I _was _married. Her name was Margaret. She died four years ago, in the first week of October," Karlie sighed. "That was why you saw me at the cemetery. I was visiting _her_," Taylor didn't have the chance to speak as the veterinarian went on, "It was a car accident. A drunk driver had caused it, but he died on the spot," she explained. "That night...I was operating on a cat, something simple, and she was...she was just coming back from work. She owned a flower shop, and she was just _so _passionate about flowers," Karlie shook her head, mind filled with memories of the woman who was once her wife. She stared at the trees across them, unaware of Taylor's dark expression and sudden change of mood at the mention of Karlie's dead lover. "When I spoke with the doctors, they told me that someone had rescued her from the destroyed car before the ambulance got there, and made it easier to take Margaret to the hospital. I never spoke with that person...but when they had arrived at the ER, it was already too late. — they didn't make it in time, and I never—," Karlie paused, taking a deep breath and biting her bottom lip. "—I never got to say goodbye to her," she sighed loudly. "Jesus, she _was _just—,"

"—28 years old," Taylor finished for her, voice lacking emotions.

Karlie looked at her, confused. "Yeah...how do you know?"

The baker's eyes were clouded with something that the veterinarian couldn't quite place. Taylor lowered her head, blonde bangs covering half of her face as she asked quietly, slowly, as if afraid to hear the answer, "The car accident...did it happen near Cornelia Street?"

The veterinarian was at a loss of words. She studied Taylor's face for any clue, for any sign that this was all a dream, but she found nothing. The baker's face was unreadable and inaccessible. "Yeah," she replied, voice shaky. Karlie cleared her throat, about to tell her the time of the accident. "At—,"

"—20:57," they said in unison.

Taylor let out a single, strangled breath out of her parted mouth as she lazily began to shake her head. She muttered unintelligible words, but Karlie couldn't hear nor see anything apart from the woman panicking beside her. She didn't see the sky start to get cloudy, or the leaves of the trees collapsing on the ground because of the force of the chilly wind.

"Taylor..."

"I'm sorry," Taylor struggled to breathe as she continued to firmly shake her head. "I need a moment,"

She unexpectedly stood up, limbs shaking as Karlie never averted her gaze. "Taylor..." the veterinarian's teary and emotional voice reached Taylor's ringing ears. "Were you...were you the person that had rescued her?"

The moment that question left her mouth, was the moment Taylor looked at her. And it was then, that Karlie finally got a glimpse of the emotions swirling inside the baker's head. She saw a wide sense of guilt, pain, and complete sadness. She saw a young, broken woman, unusual since Taylor was a sometimes shy but cheerful person.

The baker stayed silent, mouth agape, tender and vulnerable eyes brimming with unshed tears. Karlie tried to speak, but the lump in her throat didn't let her.

"I'm—Karlie, I'm _so _sorry," Taylor took a few steps back. "I _really _need to _go_,"

The veterinarian shook her head, not understanding Taylor's sudden urge to walk away from her when all she wanted to do was _talk. _

"Taylor, what, where—,"

"I need to go."

Her voice was rushed but at the same time almost too quiet for Karlie to hear. As Taylor's footsteps made the distance between them grow, the veterinarian stood up as well and watched the baker's figure hurriedly run away from her.

"Taylor!" she called. The few people walking around turned in her direction, staring at her confusedly, but she couldn't care less. "Taylor!" she yelled. Karlie roughly run a hand through her hair, teeth sinking in her bottom. "Taylor!" she tried once again, desperately.

But Taylor had already fled.


	6. pulse ; chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the amazing support, guys! I appreciate it all so much ♡

_6th of October, 2017_

_That morning, Taylor had woken up with a sense of dread she couldn't quite explain. It settled at the pit of her stomach and stayed there throughout the day, throughout all the rescues she had made with her colleague James. The life of a paramedic was intense; seeing death first hand and constantly being on the edge of the cliff of adrenaline was a lot to deal with. And for that reason, Taylor had felt like this wasn't her suitable job anymore lately. The loss of a victim hit her harder than it probably should, and today had been strenuous. But she knew that it was because of one thing; of her mother's death anniversary coming up. And today of all day, she had felt disconnected and down for most of the time. James, who had become her friend after having spent four years sharing an ambulance with her, was a little worried about her. But Taylor had assured him, every single time, that it was nothing. That like all the other years, the dull ache in her heart was going to go away on its own._

_But as Taylor walked towards her apartment, the paramedic uniform still clinging to her body as the wind brushed her hair, she almost saw it coming. The black Mercedes slowly beginning to cross the intersection, the sound of an engine overworking, the calm before the storm. The air in her lungs left her as soon as she saw a grey Audi hit the side of the slow, black car coming from Cornelia Street. The impact sent it towards the nearest wall, the vehicle rolling various times before crashing and making a huge explosion. _

_The pedestrians started screaming for help, and Taylor, instead of running away from the flaming car, walked towards it as fast as she could. She pushed her way through the frightened people, and checked first on the driver of the Audi. A gush cut his forehead open, and Taylor leant away from the window, in order to suppress a gag. The paramedic reached inside, careful not to let the stinging broken pieces of glass hurt her. The man didn't have a pulse, and she cursed under her breath. The impact had killed him; she could only hope that the other driver was alive._

_Taylor run towards the Mercedes, which was flipped sideways against the wall. The paramedic climbed up the passenger's side, and lied on the side of the car as she peered through the window. _

_"Hey! I'm a paramedic. I'm here to help you," she said as loud as possible. She looked around herself to check if the vehicle was going to explode once and for all, and once she noticed she had enough time to take out the victim out of the trap that this car had turned into, she finally spotted the driver. "You okay? How are you feeling?" Taylor asked._

_"It's hard to breathe."_

_It was a woman, perhaps in her early thirties. Her skin was dark and shiny, her hair a beautiful mane of black curls, but the smoke and the little cuts all around her body made her look fragile. And Taylor wanted to fix that. She wanted to save this woman._

_"Alright," she muttered. She looked for an entrance that would allow her to get closer to the victim, but she found none. When she looked away from the woman, in the sidewalk a black man had stopped by, phone in his hand; he was probably calling an ambulance. Taylor blessed his soul, but realized that the nearest hospital was half an hour away. She needed to get her out of there quickly, before she died like the other driver. "Hey, I'm Taylor, by the way," she said, calmly. Taylor tried to sound as confident as possible, not wanting to alarm the other woman. "What's your name?"_

_"I'm_—_Margaret."_

_"Lovely name," Taylor smiled. She took off her shirt and broke the window of the backseat. She would get inside that way. "How does me taking you out of this car sounds, Margaret?"_

_"That sounds like heaven right now."_

_The fact that Margaret was joking was a good sign, because perhaps that could mean that her injuries were not as tragic as Taylor thought. _

_"Alright_—_I'm going to get inside now," _

_She heard the other woman hum, followed by a whimper as the vehicle slightly moved. Taylor coughed as soon as she got inside, the smoke filling her lungs and leaving no space to oxygen. She crouched behind the driver's seat, and stabilized Margaret's neck. The woman moaned in pain. _

_"Margaret, can you feel your legs?"_

_The woman whimpered. "No, I can't," she whispered. "Does that mean that I'm paralyzed?"_

_Taylor thought for a moment. "We can't know for sure," the paramedic replied quietly. "Let's just think about getting you out of here, alright?"_

_Margaret hummed. _

_The paramedic looked for a way to get her out of there without hurting her neck, but there was no way she could do that. The complexity of the situation was staring to make her anxious. How could this woman get out of this car alive? If she survived all of this, she was probably going to be stuck in a wheeling chair for the rest of her life. But Taylor needed her to be alive. She needed to save her. To prove herself that on this day, the anniversary of her mother's death, instead of letting a life die, she was going to save one. And as stubborn as she was, Taylor would be terribly devastated if she failed this one._

_"Where do you work, Margaret?"_

_The paramedic opted for some small talk. That way Margaret would not think about the excruciating pain she probably felt all over her body._

_"In a flower shop," Taylor heard the smile in her voice. "I love flowers. My favorites are lilies."_

_"Those are great flowers," the paramedic replied. Taylor leant over and appeared beside the other woman, finally getting a good view of her face. Margaret was fortunately not stuck with her arms, so it was going to be easier to get her out of the seat. Taylor unfastened the seatbelt, and Margaret yelped. "I'm sorry,"_

_"It's okay," Margaret breathed. "It hurts like a bitch but you seem like you know what you're doing."_

_Taylor chuckled. "Are you married, Margaret?" _

_"Are you trying to hit on me?" the other woman asked with a hearty laugh. "Yes, by the way," _

_The paramedic touched her thighs. "Can you feel this?" Margaret let out a negative sound. "Damn it," Taylor muttered. _

_"I'm paralyzed, aren't I?" when Taylor looked up at her, she saw two big fearless obsidian eyes. She was sure that, without all of these cuts and wounds, Margaret was a gorgeous woman. She could see it in her sharp features. _

_"I don't know yet," the paramedic replied. "I have to get you out of here,"_

_Taylor lowered the seat slowly, in order to get Margaret into a lying position. "Tell me if it hurts too much,"_

_Margaret let out a small sound of agreement. Taylor moved to stay behind her, and grasped the woman's body from her armpits. She whimpered soundly, and Taylor saw a few silent tears slide down her cheekbones. "It's going to be okay," she whispered, taking a hold of her hand to transmit her some sense of reassurance. When Margaret looked up at Taylor, the paramedic gave her a warm smile and repeated, "It's going to be okay."_

_When the blonde looked to her side, she noticed that it would be easier to get out from the back of the car instead of the backseat. With her foot, she broke the window and protected Margaret's face with her whole body. _

_"Okay, it's going to hurt a lot but then we'll be out of here and you will be okay."_

_The fear in Margaret's eyes scared Taylor, but she had no time to overthink her decision. She got out first, the same black man from before already waiting for her. Then Taylor dragged Margaret's body and tried not to let her back get in contact with the broken glass. The florist cried out loud, and for each desperate weep Taylor muttered a quiet and heartfelt apology._

_"You're out. You're out. It's okay," the paramedic told her, and Margaret grasped her hand tightly. Taylor held her hand, sitting crouched beside her. She saw that the woman's wounds had been blocked by the rubbles of the vehicle, and now that they were free, they bled quickly and Taylor panicked. _

_"Shit," _

_There was a big gush on her abdomen, and the paramedic covered it with both of her hands, trying to stop the blood flow. _

_She turned towards the black man. "When is the ambulance getting here?"_

_"They said in fifteen minutes,"_

_Taylor widened her eyes. Margaret cried in pain. "This woman doesn't have fifteen minutes," she whispered to the man. But he shrugged, not knowing what to do._

_The paramedic kept pushing her hands against the bleeding wound, and turned towards Margaret. The woman was shaking but sweating, and that wasn't a good sign. How could all of this worsen? Weren't they joking a few minutes ago?_

_"How are you feeling?"_

_"My head hurts," she muttered. Her voice was slurred and slow, far away from this world. Taylor gritted her teeth. This woman was not going to die. Not on her watch._

_"Tell me about flowers," Taylor said quietly. As Margaret started, lazily, telling her about all the existent flowers in the entire world, the paramedic lifted her hands to check if the bleeding had subsided. It turned out that it showed no sign of stopping anytime soon, and Taylor knew that if this woman wasn't going to be in an operating room within minutes, she was going to be dead by the time the ambulance would get here. _

_Taylor listened to everything she had to tell her about flowers, and listened by keeping an interested and loving look in her face. Despite being in pain, Margaret looked like she was less anxious. About what, the paramedic didn't want to let her mind wonder. _

_"You have yet to tell me your favorite flower," the florist said quietly and weakly. _

_Taylor swallowed the lump in her throat. She felt herself teetering over the edge of no return. "Roses," she replied with a smile. Margaret smiled._

_"Lame," she commented. "They're my wife's favorite and I think you are both lame."_

_"Really?" the paramedic forced a laugh out of her mouth. _

_Margaret nodded. Taylor heard the sound of a siren in the distance, as Margaret's eyes slowly fluttered closed. "Yeah," she said with a parting smile. "But I love her anyway."_

_Those were her last words. They were said with a genuine grin, one that vanished as her head lolled to the side and her eyes vanished behind her eyelids. Taylor's smile was wiped away from her face as she muttered, "No, Margaret. Stay with me. Stay with me, Margaret!"_

_The ambulance stopped beside the sidewalk, and surprisingly, James was the one to get off the vehicle first. Taylor felt her pulse, and when hearing complete silence, the skin still beneath her index and middle finger, she shook her head and began chest compressions. _

_"Stay with me, Margaret, stay with me!"_

_James was by her side in seconds. "Taylor, come on, let's get her inside and take her to the ER,"_

_They lied her unmoving body on the stretcher, and loaded her inside the ambulance. James drove as fast as he could, the sound of the siren blaring and penetrating Taylor's ears as she kept doing chest compressions. But Margaret's eyes never opened. And Taylor felt the world crumble beneath her feet._

_"Come on!" she kept muttering. But her attempts were fruitless. _

_She was breathing heavily when they finally arrived and took her to an emergency room. The doctors immediately took over them, because technically their jobs were done. But Taylor couldn't leave her. No matter what the others told her, she kept her hands against Margaret's chest and pushed._

_"Swift, get off the patient. Now!"_

_Taylor shook her head. "No," she whispered. She felt a lone tear trickle down her cheek. "No,"_

_"Swift, it's over. We can do nothing," the surgeon said, standing across her. _

_"No, you must do something! You must save her!" Taylor exclaimed. It was probably inappropriate of her, but she didn't care. Margaret couldn't die. She couldn't be dead. "She has a wife, and a beautiful job, and_—,_"_

_"Stop, Swift," _

_Taylor shook her head once again. "No, I'm not_—,_"_

_The doctor declared the time of the death. "Time of death, 21:43."_

_The room was silent, apart from the shrilling, monotone beeping that kept reminding Taylor that it was a flat line on the screen instead of a heartbeat. The woman breathed heavily, her breath shallow as her eyes stayed glued to Margaret's paling face. _

_"No!" she screamed. But powerful arms finally pulled away from the dead florist's body, and when they were out of the room, in the midst of the chaos of the ER, she realized that it had been James. "No! We had to do something!"_

_"She's dead, Taylor," he said, pained. James seemed to pity her. "She was doomed from the start."_

_Taylor stared at him, various alarms going off around them. The blonde shook her head. The image of paramedics consoling her father and taking her dead mother out of her house flashed before her eyes. "No," she muttered. Another tear rolled down her cheek. "I should have done something. I should have kept her alive, but I couldn't even do that."_

_"Taylor, it's not your fault_—,_"_

_"I should have done better. She should be alive now, not dead. And it's all my fault. I should have_—,_"_

_The doctor assigned to Margaret's case exited the emergency room and interrupted their conversation. "One of you needs to talk to the wife. She's going to be here in a few minutes," he said, before leaving and going to another patient. He threw a dirty look in Taylor's direction, and the rope around Taylor's stomach tightened. She should have done better._

_"I'm not going to talk to her wife. I can't do that."_

_"Taylor, you_—,_"_

_"Please, James," she pleaded. James shut up and looked more worried than before. Taylor looked incredibly vulnerable and distraught, even though she didn't even know this woman personally. "Please, do it for me. Speak to the wife for me, I can't do this. I can't do this anymore."_

_James furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"_

_Taylor shook her head and averted her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," with that, she left the ER without ever looking back at the other paramedic._

_And the next day, with bags under dry eyes and tear stained cheeks, she resigned. _  
  
  
  
  


_-_  
  
  
  
  


Taylor sipped her drink, empty eyes gazing at her peacefully sleeping cat on the couch. The phone on the table rang, and the baker let it go to voicemail almost immediately. With a sluggish movement, she listened to the message, already knowing who it was.

_"Hey,"_ the pause that followed was excruciating, and Taylor directed her dry eyes to the inanimate object lying threatening on the wooden surface. Then, there was an exasperated sigh, anticipating a feminine shaky voice. _"I don't know where you are or what you are doing, but please, I'm begging you_—_please, tell me that you're okay. I don't know what I did, I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing, but please, I just want to know that you're okay and that we are okay," _there was a silence, a hopeless one, perhaps Karlie had thought that, by waiting on the line, Taylor would have picked up and would have answered her. The message finished with a simple, yet painful apology, and then the apartment was once again surrounded by a thick blanket of silence.

The baker had called in sick two days ago, saying, _lying,_ that she had caught a really awful cold. Cecilia, the owner, since she was one of her closest friends, had told her to rest and come back as soon as she felt better. Then the older woman had gone on to ask her if everything was okay, Taylor's short and dismissive answers worrying her. The blonde had put on her best fake and reassuring voice, confirming that everything was indeed alright. Taylor had yet to talk to Cecilia, but perhaps it was because she's been drunk for two consecutive days and the passing of time felt like torture for her.

Taylor sighed, Karlie's message echoing in the middle of her brain like one of those songs that never go out of style. It surprised her, that the veterinarian had yet to show herself at her doorstep, begging her to please tell her what had happened that night at the park. Or perhaps tell her the reason why she had reacted to strongly upon hearing Karlie's wife's story.

Taylor's past before working at the bakery had been a dark period for the blonde. Becoming a paramedic, loving and breaking up with Emily after Margaret's fateful death. Taylor had felt so much ache in her body the night Karlie's wife had died. She had felt so guilty, crying with shut eyes on her pillow case, holding her knees close to her chest and suppressing the sobs that had yearned to break her heart into two uneven pieces. Taylor still wondered why her death had affected her so much; that sixth day of October, four years ago, perhaps she had remembered too vividly her mother's death, and losing someone the same day, not having being able to save someone's life, had destroyed her. She had felt useless for days, not answering anyone's calls. Nightmares had started to haunt her unconscious mind like ghosts, the trace of the images of two of her worst nights of her life being the only thing that was left to her when she would have woken up.

James had attempted to help her, both with money and with a shoulder to cry on, but after some time where the friendship turned out to be one sided, he left without making so much of noise. Taylor hadn't felt his absence until one day, when she had tried to call him and found out that he had blocked her number. She had felt so alone, with no one to talk to. No one to laugh with, no one to cry with. She had felt alone multiple times, even when she had been in the middle of a crowded street, waiting for the light of the traffic light to turn green.

And then, after infinite months spent wallowing in misery, Taylor had met Cecilia. A quirky, redheaded forty three years old. She had helped the former paramedic with everything, being both a mother and a bigger sister to her. She had stumbled upon Taylor's life at the right time, and Taylor thanked whichever God was up there that enjoyed torturing her.

Cecilia had opened a shop a little bit before she had met Taylor, and the blonde, when the older woman had suggested she could come work with her — not _for _her — had accepted immediately. And now here she was, sitting in the middle of her living room, being at the exact same spot she had found herself in exactly four years ago.

Her phone rang again, and right as she was about to let it go to voicemail, not wanting to hear Karlie's pained and confused voice again, she saw who was calling her, and refrained. Taylor placed her empty glass near the ringing electronic device, and sighed. If she kept ignoring everyone, one of her best friends — probably Selena or Abigail — would show up at her place with the lame excuse that they were just worried about her. And she didn't want to see anyone right now.

"Hello?"

"Hey, buddy! You've finally answered!"

A chirpy laugh followed, and Taylor rolled her eyes. "I was busy, Sel,"

"Don't tell me bullshit, Taylor," Selena's voice was light but had a seriousness hidden beneath it that made Taylor uncomfortable. Did she sound _that_ drunk? "You didn't answer your phone, and you _always _answer your phone, or when you don't, you send me a message and ask me what was up. But you never reached out. And you only isolate yourself either when you are in trouble or when you're sad," Selena explained casually, as if she were telling her what the weather was like. There was a slight pause, where the blonde closed her eyes and sighed internally. "Cecilia told me that something is wrong. Or that something happened, because a really tall, beautiful girl with green eyes — which I presume was Karlie — went to the bakery and asked for you. She said that she was quite anxious and panicked, as if she really wanted to see you and talk to you. So—what _happened_?"

That was news to the baker. She wasn't aware that Karlie had been so desperate to see her that she had even gone to the place where Taylor worked. It surprised her, and it made her feel guilty. "Sel—,"

"Don't try to lie to me. I'm your _best _friend, Taylor," Selena interrupted her firmly. "You _know _you can tell me everything."

Maybe it was the alcohol still flowing in her blood, but the statement and her friend's stubbornness slightly made Taylor's eyes water. The baker coughed in order to hide her instability, and shifted in her seat. "Karlie is married."

The nurse stayed silent for a moment. "Oh," she whispered. "And you have—,"

"Well, she _is _married, but her wife is—well, she's dead," Taylor didn't know how to approach this. Could Selena really understand the reason why Taylor suddenly felt so emotionally unstable? "Remember—when I was a paramedic? Do you remember that night, where I had this patient that died in a car accident—and that was the reason why I quit the job the following day?"

She heard Selena hum. "Um—yeah, you were pretty devastated by her death. I think—Margaret was her name, right? What does she have to do with this story?"

Taylor took a deep breath. "Karlie's wife died in a car accident four years ago the sixth day of October. Margaret—my last patient—was Karlie's wife."

Selena breathed sharply. "You mean—the one that died in _your _rescue? That is—," the nurse let out a bewildered chuckle. "—that is one of the most weirdest coincidences I've ever heard."

"Yeah," Taylor sighed. "I guess—it just all came back, you know? That was a pretty intense period for me. With me quitting my job, Emily breaking up with me, my mother's death anniversary. It was just—really chaotic. And Karlie telling me her wife's story just took me back to that day."

Selena hummed. "You could have met her that day. The day Margaret died."

Taylor pondered. Of _course _she could have met her. If she hadn't been so devastated by the happenings, she would have been the one that would have had to talk to the family of her patient, not James. "Yeah,"

"But you met a few weeks ago, by complete accident. And maybe this is a sign."

Taylor furrowed her brows. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. Fate wanted to intertwine your lives four years ago, but somehow that didn't happen, and now—you met her, and it's just—it's just crazy to think about, don't you agree?"

The baker shrugged. Then, realizing that Selena couldn't see her, replied, "I don't know."

The nurse sighed. "Well—I know you feel sad because of all this, but—why is Karlie so desperate to see you? Didn't you tell her about all of this when she told you about Margaret?"

Taylor wanted to laugh at the stupidity of her own actions. "I kind of run away the day she told me."

"Taylor!" Selena exclaimed, and the blonde rolled her eyes, knowing perfectly well that a reprimand was coming. "You have to talk to her and explain yourself! You can't just leave her _hanging_—and, I don't know, never see her again. This is a great chance to finally speak with the family of your last patient, Taylor. And also—you can't ruin this friendship. Karlie seems to care a _lot_ about you."

Taylor sighed and stubbornly played with the hem of her sweatshirt. The floor beneath her bare feet felt cold, suddenly. "Sel, I really—," the lump in her throat stopped her. "I really don't know how to look at her. If her wife is dead it is because of _me_."

"Tay—," Selena sighed exasperatedly. "We talked about this. You know that it was not your fault. You weren't the one driving the car that caused the accident."

"Still—,"

"—You tried to save her, and not even your best efforts saved her. This is the truth. You couldn't have done anything to prevent her death, Tay,"

Taylor looked up at the ceiling, in order to stop the sudden flow of tears that her eyes were brimming with. "I—I have to go now."

"Please, just _please_, talk to her, alright?"

The blonde pursed her lips and swallowed. "Bye, Sel," she didn't give her best friend time to object.

Taylor hung up the phone, stood up, and refilled her empty glass with Vodka.

It was going to be a long night. 


	7. choose your battles ; chapter 6

_6th October, 2017_

_She had never driven so fast to a place. Not even when she was late for work. _

_But this wasn't work. This wasn't a kitten she had to save, a dog to vaccinate. This was about her wife, who had apparently gotten into a really grave car accident. _

_When Karlie parked her car, she run so quickly towards the entrance of the ER that she unintentionally stumbled upon someone. Her shoulder abruptly touched the other woman's, whose blonde hair were messy and stained with blood. Actually, her whole body was stained with blood, even the trembling hands that stayed by her sides. When the veterinarian uttered a quick apology, she didn't wait for a response; their eyes never met, and Karlie soon collapsed against the countertop, a nurse sitting behind that desk. _

_"Excuse me_—_I'm looking for my wife, Margaret. Margaret Montgomery. She was involved in a car accident. Where can I_—,_"_

_"Karlie Kloss?"_

_When the veterinarian turned around, she came face to face with a tall and sturdy paramedic, his neat brown hair not matching the exasperation of his gaze. "Yes, it's me. I need to see my wife. Margaret Montgomery. Can you help me find her, please?"_

_The man looked at something beyond her shoulder, and sighed tiredly; the news already clear on his face. Karlie understood what he was about to utter before he even had the chance to meet her anxious eyes._

_"Miss Kloss, your wife Margaret was involved in a really bad car accident. With the help of my colleague, we rescued her to the hospital, but when we arrived here there was nothing left to do," at that point, Karlie began to shake her head and mutter unintelligible words, but the paramedic kept on talking. "I am really sorry for your loss, Miss Kloss. We did everything we could, but unfortunately Margaret didn't make it. I am really sorry."_

_Karlie had never felt a pain like this one. It was excruciating, it shattered her chest in half and squeezed her heart with the strength that only a loss of a loved one could have. The veterinarian covered her mouth with a quivering hand, the other flying to her chest as her eyes filled with sorrowful tears. The man kept apologizing, as if he was the reason why Margaret had died. Karlie hiccupped, sobs escaping from her lips as she closed her eyes and set her tears free. When she reached out, the veterinarian gripped the first thing her hand came in contact with; the paramedic's shoulder. The man tried to comfort her by rubbing her back, and allowed her to cry the death of her wife. _

_"Is there someone I can call right now? A parent, a friend?"_

_Karlie shook her head. "No," she replied. She took a moment to catch her breath, before asking, "I would like to talk with the person that was the last to speak with my wife, please. I need to see them, I_—,_"_

_"I'm really sorry, ma'am. My_—_my colleague was the one that rescued her. She took out your wife from her car, but she's_—_she's not here at the moment."_

_"Please, I need to talk with her. Please," she pleaded, voice hoarse from crying. _

_"I'm sorry, I_—,_" he wasn't able to finish his sentence, because then he was called by someone from the nearby room. "_—_Again, I'm sorry for your loss, miss Kloss. I need to go."_

_Karlie watched him go, and helplessly sat down on one of the chairs of the waiting room. Surrounded by the relatives of patients _— _whether they were anxiously waiting for news or grieving somebody's death like she was _—_ Karlie let herself crumble. She let her elbows rest against her knees, brought her hands up to cover her face, and allowed herself to weep the death of the love of her life. _  
  
  


_-_   
  
  


Two days later, Taylor was back at the bakery.

Cecilia had welcomed her back with a beaming smile, one that the blonde woman couldn't quite match. They had hugged tightly, and only when the older woman's arms had been around her waist, did Taylor realize how much she had missed and needed physical affection. Karlie had stopped calling her, probably being fed up with the baker's problems.

As the day progressed and she served countless customers, she couldn't help but think about the veterinarian and the short but intense friendship they had. Taylor wondered how could she always end ruining things between her and other people. If Emily had left her, it was because she felt unsatisfied, Taylor too busy in being sad to properly notice her. The same had happened with James. The baker wondered if their lives were better now that she wasn't a part of them anymore, and she imagined Emily married to the same man she had cheated her with. She imagined her with kids; Emily would have been a perfect mother. And then she went on to imagine James. In her brain, he was still a paramedic, going from one side of New York City to the other, racing against the clock in order to get to the victim before death did.

In her mind, they were happy with what they had become. She portrayed them with blinding smiles, sparkling eyes, and a happy family beside them.

Taylor stopped thinking about them only when closing time neared. She started cleaning the counter with a used rag, her back hurting as she slightly bent over. She was exhausted, her head throbbing; she promised herself she would never drink that much ever again.

"We're about to close," she said when she heard the bell above the door chime. Taylor had her back towards the entrance, hands busy with the coffee maker.

"I'm not here to buy anything."

At the sound of that voice, sweet but extremely quiet and dangerous, her fingers stilled. She swallowed, hearing footsteps stop a few feet away from her. Taylor feared turning around; feared facing the one person that she dreaded the most. The baker tried to put on the best stoic and expressionless face, hoping that her mask wouldn't break as soon as she turned around. And then, although a bit uncertainly, she shifted and faced her. There, with hands buried in the pockets of her trench coat, fuzzy grey scarf wrapped around her long and elegant neck, stood Karlie. Her green eyes immediately softened at the sight of the older woman. Taylor met her gaze for a moment, but then quickly averted it, unable to stand the questioning look inside her eyes.

Karlie took a step forward, the counter separating them. "I think we—we have to talk."

The baker swallowed. "Karlie, I'm—I'm working," she stuttered, coming up with the first excuse. But it was a lame one; she knew it. The veterinarian knew it. They both knew it.

"You said you were about to close," Karlie gazed around them, as if proving a point. "And there's no one here but us."

Taylor bit the inside of her cheek and placed the rug on the counter. "I don't want to talk about it—here."

Karlie nodded, perhaps being a little sympathetic. "Can you just—," the veterinarian took another step forward, her body touching the counter. It was as if she wanted to break the barrier between them; both the materialistic and metaphorical one. "—just tell me that you're okay."

Taylor lowered her face and looked away. Karlie sounded so heartbroken, perhaps feeling so much pain at the prospect of having caused sadness to the _baker. _

The veterinarian took Taylor's silence as a bad sign, and sighed. "I'm sorry, I really don't know what I did wrong, I just—,"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Karlie," Taylor finally spoke with decision, looking up with vulnerable eyes. She walked towards the counter and placed her hands against it. Being so close to Karlie after having spent four days apart made her feel slightly less anxious about the things she had to tell her. "It's just a really delicate situation, and I—,"

"Situation? What are you talking about?"

"Karlie—,"

"I know, I know," Karlie raised her hands, dismissively. "You don't want to talk about it here," she went on. "Come to my place. We will talk about it there, alright?"

Taylor had never been to Karlie's apartment. The fact that she would see it for the first time today exhilarated her, because that meant that their friendship was safe from any danger. It also scared her; being in an unknown place, not having the warmth of her own place surrounding her.

But she accepted anyway.

"Okay."  
  
  
  
  


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When they set foot inside Karlie's modern and modest apartment, it being on the last floor of the building, the sun outside had finished setting, leaving space to the black starry sky. One way or another, autumn had always overwhelmed her; it frightened her, how the days would get shorter, how darkness would win over daylight. It made Taylor feel melancholic, it made her miss the people that weren't there anymore, who she had lost during this particular season.

The baker hung her coat on the coatrack, examining her surroundings. Karlie's place was rather small, even though she seemed to be a quite wealthy person. The narrow corridor led to a spacious living room, the floor to ceiling windows letting them get the perfect view of the New York City skyline. In the corner there was a fireplace, the source of warmth long extinguished. There was a coffee table across the ashen sofa, and everything was just _so _grey; it suited the veterinarian perfectly.

Then, following the path of the corridor, there was a kitchen, a marble countertop in the middle of the room. Although everything looked modern and cold, it was quite a cozy apartment.

At the end of the corridor there were the stairs, and Taylor guessed that they led to the bathroom and Karlie's room. She wondered if the veterinarian had been living here when she had been married with Margaret.

"You can take a seat on the sofa," Karlie said softly. "Do you want me to make you some tea? Water?"

_Wine would be better. _"Water is fine," Taylor replied, voice devoid of any emotion.

While Karlie disappeared into the kitchen to retrieve their drinks, the baker looked around the living room. The shelves above the fireplace and television were decorated with frames, certificates, and literature books. Taylor saw some works from famous authors like Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde and Virginia Woolf. She knew that Karlie was smart; but witnessing her taste in books made her all the more interesting. She tried to swallow the sudden feeling that washed over her like a downpour.

And then, her eyes settled on a photo, seeing two familiar faces instead of just one.

Blood stained hands and lifeless brown eyes flashed at the forefront of her mind as the image on the shelf depicted a very different aspect of Margaret. It was a photograph of Karlie and Margaret, the veterinarian's arm lazily wrapped around her wife's waist. They looked comfortable in each other's presence; Margaret's grinning face placed against Karlie's shoulder, the veterinarian's chin resting on the top of her wife's head. Seeing Margaret so happy, with that smile splitting her face in two halves, made her heart clench with guilt. It reminded her of that night, of all the nights that followed the first, and the last words Margaret had uttered.

"Hey—here's your water,"

Karlie's voice startled her. She turned around briskly, eyes wide in panic. The veterinarian glanced at the photo she was looking at, and the ghost of a frown settled on her thin lips.

"Thank you," Taylor said. Only when the cold liquid slid along her throat, did she realize how dry it had been. The other woman stared at her for a moment, before drinking her own beverage. Her green eyes were pensive, and Taylor couldn't understand what was swirling through her mind.

They placed their empty glasses on the coffee table, and then stood there, in the middle of the lit living room, with the New York City skyscrapers being the only witnesses of their silent communication.

Taylor felt nervous, hands sweating and trembling at her sides. Her eyes darted around the room; she wanted to say so many things. She wanted to just vomit the truth, wear her heart on her sleeve just so Karlie could hold it in her hands and put its broken pieces back together.

"I, um—," she stuttered. She hated the vulnerable sound of her voice, how it shook with nerves and sounded so damn insecure. Taylor fiddled with her fingers, trying to swallow the enormous lump in her throat. "—I'm sorry for leaving you. I didn't want to—to worry you. I just—I just really needed to be alone."

From her peripheral vision, Taylor saw Karlie slowly nod. Instead of sitting down on the sofa, the veterinarian took a step forward. The baker looked like a frightened deer caught in the headlights, and Karlie wanted nothing more than wrap her in her arms and sooth her concerns.

"Okay," she whispered.

Taylor nodded. "The reason why I run is that—," the baker found it rather difficult to talk. "—Karlie, I..." Taylor closed her eyes and exhaled deeply. She didn't meet the veterinarian's eyes when she said quietly, "I was the one that rescued her. I was the person you didn't have the chance to talk with."

She heard Karlie breathe deeply, and when she looked up, the younger woman was sucking on her own bottom lip, green eyes narrowed as she slowly nodded, absorbing the new information. "Okay," she repeated, clearing her throat when her voice came out in a hoarse sound.

Taylor felt the need to explain herself further. Karlie needed to know the whole story, she deserved to know the _truth_. "I was a paramedic—four years ago. I was a paramedic before I started working at the bakery," their eyes met. "I never told you that because...I'm not exactly proud of my past. I ruined everything that was around me and I..." Taylor bit her bottom lip. "The fact that I couldn't save your wife _destroyed _me. She died the day of my mother's death anniversary, and I just felt—just felt so guilty, so useless because I hadn't been able to save her. I _could _have saved her. If I had taken her to the hospital sooner, maybe she wouldn't be dead, maybe—,"

"It wasn't your fault, what are you talking about?" Karlie asked, speaking for the first time in a while. Her eyes were moist, and when Taylor looked in them, she saw utter confusion and slight pain.

"Margaret died because she needed surgery, and she didn't get that because it was too late when she arrived at the ER, and that was my fault. If I had—,"

The veterinarian stopped her by taking a decisive step forward. "It wasn't your _fault_, Taylor," she said firmly. "If she died, it was because that _careless _and _drunk _driver hit the side of her car. If she died, it was that man's fault. Not yours, Taylor. It was _never_ your fault."

Something about the way she said it made Taylor's walls crumble. The baker licked her lips and nibbled the inside of her cheek. She averted her eyes, now suddenly filled with tears as she felt the air in her lungs betray her. Before walking in her apartment, Taylor had promised herself that she wouldn't have cried, that she wouldn't have shown any signs of weakness in front of Karlie. But here she was, holding back sobs as she closed her hands in tight fists.

"I have always wanted to talk with the person that had saved her from that accident," Karlie suddenly whispered. "I have always wanted to thank them, even though Margaret had died anyway. I have always wanted to talk to that person who had made Margaret feel less alone in the last moments of her life," she went on. Taylor cried quietly, not meeting Karlie's eyes as her shallow breath filled her pauses. "And now—now that I know that it was _you_, I just—," the veterinarian's voice quivered. "—I just want to thank you. Thank you for everything that you've done for Margaret. I appreciate _all_ of your efforts, and I am just—just so grateful that Margaret spent her last seconds with someone as _wonderful_ and as _amazing_ as you."

That made the baker cry harder. She shook her head, lowered her head and let out all of the repressed emotions that she's been feeling for years. Taylor stood there, crying like a toddler until she felt the faint touch of Karlie's fingertips on her shoulders. The baker didn't have time to think about her actions, or the fact that she was crying in front of someone she's known for a little over three weeks. Nevertheless, as if gravity was pulling her with an invisible string, she fell into Karlie's arms as a another wave of sobs came out of her plump lips. They were excruciating and pain filled, and she folded her arms underneath Karlie's, gripping her shoulders and holding onto her for dear life. The veterinarian embraced her with so much strength, hugging her as she fell apart for a disastrous accident that had messed up both of their lives. Taylor had dreaded telling her this; she had feared that Karlie might have hated her, for not having been able to save Margaret's wife. She had feared that Karlie might have wanted to break their friendship, and never see her again because the pain would have been too much. But here Karlie was; _thanking _her for having taken care of Margaret when she had faced death four years ago. Here she was, holding Taylor as she cried and let out all of the guilt and sorrow that had stayed inside of her body for four long years.

"I'm sorry," Taylor's muffled voice interrupted their silence, and Karlie unexpectedly kissed her head and shushed her.

"It's okay," she told her. "It's okay."

The baker kept on weeping for what felt like hours, until there were no more tears left to cry, and instead stayed between Karlie's arms because the feeling in her heart was pleasant and welcome. She liked the way their bodies fit perfectly, the way their height let Karlie rest her chin on the crown of Taylor's head. She realized that she liked the newfound intimacy between them as they parted from their tight embrace.

Karlie hesitantly cupped her cheeks and deeply looked into her eyes. Taylor's tears were like dew, making her blue eyes shine under the dim light of the living room and sliding along the slope of her cheeks. The baker sniffled, staring back at her with no words at the bottom of her throat.

The veterinarian was the first to break the silence. "Thank you for telling me this. And for sharing something that obviously made you go through hell when it happened years ago."

Karlie saw the way her throat moved up and down as Taylor swallowed thickly. "You don't hate me?" she asked in disbelief.

The younger woman furrowed her brows and let a lopsided smile grace her face. "Why would I hate you?"

Taylor shrugged helplessly, still holding onto her waist. Karlie was still caressing her cheeks, and the way their bodies touched almost tentatively made butterflies fly inside Taylor's stomach. "I—I don't know."

"I don't hate you, Taylor. I was mad at the drunk man that killed my wife for a very long time, but the thought of hating you has never crossed my head," she seemed hesitant. "And now that I've met you and _know_ you, I could _never _hate you, Taylor."

The blonde was dumbfounded. She hadn't imagined to receive such a positive reaction out of this talk; she had imagined screams, profanities, and insults. In her worst case scenario, Karlie would have kicked her out of her apartment, as long as she would never see her ever again. But the veterinarian was holding her instead. She was lovingly gazing down at her, and the fingers on her cheeks were warm and soft and delicate, and felt amazing on her skin.

Taylor nodded, at loss of words, and pulled her in once again. They hugged, the baker reveling in the smell of roses of Karlie's skin.

"Hey—it's getting kind of late. Do you want to—maybe stay the night? Improvised slumber party," Karlie's chest shook with giggles, and Taylor smiled for the first time in days.

She pulled away, definitively detaching her body from the veterinarian's. "I don't want to intrude or—,"

"Oh, don't be silly! I would love to have some company," Karlie smiled. "This apartment gets lonely sometimes."

Taylor then realized that it wouldn't hurt her, since she didn't plan on returning to her empty place any sooner. Spending time with Karlie sounded like heaven anyway.  
  
  
  
  


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Karlie's bed, Taylor later found out, was enormous. And so was the veterinarian's room.

The windows were huge, and the view outside was the same as the one they got from the living room. The color of the walls were uncharacteristically a pale white, compared to the grey that decorated the whole apartment. Above the headboard, a nice chestnut display case hung and showed moments from Karlie's past; whether it was with her friends or with Margaret. Taylor had noticed that she didn't have many photos that depicted her family; she wondered if she were still close to them, or if their relationship was nowhere to be found, like the one Taylor had with her father.

"You still have to tell me if you're coming with me to the Halloween party," Karlie said after a while. They had been watching trash television series for a few hours now, both lying on the veterinarian's spacious bed. Taylor was still a little stiff, the warmth radiating from Karlie's body almost becoming too much to bear. But it was nice. It's been awhile since she's been this intimate with somebody; Karlie's head was on her shoulder, and her voice vibrated against it.

"I'm sorry," Taylor replied apologetically. "I didn't really think about it these days,"

"Oh, yeah," Karlie mumbled. "Don't worry. I'm sorry for bringing this up."

"No, it's okay. I actually think I'm going to come with you. I really need to party."

They shared a quiet laugh, their hearts light from any weight.

"Karlie?"

"Yeah?"

Taylor still had a question burning on the tip of her tongue. It's been there since she's met the woman at the wedding. "The ring on your necklace — the one you always wear — is it your wedding band?" her voice was tentative, exploring the silence floating between them. It was a dangerous and unknown sea, but Taylor still ventured fearlessly.

"Yes, it is," Karlie sighed. "At this point, I don't even realize that I'm wearing it," she explained with a shaky chuckle. "I just feel like that this is the only way I have to bring her around with me, you know?"

Taylor nodded. "How long were you and Margaret together for?"

As Karlie started talking, the baker could hear the smile in her voice. "We've been friends for a while before turning into something more. She was the first friend I made here when I moved to New York years and years ago. Cara, Jourdan, Derek and Gigi — they are all her friends. I've met them through her. And that is why we're so close now. Margaret's death somehow made our friendship stronger."

Taylor absorbed the new information.

"You're kind of the first new friend that I've made since her death," Karlie thought out loud. "It's kind of crazy," she chuckled.

"Well, if you think about it—I'm somehow connected to her."

There was a pause. "Yeah—you're right."

When Taylor replied with a cheeky, "I usually am," Karlie looked up at her with a face, feigning annoyance at the older woman. The blonde let the smile on her face vanish a little, as she said quietly, "I was kind of supposed to talk to you that night. I was the one that had to break the news to you."

Karlie's voice was surprised when she asked, "Really?"

"Yeah. You spoke with the other paramedic, James. He was the one driving the ambulance, so he technically didn't have to speak with the family of the patient. The patient was mine, but I didn't—I didn't have the strength to face you."

"We could have met years ago," Karlie commented. "Is that what you're trying to say to me?"

"Yeah—kind of."

The veterinarian shook her head with a disbelieved grin. "Like I said—this is crazy."

"Hm," Taylor hummed. "I guess it is."

Karlie fell asleep shortly after that. The light snores made a chuckle come out of Taylor's mouth, who felt more comfortable the more time passed. She watched her sleep for a few moments, before taking out her phone and texting her best friend. The baker told Selena what had happened that day, and when the nurse had went on to ask her if they could call each other, Taylor had quickly denied, warning her that Karlie was soundly asleep beside her. The blonde woman also invited her to Karlie's friend's party, asking her if she could bring Abigail along. Selena answered her that she wouldn't miss it, and that the redhead would be there with her.

As Taylor smiled, her eyes shifted to the snoring woman beside her, who had just shifted in her sleep and wrapped a tight arm around the baker's abdomen. Taylor tensed up, not knowing how to act as her slim fingers gripped her hip. But she soon realized that the veterinarian was unconscious, and probably didn't do that purposefully.

Taylor sighed, glancing at the clock sitting beside a frame that depicted two happy and grinning wives. Looking at Margaret, although she felt a little bit of remorse, the sight was no longer that painful. Telling her side of the story to Karlie had been freeing, and she had never felt this light and carefree.

"Hm—what time is it?" Karlie stirred beside her, voice groggy and incredibly pleasant to Taylor's ears. The baker blushed at the thought.

"It's a little bit past ten," she replied. "Do you want me to go to another room so you can go back to sleep?"

Karlie looked up at her, and stared at her quizzically. "What? No!" the veterinarian seemed more awake, as she rubbed her eyes furiously. "Stay. I don't mind," she added quickly. "Unless—_you _mind."

Taylor blushed even more deeply. "No—I don't mind," she smiled. "I sleep with my friends all the time," she chuckled, not really thinking about her words. When Karlie raised her eyebrows and stared at her with a questioning but amused look, Taylor quickly tried to mend her mistake. "I mean—I don't _sleep _with _them_. I _sleep _in the same _bed_ as them. We just—we just sleep."

Taylor cleared her throat, and just when she thought that her cheeks couldn't get any hotter, Karlie's hearty laugh filled the bedroom as the veterinarian threw her head back, hand on her chest.

"Oh my God—," she giggled. "You should have seen your face,"

"This isn't funny," Taylor mumbled, head lowered in embarrassment. She couldn't believe what she had just said.

"Oh, yes—it is," Karlie wiped the tears from her eyes, chuckles still escaping from her thin lips. "This made my day, honestly,"

Taylor couldn't hide her smile at that, glad that, even though she had just embarrassed herself in front of her friend, she had made her happy with just one badly worded sentence.

"Let's just go to sleep," Taylor said, and even though she sounded mortified, the grin on her face betrayed her.

They slipped out of the covers, only to come back a few moments later, both dressed in Karlie's pajamas. The garments were a little bit too big for the baker, but Taylor loved the way the shirt's sleeves encased her hands. She loved the way her pants moved past her ankles. And she loved even more the way Karlie fell asleep beside her for the second time, bedroom filled with silence and the lights out.


	8. love's on the way ; chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the nice comments!

The week that preceded Halloween was spent texting back and forth, whether it was eleven in the morning or past midnight. Taylor was still a little bit surprised that Karlie didn't hate nor despise her for what had happened. If anything, their relationship seemed to be going well.

Unfortunately, they didn't have a chance to hang out before the last day of October, therefore the baker was as nervous as ever when her car approached the huge and incredibly majestic estate in Rhode Island.

"Tay, relax. It's going to be fine," Abigail laughed beside her.

Taylor turned the engine off and took a deep, shaky breath. Her fingers quivered as she gripped the steering wheel. "I know, I just—I'm just nervous."

"Why?" Selena asked smugly, appearing between the driver and passenger seat. She had an amused smile playing on her lips, and Taylor almost kicked her on the face. She restricted herself to only roll her eyes, hoping that her friends wouldn't embarrass her throughout the night.

"Shut up," she mumbled.

Taylor heard the two women share a fit of giggles, laughing at her expenses. It was quite obvious that her friends enjoyed making things hard for the baker, whatever the situation was. Taylor had to accept that her cheeks would be scarlet red for the whole night.

Still chuckling to themselves, Selena and Abigail got out of the vehicle, while Taylor checked her appearance on the tiny mirror above her head. She looked _great_; or, at least she liked to think so. The thought that she wanted to impress Karlie, that she wanted to look nice just for her, was a thought that she would deal with later. It was too early to deal with the confused flow of feelings that had begun to bloom inside her chest ever since that confrontation at Karlie's place. And she wasn't drunk enough to admit the nature of her _true _feelings for the veterinarian.

Quietly, they made their way through the steel gate, the gravel pathway crunching beneath their feet. Taylor snuggled her chin on her wool scarf, the temperatures too cold for her sensitive skin. She buried her hands on the pockets of her trench coat, and was glad that she had let her hair grow in the last few years. She still despised all those winter days spent shaking in the freezing air, the warmth of her tresses only reaching her shoulders. But now that it was past them, almost touching her shoulder blades, she was a little less like an icicle and more like a human being.

When the three of them stopped in front of the wooden door, Taylor was pushed at the forefront as Selena whispered, "Knock on the door!"

The baker turned around and gave her a weird look, as she opted to ring the doorbell. She listened to its sound echo around the house, before the noise of hurried footsteps came towards the door. Taylor's heartbeat picked up the pace as, once the door was opened, Karlie's gorgeous face revealed itself on the other side; she wore a beautiful pale white pantsuit.

"Hey! You made it!"

Taylor's lips immediately twitched upwards. The only sight of the veterinarian made her smile. "Of course I made it. I wouldn't miss this party for the world," she chuckled, stepping forward and hugging the other woman. Her cheeks turned red when she heard Selena dramatically clear her throat behind her.

"You must be her friends?" Karlie asked with mild embarrassment.

Taylor glared at the both of them, but they flawlessly ignored her eyes as they walked in the house and friendly embraced the veterinarian. Karlie was a little caught off guard, but hugged them anyway.

"I'm Selena! Nice to meet you, Karlie!"

"And I'm Abigail! It is so nice to finally meet you. We've heard _a lot _about you!"

The veterinarian stayed silent for a moment, speechless. "Oh, really?" she chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck nervously.

"Oh, _really_," Selena nodded enthusiastically. Taylor cleared her throat and interrupted them before they could say something more.

"Where are the others?" she asked, voice high pitched.

Karlie seemed to escape from the bubble she had trapped herself into, and turned around, leading them towards the living room. "Follow me!"

The house was _enormous. _It had — Taylor thought — at least twelve rooms, between bathrooms, bedrooms and kitchens. As they trailed behind Karlie, they walked through a huge and aesthetic corridor, the walls a faint and pale color cream. It was pleasant to the eye, and pictures and paintings hung above the furniture. They turned left, entering a spacious room that the baker supposed was the living room. She saw stairs, and Taylor wondered if they would be allowed to venture throughout the night.

"Cara! — Taylor and her friends are here!" Karlie yelled.

The living room had two couches facing each other, an ominous black piano abandoned on the right corner, and in front of them stood an expanse of floor to ceiling sliding windows, which lead to a relaxing zone outside. The view of the ocean was amazing, as even in the middle of the dark Taylor still saw the waves crash softly against the shore. She hoped they would go outside later, just to feel the cold water against her feet.

"_Woo_ — let's get this party started!"

The exuberant woman appeared before them, coming out from another door, and excitedly hopped over to them. She embraced her guests, and Taylor laughed at her wildness. When she turned to look at Karlie, she blushed upon noticing her gentle stare. When the veterinarian lowered her head and averted her eyes, her cheeks turned even more redder.

"Derek! Gigi! Jour! — get your ass over here!" she screamed.

When they were finally all in the same room, they spent the first five minutes introducing themselves to the guests, and then moved their conversation to the couches. Cara dramatically sat on the marble floor, back against the couch, while the others got comfortable on the sofa. Derek instead lied on a love seat, closing his eyes as he snuggled close to the soft fabric. Gigi went to the kitchen to retrieve eight glasses and red wine. Cara, as the great host she was, filled each cup to the brim and handed them to every guest. Taylor savored the slight burning feeling as the alcohol slid along her throat. It made her feel a little braver as she stole more than one glance at the veterinarian.

The following hours were filled with funny stories from both work and college days that seemed to have happened ages ago. The baker found out that Karlie had been a party animal when she was younger, and just when she began to laugh did her own friends come to the veterinarian's rescue and embarrass her in front of everyone. The secret that she had faithfully confided to her friends was revealed to the already giggling group, as Abigail went on to recall that time Taylor was still _straight_.

"Okay, it wasn't like that, and you know it," the baker grumbled, hand reaching out to fill her third glass of wine. Slightly tipsy, she struggled a little, but succeeded on her mission.

"It was _totally _like that," Abigail laughed. "You were caught giving a blow job to a freshman in the bathroom and that's the truth."

"I—," Taylor blushed furiously as Cara's laugh stood out the most among the others. She caught Karlie's mildly awkward smile behind the rim of her glass. "—_I _caught that boy jerking off and _he _asked me to _please _give him a blow job. I—I was seventeen, I was terribly confused about my sexuality, and I didn't know what to do!" she defended herself.

"Let me guess," Derek interrupted. "You didn't like it, did you?"

"Oh—," Selena laughed before she could finish her sentence. "She was _terrified _when she came back. She was like—," the nurse imitated Taylor's frightened face; eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

Taylor covered her burning face as she sank in her seat. The others laughed loudly.

"_Please, I think I just realized that I'm a lesbian,_" Abigail mocked her, imitating Taylor's voice. Despite feeling terribly at the center of the attention and incredibly embarrassed — if the world would just swallow her whole it would be awesome — she still smiled. "That's what you said to us!" Abigail laughed.

Taylor looked at her with a challenging look. "Do you really want me to tell them that one time your mother caught you and—,"

"—_Taylor_, no! Shut up!"

"—and Danny having sex in his father's car?"

Everybody burst out laughing as the new target was now Abigail, who became as red as her hair. Taylor wore a winning smile, as Abigail pouted and crossed her arms over her chest like a whining kid.

"You guys had a wild and devastating past," Jourdan commented, chuckling to herself before sipping on her wine. Karlie and Taylor shared a look, the conversation of a week ago flashing at the forefront of their minds.

"Not as wild as mine," Cara muttered darkly, a smirk on her face before she went on to talk about her own past.

They spent the whole night talking, and only when they were more than just a little bit tipsy, did they go outside in the freezing temperatures. Cara, Derek, Gigi, Selena and Abigail — being the most drunk — run towards the sea, not even taking off their shoes or raising their clothes in the meantime. Taylor stayed behind with Jourdan and Karlie, but soon the dark skinned woman quickly reached their friends. Through the dark, and being slightly inebriated, Taylor tripped, but Karlie quickly wrapped an arm around her waist and didn't let her fall.

"Thank you," Taylor chuckled, words fortunately not slurred.

"It's okay," Karlie smiled. She didn't stop holding her when Taylor finally regained her balance, and the baker enjoyed the contact between their hips. "I'm used to drunk people."

The shorter woman nodded. The pair stopped a few feet away from the ocean, and Taylor reached down to take off her shoes. "I'm going to wet my feet,"

"Are you sure?" there was slight concern on her voice, but Taylor reassured her with a bright and wide smile.

"Yeah—come with me, it will be fun!" the baker fearlessly grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the shore.

"What? No, I—do you know how much this pantsuit costs?"

Taylor laughed noisily. "Then take it off! Come on!"

Karlie tried to back off, but seeing the beautiful and carefree smile on Taylor's face, she was reminded of how painful it had been to watch sorrowful tears slide down those cheeks. And if getting herself wet would make Taylor happy, than she was going to do just that.

The baker was the one to reach out and take off her jacket, and Karlie blushed. Being the one that had to drive her friends — Derek and Jourdan — back home, she had decided to stay sober, but now she almost regret it. She knew that Taylor was drunk and didn't exactly know the weight of her actions, but she couldn't help but stare at the baker pensively as the garment slid off her shoulders. It was abandoned there, on the sand, and Karlie's cheeks turned scarlet red when Taylor's eyes involuntarily focused on her modest breasts.

Way too soon, however, the curious look was gone, and her beaming smile came back.

"Come on!" she smiled radiantly. Finally, their feet touched the cold ocean, and Taylor yelped, jumping up and down and holding onto Karlie's shoulders. The physical contacts had increased the more Taylor drunk that night, but the veterinarian wasn't complaining at all. "This is so much fun!" she yelled over the sound of the ocean.

The baker dragged her even more, and only when Karlie realized that they were going too far, did her pants get wet. "Taylor!" she exclaimed, and although the alarmed tone of her voice, the wide smile betrayed her. She could buy another pair of pants just like this one, but the joyous smile on Taylor's face was priceless and irreplaceable.

The waves then almost reached their knees, and Karlie started to get cold.

Taylor began splashing her, light laugh reaching the veterinarian's ears and warming her whole chest. Who cared if the water that was being thrown at her was freezing? The sight of Taylor's jeans drenched, the tips of her long hair slightly wet, and the drunken giggles coming out of her plump lips was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, even though the lighting was awful. The moon illuminated most of the beach, but Karlie wished it was daylight instead.

"You're crazy!" the veterinarian screamed. She saw their other friends enjoying their late swim in the ocean, and was caught by surprise when Taylor suddenly wrapped her arms around her middle and tried to push her forward under water. "Hey!"

The baker laughed loudly, holding onto Karlie from behind and making them trip on their own feet. Both with the waves reaching their chest, Karlie spit the cold water and coughed.

"We're going to catch a cold!" the veterinarian chuckled, drying her face with her hands.

Taylor seemed to shrug under water, and even with all of her clothes wet, she still looked flawless. "Who cares?" she giggled.

The veterinarian didn't know how much time they spent out there in the icy temperatures, but soon, the group returned inside the estate to warm up their shaking and freezing bodies. It was well past midnight, and Karlie felt Taylor grab her hand and drag her upstairs as Cara gave them the green light to go into a room and change into something that wasn't wet. The baker randomly chose a guest bedroom, as the host gave the both of them dry clothes. Karlie suddenly felt shy as soon as Cara left, winking at her before closing the door behind her back. They were alone, and when the veterinarian turned around to see what Taylor was up to, she was surprised to see the baker halfway out of her jeans.

"Oh, God — I'm sorry," Karlie apologized, quickly covering her eyes with her hands.

"It's okay," Taylor softly mumbled. "God, I'm _so _drunk," she giggled. "Hey, could you—maybe help me with these buttons?" she timidly asked.

Karlie unveiled her eyes, and blushed when she saw that Taylor meant the buttons of her blouse. She walked towards her, smiling nervously as she started unfastening her shirt. Taylor wobbled a little, and Karlie's hand immediately grabbed her waist to steady her.

"Thanks," the baker whispered, getting out of her shirt and walking around with only a bra on. Karlie blushed; the pair had met each other a little over a month ago, and yet, they've never had a sleepover before. Therefore, seeing so much of Taylor's skin in such a little amount of time rendered Karlie a nervous and trembling woman.

"You're welcome," she whispered. While Taylor struggled to put on a dry shirt, Karlie took off her own wet ones, quickly replacing them with dry garments. She had turned her back to Taylor, and when she turned around to face her, ready to go back to their friends, she was surprised to be met with a gentle yet intense and tender stare. Karlie blushed even more, if that was possible. "What?" she chuckled awkwardly.

Taylor widened her eyes and shook her head, as if escaping from her own bubble. "Oh—nothing," she mumbled, lowering her head and shrugging nonchalantly.

"Come on," Karlie smiled. "Let's go back to our friends."  
  
  
  
  


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Taylor saw Karlie a week after Halloween.

An amusement park had seemed the best place to hang out after the wild party they had had at Cara's house in Rhode Island. The baker was nervously waiting for the veterinarian at the main entrance, glancing at the chaotic New York City streets while her hands trembled inside the pockets of her trench coat. Karlie was five minutes late, Taylor noticed. She was still debating if this outing of theirs was a date or not, because she had seen way too many movies where couples went to the amusement park and had the time of their lives together, before going back home and parting their ways with a kiss. Her fingers quivered with excitement at the possibility of this being a date or something that resembled one. She was still way too hopeful in her opinion; just because Karlie liked girls and had married one years ago didn't mean that she would reciprocate her feelings.

Taylor wasn't even so sure that she liked her _that _way, because it's been so long, and she didn't want to get her heart broken or be disappointed.

"Hey, Taylor!"

When Taylor turned to her left, she was met with the sight of a breathless Karlie. The wool scarf hung loosely around her neck, and the baker resisted the urge to fix the garment. "Hey, stranger," she smiled.

"I'm so sorry I'm late—,"

"—don't worry about it! I was just starting to get worried," Taylor chuckled, placing a reassuring hand on Karlie's shoulder. The veterinarian followed the movement, and briefly looked at her with a weird stare, before going back to her excited self.

"Well—are you ready to have some fun?"

Taylor grinned. "For sure."

They walked side by side through the pathways of the amusement park, deciding which ride they should try first. "Do you want to get cotton candy?" Karlie asked, eyes sparkling. She terribly looked like an enthusiastic kid, and Taylor couldn't help but let a smile of her own light up her features.

"Yeah, sure,"

Karlie approached the lady behind the little pink van. "Can I get two of these, please?"

The seller smiled at her, and in minutes, both of their mouths were filled with the sweet taste of cotton candy. "_Hm_—this is heaven," Taylor moaned. Karlie seemed to blush at her statement, and agreed silently.

"Oh—let's do that one!" the veterinarian exclaimed, pointing at a stand where the goal was to shoot at as much cans as possible. The more you knocked down, the more the prize was bigger.

"You do it, I suck at this type of games," Taylor giggled, still engrossed in her cotton candy.

Karlie stared at her for a moment, before walking towards the stand. "Hi! I would like to play," she smiled at the old man.

He glanced back and forth between them, the baker too busy in devouring the sweet food wrapped around the stick in her hand to notice them.

"Good luck," he winked, handing her a gun. Karlie focused on the cans moving in front of her, before casting a last glance at the woman beside her. Then, with still hands and lips pursed in concentration, she raised the gun and shot. Apparently, she was as skilled as the shooters that were depicted in those action movies she passionately loved, and knocked down almost all of the cans. Taylor cheered beside her, and her exclamations grew even louder when the man handed Karlie a huge teddy bear — her prize.

The veterinarian thanked the man, and as soon as they walked away, Taylor gave her a side hug. "You were _so _great! I'm actually scared of you now," she laughed softly.

Karlie stared at the stuffed animal, before boldly handing it to the other woman. "Here. I won this _for _you."

Taylor looked up at her in what resembled awe and surprise, and squealed. "Really?"

The veterinarian chuckled. "Really," she replied. Even though she had surpassed her thirties, Taylor still looked like a young girl when that bright smile of hers graced her lips. "Do you want me to carry this for you?"

"What? —No! I can do it!" Taylor exclaimed happily, and took the huge teddy bear from Karlie's hands, holding it tightly between her arms. A smug grin matched perfectly the crimson color that was blossoming on her cheeks, and Karlie found the sight rather amusing and adorable.

After that success, they spent the last hours of the afternoon hopping from one ride to another, the happy grins never leaving their faces. The last ride they decided to close their outing with was the panoramic wheel, the highest of New York City. Just as they sat down and began their ascent, Karlie turned towards Taylor with a smirk and asked, "So—were you _really _straight when you were younger or did your friends just want to embarrass you the other night?"

The baker evidently blushed at the sudden and unexpected question. "I told you—I was _confused_! I didn't know what I liked!" she tried to defend herself.

"Okay," Karlie raised her hands in surrender as she let out a carefree chuckle. "I have to admit—I always knew I liked girls. There were never doubts."

Taylor stared at the side of her face at a loss for words. The fact that Karlie had just confirmed her sexuality — with such nonchalance — made her feel slightly anxious but exhilarated at the same time. Her head started spinning with all the _what ifs_; what if Karlie could _possibly_ like her back? What if Karlie _didn't _like her back? What if—

"How many relationships have you had?" the veterinarian interrupted their silence. Now that they were a little far away from the ground, they were completely alone, their legs dangling from their seats.

Taylor looked down and shuddered; she had never been a fan of heights. "I, um—,"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah—just...we're going to be so far away from the ground in a matter of seconds. And it's a little scary. But I'm okay! I swear I'm okay," Taylor chuckled nervously, fiddling with the hands on her lap. Karlie seemed to hesitate, but then she raised her arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her closer. The younger woman then grabbed her trembling hand in her gloved one, and squeezed gently, as if to assure her that everything was going to be okay.

"Just—don't look down. Enjoy the view," Karlie smiled.

They stayed in comfortable silence for a few moments, until they finally reached the top and the wheel halted slowly. The light pink sky was breathtaking from that point, as they basked in the afterglow. The sun had set a few minutes ago, and Taylor couldn't believe that nature was capable of creating such a beautiful view.

"I've had a few relationships. I think I could count them in one hand," Taylor chuckled. "But only one of them was actually meaningful to me. Her name was—Emily," she admitted quietly. As the baker stared at the skyline in front of her, Karlie's arm still wrapped around her, she felt the other woman's gaze burning the side of her head. "We were together for almost two years. I guess that she was special to me because she was experienced, was four years older than me, and loved me for _me_. I had never felt that cared about in a long time," she confessed. Taylor glanced at Karlie, and was momentarily caught off guard when she saw a look of pure understanding and adoration inside the veterinarian's eyes. She took a deep breath then, "Then she just—everything went downhill. She cheated on me, I quit my job, and she suddenly couldn't do it anymore. She was there for me when the relationship was all _sunshine and rainbows_—but when I needed her the most, she wasn't. It was like being with a phantom or something."

"Did she leave you after—," Karlie's voice stuttered. "—after Margaret died?"

Taylor nodded shyly. "I was a mess after that. I just—she didn't want to deal with me, so sleeping with another man was the best way out of our relationship, I guess."

Taylor shrugged, as if the subject of their conversation hadn't particularly hurt her in the past. She felt the long fingers around her shorter ones tighten. It was then that Taylor met Karlie's green eyes. They looked particularly heavenly, reflecting the soft glow coming from the pink sky. "If she left you at the mere prospect of darkness, then she didn't deserve you. You deserve someone that loves you for who you are, yes, but you also deserve someone that after seeing you at your lowest point, loves you in spite of everything. In spite of all the tears, of the screams, of the pain. Relationships can't be just ups. They are a continuous alternating between ups and downs, and you deserve someone that loves you during the downs as much as they love you during the ups."

Taylor stared at her, speechless. She swallowed, eyes involuntarily glancing down at her thin lips. The baker averted her gaze, a small smile playing on her lips. "That was—wow. That was the nicest thing someone has ever said to me."

"It's the truth," Karlie told her softly.

The rest of the ride was spent in relative silence, sometimes broken by a few funny comments coming from the veterinarian, who loved to entertain Taylor by analyzing the people that were under them and waiting to get their turns.

When they got off the panoramic wheel, the sky had turned dark, and it was time for them to go back to the entrance and part their ways; Karlie had surgery in a few hours.

"Well, today was really fun," Taylor commented, as they finally got through the chaotic pathways of the amusement parks. Kids screaming happily and childish songs were playing in the background.

"Yeah," Karlie smiled. "We could do this another time, if you want."

"Absolutely," Taylor agreed. They stood there, one in front of the other, the baker having to tilt her chin upwards in order to properly meet the veterinarian's eyes. "So—I'll see you soon?"

"You bet," Karlie chuckled, kicking a pebble near her boot. "I, uh—I will go now."

"Yeah, sure," Taylor giggled awkwardly. "Thanks for today. And for this big guy," the baker smiled, holding up the stuffed animal.

"No problem."

They stared at each other for a long moment, New York City living around them even though time seemed to stop for the two of them. Then, fearlessly — and just to gauge her reaction — Taylor stepped forward and held her forearms, as she stood on her toes to reach her face. With her heart beating wildly inside her chest, she slowly kissed Karlie's cheek, lips lingering on the cold skin as she closed her eyes to savor the intimate moment. When she stepped away, she saw a brief dazed look cross Karlie's face, before it quickly vanished as the veterinarian lowered her head.

"Um—I...I will see you soon, Taylor," she stuttered, cheeks blushing.

The baker nodded, and as Karlie started walking away, a timid wave of the hand signaling her departure, Taylor exclaimed, "Good luck with your surgery!"

The veterinarian stared at her with a loving smile. "Thank you. See you,"

"Bye!"

And Taylor watched her go, blending in the busy sidewalks of New York City.


	9. it's nice to have a friend ; chapter 8

Taylor grumbled as she straightened the fabric of her white apron and fixed her nametag. The more they neared the end of November, the more this bakery filled with customers. Not that she was against it — the pay was _particularly _great the last time she received her salary — but she was just exhausted. And the fact that Cecilia had just given her some time off this weekend from Thursday to next Monday made Taylor want to finish all of her shifts and enjoy her well-deserved break. She couldn't even remember the last time she had a proper vacation, where her mind wasn't occupied by work or life problems. Inevitably, as she took off her ivory headband, stood with her back against the counter and tiredly hung her head back and closed her eyes, she wondered if Karlie would be up to do something with her. Something that wasn't just an outing that lasted merely a few hours. _God_, she sounded eager. Desperate, even. She didn't want to know what her voice would sound like if she ever proposed a different idea of outing to Karlie. They've been texting back and forth ever since that date — it wasn't really a date, but Taylor liked to think of it in that way — at the amusement park. Taylor still couldn't shake off the tingling feeling she had felt on her lips after she had kissed Karlie's cheek. She still couldn't forget the way the veterinarian looked after her bold action, pure surprise etched on those angelic features of hers.

But Taylor shook her head and sighed; she couldn't just think about that all the time. She would go crazy if she kept replaying that instant where she had kissed her friend's cheek.

The baker then grabbed a grey rag from under the sink and began to clean the counter. She was so tired that she didn't even hear the bell above the entrance ring.

"I hope you haven't closed the shop yet."

Taylor almost jumped out of her skin at the sound of Karlie's teasing and soft voice fill the silence of the bakery. "Jesus!" she exclaimed, placing a hand against her ribcage. "You scared the shit out of me, Kar!" she laughed.

The veterinarian giggled, walked towards the cash register, and placed her hands on top of the counter to slightly lean over it. Taylor blushed as suddenly the other woman was too close for her liking. "Come on—you didn't hear the bell when I walked in?"

"Was lost in my thoughts, sorry," Taylor shrugged, and a smile tugged at her lips when she heard the clear sound of Karlie's laugh. She kept rubbing the rag against the counter, shooing Karlie's hands away when she needed to pass it over that particular spot.

"Well—how are you? How was your day?"

"Do you really want to hear about my day?" Taylor asked with a quiet chuckle.

The veterinarian paused. "I always want to hear about your day, Taylor," she replied softly. The baker couldn't help but shyly meet her gaze, lips slightly parting at the sheer honesty shining through her words.

"Okay, well—," Taylor stuttered, feeling a little flustered. The fact that Karlie was looking at her with such tenderness made it harder for her to get out words or a reasonable sentence. "—well, nothing particularly interesting happened today, so—no drama for today," the veterinarian chuckled.

"Okay," she nodded. "And how are you?"

"Exhausted. Can't wait for my break at the of this week. What about you?"

Karlie widened her eyes and smiled. "I'm great, my day was great," she said hurriedly. "—did you say that you have the weekend free?"

Taylor stopped cleaning the counter and stood a little straighter with her back. "Yeah—," she replied nervously, smiling a little. "—I'm free from Thursday to Monday included."

Karlie grinned broadly at that. "Great! That is—," the veterinarian's smile grew even bigger, and Taylor was temporarily blinded by its brightness. "—_great_."

"You seem a little weird," the baker chuckled teasingly. "What's up?"

"I, uh—," Karlie rubbed the back of her neck, not meeting Taylor's eyes as she proposed quietly, "I was just thinking—since _we _both have a break at the end of this week—would you like to...I don't know—do something spontaneous?"

Karlie was still being too cryptic for Taylor. "What do you mean?" the baker asked with a laugh. As she fixed the trays on the display cabinet, she went on, "Did you have something in mind?"

"Yeah," the veterinarian smiled anxiously. "A road trip."

Taylor paused. "A—road trip?"

"Yeah," Karlie nodded, meeting Taylor's gaze with determination. "A road trip."

The baker stared at her for a long moment. "Well, do you mean—,"

"—I mean, just pack a few things and then drive. Just drive along the coast. We wouldn't book hotels, we would stop at the first hostel, rest for the night, and then just—continue exploring and driving the next day. Would you—," Karlie swallowed. "—would you like to come with me?"

Taylor imagined the both of them in a car, driving their way through the infinite streets that skirted the ocean of the east coast, and it was such a _pleasant _scenario in her head. The idea of being alone with Karlie for _days_, of spending the night in the same room, possibly in the same bed, all sounded like heaven to her. Obviously, she tried to control her excitement as she replied with a bright smile, "Yeah! That would—that actually sounds like a lot of fun," and then added, "I've never done a road trip in my life."

"Oh, well—it's just really beautiful because it's something that doesn't necessarily need a schedule. I like its spontaneity."

Taylor then nodded. "Well, then I guess that it's settled," she shrugged happily. "You and I are going on a road trip this weekend!"

Karlie smiled widely. "I like the sound of that."

Taylor blushed. "Me too."

"Well—is it okay if I come pick you up at eight in the morning this Thursday? If it's too early—,"

"No! It's totally okay! And we should probably leave early in the morning anyway. That way we will see more places."

"You're right."

They spent a few moments there, just gazing at each other and smiling tenderly. The plan for their weekend had sparked a new flicker of excitement inside their chests, and it was clear that both of them were trying to hide how eager they were at the idea of spending more than one day with the other woman.

"I will leave you alone now," Karlie said, stepping back a little. "I guess I'll see you this Thursday?"

Taylor grinned. "You bet,"

The veterinarian then waved timidly at her and walked towards the exit of the bakery. "Alright—see you in two days!"

"See you!"

As soon as Karlie was gone, Taylor squealed happily and scrunched up her nose. Now that she had something to look forward to, she couldn't wait for her break to come.   
  
  
  
  


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At half past seven in the morning of Thursday, Taylor was already sat on her own couch, a single suitcase nearby her as she anxiously awaited Karlie's arrival. Because of the freezing cold temperatures that had decided to hang over New York City, the baker had opted to wear a grey sweater over a long sleeved white tee. The tight faded blue jeans made her muscular thighs stand out more, and she had chosen this pair specifically to impress Karlie. At this point of their friendship, Taylor had stopped asking herself why she always demanded to look good whenever the veterinarian was around. And this resolve was probably going to crumble soon, since she was probably going to be the first thing Karlie will see in the next four mornings.

Thirty minutes passed by quickly, and Taylor stared at each minute go by from the clock on the opposite wall, until she heard a sudden knock at her door and the baker threw herself towards it. Surprisingly, Karlie wasn't late, which was a first.

"Hey!" Taylor exclaimed happily, a sigh of relief coming from her lips.

"You ready?"

The baker winked at her. "I was born ready!"

They shared a quick laugh, and there was no hug between them as Karlie helped Taylor with her suitcase as she eased it down in the trunk of her car. This time, instead of a fancy Porsche, it was an old vintage vehicle Taylor didn't recognize. The smile never left her face as she got inside and settled on the passenger seat. Karlie turned on the engine, and glanced over at her with what could only be defined as a look of pure exhilaration. The veterinarian put on some indie music, perfect for their incoming road trip, and began to drive through the traffic. Only when they escaped from the chaotic city did they start talking.

"Wait—I just remembered—what about your cat? Meredith—where is she? Did you leave her alone?"

"No, dummy," Taylor giggled. "I told Selena to keep an eye on her for me."

Karlie chuckled. "Oh, okay."

"So—where are we headed first?"

"I was thinking that our first stop could be the beach. There are a lot of spacious spaces along the coast, and they're the best. Then—I think we should just keep it simple today. Spend the day at the beach and then look for an hostel."

"Sounds great! I love the beach," Taylor's shoulders shook with laughter.

The ride went smoothly, both of them singing along and shouting lyrics at the top of their lungs once they were in the highway that skirted the coast. Taylor couldn't stop her eyes from getting lost in the view, in the perfection that this trip already was. The roof of the car was open, and the wind in their hair was refreshing, as it carried along the smell of sea salt and sand. The baker closed her eyelids, enjoying the feeling of the newborn sun kissing her delicate skin. She lowered the window, and let her hands grip the door of the vehicle as she leaned outwards. Little did she know, that from time to time, Karlie glanced at her with a timid smile and a soft gaze.

"It feels like we're in one of those '50s movies, you know?" Taylor observed, opening her eyes and finally turning round. The veterinarian looked at her for a moment, before going back to focusing on the lengthy and curvy road. "Windows down, wind in our hair, the sun, the sea. It all feels like a teenage dream."

Karlie hummed in agreement. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel. "I've been on a few road trips, once or twice in my life. But—I just know that this is different. We didn't even stop at our first destination, but I feel like this is already the best road trip I've ever done."

"Really?" Taylor asked, slumping against the leather seat.

"Yeah."

"Well, in that case, let me say that I'm very honored."

They smiled, both of them looking at the road while their imaginations run wild. They spent a few minutes in complete silence, as Taylor had decided to turn off the radio in order to fully immerse in the peacefulness of the drive along the sea. "Oh, wait! I just remembered—," the baker suddenly twisted around, reaching for one of her bags that remained in the backseat. Karlie glanced at her, not really paying attention to what she was looking for as the thought that one mistake coming from her part would make them tumble in the ocean frightened her slightly. And then, Taylor emerged, a victorious smile on her lips as her hands held onto a polaroid camera. Before the veterinarian could react in any way, a flashing light suddenly blinded her temporarily, and a small image came out from the device in the baker's hands.

"Did you just take a photo of me?!" Karlie asked, feeling shy. She blushed as Taylor's loud laugh was the best sound she'd ever heard.

"Of course! I want to remember everything from this road trip," the baker countered.

"That's not fair, I was not ready for that!"

"It doesn't matter. Photographs are beautiful only when you capture a moment that isn't really planned, and this was one of them. I like the simplicity of taking a polaroid," Taylor explained pragmatically, as she gently shook the little image and waited for it to develop. When Karlie finally appeared, a gentle and almost contained smile formed on Taylor's lips.

"Is it good?" Karlie asked, nervously.

"Of course it is. _You _are beautiful," the baker said without hesitation. When she realized what she had just said, she lowered her head in order to cover her blushing cheeks. She hadn't planned to say that out loud.

"Thank you," the veterinarian was glad though that she had voiced her opinion, and kept the grin on her face for the rest of the drive.

When they arrived at their first stop, it was about a little past midday, and both women were hungry. They parked the car along the road, and then proceeded to slide down the hill and reached the deserted beach. They walked towards the shore, and stopped a few feet away from it, the sand underneath their bare feet cold and slightly damp. They had about three hours left of daylight, and they intended to take advantage of each minute and second.

Taylor spread a blanket on the sand, and then ungracefully landed on top of it. Karlie chuckled as she sat down with more calmness. They opened the basket where they had put their lunch, and in silence they started eating their homemade sandwiches. Taylor kept the polaroid hanging from her neck, always ready to capture whatever moment inspired her, and Karlie was now alert at every second.

"When do you want to leave?"

Taylor swallowed part of her apple and then wore a pensive look. "I don't know. I would like to wait for sunset, even though we won't see the sun actually set."

"That's okay. The sky will be pretty anyway,"

The baker nodded and then finished her fruit. "How are your friends?"

Karlie smiled. "They're all good. I think Cara has finally found a girlfriend, one that could actually tame her, you know?"

"That sounds crazy, since she's such a wild soul."

"Yeah. But when she falls in love, though..."

"—I bet that she becomes the best girlfriend in the world, right?"

"She tries to be. She never wants to disappoint anyone."

Taylor nodded, placing the remainder of her apple back inside the basket. Karlie munched on a banana. "What about Jourdan? How's her husband?"

"They're good. I think they're finally planning on their honeymoon."

"They haven't gone yet?" the baker asked incredulously.

"Nope," Karlie laughed. "They were really busy with their work, and they had yet to decide on a destination."

"Yeah, right. Honeymoon is a big thing to think about."

They stayed silent for a moment. Karlie remembered her own honeymoon. She and Margaret had opted for a warm place, and as cliché as it sounded, they had been to Hawaii. She still remembered vividly the sight of her wife in a black bikini, its color complementing perfectly the pigment of her dark skin and her curly hair. The veterinarian voiced her thoughts, and watched a look of pure hesitation form on Taylor's face. They didn't talk much about the accident that had happened four years ago, and the baker was still reluctant whenever Margaret was brought up.

"Do you have photos of that trip?"

Karlie shook her head. "No. I left a lot of the photos I had with Margaret to her mother, after she died."

Taylor nodded and looked ahead of them.

"Are you okay?" the veterinarian asked her, gazing at her profile.

The baker narrowed her eyes. "Yeah. It's just—crazy to think about. I'm still bewildered at how we could have met all those years ago. I'm still surprised at how connected we were even before we had the chance to meet each other."

Karlie bit her lip and stared at a freckle on Taylor's cheek. A nostalgic mood had suddenly casted upon them, and the veterinarian didn't want to spend the rest of the day wallowing in the past and their missed memories. She wanted to live in the moment, spend every second that she had of this road trip laughing, smiling and talking with Taylor. The last time she had felt such a strong connection was with—

"Karlie! Karlie, look how close this seagull is!" the baker exclaimed, sounding as excited as a little kid. She immediately got up, polaroid held between slim fingers. She pointed at the big white bird, its feathers messed by the slight winter breeze. "Give him something to eat so I can take a picture of you and the seagull."

"What?"

"Come on!" Taylor said, impatiently.

"Okay, okay," Karlie laughed, getting up. She carried with her a piece of leftover bread, and tried to hand it as peacefully as possible to the seagull. She then heard the familiar click of the camera, followed by a bright flash and the sound of the polaroid ejecting the image. Taylor squealed happily, and the shrilling noise scared the bird as it flew away.

"Bye, George Washington!" Taylor exclaimed, waving at the seagull which was already high in the sky.

"George Washington?"

"Yeah, it's his name. I decided it now," the baker replied dryly. Karlie laughed noisily and then stood beside Taylor as they waited for the picture to develop. The image, when it finally appeared, was a little blurry, but Karlie realized that what the baker had said before was true. Capturing something unplanned was perfect, and she loved the casualty of the photograph; Karlie's stupid grin, the bread held between her fingers, the slightly blurry wings of the seagull as they had already started opening.

"I love it."

"Me too."

When Taylor looked up, they suddenly found themselves in a _moment_. Their faces were accidentally inches away, and the baker's eyes involuntarily glanced down at Karlie's slightly parted lips. The veterinarian's gentle gaze was held firmly by the other woman, who looked away only when she began to feel her cheeks burn. And just as suddenly as it came, the moment was gone, and vanished into thin air as Taylor awkwardly cleared her throat.

"We should probably start looking for an hostel. Maybe tomorrow we could visit more places."

Karlie swallowed thickly and nodded quickly. _Didn't she want to watch the sunset? _"Yeah, we could do that."

There was a slightly uneasy silence between them as they walked back towards the car. This was a problem that had never occurred to them, and Taylor suddenly wished she had never taken that photo. She had made things awkward, only by standing a few inches away from each other. Who knows what would happen if she ever dared to make a move and perhaps kiss her or confess her feelings to Karlie. Judging from the current situation, as they silently drove their way through highways and curvy roads, a terribly uncomfortable moment would be the only thing to come out of a possibly confession.

The veterinarian, after what felt like ages, finally turned left, entering the parking lot of a dimly lit hostel. Taylor, who had been peacefully sleeping on the passenger seat, jolted awake when the sound of the rumbling engine suddenly vanished and turned into thick silence. When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to look outside the window and see the faint drops of rain falling from the grey sky.

"I stopped here because it was getting too dark. I hope this is okay,"

The baker turned to her. "Yeah, I don't mind," she smiled encouragingly. Karlie returned the smile with a smaller and tight lipped one, and then proceeded to open the door and get out of the car. Taylor sighed, looked outside, and then faced the rain. By chance, neither of them had thought of bringing an umbrella with them, therefore, when they finally succeeded in dragging the luggage inside the foyer of the hostel, they were drenched from head to toe.

The receptionist greeted them with a chirpy voice. "Hello! How can I help you?"

Karlie stepped forward and placed her wet hands against the counter. "Hi. Um—we're looking for a room."

"Yes! Let me check," the lady behind the desk lowered her glasses and then looked at the screen of the computer. Karlie and Taylor shared a look, and the veterinarian hesitantly put a hand on the baker's waist, hoping to give her some sort of comfort. The smaller woman stared at her profile even when she turned around to face the receptionist. However, a frown was ever present on her pouted lips. "Oh, I'm sorry. There's only one room left, but—,"

"—Oh, it's okay. We don't mind," Karlie chuckled kindly.

The lady peered at them, before informing them, "The room has only one _single _bed. Is that okay with you?"

Taylor felt a raindrop trickle down her temple — or was it nervous sweat — and gulped. Two tall women sleeping on a _single _bed? The veterinarian glanced at her for help, but the baker stared at her wordlessly, not rewarding her with any consent nor disagreement. It was up to her.

"Uh—it's okay. We'll make it work."

The receptionist returned to her bubbly self and smiled brightly. "Great! This is the key to room 9. Hope you enjoy your stay!"

Karlie said farewell and then picked their bags, walking towards their shared room. Taylor trailed behind her, not saying a single word. When the veterinarian opened the door, she finally placed the luggage against the pale white wall and let out an exhausted sigh. "You're okay with this, right?"

"Of course I'm okay," Taylor said. "We've slept in the same bed before. Nothing scandalous."

"Well, okay, but—," Karlie paused, looking at her face for a moment, perhaps searching something. Taylor held her gaze steadily. "—Never mind,"

The baker nodded, and then Karlie told her that she would use the bathroom to change into dry clothes and blow dry her hair. Taylor stood there, motionless, in the middle of the room, staring at the single bed as if it was something ominous and threatening. Inspecting it with a closer look, she noticed that it was also short, and the baker couldn't help but realize that they would probably need to cuddle in order to stay both on the mattress and not fall on the ground. A blush already started forming on her cheeks, and she attempted not to overthink the impending night as she changed into a pajama. She run a brush through her hair, and then sat down on the edge of the bed, waiting for Karlie to emerge from the bathroom. When she did, the veterinarian offered her a shy smile and gave her the hair dryer.

Taylor went to the bathroom for a few minutes, before going back to their room feeling warm and cozy. Karlie sported an outfit similar to hers, and held a bag of French fries and burgers in her hand. "Stopped by a fast food while you were sleeping in the car."

Taylor thanked her, and they ate side by side, silently. The baker was still thinking about the intimate moment they've had at the beach, and wondered if she should bring it up or leave her doubts unanswered. The latter seemed the best option at the moment, and when they finished their early dinner, Taylor checked the time.

It was a little past nine. "What should we do now?"

"I think we could go to sleep and have an early start tomorrow. Is that fine by you?"

"Sounds perfect. I don't know about you, but I'm tired," she laughed. The exhaustion from her previous days of work started to finally catch up to her, and she lied down on her back. Karlie hesitantly looked at her frame, before standing up and turning off the lights. She pulled the curtains, and as she crawled inside the bed, beside Taylor, the sound of rustling sheets and incessant rain accompanied her movements.

The baker felt a blush cover her cheeks as they had no choice but to lay on their sides, one of their arms squished between their bodies. Taylor felt incredibly hot, her heart rate was through the roof, and she hoped that Karlie wouldn't notice the ceaseless thumping against her ribcage.

"Are you sure this is okay?" the veterinarian asked quietly. The baker squinted her eyes and immediately spotted the glow of Karlie's green eyes through the dark of the room.

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

The veterinarian widened her gaze. "I warn you, I kick in my sleep," she joked.

"That won't be a problem. If you kick me, I'll kick you back,"

They shared a laugh. The rumbling of a distant thunder startled them, and Karlie's arm accidentally circled Taylor's waist. "I think it's easier if we cuddle," she said with a shaky and breathless giggle. Taylor nodded in agreement, and timidly put her arm around the veterinarian's torso. They shuffled a little bit closer, in order to not feel the sensation of emptiness behind their backs, and the baker's mind went into overdrive when she felt her breath mingle with Karlie's. She couldn't see perfectly, but judging by what she felt with the senses that weren't sight, she _knew _that Karlie was way too close. Taylor's throat was dry, lacking witty words or funny remarks, and she stayed silent, both of them hyper aware that the other was _wide _awake.

"Let's sleep. Otherwise we'll be zombies tomorrow," Karlie teased. Her light hearted joke made Taylor's chest shake with giggles, and the weight on her shoulders more bearable. She snuggled even closer after that, and the arm around her waist tightened. As if she needed any more reasons for her heart to beat so fast, Karlie made the bold move and tangled their legs. It was the most comfortable she's ever been, and she lulled herself to sleep with the help of Karlie's peaceful and calm heartbeat. 


	10. fast car ; chapter 9

When Saturday morning came, Taylor awoke around dawn, with arms tightly wrapped around Karlie's waist and head nestled against the crook of her neck. She guessed that during the night, their bodies had shifted so as to fit perfectly against each other. The veterinarian's chin rested on top of her head, and her fingertips securely held onto the baker's back, handful of the fabric of the pajama between her hands. Taylor moved lazily, calves grazing Karlie's underneath the warm sheets, and as she breathed in deeply, she inhaled the other woman's scent coming directly from her pulse point. It had been a while since she had cuddled someone; the position was just so intimate, so intricate that she didn't even realize how delicate it was until she finally woke up fully. Her blue eyes widened, and she slightly pulled away from Karlie's neck to have a look at her still asleep friend. The veterinarian's sleeping face was as relaxed as ever, thin lips lightly parted, eyes unmoving behind her closed eyelids. Her breath was perfectly in synch with the calming sound of the waves outside, and Taylor momentarily lost herself in staring at Karlie. When she realized that she could wake up at any moment and catch her blatant admiration, Taylor blushed and looked away. She carefully extricated herself from the mess that were their limbs together, and while she made sure that her movements didn't wake Karlie up, she got out of bed as slowly as possible.

The baker stood in the middle of the room, gazing softly at Karlie, who blindly reached out to Taylor's absent body. When she found nothing, she grumbled lightly and cuddled the pillow instead. The baker quietly chuckled at the hilarious sight, and then proceeded with her morning routine; she went to the bathroom, peed, brushed her teeth and got under the shower. The cubicle was a little small for her, and she laughed to herself when she wondered how funny Karlie would look inside of the shower, since she was taller than Taylor. Nevertheless, she finished her shower, blow dried her hair, then went into their room and pulled a new outfit out of her luggage. When she was finally ready for day two of their road trip, she pulled the curtains and let the few weak rays of the sun inside the hostel room. Taylor leaned outside the window, soaking up the view of the morning ocean and letting the light bathe her.

When she heard a light groan behind her, she turned around and smiled when she saw a sleepy Karlie Kloss sit up straight against the headboard, fists furiously rubbing at tired eyes. "Hey," she said softly. "You're awake."

When the veterinarian looked up at her, Taylor was a little caught off guard when she noticed just how breathtaking her eyes looked in the first early hours of the morning. "Yeah," she chuckled, voice still raspy and filled with sleep. "How long have you been awake for?" Karlie asked, throwing the sheets away from her body and standing up. She stretched her long limbs and made a little noise, one that Taylor laughed at. _You're adorable._

"I woke up at around seven. It's almost quarter past eight."

Karlie briskly turned around to face her. "Oh," she said, looking disoriented. "You could have woken me up."

"Nah," Taylor shrugged, looking back outside. She watched a wave crash against the shore, before replying, "You look like someone who really enjoys sleeping."

Karlie laughed. "Well, thanks for letting me sleep, then. I'm going to get ready now," the veterinarian informed her. Taylor hummed, but she heard her friend halt in front of the bathroom. "You okay?" she asked after a while.

The baker faced her and smiled warmly. "Yeah. I've never been better,"

It was the truth, and Karlie smiled shyly. The veterinarian nodded, then opened the door of the bathroom and locked it behind her. For the next half an hour, Taylor listened to the sound of the shower, of the calm ocean, and of the soft singing voice coming from the other room. The sky lacked grey clouds today, and Taylor was glad for the nice weather. She had been a little preoccupied the night before, when it was pouring rain and it seemed that it didn't want to stop anytime soon. Either way, no threatening storms were in sight, and Taylor hoped that the day ahead of them looked as bright as the sun hanging above the hostel.

When Karlie finally emerged from the bathroom, she was dressed with a grey flannel and ripped jeans. Taylor momentarily stopped to admire her outfit, and she cleared her throat when she felt it go dry. "You ready?" she asked.

Karlie nodded, and together, silently, they packed their things and then exited the hostel. And once again, in minutes, they were on the road, this time with Taylor behind the steering wheel. Karlie, on the passenger seat, analyzed a map, recommending which spots they should visit during their second day. The pair agreed on going to a park, and Taylor drove for a couple hours before turning left, entering the parking lot. There were a few cars, and the baker felt herself let out a sigh of relief. She didn't know why she was so desperate to be left alone with the other woman as much as possible.

"This is going to be so much fun," Karlie grinned from ear to ear, exiting the vehicle and opening the doors to the backseat. She picked her digital camera, handing Taylor her polaroid one, and since they weren't sure it was going to be a sunny day for the remaining hours of the day, they brought two sweatshirts with them. The veterinarian slipped on her back the rucksack with their lunch in it — a few sandwiches they had bought along the way — and then told Taylor she was ready to go. The park they had decided to venture in was a rather big one; and standing in front of its map, they randomly picked an easy path to follow, one that would eventually lead them to a lake. The hike would probably take up all of their second day, but neither of them minded. They were just really glad they could spend some time with each other.

"So," Karlie began once they started their walk. They were already surrounded by an expansion of high trees, but from where they were, the highway was still visible. "What are your plans for Christmas?"

They walked side by side, Taylor briefly glancing at her before keeping on admiring their surroundings. The birds were chirping, the wind moving the branches of the tree left in the air the faint smell of wood, which perfectly mingled with the petrichor from the night before. "I'm working until the twentieth of December, then I have a little Christmas break until the twenty-seventh. I don't know—I was thinking of spending Christmas with my friends if they're available, since, you know—I have no parents to visit."

Taylor awkwardly chuckled, and Karlie mentally slapped herself for bringing this up. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't want to—,"

"It's okay," she shrugged. "What about you? Got any plans?"

"Nope," Karlie smiled bashfully.

Taylor crossed a large trunk that was in the way, then mumbled, "Well, we can spend it together. If you want."

The veterinarian blushed. "Sure," she smiled broadly.

"And maybe you can help me with setting my Christmas tree up. I still have to do that," Taylor chuckled.

"Yeah, I don't mind," Karlie replied. "When I was little, I used to get so excited over setting up a Christmas tree. It's my favorite thing to do."

"Really?"

"Yeah! It's just so fun. I put on a Santa hat, some Christmas music, then I set up the tree."

Taylor giggled. "I used to stop setting up Christmas trees when Meredith came into my life. She loved destroying it and playing with the decorations,"

"What an evil cat. I love her,"

They made more small talk, until they decided to enjoy the quiet silence around them. They took pictures of each other, together, and of the forest alone. Karlie loved the way they looked so good together on the display of her digital camera; she tried to hide her grin when she caught sight of a particularly good looking picture, which depicted them with their arms wrapped around each other and a huge smile splitting their faces.

At two in the afternoon, they reached the lake, and they stopped at the side of the pathway, setting down the rucksack and settling against a particularly large rock. Karlie handed Taylor her lunch, and silently they ate their sandwiches side by side. The baker, who finished first, took some pictures of the clear blue water of the lake, then sneakily photographed Karlie while she took a huge bite of her sandwich.

"Hey!" the veterinarian exclaimed once she noticed the camera trained on her. She swallowed, then laughed embarrassedly. Taylor couldn't help but let out an extremely loud giggle. "I was eating!" Karlie whined.

"You should have seen your face, though. It was priceless, I couldn't not capture it," Taylor reasoned.

"You're a jerk," Karlie mumbled, finishing her sandwich and putting the dirty handkerchief in one of the pockets of the rucksack.

"Shut up, you love me."

When they both realized the magnitude of what Taylor had teasingly said, they both shut their mouths and blushed deeply. The baker busied herself in taking other photographs, hiding behind the device instead of facing the veterinarian, who was still thinking about how true Taylor's statement had sounded. They had never said those three words to each other. Still, saying them out loud, even in a completely platonic way, sounded strange, wrong even.

The baker moved away from the veterinarian, who was still pondering over her words, and took some other pictures. The truth was, she didn't want to stay close to Karlie, for fear of what the other woman might say to her. Therefore, she did the only thing that seemed logical to her in that moment; she put distance between them, and instead focused on the nature surrounding them. Taylor paid particular attention to the way the birds chirped, their songs flying from one tree to the other as they chased one another. She concentrated on the way the leaves fell to the ground, how they floated gently in the air and then gracefully landed on the blue surface of the lake. She then kneeled beside a flower, and observed how an insignificant, tiny ant dragged a crumb that seemed bigger than it towards its nest. Taylor took a picture of the white flower, and then looked ahead, at how the forest seemed to go on forever.

Karlie, from a distance, watched her carefully. She watched her loose herself in the little details of the world, and placed all of her weight against the broad and giant rock, leaning the back of her head against it. She didn't want to intrude her; somehow, whenever they tried to talk about feelings or deeper things like love, a tangible tension would always create between them, and no matter the situation, Karlie never knew how to handle the other woman, always fearing the worst. Therefore, she left Taylor some space, and instead took advantage of this and admired her from afar. She watched her take pictures of flowers, of the birds that dared to come closer, of the lake. When Taylor was finally satisfied with what she had, she turned towards Karlie, ten feet separating them, and met her gaze. The veterinarian blushed, but she was sure that the distance between them prevented Taylor from seeing the deep color of her cheeks. The baker was leaning against the railway that surrounded the lake, polaroid camera hanging on her chest, and Karlie smiled at her. Taylor's blonde hair flies softly around her face as the gentle winter breeze runs between them like an excited kid, and the baker couldn't help but tuck the stray strands behind her ears. It was then, when Taylor finally smiled back, that for the first time, Karlie wished things could be different between them. It was then, that for the first time, she wanted to kiss her best friend.   
  
  
  
  


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Their third day was spent inside a motel. Once again, the weather was not on their side, and when Karlie woke up after Taylor on Sunday morning, the baker sadly announced that outside it was raining heavily. The veterinarian sighed and dramatically fell down on the mattress. Taylor sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at her friend.

"What are we going to do?" she asked with a sympathetic smile.

"I don't know," Karlie closed her eyes and sighed in frustration. "I just know that God must hate me. I can't believe that your first road trip is ruined by horrible weather,"

"It's okay," Taylor laughed quietly, briefly glancing outside the window. She was a little sad that they couldn't explore more of the east coast today, but they had had a wonderful Saturday, and that was all that mattered to her. Even staying stuck inside a motel room with Karlie was enough for her. "Let's just—I don't know. Relax. We can play some games together later."

The veterinarian placed her weight against her elbows and looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Like what?" she chuckled.

Taylor blushed. "Um—20 questions? Truth or dare? Never have I ever?" she proposed.

Karlie stared at her with a funny expressions. Her lips twitched upwards and a genuine smile broke through. "Okay, you win. But—can we do that later? Maybe we can just sleep in, eat something, then play together this afternoon."

"Yeah, sure,"

Taylor got up and closed the curtains. She went to the bathroom and made sure that the windows were all shut, then went back to the main room and hesitated. Like the first night, they had found nothing but a room with just a single bed. Not that she was complaining; she loved sleeping beside her best friend. But it was starting to get harder and harder, pushing back her growing feelings for the other woman. And cuddling certainly wasn't going to let them go away.

"Tay? You okay?"

Taylor realized that she had been awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, staring blankly at the little empty spot beside Karlie, and blushed. "Yeah," she chuckled. "Let me just turn off the lights."

When the room was shrouded in faint darkness, the only light coming from the grey sky outside, Taylor finally got under the covers and shifted closer to the other woman. Karlie smiled sheepishly at her, and the situation suddenly got awkward when she accidentally grazed Taylor's chest as she pulled the covers over their shoulders. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"It's okay," the baker giggled.

Karlie stared softly at her face for a moment, before quietly saying, "Sleep tight,"

"You too," Taylor smiled.

But she didn't close her eyes like Karlie did. She stayed with her eyes open for a little while, admiring the way the veterinarian's facial muscles twitched as she soon fell into a deep slumber. The sound of the rain hitting the roof and the window panes kept her company for a while, and despite her best attempts, she couldn't fall back asleep. It was an impossible task, and she couldn't stop focusing on the warmth radiating off of the hands lightly placed on her waist. Or the way Karlie's hot breath hit her forehead as her lips parted slightly. Taylor kept watching her, never getting tired of seeing the veterinarian's face so up close, and she drank in every detail; from her fluttering eyelashes, to the faint freckles decorating both her cheeks and nose as if they were stars lighting up the night sky. The baker was sure that Karlie was unconscious, and that she wouldn't wake up anytime soon; she was an aggressive sleeper, after all. And that same feeling of certainty let her reach up and trace her fingertips along the skin of Karlie's face, from the hairline of her temple to the slope of her cheekbone. She stared at the slow movement of her finger, as it glided up and down Karlie's face. Taylor shuffled a little closer and dared to lean her head forward, her nose briefly touching the veterinarian's. The minimal, fleeting contact between their faces made her heart quicken and her eyes close for a moment; it was incredibly risky, because she couldn't explain their proximity to Karlie if she suddenly woke up.

With slight reluctance, she put distance between them and instead rested her head under her chin, inhaling deeply and shakily. If just their noses brushing got her so out of breath, she would never imagine herself surviving if they ever kissed.

Taylor didn't know when she finally fell asleep, between her racing heartbeat and the millions of thoughts running inside her head, but when she opened her eyes once again, she was rather surprised to find the other side of the bed empty. The baker quickly jolted up, dazed.

"Hey! Good morning—or should I say, good _afternoon,_"

Karlie's soft laugh made her turn around. The veterinarian was sitting on the couch, a bowl of salad between her hands. "Hi," Taylor whispered, voice thick with sleep. She sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"They have room service here—do you want something to eat? It's almost two,"

"Yeah—could you order a salad for me too? I need a shower," she replied. Karlie watched her as she got up from bed and went to the bathroom.

"Sure," her friend replied, before calling room service.

Under the hot spray of water coming from the nozzle above her, she thought about her friendship with Karlie. It was rather preoccupying how her feelings were quickly haunting every inch of her being. And it was rather concerning how they were so successful in changing her mood for the worse. The day before, she had felt on top of the world, euphoric with Karlie by her side. But then she had made that stupid joke, and the air between them had shifted towards something awkward. And today, the weather seemed to perfectly mirror what she felt. It was easy to pretend that she didn't love Karlie like that; but it was impossible not to want something more. It felt like winning, but at the same time she felt like a complete loser. And then, there was Margaret. The fact that Karlie still wore her wedding band every day. The fact that she still held onto the memories that they had together, as if she wasn't ready to let her go yet. And Taylor would never compare to Margaret. She had met her, years ago. She was incomparable, unique; no wonder Karlie had fallen in love with her. Maybe a part of the veterinarian still loved her. Maybe she had moved on completely and there was a chance that she could reciprocate Taylor's feelings. Or maybe she had fully given up on love, deciding that living alone was the best option to deal with less pain possible.

This train of thought led Taylor to an emotional state, and soon tears mingled with the water drops. The salty taste of her sadness soon met her tongue and the baker tilted her head upwards, closing her eyes as she just let herself weep. She often cried in the shower; often times, it was the only place where she truly felt vulnerable and where she let herself go completely. But this time it was different. No matter what she tried; she couldn't stop.

Taylor covered her eyes with her fists and breathed in sharply. Maybe going on this road trip with Karlie had been a mistake. Maybe this whole friendship with Karlie was a mistake. But either way, if all of this, if falling in love with Karlie and getting closer to the other woman had been all a mistake, then it was the best mistake she had ever made.

"Taylor? Are you okay?"

Karlie's voice was muffled as it got through the closed door of the bathroom and reached the baker's ears. Taylor sniffled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She cleared her throat, and hoping not to sound emotional, she replied, "Yeah, why?"

"It's been a while since you've been in the shower. I don't know—I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

The baker bit her lip as a fresh wave of tears stung her blue eyes. "I'm okay. Don't worry," she yelled. She swallowed thickly, swallowed whatever emotion prevented her from having a great day with Karlie, and then turned off the water, wrapped a towel around her naked body and got out of the cubicle. Taylor dressed quickly in comfortable clothes. She took a deep breath, gripped the door handle, and then stepped inside the main room. Karlie was now lying on the bed, the television playing softly on the background. As soon as she noticed Taylor's presence, she turned the device off and gave the blonde her complete attention.

"Your salad has arrived."

The veterinarian watched her as Taylor gingerly walked towards the little table. The baker felt her eyes for the whole time, and her hands trembled as she dived her fork in her lunch. She decided to sit as far away from her friend as possible, and settled on the couch with a pensive frown on her face. She knew that Karlie knew something was wrong; she just hoped that Karlie wouldn't dare to ask her _what_ actually was wrong.

"Hey, by the way—it has stopped raining. Although it's still a little bit cloudy and it could start again at any moment,"

Taylor looked up at her and nodded. "You want to go out?"

Karlie still seemed skeptical. She took her time with her answers, she never averted her eyes and held Taylor's gaze firmly, as if checking if she really was alright. "It's up to you. I don't mind. We can stay here if you want."

The baker nodded. "But today is basically our last day. Tomorrow we have to go back—didn't you say you had work tomorrow night?"

"My colleague can cover for me."

"What—no, you shouldn't skip work for me,"

"Well—," Karlie got up and sat down beside the baker. Taylor tensed up as their knees brushed. "—I can do that, really. We can relax today and have some more fun tomorrow."

"No, let's just—," Taylor paused. "—let's go for a stroll today. Then we'll leave tomorrow after lunch. Is that okay with you?"

Karlie smiled. "Fine by me."  
  
  
  
  


-  
  
  
  
  


Taylor's thoughts left her alone for the rest of the road trip, and she managed to have a great time with Karlie, the latter not suspecting anything. The walk they took on Sunday afternoon had cleared her mind, and the more they sauntered up the hills that run along the coast, the more she felt weightless, a new sense of peacefulness and quietness hanging on her shoulders. Karlie must have noticed, because even her smile came easier and was less guarded. They had talked about everything and nothing, their giggles echoing around and following them everywhere they went.

Taylor was actually crestfallen on Monday, when they got inside their car and drove back to New York. The night before they had finally found a room with two single beds, and that was a first for the two women who, for the very first time in their friendship, slept in two different mattresses and didn't hold onto each other throughout the night. Either way, they had stayed up late, playing 20 questions at the beach and drinking wine as if they were still teenagers who were discovering the beauty of life.

And now, on the way home, Taylor felt herself get lost in her own thoughts, hands on the steering wheel and eyes on the road. Soft '80s music was playing on the radio, and Karlie, sometime during the second hour of the drive back, had fallen asleep with her head tilted sideways and resting against the grey seatbelt. She looked incredibly serene and content, the hint of a smile softly upturning the corners of her lips. Briefly glancing at her, Taylor wondered if she were dreaming of happy things; of high mountains and snow crunching beneath her boots. The baker wished she could take a picture of her with her polaroid camera, and tuck the adorable photograph in a fold of her wallet, so she could bring her with her wherever she went.

New York City started to appear in front of them at around five p.m., when the sun was setting and was casting a soft orange and red glow on the top of the skyscrapers. Taylor was a little drowsy, having slept little hours the night before, and the sight of an unconscious Karlie surely wasn't helping. Either way, she managed to get inside the Big Apple one hour and a half later, and the sound of evening traffic woke the veterinarian up. Karlie stretched her arms above her head and yawned.

"Look who's awake," Taylor joked with a smirk. The younger woman laughed, but a hoarse and raspy sound was all that came out from her.

"You drove all the way to New York City?"

"Yep," Taylor smiled.

"But—you drove for more than four hours? You could have woken me up!"

"Nah, it's okay. You were sleeping soundly and I didn't want to disturb you," Taylor grinned, glancing at her with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Well, next time you have to wake me up. For what I can remember, you didn't get a lot of sleep last night,"

"And whose fault is that?"

Karlie groaned and sank deeper in her seat. "You're mean,"

"You asked for it. I didn't say anything," Taylor laughed loudly. "Hey—by the way, do you need me to take you to your clinic? We can drop your bags at your apartment and then go directly to your work place."

The veterinarian pursed her lips, deep in thought. "No," a smirk lit up her face. "Do you seriously forgot that this is my car?"

The baker blushed deeply and held back a laugh. "Oops,"

Karlie let out a loud giggle and said, "Let's just—go to my place so that I can drop my things there. Then, I will take you home, and then I will go directly to work. What do you say?"

"Alright,"

Taylor drove through New York City, and now that Karlie was awake, she made sure to make small talk in order to stay awake and not accidentally fall asleep while driving. They made plans to see each other before Christmas, so that Karlie could help Taylor with setting up the tree and all the other decorations in her apartment.

When Taylor reached Karlie's West Village apartment, she stopped her car on the side of the road and helped the veterinarian take her things inside her place. When that was done, Karlie was the one to settle behind the steering wheel, and the baker almost fell asleep on the drive to her apartment; with the soft music coming from the radio, the noise of New York City, the dim Christmas lights outside. It all felt cozy, but she managed not to fall asleep as her building finally came into view.

"Here we are,"

Karlie took her luggage up to her apartment, and once everything was settled — they would see each other again very soon — the veterinarian hesitated by Taylor's threshold.

"So," she began with a little smile. "What do you think about your first road trip?"

"It was amazing. But I think that was because _you _were with me." Taylor dared to say.

She saw a blush color the veterinarian's cheeks, and she mentally patted herself on the back. "Well, thank you, then. You know that we can do this another time, I don't mind," she smiled. Taylor nodded, and then they simultaneously leaned in to embrace each other. The baker breathed in her sweet scent, knowing that she wouldn't get to smell it until the next time they saw each other, and held onto her shoulders tightly.

"Thank you for this," Taylor said quietly as they parted. Karlie rubbed her hands along her forearms, and squeezed her shoulders. "I really had a lot of fun."

"Me too," the veterinarian admitted with a shy smile. "Well—I have to go now, but I'll see you soon. For the Christmas tree, alright?"

"Yes," Taylor smiled broadly.

Karlie then nodded, took a few steps back, and then waved goodbye. "Don't forget to send me all the pictures! Bye!"

"Okay! See you!"

Taylor watched her enter the elevator and waited until its doors were closed, before closing her own.


	11. all i want for christmas is you ; chapter 10

Taylor was incredibly on edge as she patiently awaited Karlie's arrival. Wearing a bulky wool green Christmas sweater, a terribly corny Santa hat and comfortable red sweatpants, she killed the time by disinterestedly watching her cat Meredith assault one of her toys with her sharp claws. The baker fiddled with the laces of her pants, and exhaling deeply, she averted her gaze and looked up at the far more interesting grey ceiling of her living room. The ominous, naked pine tree stood in the corner, right beside her black and lustrous piano. The veterinarian had assured her days before that she herself would have taken care of buying decorations, as long as Taylor got the tree. Despite all the doubts and questions she had asked herself during the hunt — the baker had visited a Christmas tree farm, as suggested by Karlie — Taylor still found the perfect Christmas tree for her modest New York apartment.

The baker sighed dramatically, and just as she was about to check the time on the display of her electronic device, a knock sounded at her front door. Taylor got up with the speed of a lightening, and practically run towards the threshold. Karlie stood on the other side, with her usual beaming smile and unwieldy shopping bags held in both of her hands. She was dressed in a similar attire to Taylor's: under the trench coat and the adorable grey beanie, hid a red Christmas sweater and soft white sweatpants.

"Hey! Come in!"

Karlie muttered a quick thanks to the older woman, as the baker stood to the side and let her in. The veterinarian made a beeline for the living room with the intention of already getting down to business, and deposited the bags on the small coffee table. Meredith approached her almost immediately, and Karlie kneeled by the sofa so as to pet the welcoming cat.

"You're the only one she loves so much," Taylor grumbled as soon as she witnessed the lovely reunion.

"Oh, come on," Karlie smiled, getting up and walking towards the pouting woman. "Don't be jealous," she teased, encasing Taylor in a tight and breathtaking hug. The baker's frown immediately vanished, and she inhaled the sweet scent that she had terribly missed during the last few weeks. They hadn't managed to hang out before the twentieth of December, and the fact alone made the grip around Karlie's back tighten.

"Hm, I missed you," the comment slipped out before she could stop it.

"I missed you, too," Karlie replied, and hearing the smile in her voice made Taylor blush even more than before. They parted far too soon for the baker's liking, but then the veterinarian clasped her hands together and grinned down at her. "So," she began. "You ready to set the best Christmas tree of all time?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Taylor giggled.

"Come on. Let me show you what I bought,"

They momentarily sat down on the couch, one beside the other, and for almost twenty minutes Karlie described every detail of each decoration she had so devotedly bought. The veterinarian liked talking about everything related to Christmas, and Taylor loved listening to her, no matter what she talked about.

"So, I was thinking," the veterinarian suddenly stood up. "We should start with the decorations around the apartment. Maybe—we could put some lights on the railing of the stairs?"

"Yeah, sure. Let's do this," Taylor smiled excitedly, Karlie's own happiness and enthusiasm contagious. Karlie handed her a roll of led Christmas lights, and together they wrapped the thread around the railing. After many uncontained laughs and jokes, they managed to succeed in their task without Meredith coming in the way.

"I hope she won't play with it," the baker stated, observing the alternating rhythms of the lights. She decided that she liked how it had turned out; maybe Karlie wasn't so bad at decorating, and maybe she wasn't overestimating herself when she had said it to her a few weeks ago during their road trip.

"I like it," Karlie commented, taking everything in. "What do you think?"

"Eh, could have been better," Taylor joked, earning a playful shove from Karlie. "Just joking. I love it."

"Alright. I think we should do the tree last. That will probably take a while since I saw that you've bought a big one."

"Yeah, fine by me. What should we do now?"

"Hm—," Karlie put on a pensive frown. Taylor looked up at her and waited for a response. "—you're a baker. I'm starving. In conclusion, we should probably bake some Christmas cookies and put on some Michael Bublé. Just to get in the mood."

Taylor stared at her for a quiet moment, before bursting out laughing. She quickly covered her mouth with a hand and tried to take it down a notch, since Karlie was looking at her, feigning seriousness.

"I'm serious," Karlie said, attempting to sound as much credible as possible, but her voice shook with giggles.

"Oh, yes. _You _are serious,"

The veterinarian laughed and then placed a hand on Taylor's shoulder. "Come on. I really want to eat your cookies," Taylor furiously blushed at the ambiguity of the statement. "Okay, that sounded really weird," Karlie chuckled nervously, scraping the back of her neck. "But seriously. I'm hungry. You can bake, and I can arrange some decorations in your living room. Then, together, we can set up the tree. What do you think?"

After recovering from her previous words, and getting rid of _very _inappropriate images of her and Karlie together, she coughed, cleared her throat and agreed to her plan. "Alright. You convinced me. Which type of cookies do you want?"

"Hm...I want—oh, can you make chocolate chip ones? Or you can just make normal ones and put frost over them."

"Alright. It's settled then," she smiled. "It won't probably take a while since I've been preparing Christmas cookies for, like, the past fifteen days."

As she headed towards the kitchen, she heard Karlie's lively laugh echo around the hall until the veterinarian reached the living room. As Taylor put all the ingredients she needed on the kitchen island, she heard soft Christmas music begin to play from the chamber Karlie was in, followed by the veterinarian's terribly off key singing voice. The baker instantly smiled from ear to ear, heart swelling at how domestic they already seemed to be after barely three months of friendship. It took Taylor exactly twenty minutes to prepare the short crust pastry and create about twenty cookies in the shape of Christmas motifs; from smiling and joyful reindeers and tiny elves, to Santa faces and jingle bells. They were all colorful and bright and shiny, and she was sure that Karlie was going to love them. Taylor put the first batch inside the oven, and waited five minutes. In the meantime, she fixed the slight mess she had created in the kitchen and listened to Karlie as she basically _screamed _the lyrics to Ariana Grande's Santa Tell Me at the top of her lungs. As the baker cleaned the countertop with a wet rag, she sang along, her voice often times interrupted by Karlie's attempts at reaching the high notes that the singer perfectly reached. When the alarm went off, she extracted the batch from the oven and put in the last one. Taylor carefully placed each cookie in a big plate, and put on the frost Karlie had so eagerly requested.

She felt incredibly giddy as she thought about their day ahead, which was going to be full of Christmas decorations, cookies, and films watched from Netflix.

When she brought the cookies to the living room, Karlie squealed happily as she run towards her. "Yay! They look so good, Tay!"

Taylor blushed and gently placed the plate on the coffee table. "Thanks. I hope they taste just as good," she suddenly sounded shy, and she didn't know why she was so nervous for this. Karlie had already eaten something made by her; the veterinarian had bought sweets from her bakery in more than one occasion.

Karlie picked a Santa hat cookie, and brought it to her lips. As she slowly munched on the biscuit, Taylor observed her face as she patiently awaited her feedback. "So? Is it good?"

The veterinarian let out a low moan, which sounded a lot like a sound of approval, but made Taylor's mind wander to places where it shouldn't totally, absolutely go. "Hm," Karlie licked the frost that stained her bottom lip and swallowed the last of her cookie. "This is like experiencing an orgasm. Literally,"

The baker blushed. "Well, I take that as a compliment."

"It totally is a compliment!" Karlie exclaimed, picking another cookie and immediately starting to bite into it. "Hm—by the way, I just finished with the decorations for the living room. What do you think?"

When Taylor finally stopped admiring Karlie's face and the way her jaw clenched as she chewed her cookie, she directed her attention to their surroundings and was left speechless at how festive and cozy her living room now looked. There were silver and golden festoons on the shelf above her fireplace, where a crackling flame now filled the entire chamber with warmth. The other shelves had Christmas lights instead, ranging from red, blue, yellow and green lights. It was all incredibly perfect, all thought out in advance, and she blushed as she noticed that Karlie had even put a mistletoe above the door that connected the living room with the hall that led upstairs. She didn't have enough time to ponder on the implications of that specific decoration, because then the veterinarian was dragging her towards the tree.

Just as Mariah Carey's infamous Christmas song _All I want for Christmas is you _began and made the stereo slightly shake with the force of its bass, Karlie smiled down at her and put on reindeer antlers on her head. "And now, last but not least, the tree!" she exclaimed, introducing the pine as if it were a real person.

Taylor laughed at Karlie's goofiness and Christmas spirit, and then fixed the Santa hat that was on her own head. "What should I do?"

"Here, take this ladder and begin to put the first decorations. I bought little bells and colorful balls—hope you like them."

The decorations she was handed over were incredible, to say the least, and as Taylor ascended the ladder to reach the top of the pine, she gripped the sides as she looked down. _Damn_, her terrible fear of heights.

"Don't worry, I got you," Karlie said reassuringly, noticing how tense Taylor's smile had become. How she was able to spot every single change in her mood, the baker still didn't know how that was possible.

As Taylor nodded and began to put the end of the branches into the laces of the decorations so as to hang them, the alarm for the second batch of cookies sounded from the kitchen. "Can you—,"

"I will get it," Karlie finished with a smile, abandoning Taylor's side for a short amount of time. The baker managed to hang at least ten decorations while the veterinarian was gone, but as soon as the taller woman came back, fate decided that that was the best moment to let Taylor lose her balance and fall from the ladder.

It all happened in slow motion; the ball made of glass slipping from her hands, followed by the shrilling sound of it breaking as it reached the ground, and Taylor's little yelp as she attempted to hold onto whatever was near her. For a brief moment, the dramatic and worst-case scenario part of her brain told her that she was going to die or at the very least break a bone or two. But even though fate had been the one to made her lose her balance and fall from the ladder, destiny had also chosen to put Karlie in the right place at the right time.

And so, in less than five seconds, instead of collapsing on the ground and staining her wooden floor with blood, she fell into Karlie's arms, and everything fell right into place.

Taylor held her breath, waiting for the inevitable death to come, but when she opened her eyes, she was greeted with the sight of a bewildered and wide eyed Karlie.

"Oh, God, are _you _okay?"

Taylor was still too shaken and frightened to properly let out a verbal response, therefore she just nodded and hoped it was enough for Karlie. Karlie, who was still holding her bridal style. Karlie, whose hands were tightly gripping her thighs and tense back. Karlie, whose face was a little bit _too _close to hers. The veterinarian's eyes roamed all over her face, perhaps looking for any injuries, but when she made sure that there were none, she slowly set her down.

"God, you scared the shit out of me," Karlie shakily giggled.

Taylor's Santa hat managed to stay in place, and the baker let out a strangled breath. "I really thought I was going to die," she said dryly.

"I have to admit that I had similar thoughts when I stepped in the room and saw you _literally _in the air,"

They shared a laugh, one of relief, and then went back to their ministrations. To finish the Christmas tree, with lights and festoons and decorations, it took them almost an hour and a half. When the ladder was out of the way, Taylor and Karlie stood beside each other, in front of the now not so ominous tree, and stared at their excellent work they've done together. They both rested their fists on their hips, exhaling deeply.

"Well, considering I almost died to make this today, I think it turned out pretty great."

Karlie giggled by her side and bumped their elbows together. "Yeah. It makes your living room all the more cozy and warm and colorful."

"I agree."

When all is said and done, and the chamber didn't look like a grenade had exploded in it anymore, they sat down on the sofa and let out a loud sigh. Taylor turned her head sideways and briefly stared at Karlie's gorgeous features; from her cute freckles to her long eyelashes, she looked incredibly beautiful at the moment. And the dorky outfit they both sported made the situation even better.

"What do you say about Netflix and chill?" Karlie innocently proposed, taking the remote from the coffee table and then proceeding to rest her long legs on Taylor's lap. It seemed that she had already taken the decision.

"Alright. Oh—put on one of those funny Christmas comedies!"

Karlie giggled and as she skimmed through the various films in the comedy section of Netflix, she quietly whispered, "You're so cute,"

Taylor said nothing, pretending that she didn't hear it, but the deep blush on her puffy cheeks told Karlie everything she needed to know; she had heard her loud and clear, and she had also _really _appreciated the comment.

They spent the rest of their night on the couch, watching movies and sometimes pausing them in order to actually have a conversation about an interesting topic that they had encountered on the films. Along the way, they managed to shift closer, and ended up cuddling instead of sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Their night ended with Taylor's head resting gently on Karlie's shoulder, and the veterinarian's arm wrapped tightly around the baker's back. Taylor had fallen asleep around midnight, and Karlie had noticed only when she realized that she still needed to go to work the morning after.

"Tay—wake up. I need to go home," she giggled when all she received was a sleepy mumble from the baker. Taylor cuddled closer to her, wrapping an arm of her own around Karlie's torso, effectively trapping her in. "Tay,"

Taylor finally woke up, eyes hazy and a lost look dancing within them, making the older woman look funny. The Santa hat now dangled to the side, and Karlie fixed it for her with a small grin on her lips.

"Hey," she gently shook her shoulders. "I have to go. I have my last day of work tomorrow,"

Taylor seemed to finally come to her senses at that, and she quickly stood up. "Sorry I fell asleep,"

"It's okay. You decorated your house. You almost died. You had a long day today,"

The baker quickly giggled, and the sound was hoarse and thick with sleep. For a brief moment, they stared at each other, simply having nothing to say and preferring silence over the useless sound of words. Taylor stood in front of Karlie and the veterinarian looked up at her from her sitting position. But then Meredith meowed at her feet, and their intimate moment was ruined.

"I think she wants to go to sleep," Karlie said, now standing up as well. Taylor only hummed and picked up the animal to cradle it in her arms. They walked slowly towards the front door, and there, after Karlie had put on her trench coat and her beanie, they stepped forward and hugged each other tightly. "Thank you for today. I had a lot of fun today,"

"Me too," Karlie mumbled against her ear. Taylor shivered and squeezed her gently.

When they parted, Taylor opened the door for her. "I will see you soon, right? Maybe we can spend Christmas together. Selena, Abigail and her husband are coming over for Christmas day. If you want, you can join us. _I _wouldn't mind,"

"Yeah," Karlie smiled. "That sounds like a plan. I will tell you tomorrow, alright?"

"Yes, sure,"

Unable to stop themselves, they shared another friendly and shorter hug, before they finally said their quiet goodbyes and parted ways.  
  
  


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"Matt, stop petting Meredith and come help us!"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming in a moment!"

Abigail muttered unintelligible words under her breath, and Taylor giggled. "You two look like you've been married for ages and not just—_what_, it's been, like, almost three months?"

"I'll take that as a compliment. And yes, by the way. It's almost three months since I've married this idiot," the redhead raised her voice, not so subtly staring at her husband as he entered the kitchen. They all shared a laugh, as Taylor finished preparing her succulent homemade lasagna.

"Is Karlie still coming?" Selena asked, setting down the five glasses in front of each empty ceramic plate.

"Yes. She's just running late," Taylor replied, focusing her attention on the food instead of the three pair of eyes staring back at her with inquisitive gazes. Selena cleared her throat, and she made the mistake to glance at her for a brief moment. The nurse had a smirk dancing on her lips, one that was painfully similar to Abigail's, and Taylor knew what was coming before they even had the chance to speak.

"So," Selena spoke first.

"Karlie, uh?" the redhead finished for her.

The baker blushed furiously and blamed the steam coming from the oven. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Me neither," Matt muttered, plopping down on one of the chairs. Abigail sent him a glare, and then went back to Taylor.

"You know what we're talking about," Selena laughed.

"Come on, tell us what she's like."

"I've already told you, guys," Taylor sighed. Once she was satisfied with her work, she pulled the lasagna out of the oven and placed it on the burner. "Come on, sit down. Dinner's ready."

"Give us at least some other details. Before she arrives. Please?"

"You know everything already. What more do you want to know?"

"Are you going to ask her out soon?"

Taylor sat down in front of Abigail and wore a deep frown on her face. "Let's just—let's eat," but then she realized how wrong it was, because Karlie hadn't arrived yet. Her cheeks turned red at the realization, and Selena almost choked on her wine when she noticed Taylor's conflicted expression.

"So?" Abigail prodded, waiting for an answer still.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, please—you know you want to."

"I just—I don't think I should make a move. She's obviously still hung up on her dead wife, so what am I going to do? Replace Margaret? The victim of my very last rescue? No, thanks."

"You know it's not like that," Selena said, a little smile on her face. "It's been four years, I don't think—,"

"You know that she still wears her wedding ring?" Taylor asked sweetly, a false grin on her face. When Selena stayed quiet, the baker nodded. "That's right."

"But Taylor—," Abigail insisted. "You can't just—_not _give it a try. Isn't she worth a shot at something that might be more than just a fling?"

"Abi, come on," Taylor sighed. "It's not that I'm not ready. I'm over Emily. That's not the problem. It's just that—I don't want to ruin whatever it is that is between us. I don't want to scare her off or something."

"You told us multiple times that she's nurturing and sweet and everything that is good in this world. How could she possibly turn her back on you if she's _that _great? Maybe it could be really awkward at the beginning if she rejects you—,"

"—as if that's something that I want—,"

"—_but_! Maybe she feels the same. You won't know how she feels about you until you confront her."

"I don't stand a chance with her," Taylor said, and her voice sounded bittersweet. Selena frowned, perhaps pitying her. Abigail just pursed her lips. At the end of the day, her two best friends only wanted her to be happy. "I don't know what I will do. Maybe I will try, or maybe I won't. I just—,"

"Well, how infatuated are you on a scale from one to ten?"

The question threw her off, and Taylor found herself whispering the truth, "I think I am falling in love with her."

But just as Selena was about to add something, the doorbell rang, and Taylor quickly got up to greet her guest. As she walked towards her front door and opened it slowly, she heard the quiet murmurs of her friends discussing the conversation they just had, but the preoccupied thoughts immediately left her mind once she was face to face with the breathtaking Karlie Kloss. It was the first time she saw her wear a dress, even though it was practically freezing cold outside and it was the 25th of December, but the veterinarian quickly explained the reason behind her choice of outfit. "There was an emergency today and sometimes—I go to work like this and wear something this elegant under the white coat, so—I'm sorry if I'm overdressed or something."

Taylor was momentarily speechless, eyes lost in the pearls that served as an adornment to the left sleeve of Karlie's black tight dress. When the baker spotted the faint line of — _Oh my God, Karlie has abs? _— she quickly decided that she was being plainly rude and inappropriate, and directed her gaze upwards, as much as she wanted to explore further. "It's okay!" she exclaimed, voice high pitched and incredibly weird. Karlie raised her eyebrows and smiled faintly. "You're—gorgeous. _Incredibly _gorgeous. There's nothing wrong with your outfit," she stuttered, and then bit her tongue before she could say something embarrassing. "Come in! Dinner is ready."

"Oh—and sorry for being late!"

"Well, you were working, so you don't need to worry," Taylor smiled. She took her trench coat and hung it on the coat rack for her. She saw a faint blush on her cheeks, and then they made small talk as they headed towards the kitchen, where her friends awaited them. Karlie waved shyly at them, as she took the only seat that was beside Taylor. Selena tried to hide her smirk, and so did Abigail, who widened her eyes at the veterinarian when Karlie wasn't looking. The baker glared at them, and sat down beside her guest.

As the great host that she was, she served them lasagna, and once they were all eating, they began talking about everything and nothing, conversation flowing easy between them. Taylor was unusually quiet, as she listened to every story that her friends recounted. She was painfully aware of Karlie's _magnificent _body beside hers; the warmth that it radiated was tempting her to reach out and directly touch its direct source, but her self-control fortunately wasn't _that _shitty or unreliable, and she managed to only graze — accidentally, of course — their knees under the table, away from her friends' prying gaze.

But Taylor couldn't not notice the lingering stares that Karlie sent her way throughout all dinner. For example, when Selena had _dramatically _recalled a childhood story, and whenever there had been a slightly funny part, and had caused the rest of the table to laugh, the veterinarian had always tilted her head sideways, looking at Taylor as she laughed. The subtle attention was enough to make the baker blush furiously, and she just hoped that it hadn't been that obvious to the others.

Or that time when Taylor's napkin had fallen under the table, and before she could have gotten the chance to pick it up herself, Karlie had lowered her hand under the table and had blindly searched for it with her long fingers. Her head had been terribly close to the baker's lap, and for a few moments it had almost seemed impossible to properly breath like a normal human being. Only Abigail had noticed the little awkward moment, and had winked at Taylor. And if that hadn't been enough, when Karlie had managed to succeed in her rescue, their fingers had brushed more than once when the veterinarian had handed her the napkin.

Apart from all of that, from all the little moments that made Taylor want to bury herself alive, the dinner was great. Incredible. Refreshing. Reuniting with all the important people of her life on Christmas was one of her favorite things, and now that one seat had been added to the table, she was more than grateful for Karlie's presence.

After dinner, Karlie helped the host with the dishes, while the others moved the get together to the living room. They worked in silence; Taylor doing the washing and Karlie doing the drying. They were in synch, and only talked when Karlie complimented her cooking skills or needed to know where to put the cleaned dishes.

After the kitchen was taken care of, they joined Taylor's friends and spent the rest of the night drinking wine and gossiping about high school days or colleagues from work. It all felt cozy, familiar; with the fire crackling and the sight of snow falling copiously on the streets.

When it was time to head back home, the baker was actually a little forlorn to be left alone. Karlie was the last one to leave, and the veterinarian had thanked her for the great day.

"No, thank _you_. If my living room is Christmas enough it is because of you."

It was then that Karlie gazed at her with that strange glint in her eyes. Taylor stared back just as gently, and then the veterinarian told her that she needed to go, that she had to go to work the following day even though it was still a festive day. As usual, they hugged, but this time it was different. With Karlie wearing heels and adding more space between their height difference, Taylor had to stand on the tip of her toes as she wrapped her arms around the other woman's neck. But the way Karlie held her — with hands gently cradling her lower back — made Taylor exhale shakily against her ear. The baker heard Karlie swallow thickly, and the grip on her hips tightened even more.

"I'll see you soon, right?"

Karlie nodded against her shoulder and then slowly let her go. Taylor tried to mask her disappointment but failed. If Karlie noticed, she didn't acknowledge it.

"Thank you again for tonight."

"You're welcome," Taylor said breathless with a smile. The veterinarian then opened the door and softly waved at her. "See you soon, bye!"

"Bye!"

As Taylor closed the door and leaned her forehead against it, she thought back to the conversation she had earlier with Selena and Abigail. Maybe, just _maybe_, she would think about making a move soon. 


	12. i really like you ; chapter 11

As soon as Taylor finished her shift, she got rid of the ivory apron and practically fled from the bakery. However, Cecilia managed to stop her before she could set foot outside.

"Hey! Why are you in such a hurry?" the redhead woman chirped, appearing behind the blonde, who looked like a deer caught in the headlights. The short, round owner of the shop eyed her up and down, suspiciously. "Did something happen?"

Taylor stared at her for a moment, eyes wide and lips forming a thin line. "No! God, no, nothing happened, thankfully. I just—I was just going home."

Cecilia raised an eyebrow and pushed her chin against her chest. "Then why do you look so nervous? Sweetie, I'm not going to call the police."

"I—," Taylor laughed anxiously and run a hand through her wavy hair.

How could she explain it to Cecilia, her friend, who was also her colleague and boss? It wasn't like she could straight up say, _Hey, I'm really nervous because I'm about to tell Karlie, who is also the best friend I've met at the wrong wedding, that I like her very much!._ Taylor swallowed at the thought.

"Okay, well," Cecilia clapped her hands once and let out a sigh. "I hope you didn't murder someone, because in that case, I think I should really call the police."

Taylor smiled. "No, I didn't murder someone, Cece. Don't worry about me."

"Whatever it is," the redhead woman grinned. "_You _don't need to worry. It's going to be great."

"Well, I hope you're right,"

Cecilia nodded and looked back at the empty shop. A few of the wooden tables still needed to be cleaned, but the owner had reassured her that she would take care of it. "I'll see you next year?"

"That is a lame joke and you know it," Taylor pulled the scarf closer as she took ahold of the handle, ready to face the freezing winter evening.

"Well, tomorrow is the thirty first, and I'm giving you another little break, which means that you're coming back on the third. So, technically, I'll see you next year."

Taylor rolled her eyes but laughed nevertheless. Some of the tension on her shoulders disappeared into the wind, as she opened the door and said her farewell to Cecilia. The snow on the sidewalk crunched beneath her raven boots, and she tugged her coat closer. She took her phone out of her pocket and immediately called Selena, the only one who could calm her down in a situation like this.

"Hello?"

"Selena, I'm about to do it."

The nurse let out a hearty giggle. "You're about to do what?"

Taylor sighed and pushed her free hand on the pocket of her jacket. She walked through the crowded sidewalk of New York City, with one destination in mind; Karlie's clinic. "I'm going to tell Karlie I like her. I'm going to ask her out."

When Taylor had asked if Karlie was free later that day, the veterinarian had sadly informed her that she would be working all day, attempting to visit as much animals as she could before the year ended. The baker had no intention to wait any longer; she needed to tell her how she felt. She needed to get the words out, hell, even scream them at the top of her lungs. She wanted to see Karlie's reaction, but above all, she wanted, _needed_, to know if she felt the same. If her feelings were mutual. Because what she had called a crush months earlier, was soon turning into a frightening infatuation with the taller woman.

"You're going to do _what_?! Taylor—,"

"I really need to. I can't keep it to myself any longer. Every time we hang out, I just want to grab her hand or hold her or kiss her and I'm just—I'm really desperate here. I need to tell her how I feel, Sel."

Selena let out a surprised sigh. "Wow. Okay. It's cool. You're going to be great. I'm sure of it," she said, and if Taylor could see her right now, she knew that she would be nodding her head along to her words. "Where are you?"

"I'm going to her clinic because she's working and I can't—I don't want to wait. I'm going there, and if she's still working, then I'm going to wait there until she finishes. I need to tell her, Sel. _Today_."

The nurse let out a positive sound. "Okay. How are you feeling?"

Taylor laughed loudly, which earned her a few skeptical looks from the people surrounding her. "I'm fucking _terrified_, Selena. I don't—I don't know how I'm going to approach this. I prepared a speech yesterday, but I know that when I see her, when she'll look me in the eyes, everything will just—vanish. My mind will be blank and I will even forget my name."

"Hey, don't freak out yet. It's going to go great! You—just begin talking. Tell her how you feel, sometimes pause so as to see her reaction so far, and then ask her out on a date. I know that you're nervous, but—just be yourself. You can't plan something like this. So forget about the speech you've prepared last night, and focus on your feelings. Alright?"

Taylor swallowed and nodded. "Alright,". When she glanced up, she noticed that she had reached her destination, and immediately, her heart started beating rapidly inside her chest, her whole body trembled, and she could feel the anticipation creeping up. "I'm here. I'll call you later. I got to go."

With that, she hung up and took a deep breath. She stared at the door for what seemed like ages, then, with all the determination she could muster, she ascended the few steps and burst through the door. Taylor had never been to Karlie's clinic. As soon as she stepped inside, the heat coming from the radiators felt like she was being engulfed in a warm hug. The waiting room was bright, spacious and modern, the walls a pale grey and the floor white. On the right, there were about seven chairs, where people could sit down and skim through the magazines placed on the small coffee table. On the left, there was a small corridor which led to three rooms; she assumed that there was where the medical examinations happened. And then, in front of the entrance, there was a large reception desk. On the wall behind it stood a notice board, where a dozen of advertisements hung; animals that were given up for adoption, products for cats and for dogs. It all looked cozy, with a few Christmas lights lining the windows and wrapped around the reception desk. It was all empty, which probably meant only one thing; Karlie had finished working and was about to close the clinic.

"Taylor?"

The surprised voice slightly caught her off guard, and Taylor immediately turned around. Karlie walked to stand behind the desk. Underneath the white coat, a dark green dress hugged the veterinarian's curves perfectly. Taylor's world spun and her throat was suddenly dry. She swallowed, a failed attempt at wetting her mouth, and she licked her bottom lip. How could she ask her out if she looked like _that_? Taylor had messy hair, she was extremely tired after a never ending ten hour shift, and she was dressed in only tight black jeans and a jacket that she's worn too many times in the last ten years.

"Hey," she pushed her hands in her pockets, trying to hide the fact that they were terribly shaking, and she approached the reception desk. Karlie never averted her eyes, keeping those emerald forests trained on the baker, who was slowly melting under such an intense gaze. "What are you doing right now?"

The veterinarian didn't hide the fact that she was incredibly astounded by Taylor's visit. "I'm..." she trailed off, uselessly playing with a few paper that were on the desk. She put them aside and then met Taylor's gaze again. "I just finished working. My last patient left a few minutes ago, actually. I was about to close for today.". The baker nodded and visibly took another deep breath. Karlie started to get worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Yeah, I'm just—," Taylor looked at their surroundings. "Are you alone?"

"Yeah. There's no one else here."

The older woman nodded again and nervously smiled at her. Taylor cleared her throat and played with the hem of her jacket. "So," she began. She remembered Selena's words, and she almost laughed when she realized that what she had feared the most turned out to be true. The speech she had arranged the night before was nowhere to be found inside her brain. Taylor opened her mouth to speak and spilled the beans. "I don't know how to properly approach this, or how it happened, but...would you—maybe, go out with me? Sometime?"

Her voice was strangely high pitched and weird, and Taylor felt like she was walking on a fragile line that was bound to break. Karlie had an unreadable look on her face, and she let out a quiet laugh before replying, "Yeah?" she sounded unsure. Then, "I mean, _yes_. Of course, we're friends."

Taylor couldn't help but chuckle at the answer. She swallowed, cleared her throat, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "No, no. You're getting this wrong," she tried to hide her blushing cheeks as the next words came out quieter than expected. "Um...this is not _me_ asking _you_ to hang out with me like two normal friends. This is..." she took a deep breath and readily met Karlie's gaze. "—this is me asking you on a date...because I _like_ you," as soon as the truth was out, it lingered in the air as Taylor chose the next words carefully. "I like you. As more than a friend. I like you _a lot_. I like your smile, and your eyes, and the way you light up whenever you talk about astronomy. I like your charm, the way you always treat people with kindness even when they don't deserve it," the baker smiled softly. "And I like your shoulders, and your arms...even though you say that they make you seem masculine. I like them. I like _everything _about you. Even the imperfections, I like. And every day I discover something new about you, I manage to like you even more. So...yes. I _like _you. I have _romantic _feelings for you...and I know that we met just three months ago and that you may not be ready for a relationship. But I want you to know...that I like _you_. I really, _really _like you. And—it's okay if you don't feel the same. We can be...just friends, if that's what you want," Taylor's heart stung a little at the thought. "But...I wanted to be honest with you, and I can't keep this a secret any longer, so...the truth is that I like you. I just—I just _like _you."

The baker felt breathless now that she had nothing else to add. She held Karlie's gaze, which had become unreadable throughout her speech, and Taylor swallowed, feeling her heart in her throat. She tried to ignore the fact that the silence from Karlie was exceptionally long and painful, but she clenched her hands into fists and gritted her teeth.

But then, the veterinarian cleared her throat, scratched her chin and looked away from her with a light blush covering her cheeks. Taylor was unable to look away. She didn't want to miss any emotion that flickered in her face. "I, um," Karlie chuckled nervously. "Wow. I really don't know what to say," she continued.

The baker felt like this was the beginning of a rejection, and immediately said, "It's okay if you don't feel the same, we—,"

"That's..." Karlie paused. "That's not what I said."

Taylor slightly widened her eyes. "Okay," she stuttered. She tried not to get her hopes up, as Karlie now confidently looked into her eyes.

"I'm just really surprised, that's all. But—," she halted, a breathtaking smile breaking through her unreadable features. "—I would really like to go on a date with you."

Taylor felt her heart drop to her feet, and it momentarily stopped as she tried not to let her amazement show on her face. "You—really?"

"Yeah," Karlie smiled broadly. She was visibly more relaxed than Taylor, who was a stuttering mess in front of her.

"Oh. Okay. Amazing."

The next time Taylor exhaled, it felt like she was coming up for fresh air. Karlie had said yes. She had accepted her invitation, and to say she was euphoric would be an understatement. She was _over _the moon. She felt like she could fly. She felt invincible, now that Karlie knew how she felt. The veterinarian hadn't explicitly say that she felt the same, but saying yes to Taylor felt like a subtle confession.

"Yes. Amazing," Karlie didn't try to hide her excitement.

Taylor nodded and then remembered that her work was done. She could go home, scream happily into a pillow, hug her cat, whatever, because Karlie had said yes. She was going to go on a date with her.

"Well, then," the baker nodded and ducked her head as she took a few steps back. "I'll—text you the details, alright?"

"Yes, perfect. I can't wait."

They stared at one another as Taylor kept walking backwards, unable to detach her eyes from the beautiful sight that was Karlie. "Alright. I'm going to go."

"Okay,"

Taylor stepped back until her back came into contact with the glass of the entrance.

"Bye, Taylor."

"Bye!" the baker beamed, opening the door and exiting the clinic. Before she could go, she casted a last glance at the veterinarian, who was still shamelessly staring at her with a wide grin, and then waved timidly at her before disappearing outside.   
  
  
  
  


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Taylor was a nervous wreck. She felt like a sinking ship, water filling every hole that her insecurities and anxiety dug. The second day of January, the night of their date, had finally arrived. As soon as Karlie had admitted, over text, that she felt more comfortable in a setting where they would be alone, just the two of them, Taylor had immediately proposed that she could cook dinner for them. Surprisingly, the veterinarian had accepted. And now that dinner was ready, the only thing missing being Karlie, the baker stood nervously in the middle of her bedroom, sweating and trying so hard not to crumble. She wanted this date to go well. It needed to go well. This was her first chance at a serious relationship, at something that wouldn't be only a fling, like all the other ones she had in the past four years.

Taylor stared at her reflection, ignoring every flaw that her brain made up about her outfit. She looked _great_. She was a beautiful woman. The flimsy black dress she was wearing wasn't too risky. It didn't reveal too much skin; it hugged her hips, it dared just a little bit of a glimpse of her taut back. It barely covered her knees, but kept her thighs warm. The lace on the only strap on her right shoulder slightly tingled her skin. The polished raven heels weren't too high, and she was almost certain that her and Karlie would finally be the same height for one night. Her dirty blonde hair was down, wavy, and out of habit she played with the end of her tresses. She had minimal make-up on; nude lipstick covered her plump lips, a thin line of eyeliner rendered her blue eyes all the more electrifying.

After what felt like years, a knock sounded at the door. Taylor took a deep breath, straightened the wrinkles on her dress, and told herself that she was going to be great and that she looked amazing. But if she looked amazing, then Karlie looked like a goddess. When she opened the door, the veterinarian leaned on the doorframe, the lost look on her face vanishing as her green eyes took in Taylor's appearance. Karlie wore one of her pantsuits, a grey one, and the baker was almost sure that it was the one that she had sported at Jourdan's wedding. If that turned out to be true, she didn't know what she would do with that information.

"Hey," the veterinarian broke the ice, voice raspy. "You look gorgeous," she complimented her. When Karlie took a step forward and invaded Taylor's personal space, the baker was unable to breath for a single second. She stepped to the side, letting the other woman in.

"Thanks," she replied, blushing and leading the veterinarian to the kitchen. She had set up the table, a candle standing beside a rose in a vase in the middle of the wooden surface. The light was dim and everything looked incredibly romantic to her eyes now that Karlie was here. "So do you," she had the courage to say, once Karlie placed her purse on the counter top. Taylor watched her take everything in, a small smile painting her face with awe and pure astonishment.

The baker was not a gentlewoman, but for once, she dragged the chair back and Karlie sat down with blushing cheeks. She thanked her quietly, and Taylor took her place across her. The food was within their reach, so the blonde woman told her that she could take whatever she felt up to eating.

"So," Taylor began. She swallowed when Karlie looked up, her face half covered by the soft shadow casted by the candle between them. "The pantsuit," she cut a piece of her steak and took it to her mouth. "Is it the one that you wore at Jourdan's wedding?"

The veterinarian slowed down chewing on her salad, and she momentarily stared at Taylor's face. "Yes," she replied softly. "You remember,"

"Of course I remember," Taylor smiled, looking down at her food. "How could I forget the most stupid thing I've ever done in my entire life? I still can't believe that it happened."

Karlie chuckled and sipped her wine. "Well, we would have never met if you hadn't done that."

Taylor bit the inside of her cheek as she hid her blush behind her glass. "You're probably right."

"It's not that I want to talk about Jourdan and her husband, but they finally went on their honeymoon."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Hawaii. I told her that it was kind of predictable, but they both love warm weather. I can't understand them. I honestly prefer days spent inside a cottage watching the rain fall. The smell of the earth that comes afterwards is addictive."

"Me too!" Taylor exclaimed. "Summer is just not for me."

"Yeah," Karlie nodded. She seemed lost in thought as she momentarily stared at Taylor's face, but then averted her eyes and smirked. "So," she said. "We're on a date. Ask me something you want to know about me. Something uncomfortable or that would never come up during a normal every day conversation."

"Oh," Taylor blushed and chuckled. She finished eating her steak, then grabbed a small piece of her lasagna. "Um—what do you like but are kind of embarrassed to admit?"

Karlie thought about it for a second, then started laughing, placing her forehead against the back of her hand. "It's strange but I don't know—sometimes I like eating ice cream with bread."

"Ice cream with bread?"

"Yeah. Have you ever tried it?"

"No and I don't know if I want to."

"It's heaven. It's your loss."

"If you say so," Taylor giggled. She found it difficult to keep her eyes on her food when Karlie was much better to look at.

"What about you?"

"Hm..." the baker swallowed. "Oh—um, maybe it's not that unusual, but I like talking to Meredith. Like, have serious conversations with her. I know that it's just me having a monologue and speaking to myself, but talking to my cat always manages to calm me down."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed about that. I talk with animals all the time."

"Yeah, well—I live alone, so it's kind of boring sometimes. I just talk with Meredith only because I'm used to it by now," Taylor chuckled.

"Well, if you want to hear my opinion, I think that it's kind of cute. You talking with your cat."

The baker held back a smile and ducked her head. "Thanks?"

They shared a laugh. "Oh, I have a question—Where was your favorite place to go when you were a kid?" Karlie asked curiously.

Taylor sipped her wine and as she set down her glass, her lips parted with a bittersweet smile, eyes lost in the memory that flashed across her mind. "When I was ten, I used to go to this park with my mom. And there was this—this beautiful, old and rusty swing. Most of the times, the park was empty. It was a small one, so we were always alone. Just us, and the nature. And we would sit together, and my mom would tell me stories of her youth. Once, she told me the story of her and my dad. Of how they met and then fell in love. It was the sweetest thing she had ever recounted. I remember how her eyes shone, and the way she just—looked so happy and smitten. That swing was my favorite when I was a kid."

Karlie listened to her, looking into her eyes with a soft gleam. "Do you still visit that place?"

"Sometimes," Taylor shrugged.

The veterinarian nodded, and then they quickly changed the subject, exploring lighter conversations and recalling old memories. When dinner was finished, they moved the rest of their date to the living room, setting down their glasses of wine and then turning on a rom-com. They sat on the couch, their bodies turned towards each other. The movie playing on the television was soon forgotten about, as they laughed about embarrassing episodes of a very young Taylor in high school. Karlie rested her arm against the headrest of the sofa, and placed her temple against her palm. She played with a button of her blazer, as Taylor still shook with giggles.

"I was wild in high school,"

"Who wasn't?"

The baker looked up at her, and as she turned her body more towards her, their knees touched and their breath hitched. Taylor swallowed, the sight of Karlie so up close being both terrifying and exhilarating to her. Her blue eyes darted between the veterinarian's sparkling green gaze and her thin parted lips. Her brain told her to close the gap, to act on her feelings and let them rain on the other woman like a downpour. But something held her back. Karlie knew that she liked her. But what about her? Did Karlie like her back? It was still unknown to the baker, who felt vulnerable and exposed as soon as the veterinarian pushed a stray strand of blonde hair behind her hair. Long, elegant fingers traced the soft skin of her cheek, her thumb going back and forth. It seemed that Karlie wanted this too, as her own eyes fell upon Taylor's parted plump lips. At the attention, the baker licked her bottom lip, and tried not to faint as she noticed the other woman start to lean in. Everything was just so electrifying, the tension between them palpable as the sound of the movie faded and it was just them, now inches apart and their breath mingling together. Taylor was the one to take the leap of faith, tilting her chin upwards and colliding their lips in a bruising kiss. She closed her eyes and squeezed them shut, breathing in harshly as the hand around her head firmly cupped her cheek. They kissed softly for a few moments, the feeling of Karlie's lips against hers new but addictive. Her smell was intoxicating, now that it was invading her nostrils.

And then, Taylor reached out and grabbed Karlie's elbow, bringing her closer and deepening their kiss as she swiped her tongue against her bottom lip. They tilted their faces at the same time, exploring the kiss further, their breath shortening the more they stayed close. The baker let out a quiet moan as Karlie tangled her fingers in the baby hair at the nape of her neck.

She was about to pull her closer and shift into a more comfortable position, but then Karlie suddenly pushed her away, their lips disconnecting harshly.

A moment of silence passed, both of them out of breath and with lips swollen and reddened, before Taylor spoke, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I—," she paused, panicked. Her bottom lip trembled and she averted her gaze, ashamed that she could let this happen. It had been foolish of her to presume that Karlie liked her back.

"I—I'm sorry."

"I _kissed_ you, you shouldn't be apologizing. I'm sorry if I was too hasty or reckless. I shouldn't have done that."

"No—it's not—," Karlie breathed in deeply. "It's not that. It's not your fault," she began. Taylor cautiously met her gaze. "I liked the kiss. I liked the date. Everything is perfect and—I like you," the veterinarian bit her lip. The baker let out a sigh of relief, gone unnoticed by the other woman. "It's just that—it's been _four_ years."

When Taylor realized what she meant, she blushed deeply and ducked her head. "Oh, God. I know, I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, it's just—,"

"No, you didn't, Taylor. It's just—it's been awhile and you—you are the _first _person that I've truly let in after—," Karlie halted. She looked down at her hands and quietly finished. "—after Margaret.". When Taylor only nodded once, the veterinarian continued. "I'm just—I think I'm not ready yet. Not for something like this. I like you, I like our relationship, but I don't—I don't think that I'm ready for us to be—something more than friends. For now."

Taylor averted her gaze, not wanting to let Karlie see the disappointment she was sure was visible and evident inside her eyes. "I understand," she whispered, her voice coming out weak and irresolute. The veterinarian stared at the side of her face for a moment.

"I'm not saying that there won't be a future _us_. I'm just—saying that now is not the time. I'm not ready to fully give you myself, and I want to be fair with you. I want to give you a stable and happy relationship, and right now I can't give you that. I just—need more time to think about us."

Taylor nodded once again, and she mentally scolded herself when she felt the familiar stinging of tears behind her eyes. She closed both of her hands into fists, and perhaps Karlie noticed the fidgeting, because then she placed her fingers over Taylor's.

"Do you understand?" she asked softly and quietly. The baker heard concern and sympathy in her voice, and when she met her gaze, she was met with even more worry and solace.

"I understand," she replied, and her voice broke mid-sentence. If Karlie noticed, she didn't show it. She let out a silent sigh, and Taylor did everything she could do to scare away the impending lump in her throat. The baker didn't want to cry, didn't want to showcase her pain so blatantly in front of the other woman. Karlie hadn't said that she didn't feel the same; on the contrary, she had affirmed multiple times that she liked her back and that she had enjoyed the date. And yet, it still felt like she was being rejected.

"Are you okay?"

Karlie had never stopped looking at her, gazing at her with those compassionate emerald eyes that were just so full of love and concern. And Taylor knew then, that she needed to reassure her. That she couldn't let her kind soul worry over something like this. "Yeah," she forced a smile on her face. "I really understand, Karlie. I don't want to force you into a relationship you're not ready for. It's okay, I'm okay. You don't need to worry."

The veterinarian pursed her lips, not hiding her skepticism. "Alright," she eventually gave in. "I should probably go. I'm off to an early start tomorrow."

Taylor nodded and got up. Karlie stood as well, and she gathered her belongings before heading to the front door. "I'll see you soon?"

The veterinarian nodded hopefully. "Yeah. Thank you for the date. Everything was lovely and...nice. Thank you,"

Taylor only gave her a tight lipped smile. Then, Karlie leaned in, unable to hold back as she hugged her tightly. The grip around her hips, one way or another, grounded Taylor, as she buried her nose in the crook of her neck. She breathed in her scent, and closed her eyes blissfully.

"Okay, bye," Karlie whispered, pulling away and exiting her apartment.

Taylor wore the smile on her face until the door was finally shut. She let out the breath she didn't know she was holding, and leaned against the nearest wall, running a hand through her hair. When she checked the time, she was surprised to see that it was so late. Almost one in the morning. Selena was probably asleep, and even though the nurse had begged her to call her as soon as the date was over, Taylor didn't feel up to it. With another exhausted sigh, she walked up the stairs to her bedroom, head hanging low in defeat. She undressed, slipped on some comfortable pajamas, then lied underneath the warm blankets of her bed. Taylor stared at the ceiling for a few moments, dwelling on the night that had just ended. The feeling inside her chest was bittersweet and stung her in the best way possible. She felt like she had lost a match, when actually she was one step away from winning the whole game. Karlie liked her back. In the near future, she had said that there could possibly be something reserved for them.

And the realization made a lone tear run along a smiling cheek. 

As soon as Taylor finished her shift, she got rid of the ivory apron and practically fled from the bakery. However, Cecilia managed to stop her before she could set foot outside.

"Hey! Why are you in such a hurry?" the redhead woman chirped, appearing behind the blonde, who looked like a deer caught in the headlights. The short, round owner of the shop eyed her up and down, suspiciously. "Did something happen?"

Taylor stared at her for a moment, eyes wide and lips forming a thin line. "No! God, no, nothing happened, thankfully. I just—I was just going home."

Cecilia raised an eyebrow and pushed her chin against her chest. "Then why do you look so nervous? Sweetie, I'm not going to call the police."

"I—," Taylor laughed anxiously and run a hand through her wavy hair.

How could she explain it to Cecilia, her friend, who was also her colleague and boss? It wasn't like she could straight up say, _Hey, I'm really nervous because I'm about to tell Karlie, who is also the best friend I've met at the wrong wedding, that I like her very much!._ Taylor swallowed at the thought.

"Okay, well," Cecilia clapped her hands once and let out a sigh. "I hope you didn't murder someone, because in that case, I think I should really call the police."

Taylor smiled. "No, I didn't murder someone, Cece. Don't worry about me."

"Whatever it is," the redhead woman grinned. "_You _don't need to worry. It's going to be great."

"Well, I hope you're right,"

Cecilia nodded and looked back at the empty shop. A few of the wooden tables still needed to be cleaned, but the owner had reassured her that she would take care of it. "I'll see you next year?"

"That is a lame joke and you know it," Taylor pulled the scarf closer as she took ahold of the handle, ready to face the freezing winter evening.

"Well, tomorrow is the thirty first, and I'm giving you another little break, which means that you're coming back on the third. So, technically, I'll see you next year."

Taylor rolled her eyes but laughed nevertheless. Some of the tension on her shoulders disappeared into the wind, as she opened the door and said her farewell to Cecilia. The snow on the sidewalk crunched beneath her raven boots, and she tugged her coat closer. She took her phone out of her pocket and immediately called Selena, the only one who could calm her down in a situation like this.

"Hello?"

"Selena, I'm about to do it."

The nurse let out a hearty giggle. "You're about to do what?"

Taylor sighed and pushed her free hand on the pocket of her jacket. She walked through the crowded sidewalk of New York City, with one destination in mind; Karlie's clinic. "I'm going to tell Karlie I like her. I'm going to ask her out."

When Taylor had asked if Karlie was free later that day, the veterinarian had sadly informed her that she would be working all day, attempting to visit as much animals as she could before the year ended. The baker had no intention to wait any longer; she needed to tell her how she felt. She needed to get the words out, hell, even scream them at the top of her lungs. She wanted to see Karlie's reaction, but above all, she wanted, _needed_, to know if she felt the same. If her feelings were mutual. Because what she had called a crush months earlier, was soon turning into a frightening infatuation with the taller woman.

"You're going to do _what_?! Taylor—,"

"I really need to. I can't keep it to myself any longer. Every time we hang out, I just want to grab her hand or hold her or kiss her and I'm just—I'm really desperate here. I need to tell her how I feel, Sel."

Selena let out a surprised sigh. "Wow. Okay. It's cool. You're going to be great. I'm sure of it," she said, and if Taylor could see her right now, she knew that she would be nodding her head along to her words. "Where are you?"

"I'm going to her clinic because she's working and I can't—I don't want to wait. I'm going there, and if she's still working, then I'm going to wait there until she finishes. I need to tell her, Sel. _Today_."

The nurse let out a positive sound. "Okay. How are you feeling?"

Taylor laughed loudly, which earned her a few skeptical looks from the people surrounding her. "I'm fucking _terrified_, Selena. I don't—I don't know how I'm going to approach this. I prepared a speech yesterday, but I know that when I see her, when she'll look me in the eyes, everything will just—vanish. My mind will be blank and I will even forget my name."

"Hey, don't freak out yet. It's going to go great! You—just begin talking. Tell her how you feel, sometimes pause so as to see her reaction so far, and then ask her out on a date. I know that you're nervous, but—just be yourself. You can't plan something like this. So forget about the speech you've prepared last night, and focus on your feelings. Alright?"

Taylor swallowed and nodded. "Alright,". When she glanced up, she noticed that she had reached her destination, and immediately, her heart started beating rapidly inside her chest, her whole body trembled, and she could feel the anticipation creeping up. "I'm here. I'll call you later. I got to go."

With that, she hung up and took a deep breath. She stared at the door for what seemed like ages, then, with all the determination she could muster, she ascended the few steps and burst through the door. Taylor had never been to Karlie's clinic. As soon as she stepped inside, the heat coming from the radiators felt like she was being engulfed in a warm hug. The waiting room was bright, spacious and modern, the walls a pale grey and the floor white. On the right, there were about seven chairs, where people could sit down and skim through the magazines placed on the small coffee table. On the left, there was a small corridor which led to three rooms; she assumed that there was where the medical examinations happened. And then, in front of the entrance, there was a large reception desk. On the wall behind it stood a notice board, where a dozen of advertisements hung; animals that were given up for adoption, products for cats and for dogs. It all looked cozy, with a few Christmas lights lining the windows and wrapped around the reception desk. It was all empty, which probably meant only one thing; Karlie had finished working and was about to close the clinic.

"Taylor?"

The surprised voice slightly caught her off guard, and Taylor immediately turned around. Karlie walked to stand behind the desk. Underneath the white coat, a dark green dress hugged the veterinarian's curves perfectly. Taylor's world spun and her throat was suddenly dry. She swallowed, a failed attempt at wetting her mouth, and she licked her bottom lip. How could she ask her out if she looked like _that_? Taylor had messy hair, she was extremely tired after a never ending ten hour shift, and she was dressed in only tight black jeans and a jacket that she's worn too many times in the last ten years.

"Hey," she pushed her hands in her pockets, trying to hide the fact that they were terribly shaking, and she approached the reception desk. Karlie never averted her eyes, keeping those emerald forests trained on the baker, who was slowly melting under such an intense gaze. "What are you doing right now?"

The veterinarian didn't hide the fact that she was incredibly astounded by Taylor's visit. "I'm..." she trailed off, uselessly playing with a few paper that were on the desk. She put them aside and then met Taylor's gaze again. "I just finished working. My last patient left a few minutes ago, actually. I was about to close for today.". The baker nodded and visibly took another deep breath. Karlie started to get worried. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Yeah, I'm just—," Taylor looked at their surroundings. "Are you alone?"

"Yeah. There's no one else here."

The older woman nodded again and nervously smiled at her. Taylor cleared her throat and played with the hem of her jacket. "So," she began. She remembered Selena's words, and she almost laughed when she realized that what she had feared the most turned out to be true. The speech she had arranged the night before was nowhere to be found inside her brain. Taylor opened her mouth to speak and spilled the beans. "I don't know how to properly approach this, or how it happened, but...would you—maybe, go out with me? Sometime?"

Her voice was strangely high pitched and weird, and Taylor felt like she was walking on a fragile line that was bound to break. Karlie had an unreadable look on her face, and she let out a quiet laugh before replying, "Yeah?" she sounded unsure. Then, "I mean, _yes_. Of course, we're friends."

Taylor couldn't help but chuckle at the answer. She swallowed, cleared her throat, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "No, no. You're getting this wrong," she tried to hide her blushing cheeks as the next words came out quieter than expected. "Um...this is not _me_ asking _you_ to hang out with me like two normal friends. This is..." she took a deep breath and readily met Karlie's gaze. "—this is me asking you on a date...because I _like_ you," as soon as the truth was out, it lingered in the air as Taylor chose the next words carefully. "I like you. As more than a friend. I like you _a lot_. I like your smile, and your eyes, and the way you light up whenever you talk about astronomy. I like your charm, the way you always treat people with kindness even when they don't deserve it," the baker smiled softly. "And I like your shoulders, and your arms...even though you say that they make you seem masculine. I like them. I like _everything _about you. Even the imperfections, I like. And every day I discover something new about you, I manage to like you even more. So...yes. I _like _you. I have _romantic _feelings for you...and I know that we met just three months ago and that you may not be ready for a relationship. But I want you to know...that I like _you_. I really, _really _like you. And—it's okay if you don't feel the same. We can be...just friends, if that's what you want," Taylor's heart stung a little at the thought. "But...I wanted to be honest with you, and I can't keep this a secret any longer, so...the truth is that I like you. I just—I just _like _you."

The baker felt breathless now that she had nothing else to add. She held Karlie's gaze, which had become unreadable throughout her speech, and Taylor swallowed, feeling her heart in her throat. She tried to ignore the fact that the silence from Karlie was exceptionally long and painful, but she clenched her hands into fists and gritted her teeth.

But then, the veterinarian cleared her throat, scratched her chin and looked away from her with a light blush covering her cheeks. Taylor was unable to look away. She didn't want to miss any emotion that flickered in her face. "I, um," Karlie chuckled nervously. "Wow. I really don't know what to say," she continued.

The baker felt like this was the beginning of a rejection, and immediately said, "It's okay if you don't feel the same, we—,"

"That's..." Karlie paused. "That's not what I said."

Taylor slightly widened her eyes. "Okay," she stuttered. She tried not to get her hopes up, as Karlie now confidently looked into her eyes.

"I'm just really surprised, that's all. But—," she halted, a breathtaking smile breaking through her unreadable features. "—I would really like to go on a date with you."

Taylor felt her heart drop to her feet, and it momentarily stopped as she tried not to let her amazement show on her face. "You—really?"

"Yeah," Karlie smiled broadly. She was visibly more relaxed than Taylor, who was a stuttering mess in front of her.

"Oh. Okay. Amazing."

The next time Taylor exhaled, it felt like she was coming up for fresh air. Karlie had said yes. She had accepted her invitation, and to say she was euphoric would be an understatement. She was _over _the moon. She felt like she could fly. She felt invincible, now that Karlie knew how she felt. The veterinarian hadn't explicitly say that she felt the same, but saying yes to Taylor felt like a subtle confession.

"Yes. Amazing," Karlie didn't try to hide her excitement.

Taylor nodded and then remembered that her work was done. She could go home, scream happily into a pillow, hug her cat, whatever, because Karlie had said yes. She was going to go on a date with her.

"Well, then," the baker nodded and ducked her head as she took a few steps back. "I'll—text you the details, alright?"

"Yes, perfect. I can't wait."

They stared at one another as Taylor kept walking backwards, unable to detach her eyes from the beautiful sight that was Karlie. "Alright. I'm going to go."

"Okay,"

Taylor stepped back until her back came into contact with the glass of the entrance.

"Bye, Taylor."

"Bye!" the baker beamed, opening the door and exiting the clinic. Before she could go, she casted a last glance at the veterinarian, who was still shamelessly staring at her with a wide grin, and then waved timidly at her before disappearing outside.   
  
  
  
  


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Taylor was a nervous wreck. She felt like a sinking ship, water filling every hole that her insecurities and anxiety dug. The second day of January, the night of their date, had finally arrived. As soon as Karlie had admitted, over text, that she felt more comfortable in a setting where they would be alone, just the two of them, Taylor had immediately proposed that she could cook dinner for them. Surprisingly, the veterinarian had accepted. And now that dinner was ready, the only thing missing being Karlie, the baker stood nervously in the middle of her bedroom, sweating and trying so hard not to crumble. She wanted this date to go well. It needed to go well. This was her first chance at a serious relationship, at something that wouldn't be only a fling, like all the other ones she had in the past four years.

Taylor stared at her reflection, ignoring every flaw that her brain made up about her outfit. She looked _great_. She was a beautiful woman. The flimsy black dress she was wearing wasn't too risky. It didn't reveal too much skin; it hugged her hips, it dared just a little bit of a glimpse of her taut back. It barely covered her knees, but kept her thighs warm. The lace on the only strap on her right shoulder slightly tingled her skin. The polished raven heels weren't too high, and she was almost certain that her and Karlie would finally be the same height for one night. Her dirty blonde hair was down, wavy, and out of habit she played with the end of her tresses. She had minimal make-up on; nude lipstick covered her plump lips, a thin line of eyeliner rendered her blue eyes all the more electrifying.

After what felt like years, a knock sounded at the door. Taylor took a deep breath, straightened the wrinkles on her dress, and told herself that she was going to be great and that she looked amazing. But if she looked amazing, then Karlie looked like a goddess. When she opened the door, the veterinarian leaned on the doorframe, the lost look on her face vanishing as her green eyes took in Taylor's appearance. Karlie wore one of her pantsuits, a grey one, and the baker was almost sure that it was the one that she had sported at Jourdan's wedding. If that turned out to be true, she didn't know what she would do with that information.

"Hey," the veterinarian broke the ice, voice raspy. "You look gorgeous," she complimented her. When Karlie took a step forward and invaded Taylor's personal space, the baker was unable to breath for a single second. She stepped to the side, letting the other woman in.

"Thanks," she replied, blushing and leading the veterinarian to the kitchen. She had set up the table, a candle standing beside a rose in a vase in the middle of the wooden surface. The light was dim and everything looked incredibly romantic to her eyes now that Karlie was here. "So do you," she had the courage to say, once Karlie placed her purse on the counter top. Taylor watched her take everything in, a small smile painting her face with awe and pure astonishment.

The baker was not a gentlewoman, but for once, she dragged the chair back and Karlie sat down with blushing cheeks. She thanked her quietly, and Taylor took her place across her. The food was within their reach, so the blonde woman told her that she could take whatever she felt up to eating.

"So," Taylor began. She swallowed when Karlie looked up, her face half covered by the soft shadow casted by the candle between them. "The pantsuit," she cut a piece of her steak and took it to her mouth. "Is it the one that you wore at Jourdan's wedding?"

The veterinarian slowed down chewing on her salad, and she momentarily stared at Taylor's face. "Yes," she replied softly. "You remember,"

"Of course I remember," Taylor smiled, looking down at her food. "How could I forget the most stupid thing I've ever done in my entire life? I still can't believe that it happened."

Karlie chuckled and sipped her wine. "Well, we would have never met if you hadn't done that."

Taylor bit the inside of her cheek as she hid her blush behind her glass. "You're probably right."

"It's not that I want to talk about Jourdan and her husband, but they finally went on their honeymoon."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Hawaii. I told her that it was kind of predictable, but they both love warm weather. I can't understand them. I honestly prefer days spent inside a cottage watching the rain fall. The smell of the earth that comes afterwards is addictive."

"Me too!" Taylor exclaimed. "Summer is just not for me."

"Yeah," Karlie nodded. She seemed lost in thought as she momentarily stared at Taylor's face, but then averted her eyes and smirked. "So," she said. "We're on a date. Ask me something you want to know about me. Something uncomfortable or that would never come up during a normal every day conversation."

"Oh," Taylor blushed and chuckled. She finished eating her steak, then grabbed a small piece of her lasagna. "Um—what do you like but are kind of embarrassed to admit?"

Karlie thought about it for a second, then started laughing, placing her forehead against the back of her hand. "It's strange but I don't know—sometimes I like eating ice cream with bread."

"Ice cream with bread?"

"Yeah. Have you ever tried it?"

"No and I don't know if I want to."

"It's heaven. It's your loss."

"If you say so," Taylor giggled. She found it difficult to keep her eyes on her food when Karlie was much better to look at.

"What about you?"

"Hm..." the baker swallowed. "Oh—um, maybe it's not that unusual, but I like talking to Meredith. Like, have serious conversations with her. I know that it's just me having a monologue and speaking to myself, but talking to my cat always manages to calm me down."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed about that. I talk with animals all the time."

"Yeah, well—I live alone, so it's kind of boring sometimes. I just talk with Meredith only because I'm used to it by now," Taylor chuckled.

"Well, if you want to hear my opinion, I think that it's kind of cute. You talking with your cat."

The baker held back a smile and ducked her head. "Thanks?"

They shared a laugh. "Oh, I have a question—Where was your favorite place to go when you were a kid?" Karlie asked curiously.

Taylor sipped her wine and as she set down her glass, her lips parted with a bittersweet smile, eyes lost in the memory that flashed across her mind. "When I was ten, I used to go to this park with my mom. And there was this—this beautiful, old and rusty swing. Most of the times, the park was empty. It was a small one, so we were always alone. Just us, and the nature. And we would sit together, and my mom would tell me stories of her youth. Once, she told me the story of her and my dad. Of how they met and then fell in love. It was the sweetest thing she had ever recounted. I remember how her eyes shone, and the way she just—looked so happy and smitten. That swing was my favorite when I was a kid."

Karlie listened to her, looking into her eyes with a soft gleam. "Do you still visit that place?"

"Sometimes," Taylor shrugged.

The veterinarian nodded, and then they quickly changed the subject, exploring lighter conversations and recalling old memories. When dinner was finished, they moved the rest of their date to the living room, setting down their glasses of wine and then turning on a rom-com. They sat on the couch, their bodies turned towards each other. The movie playing on the television was soon forgotten about, as they laughed about embarrassing episodes of a very young Taylor in high school. Karlie rested her arm against the headrest of the sofa, and placed her temple against her palm. She played with a button of her blazer, as Taylor still shook with giggles.

"I was wild in high school,"

"Who wasn't?"

The baker looked up at her, and as she turned her body more towards her, their knees touched and their breath hitched. Taylor swallowed, the sight of Karlie so up close being both terrifying and exhilarating to her. Her blue eyes darted between the veterinarian's sparkling green gaze and her thin parted lips. Her brain told her to close the gap, to act on her feelings and let them rain on the other woman like a downpour. But something held her back. Karlie knew that she liked her. But what about her? Did Karlie like her back? It was still unknown to the baker, who felt vulnerable and exposed as soon as the veterinarian pushed a stray strand of blonde hair behind her hair. Long, elegant fingers traced the soft skin of her cheek, her thumb going back and forth. It seemed that Karlie wanted this too, as her own eyes fell upon Taylor's parted plump lips. At the attention, the baker licked her bottom lip, and tried not to faint as she noticed the other woman start to lean in. Everything was just so electrifying, the tension between them palpable as the sound of the movie faded and it was just them, now inches apart and their breath mingling together. Taylor was the one to take the leap of faith, tilting her chin upwards and colliding their lips in a bruising kiss. She closed her eyes and squeezed them shut, breathing in harshly as the hand around her head firmly cupped her cheek. They kissed softly for a few moments, the feeling of Karlie's lips against hers new but addictive. Her smell was intoxicating, now that it was invading her nostrils.

And then, Taylor reached out and grabbed Karlie's elbow, bringing her closer and deepening their kiss as she swiped her tongue against her bottom lip. They tilted their faces at the same time, exploring the kiss further, their breath shortening the more they stayed close. The baker let out a quiet moan as Karlie tangled her fingers in the baby hair at the nape of her neck.

She was about to pull her closer and shift into a more comfortable position, but then Karlie suddenly pushed her away, their lips disconnecting harshly.

A moment of silence passed, both of them out of breath and with lips swollen and reddened, before Taylor spoke, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I—," she paused, panicked. Her bottom lip trembled and she averted her gaze, ashamed that she could let this happen. It had been foolish of her to presume that Karlie liked her back.

"I—I'm sorry."

"I _kissed_ you, you shouldn't be apologizing. I'm sorry if I was too hasty or reckless. I shouldn't have done that."

"No—it's not—," Karlie breathed in deeply. "It's not that. It's not your fault," she began. Taylor cautiously met her gaze. "I liked the kiss. I liked the date. Everything is perfect and—I like you," the veterinarian bit her lip. The baker let out a sigh of relief, gone unnoticed by the other woman. "It's just that—it's been _four_ years."

When Taylor realized what she meant, she blushed deeply and ducked her head. "Oh, God. I know, I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, it's just—,"

"No, you didn't, Taylor. It's just—it's been awhile and you—you are the _first _person that I've truly let in after—," Karlie halted. She looked down at her hands and quietly finished. "—after Margaret.". When Taylor only nodded once, the veterinarian continued. "I'm just—I think I'm not ready yet. Not for something like this. I like you, I like our relationship, but I don't—I don't think that I'm ready for us to be—something more than friends. For now."

Taylor averted her gaze, not wanting to let Karlie see the disappointment she was sure was visible and evident inside her eyes. "I understand," she whispered, her voice coming out weak and irresolute. The veterinarian stared at the side of her face for a moment.

"I'm not saying that there won't be a future _us_. I'm just—saying that now is not the time. I'm not ready to fully give you myself, and I want to be fair with you. I want to give you a stable and happy relationship, and right now I can't give you that. I just—need more time to think about us."

Taylor nodded once again, and she mentally scolded herself when she felt the familiar stinging of tears behind her eyes. She closed both of her hands into fists, and perhaps Karlie noticed the fidgeting, because then she placed her fingers over Taylor's.

"Do you understand?" she asked softly and quietly. The baker heard concern and sympathy in her voice, and when she met her gaze, she was met with even more worry and solace.

"I understand," she replied, and her voice broke mid-sentence. If Karlie noticed, she didn't show it. She let out a silent sigh, and Taylor did everything she could do to scare away the impending lump in her throat. The baker didn't want to cry, didn't want to showcase her pain so blatantly in front of the other woman. Karlie hadn't said that she didn't feel the same; on the contrary, she had affirmed multiple times that she liked her back and that she had enjoyed the date. And yet, it still felt like she was being rejected.

"Are you okay?"

Karlie had never stopped looking at her, gazing at her with those compassionate emerald eyes that were just so full of love and concern. And Taylor knew then, that she needed to reassure her. That she couldn't let her kind soul worry over something like this. "Yeah," she forced a smile on her face. "I really understand, Karlie. I don't want to force you into a relationship you're not ready for. It's okay, I'm okay. You don't need to worry."

The veterinarian pursed her lips, not hiding her skepticism. "Alright," she eventually gave in. "I should probably go. I'm off to an early start tomorrow."

Taylor nodded and got up. Karlie stood as well, and she gathered her belongings before heading to the front door. "I'll see you soon?"

The veterinarian nodded hopefully. "Yeah. Thank you for the date. Everything was lovely and...nice. Thank you,"

Taylor only gave her a tight lipped smile. Then, Karlie leaned in, unable to hold back as she hugged her tightly. The grip around her hips, one way or another, grounded Taylor, as she buried her nose in the crook of her neck. She breathed in her scent, and closed her eyes blissfully.

"Okay, bye," Karlie whispered, pulling away and exiting her apartment.

Taylor wore the smile on her face until the door was finally shut. She let out the breath she didn't know she was holding, and leaned against the nearest wall, running a hand through her hair. When she checked the time, she was surprised to see that it was so late. Almost one in the morning. Selena was probably asleep, and even though the nurse had begged her to call her as soon as the date was over, Taylor didn't feel up to it. With another exhausted sigh, she walked up the stairs to her bedroom, head hanging low in defeat. She undressed, slipped on some comfortable pajamas, then lied underneath the warm blankets of her bed. Taylor stared at the ceiling for a few moments, dwelling on the night that had just ended. The feeling inside her chest was bittersweet and stung her in the best way possible. She felt like she had lost a match, when actually she was one step away from winning the whole game. Karlie liked her back. In the near future, she had said that there could possibly be something reserved for them.

And the realization made a lone tear run along a smiling cheek. 


	13. stand by me ; chapter 12

Karlie still remembered the first day she had fallen in love with Margaret. It had all felt like opening her eyes for the very first time, seeing clearly the world that was around her.

Margaret was three years older than her. Her dark skin was smooth and always seemed to shine under the rays of the blinding sun. Her obsidian eyes were the window to her soul, and they were never not filled with whatever went through her mind. Her frizzy raven hair were always so wild, and they reminded Karlie of summer days spent driving along the east coast, wind blowing and the hot weather bathing their skin. She remembered the long years spent calling each other nothing more than best friends. She remembered the sleepovers, the countless nights spent gazing at the sky full of stars. She remembered the first time they had kissed, right in front of Margaret's porch. She remembered the feeling of her giggle against her lips, the way it had left her heart yearning for more. She remembered all the good times; the cuddling sessions, the days when they took care of each other if one of them was sick with the cold, the impromptu road trips. What she had loved the most about Margaret was her carefree demeanor. The impulses that had woken her up many times. Margaret was everything Taylor wasn't; wild, careless, spontaneous. Taylor was rational, calculated, a woman who liked to plan everything. But Margaret was something that Taylor wasn't: dead. Taylor was _alive_, in front of her, ready to make her feel something that she had found herself craving during the past years of her life. Karlie missed being intimate with someone; the lingering touches, the little gestures, the fluttering kisses. She had gotten a taste of that intimacy a week ago, when Taylor had collided the space that had been dividing them and had kissed her so passionately, with so many emotions that had left her head spinning. Karlie still felt the feeling of Taylor's hot cheek under her fingertips, how her jaw had moved as she had managed to steal her breath away with only a simple, open mouthed kiss.

Karlie couldn't deny it; her heart wanted more. During their days apart, she had wished several times for them to be together, an invisible string constantly pulling her towards Taylor.

And yet, it felt like she was cheating on Margaret. It had felt like she was doing something wrong, even though all of her body had screamed at her that kissing Taylor back had been the right thing to do.

One week had passed since that night, when her lungs had breathed in for the first time since Margaret's death. She and the baker messaged daily, but she still felt guilty whenever she noticed how cordial and distant Taylor seemed with her words.

"What's up with you lately? You've been absent the whole afternoon."

The only person that could help her in a situation like this was the one and only, Cara Delevingne. They had met at a bakery in West Village, near Karlie's place, and the veterinarian had tried to forget about both Taylor and Margaret. The ghost of two people haunting her mind since that fateful night.

"Do you remember Taylor?" she said, her spoon forming circles inside the cup of her hot chocolate. She then took a sip, and glanced tentatively at the other woman.

"The girl that looks like a princess? Yeah, I remember her. Why?"

Cara wiggled her eyebrows at her, and Karlie couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Well, we—went on a date last week. But, well—she kissed me at the end of the night and I freaked out—,"

"What?!" Cara's scream had the people around them bug their eyes at them. Karlie shushed her with blushing cheeks, and ducked her head. "You freaked out? Why?!"

"I just—it's been four years!" she had said the same thing to Taylor, but only now does she realize how lame does that sound. Cara scoffed and leaned in.

"Yeah, well—I understand, but isn't she, like, worth a shot? I don't know, she seems like a pretty great person. Head on her shoulders and everything."

"I know, but—," Karlie shut her mouth for a moment. "—I just don't know what to do. I told her that I needed time to think if I really want to do this, but now—,"

"Well, let's understand if you want this. I can make this process more quicker," Cara smirked.

"Why are you so happy all of a sudden? Is it Kendall?"

Cara finally blushed and the smirk vanished from her face. Karlie wore a proud smile on her face. "Shut up," she muttered, looking away. "Let's focus on you. Do you like Taylor? Yes or no."

The veterinarian stared at her with wide eyes. "Well, she's sweet, and nice, and her cookies are amazing, so—,"

"I asked you a simple question, not to write an essay about miss Barbie girl."

Karlie blushed profusely and held back an embarrassed chuckle. "I—,"

"Yes or no, Karlie. It's that easy."

The veterinarian now answered without thinking, only listening to what her heart was telling her. "Yes."

"Well, do you want to kiss her? Do you want to do all the cliché and cringe stuff that couples do?"

"Yes."

"And do you want to be in a relationship with her?"

Karlie played with the ring hanging from her necklace. She still didn't know why she kept wearing it, when it was clear that her heart now belonged to someone else. "Yes," she breathed out.

"Well, then that's settled. There's no reason for you to wait. Just listen to your heart for once, don't be afraid of the consequences," when Karlie didn't say anything in return, Cara noticed her pursed lips and her absent mind. "Karlie," she called her, then continued when she had her attention. "She's not going to end up like Margaret. Just tell her how you feel. I just think that you're ready for a relationship with Taylor. You're just really, _really _scared. And it's okay—I don't blame, but life is too short to waste it on useless worries."

Karlie let out an agitated sigh. "But...what if we break up, what if I lose her? I don't—,"

"Kar," Cara stopped her rambling with a hand on top of hers. The British woman looked as serious as she sounded. "It wouldn't be real love if it didn't scare you."

The ring against her collarbone burned, and it left a pang of guilt inside her heart for the rest of the day. Later that evening, she visited Margaret at the cemetery. Karlie stood before her grave, a cheerful photograph of her dead wife staring back at her. She knew that Margaret wanted her to be happy, to live her life fully after her death. She wouldn't want Karlie to miss something like this, something special, something that could possibly lead her to the door of a new, fresh beginning. What Karlie dreaded the most was the possibility of this ending badly, with one of them, or both, ending up with a broken heart. She didn't want to lose Taylor. And despite that, she _still _wanted to be with her. To let herself be overwhelmed with the emotions that she had gotten a little taste of just a week earlier.

When the clouds above her rumbled quietly, Karlie tilted her head upwards and looked up just as a single droplet fell onto her cheek. She blinked several times, before coming to one conclusion; she wanted Taylor. She wanted to hold her hand in the streets. She wanted to wipe her tears. She wanted to hug her tightly when she had a bad day at work. She wanted to become her home, the source of solace that the other woman would always look for in her darkest days. Karlie wanted to experience _everything _with Taylor. The cozy nights spent cuddling in bed. Eating take out Chinese at three in the morning. Walk together along the shore while drunk. Kiss her under a lamppost, or under a downpour. She wanted the simplest things, and she was making the situation so _complicated_, when in reality it wasn't. Karlie liked Taylor, and Taylor liked her back. And for the moment, she decided that it would be enough.   
  
  
  
  


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As soon as Karlie got home, she pulled out her iPhone, and with a pounding heart in her chest, she quickly wrote a message to Taylor.

_Hey. Are you free one of these days? Kind of want to talk to you about something._

It was casual, and she liked casual. She didn't even know why she was so worried and nervous about this, when actually _she _was the one holding all the cards. Taylor was waiting for her to be ready, and now that she finally was, it was up to her to decide when she would tell the other woman her decision.

Taylor replied to her an hour later, when the veterinarian was mindlessly watching trash television with a bowl of salad on her lap. The ping that echoed in the living room almost made her jump out of her seat, but Karlie put her dinner to the side and swiftly grabbed the device.

_Hey, Kar. I am free, but I need your help. Actually, I need you as a veterinarian, because I don't know, Meredith has been acting strange, and I don't know what to do._

Karlie immediately got to her feet, swallowing thickly. She quickly typed a response.

_Do you want me to come over? I could check on her if you want._

Taylor responded a few seconds later.

_If it's not a problem, I would be really grateful for that._

Karlie didn't need to be told twice.  
  
  
  
  


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Taylor was a mess.

When Karlie stepped into her apartment, the baker immediately engulfed her in a bone crushing hug. The veterinarian didn't hesitate to hold her as tightly as possible, and she didn't pull away until the other woman did. There were bags under her eyes, and her blonde hair were terribly disheveled, a clear sign that Taylor has run her hand through it multiple times over the last hour. As soon as Karlie met her gaze, she painfully noticed just how pale and dull the blue of her irises truly was. It wasn't the electric color she had grown used to and admired, but it was rather similar to the one she had witnessed the night where she had told her about being Margaret's rescuer. The emotions in her eyes were the words Taylor didn't dare to speak; she was frightened and unbelievably concerned.

Taylor silently led her to the living room, grabbing her hand and dragging her forwards, and Karlie squeezed her palm in order to transmit some sense of tranquility.

Meredith was lying on the far right of the couch, and from a distance, the veterinarian could sense that it didn't feel particularly good. The cat looked exhausted, and when Karlie knelt in front of it, she noticed that it was slightly drooling.

"Have you noticed any particular symptoms?" Karlie asked, petting the small muzzle. When her hand slid along its back, she felt a dry and coarse coat instead of a smooth and shiny one. She frowned, and then looked up at Taylor.

"I don't know," the baker replied quietly. She kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other, and her arms were crossed over her chest, as if she was trying to grow apart from a possible cruel reality. "She has—barely eaten in the last three days. She just sleeps and doesn't even flinch when I pick her up to cuddle her. It's strange. She's always been distant and far from the affection I try to show her, but this time it's different. I just—something is wrong. And I feel _useless, _because I don't want to _lose_ her, and—,"

Taylor took a deep breath and stared at the unmoving cat on the couch. Karlie knew that without blood tests or other types of examinations, she wouldn't know for sure if the baker was right or not. When she saw that Taylor was getting restless, she internally sighed and stood up. Karlie placed her hands on her wrists, and trailed her fingers up and down her arm in a soothing manner.

"Hey. You're not useless. You're doing _everything_ you can right now, alright?" the veterinarian tried to meet her eyes, but Taylor kept looking at the cat with agitation swimming in her gaze. "Hey. Look at me," she said softly. The baker tilted her head, and stared at her quietly, bottom lip slightly trembling. "I'm going to find out what's wrong with Mer. And if nothing is out of place, then this will mean that she's just in a terrible mood. It happens to cats, alright? Don't freak out, we don't know yet if she's sick or not, so don't worry. Okay? You promise me you're not going to worry too much?"

Taylor let out a trembling breath, and Karlie held her gaze as much as she could, without getting lost in her eyes. It wasn't the moment to admire her beauty, or how comfortable she looked in her sweatpants and tank top. "Okay," the baker weakly nodded, then collapsed into her arms with a relieved sigh, almost gone unnoticed by the veterinarian, who placed her chin on the crown of her head and securely wrapped her arms around her back. She held her tightly against her chest, and massaged her scalp and shoulders to give her some relief from all the stress she's put on herself.

"It's going to be okay," Karlie whispered, and she really hoped that the strong and enormous bad feeling inside her gut was wrong, and that Meredith was truly okay.

In the next few days, Taylor took Meredith to Karlie's clinic, so that the veterinarian could check on her and get blood tests. She had a vague idea of what could possibly be wrong, after she had noticed how slim the cat's body was, a sign of weight loss. And when, on Friday evening, the results for the urine test had arrived, she was terribly devastated. What she had feared the most had turned out to be true, and the fact that she could do nothing to make Meredith feel better, made her feel the worst kind of powerless feelings. Distressed and terribly upset, she told her colleagues to go home and put the closed sign outside the door. And then, she messaged Taylor, telling her to bring her cat to the clinic and that she needed to urgently speak with her. The baker responded with a simple answer, one that was too distant for her liking, but she couldn't make this situation sweeter when it was bitter and tasted sour on her tongue. This was a hard pillow Taylor needed to swallow, and if she allowed her, Karlie would be there by her side, offering nothing but her unconditional support.

The veterinarian waited for the baker at the desk, thoughts lost when the ball above the door rang and Taylor walked through the threshold. Their eyes met, and then Karlie lowered her gaze to the cat inside the carrier. She swallowed, and told herself that event though this wasn't going to be easy, it needed to be done.

"Hey," she greeted her tiredly, standing up and meeting her halfway. The clinic was warm and empty, an eerie quietness that made the situation even more upsetting. "Come with me," she said softly, placing a hand on her back and leading her to a private room. She closed the door behind them, and she heard Taylor place the carrier on top of the examination desk.

When she turned around, Taylor's eyes had a fierce determination burning inside of them, while Karlie dreaded this conversation. She knew that Taylor knew. The look on the veterinarian's face wasn't one of good news. It was of bad news. _Terrible _news.

"Taylor, the test results have arrived, and—,"

"Say it," the baker interrupted her firmly. "Don't beat around the bush. Just _say _it. _Please_," Taylor pleaded, her walls cracking and making no sound.

Karlie clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. The baker's gaze was desperate, and she was right; dragging this out wouldn't make all of this easier, she might as well just rip off the band-aid. "Meredith has a kidney disease, Taylor. That's why she's lost weight, and she's been eating less, and she drools. This kind of disease can be fatal for cats, and—," she paused, biting her bottom lip. "—I'm afraid that we've caught it too late. I can't operate, there's nothing we can do for her. I'm—really sorry, Taylor."

Taylor's eyebrows raised and her lips parted slowly. Tears welled up in her dull blue eyes, but none of them spilled. Her staggering breath became audible in the room, and Karlie wanted nothing more than hug her and never let her go. But the worst part had yet to come.

"Is she suffering?"

The veterinarian felt her heart break at the innocent question, and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yes," she replied quietly. "Yes, she is."

Taylor nodded, and the action finally made two tracks of tears slide down the slope of her cheeks. Karlie breathed quietly as Taylor allowed herself to silently cry. Nonetheless, the baker stood with shoulders straight and head held high. "What should we do?"

The veterinarian took a step forward, ready to reach out and grab her hand if needed. "I suggest—," the words stuck in her throat, because she knew that what she was about to do would break Taylor into million pieces. "—I suggest the euthanization."

The baker's façade finally crumbled, and she opened her mouth to let out a noiseless sob. The sounds of traffic were faint in the distance, and her pain was the only thing Karlie could hear and see and think of. Taylor ducked her head, pushing her fists against her closed shut eyes as she shook with silent sobs. Karlie gingerly placed a hand on her shoulder, and rubbed it soothingly while Taylor wept. She hated seeing her like this; she hated how much ache she could feel, as it came off in waves from Taylor's slightly bended forward body.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," now it was Karlie's turn to feel useless, because she couldn't do anything to take her pain away. The only thing that would do that would be being able to treat Meredith and make her healthy again, but that was not possible.

At those words, Taylor reached out and embraced her tightly, crying on her chest and freeing herself from the excruciating feeling that crushed her whole being. Karlie held her, trying to be as close to her as she could, continuously dragging her hands back and forth along her tense back. Taylor clutched her white coat, and the veterinarian felt the baker's tears stain the grey sweatshirt she had underneath. When she looked over Taylor's shoulder, her gaze met Meredith's tired one, and felt a tear of her own stream down her face.

She whispered words of comfort into her ear, caressing her hair and kissing her temple repeatedly. Taylor's sobs soon turned into sniffs. "When do we have to do it?" the baker asked quietly, her voice still shaking.

"Taylor..."

Taylor pulled away and looked up into her green eyes. "Can we do it now? I don't want her to suffer _any _longer."

Karlie sighed and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Is that what you really want?"

Taylor nodded firmly, and the veterinarian then kissed her forehead. She lingered there, hoping her kisses would at least take some of the pain away.

"Alright," she whispered. "You can put her on the examination desk, and then pet her and talk to her. Make her feel at ease while I prepare, alright?"

Taylor's lips began to tremble once again, and Karlie wondered when the tears would ever stop. The baker did what she had told her, and while she prepared a sedative for the cat, she listened to the other woman speak with a voice that sounded delicate but at the same time soothing for the eight years old cat. When she glanced behind her back, she frowned, seeing Taylor sit beside Meredith and resting her face only a few inches from the cat's muzzle. She had a forced and teary smile on her lips, and she knew that she was holding back tears for the sake of her own cat.

"Hey, Mer...I know you're scared and suffering, but it's going to be okay soon, alright? I'm here and I will _never_ stop petting you," Karlie heard Taylor sniffle, and she took a steading breath, checking that both of her syringes were ready. "I'm going to be _here_, right beside you, and I will hold your paw because you've always been there for my darkest times."

When she turned around, standing back to give them some other time, Taylor nuzzled her nose against Meredith's. "I love you, Mer. You will always be my _favorite _fuzzy cat."

She kissed her fur, and then scratched behind her folded ear, which earned her a slight and weak purr.

Karlie swallowed again and then asked quietly, "Are you ready?"

Taylor never averted her gaze from the cat. "No," she replied, then looked up at Karlie. "But—just do it."

The veterinarian nodded, then stood across the other woman. "I'm going to give her a sedative first," she injected the liquid on the cat's leg, and Taylor saw Meredith's eyes close a little bit, as if it had stung. "This way we'll be sure she won't be feeling any pain," Karlie continued. She paused for a moment, as she saw Taylor hold onto Meredith's paw tightly. "Now I'm going to give her pentobarbital. It will render her unconscious, and it will feel like falling asleep for Meredith."

As the medication was injected in the cat's blood, Taylor stared with parted and quivering lips at Meredith as she twitched weakly. When one minute of silence passed, the baker kept petting her coat, as she asked in an almost inaudible whisper, "Is she gone?"

Karlie looked at Taylor's tear stained face, and nodded faintly. "Yes. She's gone,"

Taylor then nodded repeatedly, licking her bottom lip as a fresh wave of tears stung her eyes. She rested her forehead against the examination desk, holding onto Meredith's unmoving body as she wept almost silently. Karlie exhaled as if she had held her breath for the whole afternoon, and then stood uselessly across the other woman.

"I will give you a moment," she whispered, slowly heading to the door.

But then, Taylor grabbed her wrist, and meeting her eyes, she shook her head. "No," she cried softly. "Please. _Stay_."

Karlie nodded languidly, and then came to stand behind her seated frame. She placed a hand on her shoulder, and rubbed her back in a comforting manner. The sight of Taylor crying on Meredith's slim and still body was the most disheartening thing she had ever laid her eyes upon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can hate me if you want :)


	14. gratitude ; chapter 13

After Meredith's death, Taylor's apartment became emptier and quieter. Not having Meredith's soft meows and purrs greet her after work was demoralizing, because bad days were often nursed with cuddles from her beloved cat, and now, nothing was waiting for her back at home. Only a lonely bed, a hollow bowl that was once filled with delicious kibble for cats, and soundless walls. Taylor had no one to vent with, no cat to hold onto during the night.

Karlie did a great job on being there for her. She always called her whenever she could, and she always carved out some time for her, whether it was to pass by to give her a hug or spend an entire night with her. Their friendship was still uncertain after the kiss and the date they had at the beginning of the new year, but Taylor's feelings for the veterinarian were momentarily forgotten, replaced by the dull ache that Meredith's death had settled on her chest. However, after a week and a half of wallowing and grieving, they came back stronger than ever. Perhaps it was because of Karlie's nurturing demeanor and the way she took care of her after that depressing night at the clinic, or maybe she was just falling in love with her thanks to the passing of time. Instead of diminishing, her feelings for the veterinarian only seemed to grow.

And January soon bled into February.

The bags under her eyes vanished, and her cheeks were finally devoid of any tear marks. Today was a busy day for Cecilia's Bakery, and she was frantically trying to balance two cups of Frappuccino on a polished wooden tray, while also walking clumsily towards the table that had ordered them. The couple of customers thanked her with bright smiles, and she moved on to the next table, noticing that they were awaiting a waitress.

"Hello! What would you like to order?"

However, as soon as she finished writing the number of the table on her little notebook, she glanced up and her blood froze in her veins.

"Taylor?"

Taylor gaped at the seating woman. "Emily?" the name slipped out of her lips so easily. It had been nearly over four years since the last time she's seen her, and now that she was sitting here, at her bakery, with meadow eyes so wide as they bugged up at Taylor, she suddenly forgot how to breathe.

"I didn't know you work here!" Emily laughed, but the baker smoothly unearthed the falseness and bewilderment in her laughter.

Taylor didn't know what to answer to that, and she looked down at the blank paper. Her cheeks turned red, and then she realized Emily hadn't come here unaccompanied when someone suddenly cleared their throat. As she tore her eyes away from her momentary distraction, she met obsidian eyes. They belonged to a gorgeous man, perhaps in his half thirties, and he wore a sheepish smile on his face.

"You are?" he asked, his name still unknown to her.

Taylor hung her mouth open, as she didn't know what to say next. "I'm—,"

"She's an old friend," Emily answered for her, the corner of her lips turning slightly upwards and creating awkward wrinkles on her cheeks. Taylor looked around the shop, disappointed that she wasn't needed somewhere else. "Taylor—this is my _husband_, Mark."

The man extended his hand, ready to shake Taylor's, who momentarily stared blankly at it before grabbing a hold of it. His grasp was firm and determined, and the baker wondered how could Emily have found a _husband_ in only four years. Was he the man she had cheated on her with? Suddenly, Taylor retracted her hand and subtly rubbed it against the side of her apron.

"Nice," she replied, not knowing how to respond to that. She felt terribly uncomfortable, and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "What can I bring you guys?"

Emily studied her face for a short moment, before they proceeded with their orders. Taylor never met their eyes again after that thought had struck her mind, and she quietly thanked them before literally fleeing behind the counter. She turned her back towards the shop, hoping to get rid of the uneasy feeling that was inside her stomach. In an instant, her entire relationship with Emily flashed before her eyes; the prologue of their story, the chapters that stood between the beginning and the end, filled with love, romantic outings, blossoming feelings. But as they neared the epilogue of their story, love soon turned into hatred, distance, fights, remorse. The night of their terrible break up was the final sentence that closed the story. It was almost as if she could still feel the heartbreaking sobs sear through her throat and fill the silent living room, Emily's sympathetic eyes, devoid of any tears, staring at her unavoidable downfall. Taylor remembered clearly the way Emily had practically tore her heart off her chest, and had burned it until its ashes were the only thing left.

"Taylor?"

Cecilia's voice brought her back to reality. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Uh?"

Taylor stared blankly at the redhead woman. "You looked as if you had seen a ghost," Cecilia paused. "Did you see a ghost?"

"What?! No," the baker chuckled awkwardly. "I'm just making hot chocolate for—table number four. Why?"

"Nothing," the owner shrugged. "It was a busy day today, and I just wanted to check on you, since, you know..."

She trailed off, but Taylor knew what she meant. "Thanks, but I told you not to worry about me. I'm okay," she smiled. Then she remembered that her ex-girlfriend was sitting a few feet away from them, about to drink hot cocoa with her _husband_, and suddenly a frown formed on her mouth. It didn't go unnoticed by the observant Cecilia, but she fortunately didn't mention it.

"Alright. We're about to close, so serve the hot chocolate, then you're free to go home. You deserve a break, since you didn't take a day off after—,"

"I know," Taylor nodded. "Thank you, Cece,"

Cecilia squeezed her shoulder, and then disappeared into the kitchen. She thought about her words for a moment, then placed the two cups of hot chocolate on the tray. She tried not to let her hands shake as she returned to Emily's table, her meadow eyes observing her every movement as she placed the porcelain cups on the surface. She noticed that her husband was nowhere to be seen, perhaps he had gone to the bathroom. Emily thanked her with a small smile, and before Taylor could walk away, the woman stopped her with a hand grasping firmly her wrist.

"Do you have a minute?"

"Why?" Taylor asked neutrally.

"I just—haven't seen you in a while. Take a seat, Mark just went to the bathroom."

"I—,"

"Please?" Emily begged her, her hand never disappearing from her wrist. Taylor looked down at the contact between their skin, and her ex-girlfriend immediately let her go. The baker sighed; talking with Emily for a short amount of time wouldn't kill her, right?

"I'm listening," she said, as she sat down in front of her with her arms crossed over her chest.

"How have you been?"

Taylor clenched her jaw and narrowed her eyes. "Why are you asking me that?"

"I just—," Emily played with the handle on her cup and traced its rim with her fingertip. "—I wanted to apologize. I've thought a lot about what I did to you, and I realized that I was cruel. To you. To us. I feel bad for what I did,"

The baker stared at her, lips pursed. "It's okay," she shrugged, averting her gaze. The New York City traffic outside the window was far more interesting and less painful than the memories that the sight in front of her reminded her of.

"No, it's not," Emily sighed softly. "I don't know why you were so devastated after that patient's death, but...I should have been there for you, no matter what. I should have treated you better, because you needed me, and instead I pushed you away. I'm sorry for that, Taylor. I'm really sorry."

Taylor shifted uncomfortably at the mention of Margaret and of all the implications that that single woman carried with her ghost. She swallowed, ashamed that a lump had formed at the bottom of her throat. How could Emily, after four years, still hold so much emotional power over her? "It's okay, Emily."

Her ex-girlfriend tilted her head sideways as Taylor hesitantly met her gaze. "I know that you keep saying that, and maybe it really is okay, but I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. And that I've thought—multiple times, of calling you and apologizing. But I never acted on that. I wanted you to live your life happily, and I didn't want to intrude."

The baker nodded, the soft sound of the music coming from the stereo system above them and light chatter mingling together. She held Emily's gaze, a simple question burning the tip of her tongue. When she finally gathered enough courage to let it out, she asked quietly, "Is Mark—is he the man you cheated on me with?"

Emily sighed, obviously bothered, and took her time in answering her. She sipped her hot chocolate, then gently placed the cup back on the table. When she looked up at Taylor, the baker was still staring at her, impatient to hear what she had to say. Emily opened her mouth, and slowly confirmed her suspicion, "Yes, he is. After that patient's death, you were just—so distant, and absent, as if you weren't really there anymore. And I just—didn't do anything to bring you back to earth. I was frustrated, and mad that our relationship wasn't working, so I slept with Mark. At first, it was a one-time thing, but then it became something more. We fell in love, and I just— I _knew _he was the one for the me. I knew I wanted him to be my husband, my partner for life."

Taylor nodded slowly, biting the inside of her cheek. The answer didn't hurt as much as she had expected, because at least Emily had given her the simple truth. "You know," she began, playing with the hem of her apron and not meeting Emily's expectant gaze. "_I _thought that _you _were the one for _me_. But then we broke up, and you just—disappeared from my life. Just like everybody else."

Emily frowned. "Don't say that."

"Everybody left me after—," Taylor swallowed. "—after I quit my job. James, you. Everyone left. But I'm not asking for your pity. I'm _okay_, now. I'm alright, and I feel fine. Life goes on, and I will—I _will _find the right person, too. Just like you did."

Emily's eyes roamed all over her face, then settled on her blue eyes. She nodded, and before she could add something else, Mark returned from the bathroom. Taylor stood up, and just like four years ago, she left Emily in the hands of another man.

"It was nice talking to you, Taylor,"

The baker nodded faintly. "You too," she then looked at Mark, who had a polite smile on his lips. "It was nice meeting you, Mark. Take care of Emily,"

Mark nodded, and then reached out and grabbed Emily's hand. Taylor smiled at them, and then left without another word. She went behind the counter, unfastened the lace around her abdomen and put her apron inside her purse, before exiting from the back exit and walking back home.  
  
  


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The first week of February ended with the first snowfall of the month.

While Meredith's absence was still present in her modest apartment, Taylor felt like she could properly breathe again. Each one of her friend had reached out to her, asking how she was dealing with the loss of her dear feline, and for the first time in weeks, she had answered with the truth. She was fine. She was alright. Everything was okay. Her cat was now in a better place, and if a heaven dedicated to cats existed, then that was where Meredith was now. Taylor liked to believe it.

Even some of Karlie's closest friends had cared enough to ask her about her well-being. The baker had been pleasantly surprised to hear from them, because that meant that Karlie talked about her a lot, right? Either way, she appreciated the attention she was being given, and perhaps that was what had truly helped her get through the doom and gloom she had to unfortunately endure.

Taylor flipped over a page of the book she was currently reading, and momentarily glanced outside her living room window. Wearing an oversized and worn out grey sweatshirt and comfortable pants, she laid sprawled across her couch, having nothing to do and enjoying her lazy time.

It was still snowing, and she was sure that if it continued throughout the night, a layer of soft white snow would be there tomorrow, waiting for all New Yorkers.

She smiled; she loved winter. She loved snow, and building snowmen, and doing snow angels. The sky was a soft purple grey, almost as white as the snowflakes that were incessantly falling, and Taylor was lost in the simplicity of the moment, of how everything seemed so serene and uncomplicated.

Then, the doorbell chimed, and the silence was broken.

Taylor, dazed, set down her book on the coffee table near the couch and stood up. She padded towards her front door, the sound of her bare feet thudding against the hardwood floor echoing around the apartment. When she opened the door, she was greeted by the gentle and pleasant smile blossoming on Karlie's face.

"Hey," she said softly. She leaned in for a hug, and Taylor hugged her back just as tightly. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No," Taylor shook her head with a welcoming smile. "I was just reading," she paused. "Come in, it must be cold outside."

The scarf Karlie was wearing had caught a few snowflakes, and the veterinarian took it off as she hung her jacket on the coat rack. Her cheeks were pink because of the freezing temperatures outside, her nose scarlet too.

"I have something for you," Karlie said, and only when they were standing in the middle of the living room, did Taylor notice the other woman hold a small package between her hands. The baker tilted her head, and looked up at her friend with a curious glint in her blue eyes.

"You didn't have to get me anyth—,"

"No, listen," Karlie interrupted her. The glow coming from the fire inside the hearth made her eyes look even more breathtaking and spectacular, as they sparkled with a weird combination of both nervousness and excitement. "I know you said that you are okay, but I still think that you need something that could truly make you happy again. So—," Karlie chuckled, briefly glancing at the package Taylor was intently looking at.

"What's in there?"

The veterinarian pushed her lips together in order to suppress a bigger smile. "Here," she handed the gift to a suspicious Taylor. "Open it.". When the baker was about to shake it to see if the object inside would make any sound, Karlie reached out and said with a laugh, "Careful. It's delicate,"

The baker furrowed her brows, but then, when she unveiled the contents underneath the cover of the package, her eyes couldn't believe what she was looking at. "Karlie," she whispered, and her bottom lip trembled. A pair of incredibly little blue eyes squinted up at her, a ball of fluffy white fur lying in the corner of the package. Did Karlie get her a _cat_? "What—,"

"Someone brought her at the clinic the other day saying that she didn't have a home and that they found her in the street—just scared and hungry. She's barely two months old, and I didn't find her owner, and since I couldn't keep her, I just—," Karlie exhaled deeply. "—I just thought that giving her to you would make you happy."

When Taylor looked up after a moment of silence, her eyes shone with unshed tears. "Karlie, this is—I don't even know where to begin," she chuckled. She reached inside the package and let the kitten sniff her fingers. Her high pitched, quivering voice filled her next pause, "Hey there, baby. I'm Taylor. Can I hold you?"

The small cat seemed hesitant at first, but then, as soon as its muzzle nuzzled Taylor's hand, it emitted light but noisy purrs of pure contentment and joy. The baker let out a mixture of a laugh and a sob, and Karlie smiled softly at the sight. "Do you like her?"

Taylor glanced up at her, awe swimming inside her eyes. "I _love _her."

The baker then placed the package on the coffee table, and caught Karlie off guard by embracing her in a bone crushing hug. Karlie held her tightly, arms wrapping around her entire back as Taylor's went around her neck. The veterinarian heard the other woman quietly weep and sniffle, and held her a little bit tighter. She reveled in the natural scent that lingered on Taylor's skin, and brushed her nose against the crook of her neck.

"Thank you, Kar," she whispered against her ear. "You—you're just—amazing, and I don't know—I don't know, I'm just really overwhelmed. Thank you for everything that you've done for me."

The veterinarian knew that there weren't words for this moment, and so she just rocked them back and forth and held onto her as if she were the only anchor keeping her afloat. In that single moment, they were the only souls in the world, and Karlie was struck by an overwhelming flood of love for the woman between her arms. It overflowed her heart, and revived every single sleeping organ inside her body, from her lungs it spread throughout her whole being; Karlie shuddered. The feeling made her exhale deeply and shakily against Taylor's neck. And without knowing it, they both turned their heads at the same time, their noses brushing and faces only inches apart. Because of their height difference, Taylor had to look up in order to meet her eyes.

"You don't need to thank me," Karlie whispered, and saw the way the baker's stare lingered on the movement of her lips as she spoke slowly.

"I just—you didn't need to get me a cat, but you got me one. I'm just—so grateful to have met you,"

The veterinarian swallowed and felt her breath hitch in her throat. "I just wanted to make you happy," she reasoned, squinting her eyes.

The ghost of a smile graced Taylor's mouth for a moment. Then her hand reached up to touch Karlie's cheek, and the hold around her waist got even tighter. "_You _make me happy," her voice was so quiet that she almost didn't hear her. But they were so close, that Karlie felt her words against her face as her breath warmed her cheeks. Taylor stared at her with immense gratitude, millions of emotions swirling inside her sky blue eyes. They were so tender, as they poured everything her soul felt into Karlie's green ones. The baker then glanced at her lips, the first hint of unsureness crossing her face as she took the veterinarian's head in her hands. They were so warm against her skin, the only thing that let a garden of roses bloom inside every undiscovered corner of her body. Taylor's voice was a hesitant and frightened whisper when she confessed, "I think I'm falling in love with you,"

Karlie's mouth slightly parted, her brows lightly raising. She felt her heartbeat stop; that statement alone held so much meaning and power and love. And Taylor looked so vulnerable now, a little scared soul completely conceding themselves to another person. Karlie realized that this was the perfect moment to finally come clean with her own brimming feelings, and as she caressed Taylor's face with the back of her hand, she questioned quietly, "Can I kiss you?"

She saw Taylor's throat move as she swallowed thickly, and when the only thing Taylor did was lean in hesitantly, Karlie eagerly but slowly met her halfway, colliding their lips in an explosion of two universes that were different but unique. As Taylor's hands slid along the length of Karlie's chest and then gripped her waist firmly, the veterinarian's cupped her face and brought her closer. They tilted their heads at the same exact moment, breathing in harshly before kissing again. Their noses bumped, and Taylor held onto her sweatshirt as if her life depended on it. Karlie let her lips speak for her, as they moved in synch with Taylor's. The sloppy sound of mouths and tongues meeting each other echoed around the living room along with the crackling of the fire and their heavy breathing. The night was calm and quiet, but inside, they were both filled with screaming colors and the wild beating of their hearts. Karlie's thumb glided over her cheek, and she _felt _Taylor softly moan against her lips when her tongue licked a rough path inside her mouth.

Just as she tangled her fingertips in the baker's blonde tresses, a high pitched meow sounded in the room.

As much as they didn't want to, they pulled apart and then confusedly stared at each other for a moment. The dazzled look on their faces disappeared as soon as they looked down and saw the new kitten look up at them, its paw reaching out to them. They burst out laughing, and Taylor momentarily turned towards Karlie.

"I think we got a little bit distracted," she joked.

"Yeah," Karlie agreed.

Taylor reached down and picked up the cat, holding it between them. Being the tallest between the two, the veterinarian stood behind the baker, and they ignored the fact that their fingers met more than usual as they petted the soft fur of the kitten. Karlie rested her temple against the side of Taylor's head, and she kissed her forehead lightly.

"What are you naming her?" she asked quietly into Taylor's ear. She noticed the slight shiver run along her spine, and smiled faintly.

"Olivia," Taylor replied with a soft grin and looked up and behind at Karlie. Their stares lingered, and the veterinarian wrapped her arms around Taylor's middle. The baker sighed in relief, as if she was breathing for the first time after Meredith's death, and relaxed in Karlie's strong hold. "Taylor?"

"Hm?"

Karlie prodded Taylor to turn around, and when she did, she wrapped an arm around her waist and held her close. "I think I'm ready to have a relationship with you," she said quietly. She paused to gauge the baker's reaction, but Taylor only nodded in encouragement. "And I wanted to tell you this weeks ago, the day you took Meredith to my clinic, but—I felt like it wasn't the right moment. Meredith was sick, and you were just—so sad, and then she died, and—," Karlie swallowed, looked down at the kitten and scratched the fur behind its ear. Olivia purred, and they both smiled. "I wanted to tell you, but I wanted to do it at the right moment. And now—I just feel like you're okay again, and I just thought—,"

Karlie got interrupted by soft lips being pressed against hers. The kiss was unexpected but welcome, and she sighed against Taylor's mouth as she pulled away. "I understand. And I appreciate it. I appreciate _you_."

The veterinarian nodded, momentarily closing her eyes in bliss as Taylor caressed her cheek. "I really like you, Taylor, and I want to be with you. You're the one that I want to hold hands with. You're the one that fills my stomach with butterflies, and you just—," Karlie chuckled as she looked deeply into Taylor's eyes. "—you made me believe in love again. After Margaret, I thought that I wouldn't be able to love again, but you—you keep proving me wrong. You keep proving to me that love still exists, and that is the feeling that I have inside my heart."

Taylor's eyes shone with something that resembled tears of both joy and wonder, and Karlie couldn't help but kiss her again. Their uncontrollable smiles broke the contact between their lips, and Taylor laughed against her as she placed her forehead against her collarbone.

"Does this mean—that we're together now? Like, actual girlfriends?"

"If you still want me to be, yes."

"Of course I want you, Karlie."

They both giggled, and the veterinarian cupped her cheek with her free hand, as with the other she held her tightly against her body, and kissed her. It didn't last long, because their smiles were too big.

"Girlfriends," Taylor whispered, as if to test out the word. Olivia seemed to appreciate whatever was going on between the two humans, and meowed happily. The two women giggled, and Karlie looked at Taylor as if she were the only person in the world.

"Girlfriends."


	15. rust or gold ; chapter 14

Taylor had spent the first half of Valentine's day between customers and cups filled with hot coffee. The day had passed terribly slow, and the baker had never stopped glancing at the clock on the farthest wall, counting down the minutes that were separating her from her date with her girlfriend. _Girlfriend. _Taylor had felt giddy with excitement all day; the beaming smile had never left her face, not even once, and Cecilia had appreciated the nice change in her demeanor. After the horrible week she had spent mourning Meredith's death, where her eyes had never looked so empty and bloodshot, it had been amazing to see her shine so bright. And her day had gotten even better after her fulfilling shift at the bakery. Karlie had picked her up at seven o'clock, and had taken her to the most dazzlingly beautiful and the most chic restaurant of New York City. Taylor would never forget the sight of the veterinarian in that breathtaking suit that she had opted to wear for the occasion. She would never forget the glow inside her meadow eyes, the shadow that the candle between them had casted on her flawless face; the barely there freckles, how she had kissed each one of them softly, in the backseat of a taxi on their way home. Taylor would never forget the way Karlie had constantly gazed at her, with so much adoration and fondness. And she would never forget the kiss they had shared just outside her apartment, how Karlie had leisurely glided her thumb along her cold and pink cheeks.

Valentine's day had been, to say the least, unforgettable. And to say that, was actually an understatement. No matter how much she tried, Taylor couldn't get rid of the feeling inside her chest; it was a warmth she had never felt, and it left her enamored and enchanted. She had spent the rest of the night daydreaming about the upcoming future, one where Karlie would have an important role in her life. The only thing that scared her the most was opening up again with someone new, but this was Karlie. Sweet, gentle, nurturing Karlie. It felt like she had known her for years instead of just four and a half months. And when sharing intimate thoughts with her, it all felt natural to the baker. She loved their late night phone calls they now had whenever they couldn't manage to see each other, and she loved how deep their conversations would venture during those calls. The more days passed, the more she felt close to Karlie, in a way she had never felt with anybody else. Taylor knew that she was falling in love with the veterinarian, perhaps she was already in love with her, and even though that frightened her, it also exhilarated her. No matter how hard she fell, she had the reassurance that Karlie would be there to catch her. She knew it from the way she looked at her, or the way she always seemed to be keen on touching her at whatever moment possible. And she found solace at the thought. So much, that the day after Valentine's day, her feet unconsciously dragged her to the cemetery.

Her mother would have liked Karlie. She would have _adored _her almost as much as Taylor adored Karlie. And the fact that she couldn't be here to witness her new love story, saddened the baker. But she knew that, wherever her mother was, she would always protect her and watch over her. She knew that she would be happy for her. Taylor just wished she could be there with her, just to tell her how crazy she was about Karlie and list her all the amazing quirks Karlie had.

The baker stood in front of her grave, smiling down at the photo of her mother's face. She raised her shoulders, rubbing her reddened nose against the silk fabric of her warm scarf. The snow still covered the ground like a white and fluffy blanket, and as Taylor shifted her weight from one foot to the other, it crunched beneath her boots.

She exhaled softly, her breath coming out of her mouth in a faint cloud. She buried her hands inside the pockets of her jacket, and swallowed. "I have a girlfriend, mom," she said quietly, only for her mother to hear. Around her, the emptiness and hollowness of the cemetery surrounded her, as no one was nowhere to be seen. "You would have liked her...her name is Karlie," she smiled immediately at the mention of her girlfriend. "She's sweet, and she cares about me. She's good for me, I think. After all that has happened—I think that I'm finally going to be happy. I haven't been for a while," she ducked her head, and smiled nostalgically. "She's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I'm just—I can't believe that she _chose _me. That she wants to be _with_ me. I just—feel _lucky_, mom," Taylor gazed at the unresponsive photo, and swallowed. A gust of wind blew, and it brushed the baker's blonde tresses. She briefly glanced at the grey and monotone sky, a contrast to the blooming feelings inside her chest. Then, she redirected her gaze back to the grave. "I wish you were here," she finished in a whisper.

It had been nineteen years since her sudden death, but her absence was still a heavy weight on Taylor's shoulders. She believed that she would never be over her passing, and she would always miss her. No matter what happened, she would always miss her unforgettable mother.

Taylor stood trembling because of the cold, and she heard quiet footsteps behind her. However, she didn't turn around. And right when she was about to speak again, a male and raspy voice reached her ears.

"_Taylor_? Is that you?"

Nothing would have prepared her for the sight of her father, as she turned around slowly. Eighteen long and unending years had passed since the last time she had seen him. The last memory she had of him was of his desperate cries, of his face buried in the crook of a paramedic's neck, and of his painful voice weeping and calling out his dead wife's name. She remembered his shaved and clean face, his sparkling blue eyes, his brown locks hanging onto his forehead. But what was in front of her, was incredibly and shockingly different from that joyful memory of his father's appearance. The few hair that were left on his head were grey, a scruffy beard covered his chin and cheeks. His blue eyes no longer twinkled with life, but were rather devoid of any emotions. They were dark, empty. Uninviting. And Taylor stood there, three feet of distance separating them, with her heart in her throat and her mouth hanging wide open.

"_Dad_—?"

The man smiled slightly, like a ghost, and then took a tentative, tiny step forward. Taylor swallowed and looked him up and down. Was he drunk? Why was he here? So many questions raced inside her mind, but none of them reached Taylor's mouth.

"It's—it's you. It's really you, Taylor. My beautiful _daughter_."

He reached out and tried to touch her arm, but she instinctively jerked out of his way. He seemed hurt by her blatant rejection, and furrowed his brows, his obscure eyes filling with pain and confusion. "What are you—," Taylor shook her head, and locked her gaze with his. "—what are you doing here?"

"I—I came to visit your mother. I didn't think I would see you here."

Taylor clenched her jaw and felt an irrepressible rage burn inside her chest. This was the man that had left her alone at the age of fourteen, who had abandoned her only because he had been devastated by his wife's death. This was the man that still called her his _daughter_, as if she was still considering him her _father_. Taylor looked away, and hated the familiar sting of tears behind her eyes.

"Taylor—,"

"You _left _me. You fucking left me when I was just fourteen, and you never tried to reach out. You—I'm _so_ _fucking _mad at you right now," Taylor took a step back and looked away. She heard her own ragged breath echo in the silence that hung above them.

"Baby, I'm sorry—,"

"_No_," Taylor interrupted him, anger flaming up inside her stare. "You don't get to call me that, _Richard_. I'm not your baby. And you—," the baker swallowed the lump and looked him straight in the eye. "—you are not my father. Not anymore."

"Just—let me speak, please—,"

"I don't want to hear what you have to say! You will just give me pathetic excuses, and I don't want to hear them right now!" Taylor felt incredibly uncomfortable with the way her voice raised, especially in a place where silence should be the dominating element. A tear streamed down her face, and it burned the freezing skin of her cheek. "Why did you approach me? Why couldn't you just leave me alone? You've done it so _perfectly _for the past eighteen years, why did you decide that approaching me would be a great idea, when you _knew _that it was me? Why?!"

Richard's chin wobbled, and Taylor didn't even feel an ounce of regret. Not yet, anyway. "Taylor, please, hear me out," he whispered quietly. The baker didn't have the strength to tell him to shut up, therefore she let him speak. He run a hand along his face, which was marked with wrinkles and old age. "I'm sorry. For leaving you, for disturbing you now. I'm sorry for everything. I really am. But I didn't know you would be here today. I visit your mother regularly, and I didn't expect you to be here today. And when I saw you here—I just...I wanted to speak to you. I wanted to _look _at you, and hear your voice. I'm sorry. I'm _sorry._"

His apologize sounded genuine, and when he started crying, Taylor did too, although silently and subtly. The baker looked away, not even trying to wipe away the tears from her face. She felt a huge hole inside her abdomen, and it made her feel incredibly empty. How could she feel so terrible and horrible now, when she had felt on top of the world just the day before?

"I can't even _look _at you right now," Taylor whispered, her own voice sounding strange and too hoarse to her ringing ears. She clenched her hands, and hid them inside her pockets. "I was doing fine before you came here, and you just—,"

"Taylor, I'm _really sorry_—,"

"Stop apologizing!" Taylor exclaimed, breathing harshly in the quiet of the cemetery. As soon as her fiery eyes met his frightful ones, she looked away, suddenly guilty. How could she trust him, when he had left his own daughter alone? He had lost his _wife_, but Taylor had lost her _mother_. "Stop! Just—stop opening that fucking mouth! You waltzing in here and offering your poor apologies won't make everything better! It will solve nothing, _so please_, just—stop! _Stop_."

Richard ducked his head in shame as Taylor run a hand through her hair, feeling terribly upset by how her visit was turning out. She closed her eyes, placed her palm against her forehead and took a deep breath. Despite despising the man that stood before her, feelings of discomfort and remorse lingered in every beat of her heart. She wondered what she would do, if she weren't so clouded with rage.

Richard stayed silent, respecting her wishes, and tentatively glanced at her from time to time. A part of Taylor told her to run as fast as she could, far away from the person that had hurt her deeply in the past. The other part, however, was telling her to give her _father _a chance to do better, to show her that he had changed, and that it had been a mistake to leave her behind. Taylor opened her eyes, her pulse hammering against her neck, and stared at her mother's photograph. Her mother wouldn't want them to fight. Wouldn't want them to be apart, when they had just found each other again. Her mother would have done _everything_ to make everything better, to find a solution to the problem. And perhaps, she _should_ just listen to Richard.

Hesitantly, she directed her gaze at the man, and waited for him to meet her eyes. Her tears flowed silently and gently, but they both ignored them. "When you left, I was _heartbroken_. Kids at school bullied me, because not only had I lost my mother, but I had lost my father, too. They called me _Taylor the fake orphan_, because—only _one _part of my parents had passed away. Yet, I felt like you had died with Mom. And while you got the chance to mourn her, I _didn't_. I had no friends. The teachers at school didn't help me at all, and I was—," Taylor paused and bit her tongue. Memories of hard days and nights, all spent with a lump in her throat that never seemed to go away, clouded the forefront of her mind. "—I was _fucking _alone," she said, her voice conveying anger but breaking terribly and sounding more pained and upset than ever. Taylor took a step forward, and stood a few feet away from Richard. The more she walked closer, the more she saw the signs of his old age, and the marks of years spent in loneliness. He had been alone, too. "Why did you leave me?" she asked in a teary whisper, her rage no longer shining through her words. Richard couldn't meet her eyes, as they overflowed with distressed tears. "_Why_? Couldn't you just stay with me? Be my _father_? Was that really that _difficult_? I don't know—did I—did I do something wrong? Was it me that you were running away from?"

Richard looked up at her, only staring at her for a moment. She held her breath, as she waited for his response. He pursed his chapped lips and lowered his head in shame, as he replied, "You reminded me of _her_. You _still _remind me of your Mom, and it was just—so painful. I couldn't breathe whenever I looked at you, and you just—you made me miss her more, after she died. And I—I couldn't take it anymore, and I just—I just _left_. I know now that that was a mistake, and it wasn't fair to you, but I just—I needed to breathe. I _desperately_ needed to breathe, to have my head above the water, and I wasn't able to do that with you. I'm sorry, I just—needed to _breathe_."

Taylor didn't know that words could cut that deep. She felt her own soul shatter, as her lips slightly parted and her eyebrows raised in disbelief. Her tears, suddenly, streamed faster than before, blurring her vision and wetting her chin.

Taylor looked down at her feet, unable to meet his gaze. "So—you let _me_ drown."

The baker nodded silently to her own words, now understanding his reasons better. Richard seemed to be caught off guard by her observation, and his eyes widened in realization. Taylor regretted asking him that question, now that she knew the answer. And as she held back a heartbreaking sob, swallowing it down her throat, she stepped away and walked past the man, who had already started to call out her name. Once again, she heard Richard apologize to her, but her ears were ringing, and the words never reached her mind, fogged up with guilt, remorse, and anguish. From the cloudy sky, heavy snowflakes fell, and only when she was sitting in the safety of her own car, did she allow her forehead to rest against the steering wheel and let all the emotions crumble her whole body.   
  
  
  
  


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Karlie kept glancing at her watch, her friends' voice flying above her head. Her eyes then darted from the door to the screen of her iPhone, which continuously reminded her that Taylor was incredibly late and that she hadn't sent her any messages to warn her of her delay. The veterinarian sighed, and the only one that noticed was the dark skinned woman sitting next to her; Jourdan.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Karlie forced a smile on her face and fiddled with the glass between her hands. "She's late."

Her friend stared at her for a moment longer, probably analyzing whether she was angry or sad by this outcome. Then, Jourdan shifted, her body turned towards the veterinarian. "Well, maybe something unforeseen came up at work—,"

"She didn't work today. The bakery is closed on Sunday."

The dark skinned woman was at a loss for words, as nothing seemed to improve the situation.

"Did you try to call her?"

"Yes, but I'm always sent to voicemail," Karlie sighed and finished her drink. The soft jazz music of the bar filled their silence, along with Cara's exuberant laugh. "And she's never late," the veterinarian furrowed her brow, and then pushed away the empty glass. "Dammit," she muttered, clearly frustrated.

"Hey, don't freak out yet," Jourdan put a soothing hand on her shoulder, and squeezed. "Maybe—,"

"She's never late, Jourdan. And if something happens, she always warns me beforehand. Something _is _wrong. And I don't know what to do."

Karlie sounded more defeated now, as she slouched forward and breathed deeply. "Is there something that I can do?" Jourdan asked, tentatively.

However, their private conversation is interrupted by Derek, who turned in his seat and looked around their table. "Hey, Karlie—," he started. He was slightly tipsy, and Karlie dreaded whatever he had to say to her. "—where's Taylor? Wasn't she supposed to hang out with us tonight?"

The veterinarian's heart broke at the question, and she tried not to let her disappointment show as she replied, "Well, she won't join us tonight, I think."

"What? Why?"

"I—," Karlie paused, not having a good enough excuse for Taylor's absence. Cara looked almost as disappointed as she felt, and the veterinarian looked away. "—I don't know."

"You _don't _know?" Gigi piped up, sounding confused by her reply.

Karlie began to feel restless, as she shifted uncomfortably under her friends' curious gazes. "Guys—,"

"Leave her alone, guys," Jourdan interrupted her. "Taylor will join us another time, come on,"

Karlie appreciated her gesture, and she sent her a little smile. "Actually—," she stood up, attracting everyone's attention because of her height. "I think I'm going to go,"

"What?! But our night has just started, Karlie!"

Only Gigi and Jourdan seemed to understand her true intentions, as the veterinarian swiftly gathered her belongings. "I know, I'm sorry, I—I will see you soon, I promise."

She waved at all of her friends, and caught Jourdan's encouraging grin. Then, she exited the bar, and was immediately met with the cold temperatures of mid-February. Karlie hugged herself, and walked fast towards her car. She drove to Taylor's apartment, her hands shaking with nerves as she didn't know what to expect. This was unlike the baker. The last time she had ghosted her like this, was when they had taken that walk in the park, when Taylor had run away after discovering that Karlie's wife had died in a car accident.

Karlie rang the intercom, and stood waiting. Nobody answered her, but determined, she buzzed again. Still, silence met her ears, and she cursed under her breath as she took three steps back and looked up at the ominous building. A sense of comfort filled her heart when she noticed that the lights inside Taylor's apartment were on; that meant that she was home, safe, and wasn't in danger. But that also meant that she was ignoring her.

Karlie cursed again, however, by the luck of the draw, a resident of the place stepped out of the building, and their eyes met briefly.

"Hold the door, please!" she exclaimed quickly, then smiled at the old man, who kindly widened the door and let her in. Once inside, she took the stairs two at a time, and reached the last floor. Karlie knocked loudly at Taylor's door, and began, "Taylor, open the door, please. I know you're in there and that something is wrong. _Please_, open the door, I want to help you, whatever it is."

Nothing changed on the other side of the door, no movements were heard, and she sighed, once again knocking and speaking at the same time, "Please, Taylor, please! Open the door, I want to be there for you. Let me be _there _for you, please. Taylor—,"

But then, the door suddenly opened, and Karlie was slightly caught off guard, since she was leaning against it. However, at the sight of a teary eyed Taylor, with bags under her eyes, and comfortable and baggy clothes covering her body, her heart broke into million pieces. Karlie didn't even have a chance to say something, as Taylor's arms wrapped around her back and hugged her close. The veterinarian didn't hesitate to hold her tight, and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head, as she felt the baker nuzzle her nose against her neck. Then, she let herself in, and with her foot, she closed the door behind them.

"It's okay. I'm here. Everything is okay, I got you," Karlie whispered against her ear. Taylor sniffled, and the quiet sound of her cries made the veterinarian tighten her hold around her fragile body. Taylor clung to her coat, constantly gripping handful of the cold fabric in her quivering hands, as if she were afraid that Karlie would flee at any moment. The veterinarian whispered sweet nothings, only for them to hear, and closed her eyes. If she was being honest with herself, seeing Taylor so desperate and afflicted with sorrow worried her. Just the night before, they had had an amazing time together. And Karlie had even promised herself that she would do anything, from now on, to prevent sadness from clouding the beautiful woman that was between her arms.

The veterinarian, after some time spent hugging in silence, took the baker's hand and dragged her to the living room. They sat on the couch, and Taylor immediately hid her face in the crook of her neck. Karlie wrapped an arm around her small back, and kissed her forehead. She saw a few used tissues on the coffee table, and run a hand through Taylor's messy blonde hair.

"What happened?" she asked quietly, tentatively. She felt the baker shake her head in a negative manner, a clear sign that she didn't want to talk about it, but Karlie prodded her, "Please, tell me what's wrong. I want to help you,"

Taylor trembled in her arms, and hesitantly pulled away, finally meeting her eyes shyly. Karlie cupped her face with one hand, and wiped away her tears with her thumb.

"I don't—," when her voice broke, the baker cleared her throat. "—I don't know if I want to tell you what's wrong."

"Okay," Karlie respected her wishes. "I'm just _worried _about you, because—I care _a lot _about you."

The first, genuine smile appeared on Taylor's face, although it seemed to come from a place of sadness. The baker's gaze fell down on her lips, and in seconds, she was leaning in, closing the gap between them. Kissing was still relatively new for them, and Karlie tried to remind herself that she needed to breathe, as she gripped Taylor's hip and tangled her other hand in her hair. When their tongues accidentally met, she heard the baker quietly moan, and the atmosphere shifted just slightly. Taylor was suddenly moving, one leg thrown over Karlie's lap, straddling one of the veterinarian's legs. The baker dragged one hand along her front, and the taller woman shuddered at the sensation of her slim and graceful fingers brush against her clothed chest. Taylor dominated the heated kiss, rendering Karlie breathless beneath her as she run her hand through her hair.

When the veterinarian finally registered what was truly happening, she slowed down the pace by placing a hand against the baker's shoulder. The kiss ended, and Karlie tried to regain her senses as she was overwhelmed by the lingering feeling of Taylor's lips, her fruity and natural scent, and the sensation of the baker's whole body against hers.

"Taylor..."

"I'm sorry—was this too much?" the panic in her voice was clear, and when she began to move away from her, Karlie tightened her hold around her waist and kept her in place.

"No, no, it's not that," she smiled, grazing her hand along Taylor's side. She felt her relax and get rid of the tension that had settled moments before, and Karlie continued, "It's just that—are you okay?"

Taylor sighed, and averted her gaze in shame. "I—,"

"I don't want to oblige you to tell me what's wrong, but just know that I want to be there for you. You can _talk _to me, you can tell me anything. Don't be afraid."

Taylor slightly teared up. She placed a hand against Karlie's shoulder, and rested her forehead against hers, inhaling deeply. "I saw my father today," she whispered quietly between them. The veterinarian held her breath, for fear of missing anything that came out of her mouth. "I was visiting my mother at the cemetery, and I just—he came out of nowhere and—," Taylor paused, eyelids quickly hiding her pained blue eyes.

"You saw—_your _father? You mean..."

"The one that abandoned me when I was fourteen and my mother had just died, yeah,"

Karlie frowned deeply, as she heard sounds of frustration and resentment in Taylor's voice. She held her a bit tighter, as she noticed that the baker was beginning to build invisible walls around herself in order to protect herself. "And what happened?" Karlie asked softly, searching for her eyes.

Taylor wasn't able to meet her gaze as she continued, "We just—we just talked. I didn't expect him to be there, and he didn't expect me to be there, either. So, it was like—being struck by a lightning and I couldn't move and I was just—stuck. I was angry, powerless, and just felt so _fucking _vulnerable," she took a deep breath, sliding her palm along her face as she sighed. "And then I just—I made the mistake of asking him why the _hell _did he leave me like that and—and I wish I had _never_ asked him that,"

Karlie let the silence between them linger for a moment, before ducking her head, with the intention of meeting Taylor's blue eyes. She brought a hand up to her face and cupped her cheek, gently brushing her thumb against the tender skin that had been so rudely etched with cruel tears. "Taylor..."

"He left me because I reminded him of Mom. I was a burden to him, Karlie. He—," the baker halted, releasing a shuddering breath. Their eyes met, and Karlie immediately understood what Taylor had felt.

"Hey, baby," Karlie gathered the woman in her arms, laying her legs over her own lap and holding her face between her hands. Taylor, tearful, leaned into her touch, despite having difficulties in holding her intense stare.

"He left me because he couldn't love me anymore, Karlie. If I were never born, he wouldn't have suffered that much, but he did, _because of me_, and it's all _my fault_—,"

"Hey, _no_," Karlie interrupted her immediately, pushing their foreheads together and shushing her by kissing her firmly but gently. "Don't think like that. It was never your fault, alright? You did nothing wrong," she stated. She wanted Taylor to believe her, because the way the baker thought scared her. It terrified her, and it made her heart explode inside her ribcage. Karlie hoped that the panic she felt throughout all her body wasn't that visible inside her eyes.

"It was, Karlie!" Taylor exclaimed, but her voice came out strained and exasperated. "After my mother died, he didn't see me as his _daughter_ anymore, he just saw me as the little girl who looked like his dead wife. And he couldn't _bare _that, so he just—disappeared, and maybe I should have—,"

"Stop,"

"No, Karlie! You don't understand. I just feel like—like I—," Taylor struggled for words, eyes looking anywhere but Karlie. The veterinarian bit her bottom lip, her brows furrowed and worry etched all over her face. "I feel _so useless_, and—abandoned, and worthless, like I am of no use here,"

The confession shook Karlie to the core, as Taylor ducked her head and trembled with uncontrollable sobs. The veterinarian, caught off guard by her words, just sat there and watched the other woman fall apart, having no words yet to describe the incredibly hollow feeling inside her heart. Then, silently, she wrapped her arms around Taylor's neck and pushed her against her chest, as the baker covered her face with both of her palms. Karlie decided to hold her for a little bit, knowing that letting her get rid of all the emotions that weighed heavily on her shoulders was for the best. She rocked them back and forth, gently, and whispered soothing words against her ear, as lullabies of comfort to Taylor's aching soul.

When infinite minutes passed by, Karlie began talking in a hushed whisper. "You're the most selfless, gorgeous and kind hearted woman I've ever met, Taylor. When I met you, back in September, I couldn't believe my eyes. You were the match that set my whole body on fire, and you still make me feel that way. You make me a better person, you make me want to improve myself every day, because _your strength _continuously inspires me, Taylor. You keep on bringing a smile to my face, even when it's hard to find the light among all the darkness. You made me believe in love again, and you—," Karlie slightly pulled away from her, cupping her cheeks and staring deeply into her eyes. "You are worth every single risk that I was afraid of running for all these years. You are worth every single tear that I shed and that I will shed in the future. You are worth every single heartbeat that makes my blood pulse. You are the _most important_—the most precious person that I have right now, and I am terrified of losing you. I don't want you to think that you're useless—because you're not. You hear me? You're _not _useless. You are everything to me, and I—," Karlie swallowed. The tears in her eyes had stopped, and Taylor held her breath. "—I _care _about you. And I can't imagine my life without you in it."

The baker's face lit up with a small, genuine and watery smile, and Karlie pecked her forehead. She had said the right words at the right time, and she hugged the woman tightly, with the intention of piecing her broken pieces back together. Karlie heard Taylor let out a sigh of relief, and goosebumps covered her whole body when the baker snuggled under her chin, relaxing between her arms. The veterinarian kissed the top of her head, and nuzzled her nose into her hair, enjoying the vanilla scent that Taylor always seemed to have.

Then, slowly, she pushed slightly at Taylor's shoulders, making her lie down on her side. Karlie spooned her from behind, circling her waist and intertwining their fingers, resting them against the baker's abdomen. She had every intention of holding her tight for the rest of the night, even if that meant sleeping on the couch and waking up with an uncomfortable backache the morning after. But she didn't care about that, because Taylor was what truly mattered the most to her.

Karlie's body adjusted to the shape of the baker's; from her bent legs to her upper back. And it wasn't long before both of them fell asleep, content to be in each other's arms. 


	16. cornelia street ; chapter 15

Taylor woke up to the bitter smell of coffee wafting through the apartment and to the feeling of comfort and warmth. The sound of soft television filled the silence of what she assumed was early morning, and when she shifted to lie on her back, the fluffy blanket that rested upon her body fell sideways. She took a deep breath, her throat dry and her eyes feeling two hundred pounds heavy. When she glanced outside her floor to ceiling windows, she watched the reflection of dull rays of the sun bathe New York City. There was a slight haze covering the awakening city, and it all felt empty, when suddenly the events of the day before collapsed onto her barely awake mind.

Taylor swallowed, a weak attempt at getting rid of the scratchy feeling that cut her throat, and closed her eyes. She sighed, deeply, and inhaled quietly. Taylor heard Karlie leisurely whistle to herself, and the wavering sound brought a small smile to her face. _She's still here._

She sat up, placing her weight against the backrest of the couch, and stretched out her arms in order to get her sleeping muscles to wake up with her whole body. Taylor felt incredibly exhausted, worn out to the bones, but she stood up nevertheless and walked down the hall. In the kitchen, she found Karlie standing against the countertop, spatula in hand, watching the news. When she noticed her girlfriend at the threshold of the room, she reached for the remote and lowered the volume.

"Hey," she smiled.

Taylor couldn't help but return the smile. "Good morning."

Karlie stared at her for a moment, before softly saying, "I prepared some coffee. The pancakes will be ready in a minute."

Taylor sat down on one of the stools and gazed at the younger woman. "You didn't have to do any of this."

Karlie detached from the countertop and sat beside her. "I _wanted _to."

The veterinarian gently intertwined their fingers and squeezed her hand. The gesture brought a blush to Taylor's cheeks, as the baker ducked her head and hid her growing smile. She watched Karlie's thumb go back and forth along her knuckles, and appreciated every single action that she was doing. From holding her hand, to preparing her breakfast unexpectedly.

"How are you?" Karlie quietly asked. She sounded tentative, almost concerned, but she did everything in her power to camouflage her feelings with a comforting smile. Despite not wanting to talk about her encounter with her father, Karlie deserved to know the truth.

"I'm—well, I _feel _okay this morning," Taylor shrugged, not meeting her gaze.

"Do you want some water?"

The baker nodded, and silently, Karlie got up and gave her a glass filled with cold water. The sensation of the fresh liquid sliding along her sore throat made her close her eyes, and within seconds, she finished her glass. "Thanks," she muttered. The veterinarian went back to hold her hand after she placed two plates in front of them, two delicious pancakes laying on them. The steam floating in the air, along with their sweet smell, made them look all the more inviting, but still Taylor didn't feel all that hungry. Although she had eaten very little the previous night, before Karlie had come to her place.

"It's tough, you know," Taylor suddenly spoke. Karlie slowed down her chewing and in mere minutes, the television was turned off, and the veterinarian had all of her attention trained on the baker. "So much time had passed since the last time I saw my father, that I had started thinking he was dead, or in prison. I never considered—," Taylor paused and sighed. She pushed a piece of pancake around her plate, and then exhaled deeply. "I never thought that I would ever see him again. After he left me."

"That's okay," Karlie nodded, rubbing her forearm soothingly. A moment of silence passed by, only to be interrupted by the sound of a siren sounding in the distance. When even that haunting sound disappeared, the veterinarian continued, "I'm glad you told me. I was—_really _worried about you last night," she admitted.

It was Taylor's turn to squeeze her hand. "I never meant to scare you. I'm sorry,"

"You don't have to apologize," Karlie smiled softly. "I'm happy to see that you're okay this morning. And I'm happy that you shared your thoughts with me last night, even though they were not exactly easy thoughts to share with someone else."

Taylor grinned and moved her stool closer to Karlie's. She leaned in and kissed her cheek, before the veterinarian quickly turned her head and briefly let their lips meet for a good morning peck. "Thank you for coming over last night," she whispered. "And I'm sorry for standing you up. I was really looking forward to last night, but then—you know, everything else happened, and I couldn't find the strength to—,"

"Hey, it's okay," Karlie interrupted, placing a hand over her cheek and brushing a stray strand of blonde hair out of her face. She caressed her face with the gentlest of touches, and grinned. "I told my friends that something really important and urgent came up, and that you were sorry for bailing out. They understood, and they told me to tell you not to worry about anything. That we'll find another day to all meet together."

Taylor nodded and placed her head against her shoulder. "You're the best, you know that?"

"Hm, I know, but it's nice to hear that from you," Karlie teased. The baker chuckled, and found that the vibration of laughter tasted strange inside her mouth. She turned her head again and then tugged Karlie's long sleeved shirt, urging her to meet her lips. They kissed softly under the light of a new day, and the more their lips collided, the more the weight on Taylor's chest felt lighter and lighter, until, days later, it disappeared completely.

Despite their packed schedules and long shifts at work, they still managed to see each other almost daily. Since Karlie's clinic was really close to Taylor's place, and the baker was usually the first to finish at the bakery, Taylor's apartment was often the building they loved to stay at. Karlie would come over after work, and Taylor would have the opportunity to cook her dinner and prepare a dessert for her. The veterinarian, however, was always hesitant when it came to stay the night. They had shared a bed before, in the early days of their friendship, however, now that they were more than friends — and most importantly, they had never done much besides making out — there was this tension neither of them could get rid of. Whenever midnight rolled around, saying goodbye to one another always turned out to be a difficult and awkward task.

But not tonight.

Tonight, Taylor would be brave and ask Karlie to stay the night. Tonight, she would dare a little more with her choice of clothing, wear lace underneath a dress she had bought days before for this occasion in particular. She didn't know how the veterinarian would react; perhaps it was too much too soon, but they had been together for three weeks, they were grown adults, and not knowing what Karlie's skin against hers felt like was starting to become unbearable. Though, she would never admit to herself, that maybe she was being a little impatient and eager.

At exactly eight o'clock, Karlie knocked at her door. They were going to hang out with Karlie's friends first, and then Taylor would eventually invite her back to her place.

The baker exhaled deeply and stood up on trembling legs, her hands shaking from all the anticipation her mind had built for the past three hours. She had called Abigail in the afternoon, looking for some tranquility in her friend's voice, and she had given her just that. Abigail had reassured her that first times with someone new were always frightening and scary, but they were also exhilarating and worth it. When she had asked her if Karlie was worth it, Taylor hadn't hesitated when she had immediately replied with, "Of course, she is,". Abigail had teased her, but Taylor had appreciated the lighthearted jokes her friend had made.

Standing in front of her front door, Taylor fixed the invisible wrinkles of her short green dress and run a hand through her wavy hair. She hesitated, before finally thrusting the door open, revealing a breathtaking Karlie on the other side of it. When both of their eyes lowered to admire each other's outfit, they both laughed out loud when they noticed that they were basically wearing the same color and were matching.

"Well, this is absurd," Karlie chuckled, reaching out to her and placing her hands onto her hips. The veterinarian was wearing a simple cotton pantsuit, the first few buttons of her button down shirt unfastened, revealing a sparkling golden chain underneath.

"We've been dating for three weeks and we're already so annoying," Taylor lightly joked, but her breath hitched when she noticed that Karlie's eyes couldn't seem to stop wandering lower. They then settled on the neckline of her dress, and a blush appeared on both of their cheeks as soon as they met each other's shy gaze. Taylor smiled; she had bought this dress _especially _for the neckline, which accentuated her modest breasts, and Karlie seemed to appreciate all the skin on display.

Taylor tugged one of her sleeves and tilted her head upwards, kissing her softly in greeting. Karlie gripped her hips and kissed her back just as gently.

"We have to go," the baker whispered quietly, before the veterinarian kissed her again. She giggled against her lips, as she added, "Otherwise we'll be late."

"Let's be late, then," Karlie smirked, closing the gap once again. Taylor felt weak in the knees when the veterinarian let her hands explore unfamiliar parts of her bodies. Before she could even graze her fingertips against her lower back, however, Karlie pulled away and grinned sheepishly. "Okay, let's go. I can't get distracted,"

They made small talk during the brief walk to the car, and once inside, a comfortable silence settled upon them until they reached the restaurant. They held hands on their way inside, and one of the waitresses led them to their table. Unsurprisingly, they were the last to arrive, therefore all of Karlie's friends were already there. Cara whistled — which wasn't unexpected — and Derek shouted some compliments their way. They were the loudest of the group, after all.

Taylor blushed fervently at receiving so much attention, and Karlie squeezed her hand before she pulled her towards their seats. In front of the baker, sat Jourdan, who kindly complimented her choice of outfit. Gigi, on her right, did the same, and added a wink at the end of her statement.

"It's been so long, girl! And _look at you_! You are _stunning_!" Derek exclaimed.

"Thanks," Taylor chuckled shyly, looking at her fiddling fingers on her lap. When she looked to her left and met Karlie's eyes, she was surprised to be met with such a tender yet intense stare. "You guys are looking great, too,"

"Well, _you _look like a goddess. And both of you—you're the hottest couple I've ever seen, for sure," Cara said with a smirk.

"Speaking of couples," Karlie spoke up, folding her arms and placing them on the table. "How are you and Kendall?"

The smug smile completely vanished from her face at the question, and the table erupted in exuberant laughter at Cara's expenses. Cara blushed; she wasn't really _fond of _speaking of her relationships. As for why, Taylor didn't know. She would surely ask Karlie about it later.

"Let's talk about something else," Cara muttered sheepishly.

"Well, girls," Derek interrupted them, raising his glass even though it was empty and they still had to order. "I met a very _cute guy_ a week ago and I think this could go somewhere, so cheers!"

"We don't even have wine yet, Derek," Gigi laughed.

"Oh—," Derek looked around them, before grabbing the arm of a waitress that was passing by. The group giggled as he ordered two bottles of red wine. Taylor was amused by the wildness of the man, and she briefly glanced at Karlie, not wanting to miss a second of her blinding and sunshiny smile.

A few minutes later, menus were finally delivered to their table, and they fell into a comfortable silence as they all decided what to order.

"Guys, did you know that Derek was starting to consider the idea of turning into a vegetarian?" Cara asked with a big grin, looking at the man at the head of the table. They had taken their orders, and the fact that Derek's was meat free didn't go unnoticed.

"It's not true," Derek shook his head dismissively. "I just want to eat healthier. That doesn't mean that I will become a vegetarian."

Karlie stared at him with an amused expression. "I was for a few months a while ago, but then I gave up because, _you know_—steak."

Hums of agreement echoed between the table, and then they went back to small talk. Taylor was partly silent during the dinner, as she busied herself with her food and tried not to get nervous about what would happen later back at her place. Karlie noticed her quiet demeanor, and gently placed her palm on her bare thigh, softly gliding her thumb along the slightly cold skin. Taylor shuddered at the sensation that run through her entire body that then settled at the pit of her stomach, but smiled nevertheless when Karlie glanced her way with an encouraging nod.

"I still can't believe that Taylor was straight in high school," Cara giggled, chewing on her steak as Taylor froze at the mention of her name.

Everyone tried to stifle their laughter, but it was of no use as the baker blushed at the reminder of _that _horrible memory. "Don't, please," she begged with a chuckle.

"But then—did you have any boyfriends in high school? Or was that encounter in the bathroom the only traumatic experience you had with a guy?"

"As if that wasn't traumatic enough," Taylor muttered, but the whole table heard her and then laughed out loud at her dry humor. She smiled, as she continued, "No, I didn't have a boyfriend in high school. I've dated, like—only three girls."

"Aside Karlie?" Jourdan asked, looking curious while Cara, Gigi and Derek only seemed interested in making fun of her.

"Yeah," Taylor swallowed. "Two out of three cheated on me," she chuckled sheepishly.

"Oh, God, that's awful," Gigi said sympathetically.

"You must have a magnet for those type of girls," Derek giggled, obviously tipsy from all the alcohol he was consuming. Karlie sent him a glare, but Taylor placed her hand over the one that was on her thigh and smiled comfortingly. _It's okay_.

"I'm sorry for that, Taylor," Jourdan replied, sounding genuine. "I promise that Karlie isn't a cheater,"

"Jour," Karlie laughed uncomfortably.

"What? It's true! You're a good person and you're loyal to your partner."

"Well, you can't say that about—,"

"Cara," Karlie warned her. "Don't,"

Taylor sensed the air in the restaurant shift, and she felt like she was being excluded from a conversation she wasn't allowed to hear. Derek fell silent, and Karlie and Cara held a staring contest, while Jourdan and Gigi glanced worriedly at each other.

"Fine," Cara muttered, finishing her glass of wine and taking the last bite of her meat.

An uncomfortable silence fell upon them as Taylor played with the remaining food on her plate. She felt out of the loop, as if Karlie was still keeping secrets from her after all they've been through, and sighed quietly, not wanting to be noticed. She wanted to have a moment for herself, perhaps to regain control of her wild thoughts, but going to the bathroom wasn't an option; Karlie would follow her, without an ounce of doubt. But staying here and listen to the incredibly heavy silence was starting to become unbearable for her.

Fortunately, though, Jourdan changed the subject, and attempted to lighten the mood. Karlie's hand disappeared from her thigh, and for a moment, Taylor thought that her plans for the night would all crumble because of this one conversation she still couldn't quite understand. _Who was Cara about to mention?_

"I don't want dessert, thanks," Karlie smiled, seating with her back against the backrest of her seat. She seemed distant, her green eyes somber and her body stiff. Taylor wanted to _understand _so badly what was going on, but she feared that if she asked she could probably worsen the situation. _But what is the situation here?_

"Oh, come on," Jourdan said, sounding disappointed.

Instead of facing her friend, Karlie turned to Taylor and asked her, "Do you want dessert?"

The baker thought about it for a minute, before shaking her head quickly. "I'm full, thank you,"

"Well, then I think that we'll go now. Have to start early tomorrow,"

Taylor knew that it was a blatant lie, and Derek started to object, "Kar, don't be a party pooper. We wanted to go to a bar later! Come with us!"

"No, thank you, Derek. But we had a lot of fun tonight, didn't we?—,"

Karlie turned to Taylor, expecting a response, and the baker agreed. "Yeah, it was nice spending some quality time with you guys."

"Too bad that our night has to end so soon, though," Gigi piped up.

Taylor didn't miss the way Jourdan analyzed the veterinarian as they both stood up, gathering their coats and beginning to hug all the members of the group. Karlie was about to say goodbye, when Derek tried once again, "Please, Kar, can you—,"

"Derek," the veterinarian chuckled helplessly. "Don't push it," she warned playfully.

"Alright," he gave in, raising his hands in surrender.

"Well, then—bye guys! See you soon!"

"Bye, girls!"

"See you soon, hotties!"

A smile upturned their lips as they headed for the exit of the restaurant, but once outside, Karlie's demeanor changed. She walked with her head down, hands hidden inside the pockets of her dark green pants. Taylor brought her coat closer, the cold breeze of the night making her shudder. Karlie seemed to be in her own bubble, as she didn't do anything to pull her closer and warm her with an arm around her waist.

They reached Karlie's car, and sat on their respective seats. The veterinarian didn't say a word as she drove through the quiet streets of New York City, until they turned left into Cornelia Street. Taylor was overthinking; she didn't know whether she should invite her inside or let her go back home. Karlie was wearing the deepest frown she had ever seen, and the sight was discouraging.

When the veterinarian slowed down and stopped the car in front of her apartment, she turned off the engine and then sighed softly. They stayed silent, both of them aware of the undeniable tension that had been there since that particular reaction Karlie had had after Cara's unfinished remark. Taylor stared at her hands, briefly glancing at the other woman from time to time. Karlie was still gripping the sides of the steering wheel, her knuckles white and her jaw firmly clenched.

The baker dared to open her mouth. "Do you want to come in?" she asked hesitantly, afraid that she could send the wrong message to her girlfriend.

Karlie finally met her gaze, and the look inside her eyes was unreadable; Taylor didn't like that one bit. Being unable to decipher her girlfriend's emotions was one of the worst things she could ever experience. "I don't think—,"

"Please," Taylor begged, turning her body towards her and taking one of her hands in between hers. "I—," she paused, exhaling shakily. "I want you to _come in_."

Karlie stared at their linked hands, before looking up at her expectant blue eyes. "Alright," she sighed softly. Taylor tried to calm down her heart as it beat rapidly against her ribcage. They got off the car, and held hands while descending the stairs that led to the last floor of the building. Taylor opened the door to her apartment, and hoped that Karlie hadn't noticed just how much her hands were trembling.

Then, they stood motionless in the middle of the hall, staring at each other's eyes. And just as Karlie was about to move her legs towards the living room, Taylor beat her to it. Within seconds, the baker took two long strides and closed the distance that was separating their bodies. She felt her soul ache with desire as her lips hungrily met Karlie's in a passionate kiss. Fortunately for her, Taylor didn't have to stand on her tip toes thanks to her heels, and she reached up in order to tangle her hands in Karlie's hair and pull their faces closer. She tilted her head, deepening their kiss as she breathed deeply when their tongues finally met. Taylor let her fingers rake through her long blonde tresses, before gently dragging them along Karlie's clothed chest.

And that was when Karlie quickly pulled away. Breathless, she said, "Taylor—,"

"What is it?" Taylor asked, sounding out of breath too. Their noses brushed against each other, and the baker couldn't help but whimper, feeling an aching sensation tear her stomach apart.

"I—," Karlie struggled for words, as she loosely held Taylor by the hips. "I know you are thinking about what Cara was about to say,"

The baker stared into her eyes. "I'm not," she lied. She tried to reconnect their lips, but Karlie dodged her kiss.

"Don't lie to me," Karlie said firmly.

"_You _don't lie to me," Taylor snapped, unable to contain her frustration any longer. She regretted it as soon as the words were out of her mouth, and quickly apologized, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—,"

"It's okay," Karlie whispered. "We're in a relationship, you deserve to know all the details that belong to my past."

Taylor pursed her lips, her legs quivering and her whole body begging to be touched. But Karlie had other plans, and the veterinarian suddenly grabbed her hand and dragged her upstairs to Taylor's bedroom. Olivia was sleeping at the end of the bed, and they sat at the edge of the mattress, a pensive look on Karlie's face as she stared into space.

There was a quiet moment, one Taylor spent looking at nothing but the veterinarian's lost gaze. "I've been cheated on as well. Cara was about to—," she sighed, playing with the fabric of her pockets. The baker held her breath, waiting to hear more information. "—she was about to say Margaret's name. She—cheated on me. Once. It was a drunken mistake, but it still led to a big fight."

Taylor let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, and reached out to grab Karlie's fiddling hands. Karlie looked at her, seeing only understanding inside her blue eyes. Even in the dimly lit bedroom, her ocean blue irises still sparkled like the starry sky outside. "I'm sorry. I know from experience that _that _isn't the best feeling in the world."

The veterinarian cracked a smile, a thoughtful one. "Yeah," she chuckled airily. "It happened, like, a few months before she died in that car accident. And to this day, I still think that she died with the belief that I hadn't forgiven her. And I—I should have reacted differently. I should have forgiven her right away. We literally spent the last months of our life together with a tension that—only disappeared after she died. Because then, my anger turned into remorse, and then remorse turned into depression. I just—I never told you because it's still—it's still difficult to talk about it. It's easier to share the good memories you have with someone instead of the bad ones."

A faint horn sounded in the distance, and Taylor tried not to look at her lips as she replied, "I'm sorry you had to go through that. But I'm glad you told me," she smiled tentatively.

Karlie forced a smile on her face. "I'm sorry for how Cara acted. She's still a little bitter about that because she's like a protective younger sister to me," she chuckled.

"That's cute," Taylor commented, and when their eyes met, a genuine laugh managed to escape both of their lips. The silence that followed was occupied by the soft suburban sounds of New York City; people's loud conversation as they walked back home from the bar, sirens, cars, the peaceful and gentle blowing of the wind. It was all relaxing and quiet, and even though life was blooming in the streets below, the two women felt like the only ones in the world. Taylor stared at Karlie's profile, her girlfriend's gaze lost in thoughts, and she waited for her to turn round. And when she did, a moment where time stopped passed by agonizingly slow, before both of them leaned in towards each other, as if pulled by an invisible force.

Taylor cupped Karlie's cheeks, and the veterinarian wrapped one arm around her waist, while her other hand planted itself on the mattress to steady both of their bodies. The kiss was urgent and unlike others they've shared before; this kiss was filled with longing, with anticipation. Both of them were conveying through quick movements of their lips and sweeps of their tongues just how much they needed and _wanted _each other. And this time, as Taylor lost both of her hands in Karlie's blonde hair and tugged gently, the veterinarian didn't hesitate to push her forward.

The baker gripped the sides of her blazer, dragging the other woman with her as she lied with her back flat against the mattress, her head landing gracefully on the pillow. The room was dark, apart from the bright lights coming from outside the ajar window, but still, the sight of Karlie wearing a pantsuit and hovering above her made her tremble and shift uncomfortably.

It had been months since she's last been intimate with someone, but even then, those one night stands hadn't been meaningful to her. This, however, made her heart shudder, because Taylor _loved _Karlie. What they were about to do, if neither of them backed down, would simply be identified as _making love_. And the thought put a shy smile on her face, as she caressed her face and brought her down to connect their lips once again.

Karlie tasted sweet and heavenly, as their tongues met in a heated fight. The veterinarian dominated their next kiss, as Taylor easily let her take control of the situation. Karlie lied directly on top of her, their legs intertwined and her hands teasingly touching Taylor's bare knees.

Unable to keep her hands to herself any longer, the baker pushed at Karlie's chest until they were both sitting up, and ungracefully took off the veterinarian's blazer, throwing it somewhere in the room before kissing her deeply and urgently. She trailed her hands up and down her forearms, whimpering in her mouth when she felt taut muscles tense underneath her touch. However, as Karlie shyly tried to slide down the zip on the back of her dress, she felt the veterinarian's lips become hesitant as they slowed down against hers.

"What's wrong? Is this okay?" Taylor asked, breathless. One of the straps of her dress was hanging from her shoulder, and she blushed when she remembered that she was only wearing lacy panties underneath.

Karlie nodded, their foreheads brushing, and they both held onto each other's arms as the veterinarian stared deeply into her eyes. "Yes. This _is _okay, it's just..." she trailed off, averting her gaze and looking at everything but her girlfriend. "It's been _four years_..."

The meaning of her statement suddenly caught Taylor off guard, even though they were talking about Margaret a few minutes ago. Of course Karlie would hesitate. Being intimate with someone new would mean being vulnerable _again_, and that was a plausible fear for the veterinarian. Taylor herself was scared yet excited, but she would understand if Karlie decided to wait some more time before doing this with her.

"Oh," she replied lamely. "It's okay, we can just stop here, we don't have to do anything—,"

"No! No, I _want _to do this," Karlie interrupted her far too quickly, and the blonde woman blushed. "I really do want this, Taylor. It's just been a while, and I don't want to...to, you know, disappoint you," the last part of her sentence was a whisper, and if they hadn't been so close to each other, Taylor would have probably missed it.

The blonde woman gave her a hard kiss on the lips, and then took her hand in hers and brought it to her chest. Karlie's eyes widened in disbelief at feeling so much activity. "You _won't _disappoint me. This is how kissing you makes me feel, baby," Taylor smiled softly, as she let Karlie feel her heartbeat against her palm. The veterinarian stared at their linked hands, before hesitantly meeting the baker's gaze. Taylor asked her the silent question, and when she realized that Karlie was okay, that she wanted her as much as Taylor wanted Karlie, the blonde leaned in and kissed her gently. Slowly. Before quickening their pace and taking control.

Karlie finished undressing her, slipping the dress off of her body and throwing it behind the bed. Taylor tried to collide their lips once again, but the veterinarian was momentarily awestruck by the sight in front of her. Taylor felt her cheeks redden, Karlie's lust filled eyes greedily staring at her chest. Then, their eyes met once again, and the veterinarian eased her back down on the mattress.

Taylor started to unfasten the buttons of her button down shirt, and in mere minutes, she discarded both her bra and her pants, leaving them with the same amount of clothing. As soon as Karlie lied down on top of her and their bare skin came into contact, Taylor let out a quiet moan. She rubbed her hands along Karlie's back, closing her eyes and memorizing each dip, each taut muscle that flexed beneath her light fingertips.

Taylor spread her legs, letting Karlie lie in between them as the veterinarian focused her mouth on her neck. She nipped the soft and sensitive skin, licking a delicate spot right beneath her ear. Only the rustling of sheets, Taylor's deep and heavy breath and the faint and distant sounds of traffic filled the room. When Karlie sucked particularly hard the flesh of Taylor's collarbone, the baker let out a gentle hiss and lightly arched her back into the other woman. Her nails formed indentations on both of Karlie's hips, as two of her fingertips looped underneath the hem of her panties.

Karlie's hands slid along her abdomen, teasing the soft skin with her fingertips until they reached the swell of her breasts. Taylor bit her bottom lip as the veterinarian's lips latched on a rosy and hardened nipple. Her chest rose erratically, as her breath shortened and her eyes closed. A pool of lust made her stomach burn, and Taylor let her hands rest against Karlie's shoulder. The veterinarian gently but firmly kneaded her breasts, giving to each one of them their well-deserved attention. When Karlie's thumb played and pinched the nipple of her right breast, Taylor couldn't hold it in any longer; she bucked her hips rather impatiently and moaned her girlfriend's name.

Their eyes met, and Karlie was momentarily mystified by the sight above her. Taylor was simply breathtaking; with her golden hair forming a halo around her head, her dark blue eyes lazily staying open just to see Karlie's face, her plump lips parted as shallow breaths came out of them. It was in this brief moment that Karlie realized that she was about to make love to her. After years and years of being secluded in her own shell, she was about to be vulnerable again, and the fact that the skin she was kissing, touching and adoring, wasn't Margaret's, made her heartbeat quicken but in the best way. Suddenly, she wanted to make Taylor feel good. She wanted to see her soar, explode in screaming colors as she came undone. A newfound determination set her into motion once again, as she kissed down Taylor's abdomen, playfully biting around her belly button.

Taylor gasped at the sensation, and reached out to grab the first thing that she found: Karlie's hand. Their fingers intertwined, but before the veterinarian could reach her quivering thighs and put an end to the agonizing ache between her legs, Karlie clumsily climbed back up her body.

Before Taylor could protest, their lips found each other again, and she faintly registered the fact that the veterinarian was taking off the last piece of clothing she was wearing. Karlie swallowed the strangled moan that followed, as she finally placed her hand between the baker's legs. Taylor held onto her arms, sloppily kissing Karlie back as her fingertips worked against her. When Taylor moaned the veterinarian's name, and threw her head back while she bucked her hips upwards, Karlie gave up on kissing her, and instead planted her lips against the side of her neck. Only when she dared to thrust a finger inside of her, did Taylor release a louder moan and lose one of her hands in her blonde mane.

Karlie breathed harshly against her ear, the sound of Taylor's whimpers making her own arousal sky rocket. She swallowed thickly, focusing on her girlfriend and her pleasure. She gripped Taylor's hip, before sliding her hand along her trembling thigh. Taylor then wrapped her legs around her waist, and brought their bodies closer, making both of them let out a collective moan.

Just as she inserted another finger, she detached from her neck and gauged her reaction. Taylor's hand in her hair tightened, and her other hand scratched down her back. Karlie kissed her, and then wrapped her free arm around her waist, holding her close to her own body as she felt Taylor clench around her fingers.

The moment Taylor came undone, the baker let out the loudest moan and buried her head in the crook of Karlie's neck. The veterinarian waited for her high to finish, before hugging her close and peppering her neck with butterfly kisses. Taylor panted, relaxing in her hold as she lazily wrapped her arms around Karlie's shoulders.

The veterinarian rolled them over, both of them lying on their sides as Taylor's breath finally returned to normal, both of their hearts slowing down. Taylor slowly opened her eyes, and as soon as their eyes met, a large smile took over her angelic features. She shyly caressed Karlie's cheek, their bodies covered in a light sheen of sweat. "I..." Taylor seemed to hesitate, as her eyes flickered between Karlie's sparkling green eyes and her thin lips.

The veterinarian held her breath, but then the baker never finished her sentence, as she leaned in and kissed her softly. When they separated, they stayed close to each other, only two inches separating their blushing faces. Karlie nuzzled her nose, as Taylor asked, "What about you..."

"We have _time_," the veterinarian whispered back.

Taylor smiled and pecked her lips again. They wrapped their arms around each other, and for the first time, they fell asleep with no barrier covering their bare bodies. 


	17. keep breathing ; chapter 16

The faint sound of calm footsteps made the corner of Karlie's lips turn slightly upwards. When she turned around, a broad grin took over her face at the adorable sight of a sleepy Taylor, standing slouched on the threshold of the kitchen. 

"Good morning," Karlie announced softly, watching the baker rub the sleep from her still half closed eyes. She looked incredibly beautiful, illuminated by the first timid rays of light of the early morning that seeped through the curtains. Karlie swallowed thickly, when fully taking in her appearance; apart from her messy blonde hair and the slight pout on her lips, the woman was sporting only a large white tee shirt — with probably nothing underneath — and lace panties, which left her long and smooth legs uncovered and on full display. 

"Morning," Taylor mumbled, approaching her from behind and lazily wrapping her arms around her waist. She placed her chin on her shoulder and softly kissed Karlie's neck.

The veterinarian shivered, feeling Taylor's whole front press tightly against her clothed back. "Did you sleep well?"

"Hm," Taylor hummed happily, brushing her nose against her jaw. She paused, "Are you making us breakfast?" she asked, incredulously. 

Karlie immediately blushed, as she flipped the pancake on the frying pan. "Yep," she chuckled quietly. "Is that okay?" she asked sheepishly.

"Oh, that is more than okay," Taylor laughed softly. "I'm hungry," 

"Well, it's almost ready, babe,"

They stayed wrapped in each other's arms, as Karlie finished preparing them breakfast. When she turned off the stove, Taylor was obliged to detach her body from hers, and begrudgingly sat down on one of the stools around the kitchen island. Karlie plated the pancakes on two dishes, placed them on the granite surface and then poured some maple syrup on them. When she took a seat beside Taylor, she felt her gaze burn on the side of her face, and then quickly turned around to face her. Her girlfriend was staring at her with unreadable eyes, but the small smile playing on her lips was an indicator that she was incredibly pleased with what Karlie had just done. 

Taylor then leaned in quickly, and eagerly kissed her. The veterinarian cupped her chin with her thumb and index finger, matching the hurried movement of her lips. 

"Thank you," Taylor whispered when they pulled away.

"Let's eat. We don't want them to get cold, do we?"

The baker giggled, before shamelessly shoving half of the pancake inside her mouth. Karlie stifled a chuckle, watching as her girlfriend almost choked as she began to laugh at her own silliness. They made lighthearted small talk, and while normal people would have finished in fifteen minutes, their breakfast lasted more than half an hour. When Karlie stood up, Taylor swirled in her stool and stared at her girlfriend as she put the empty and dirty dishes on the sink. She washed them quickly, before drying her hands with the worn out rag and turning around to face the baker. 

Taylor smiled up at her with a mischievous twinkle in her sapphire eyes, as the veterinarian stood between her dangling legs. Taylor wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her slightly closer.

"I wanted to thank you for...last night," the baker whispered in the quiet of the morning. Karlie gulped, and tried to hide her blush as she looked out the window. She placed her own hands on Taylor's shoulder, and pushed the fabric of her shirt to the side, rubbing her thumbs against hot and bare skin. 

"You don't have to thank me," Karlie replied, sounding flustered. 

"Well, I mean, that was..." Taylor trailed off, her fingers sneaking under Karlie's own long sleeved shirt. The ghost of her touch left a tingling feeling along her back, and the veterinarian bit the inside of her cheek so as to prevent a gasp from coming out of her lips. "...intense and fucking amazing, but...what about you?"

The baker pushed her more against her own body, her hands firmly cupping her behind as she gauged Karlie's reaction. The way her eyes turned ten times darker made the veterinarian's core tremble and rendered her a complete mess. Karlie brushed her fingers against Taylor's cheek, and tried to hold her serious and lust filled gaze, but she was having problems with that. 

"I told you. We have time," she smiled warmly down at her, and then suddenly, Taylor was leaning in, kissing her with such passion that Karlie couldn't help but moan quietly. The baker trapped her by wrapping her legs around her calves, and Karlie's hands quickly got lost in Taylor's blonde hair. It was obvious that the baker wasn't playing around, because as soon as Karlie's heart had started to calm down, the blaze inside her chest flared up as Taylor slipped her tongue past her opened lips and traced the entirety of her mouth. The sound of collision was heard in the room, and it drowned out the loud noises of morning New York City traffic. 

Karlie cupped her cheeks, as Taylor sucked on her bottom lip before soothing it with a swipe of her tongue. The veterinarian gasped, and the sound set the baker into motion, as her kisses moved towards Karlie's neck. Taylor didn't waste time, as Karlie felt more teeth than lips. The veterinarian gripped with one hand the back of the baker's neck, holding her close and relishing in the feeling of her lips against her pulse point. Her other hand gripped the granite surface behind Taylor, and she hissed lightly when the baker bit her tender skin. It will probably form a hickey. 

However, the steamy encounter soon ended when the blaring ringtone of Karlie's iPhone echoed inside the kitchen. Taylor groaned, and placed her forehead against Karlie's shoulder.

The veterinarian chuckled, but it wasn't until she walked away from her girlfriend to retrieve her device, that she noticed just how much her legs were quivering. Taylor's hot and insistent kisses had left her body wanting for more, and the way Taylor was looking at her from across the room as she answered the call didn't help at all with the ache between her legs. 

"Hello?"

Taylor kept staring at her, her sparkling blue eyes travelling down Karlie's body in a dangerous way. The veterinarian turned her back to her girlfriend, as she held onto her device as if her life depended on it. 

When the call ended, Karlie turned around with a sheepish and apologetic smile. "I have to go. They need me at the clinic."

"Can't they find a substitute?" Taylor asked with a pout.

"You're cute," Karlie pointed out. "But I kind of rule the place, so it'd be rude if I don't show up."

The baker raised her eyebrows and smirked. "And you're sexy when you talk like that."

Karlie blushed and caressed her cheek. "I'm going to get changed now."

The pout was back on Taylor's lips, and Karlie kissed it away. When they pulled away, the veterinarian was glad to see a playful smile on her girlfriend's lips. 

She went back to Taylor's bedroom, where she had left all of her clothes, and as soon as she entered the chamber, her mind couldn't help but gift her with memories from the night before. The taste of Taylor's salty skin beneath her lips, the feeling of her body twitching and quivering beneath hers, and the sound of Taylor's moans against her ear were enough to bring a subtle blush on her cheeks. Karlie gently shook her head, and once she was dressed with her own clothes, she walked back to the kitchen. Taylor hadn't moved one bit, and when the veterinarian reappeared, a broad grin painted her face with a glowing happiness.

"Will I see you tonight?" Taylor asked, reaching out to the other woman.

"Yeah, sure. I don't have any plans tonight," Karlie smiled, taking both of her hands and kissing the back of one of them. "My place?"

Taylor nodded, and then leaned in to kiss her softly. The veterinarian cupped her cheek and held her in place, smiling against her lips once she felt Taylor giggle against her. "Go. I don't want you to be late for work."

"Alright," Karlie laughed. "Come over after seven o'clock. See you tonight!"

"See you!"

And just like that, after another quick kiss, Karlie was out of the door.

-

Karlie didn't know how they ended up in this position. 

One minute before, they were lounging on the couch, having a normal conversation and sharing a comfortable blanket. One minute later, their lips were locked, Karlie's hands were lost in Taylor's blonde hair, and Taylor's hands were firmly gripping Karlie's hips, as if afraid that she would back down. The veterinarian had fantasized about their night together all day. She almost expected this to happen, after their steamy encounter that morning in Taylor's kitchen. 

However, Taylor's weight on her body was enough to make her realize that they were about to do this, again, and the part that scared her the most was the fact that Taylor's hands against her skin were not familiar, but rather brand new. And the more they kissed, the more Taylor's fingers became greedier and more eager. 

Karlie opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling of Taylor's living room, as her girlfriend's lips trailed a path of wet kisses down the length of her long neck. She placed her hand on Taylor's waist, and the other stayed lost in the other woman's hair, massaging her scalp as gently as possible. The sounds coming out of her mouth were familiar, but they sounded rather nervous to her own ears. The last time someone had explored the entirety of her body had been Margaret, more than four years ago. She still remembered their nights spent making love; Margaret was gentle, and slow, and she took her time even though Karlie wanted her to hurry up. Karlie was usually the dominant one; the powerless feeling she got whenever Margaret hovered above her was too much for her to handle. And right in this moment, as Taylor hastily removed her shirt and firmly kissed her chest, that same overwhelming feeling of weakness took over her body, and it showed through her sweaty palms and erratic breathing. But this time it was different; this time, anxiousness flooded her as well, unexpectedly. 

"Taylor," she stammered, looking down just as the baker looked up. Wild blue irises blended into nervous green ones, and Taylor kissed her on the lips, as if sensing her agitation. 

When they parted, Taylor whispered, "I want you so much,". Her voice sounded more like a whimper, as she pushed her own body against Karlie's. The veterinarian's heart skipped a beat, and then collided their lips once again, trying to forget her nerves and pushing them aside. Taylor wanted her, and that was all that mattered. 

The baker slipped her hand beneath her figure, and expertly unhooked her bra, throwing it somewhere around the living room. The cool air met her bare skin, and Karlie shuddered. She bit her lip, pushing her head against the couch as Taylor's lips closed around one of her hard nipples. The light sensation of her teeth grazing the most sensitive part of her chest made her moan quietly, as Taylor's free hand kneaded her other breast. 

The baker quickly took off her leggings, and only when Karlie looked down did she realize that she was completely naked under Taylor's still clothed form. The veterinarian let out a low whimper, reaching out to Taylor's arms and pulling her in. The baker's hot breath fanned her ear, and it sent shivers along her spine. Taylor immediately moved her lips downwards, and while Karlie was used to endless teasing from Margaret, Taylor was completely different; she peppered her inner thighs with fleeting and quick kisses, with just the slight amount of teeth, and then dipped her tongue into her core.

Taylor was relentless; she never let Karlie breath, not even for one second, as her fingers joined the fun a few seconds later. The veterinarian gasped for air, as she arched her back and bucked her hips towards Taylor's mouth, searching for more. Karlie shut her eyes and with one hand she gripped the armrest behind her head, while the other tangled into Taylor's blonde hair. She wrapped her legs around her neck, keeping her in place in case she relented too soon, and then met her lips with quick thrusts of her hips. 

Karlie felt like she was in heaven; her breasts gently teased by one of Taylor's hands, Taylor's lips and fingers working both against and inside of her, her hot breath against the most sensitive part of her body. The veterinarian had never felt like this; perhaps, not even with Margaret.

The moment she came undone, was the moment her half closed eyes met Taylor's wild and lustful blue one. 

Her body was overcome with waves of overwhelming pleasure, as she relaxed against the couch and felt Taylor kiss her hips, her abdomen, then her chest, and finally, her lips. Karlie moaned against her mouth as she tasted herself on Taylor's tongue.

Karlie lazily undressed her girlfriend, and once they were both naked, they cuddled each other and held onto one another tightly. They lied on their sides, the couch uncomfortable given their height, but they still made it work. 

The veterinarian smiled shyly at Taylor, whose face was mere millimeters away from hers. Their noses brushed, and Taylor giggled. 

"Now it's my turn to thank you," Karlie whispered, both of them wrapping their arms around each other's hips. 

A blush formed on Taylor's cheeks. "Well, I'm kind enough to say you're welcome,"

The veterinarian shook her head as she pushed Taylor's shoulder. They shared a laugh, and then the blonde cuddled closer to her girlfriend, hiding her face in the crook of her neck. 

"Karlie?" Taylor suddenly sounded nervous, as her fingers tightened their grip around her waist. 

Karlie held her breath. "Yeah?"

There was a long pause, and the veterinarian almost thought that she had fallen asleep, but then the baker finally spoke again. "Nothing. You're just...really special. I just wanted you to know that," Taylor's voice quivered, and Karlie kissed her bare shoulder. "You're really special, too." And I love you, a voice inside her head added. But it was too soon. And so she stayed quiet, until both of them fell asleep in each other's arms. 

-

The first month of their relationship was the most beautiful and marvelous time of Karlie's life. Being with Taylor was simple, delicate. She was impeccable, and there was not a flaw in their time spent together. There was no crack, despite seeing each other less than four times a week. But still, they worked, and Karlie was more than happy to have someone like that in her life. After Margaret, she had given up, but now that Taylor was here, she was once again a believer. And Karlie believed in them. She believed that their relationships could survive everything, whichever obstacle they stumbled upon. Her friends were happy for her, euphoric, and she knew that Taylor's friends felt the same way. Selena, on one of their casual hang outs, had even told her that she had never seen Taylor look so happy. That comment alone had been enough to make her day and let her go through a terrible and strenuous day at work.

"Bye girls. See you on Tuesday!"

Her colleagues said their goodbyes to her, and Karlie walked out of the clinic with a broad grin on her face. She was excited for the night that awaited her, and she couldn't wait to tell Taylor how she felt about her. Karlie would take her to a peaceful restaurant, and then, after dessert, they would take a walk and enjoy the unusually warm temperatures of mid-March. And then, she would tell her she loved her. The prospect of Taylor not feeling the same didn't scare her; of course, hearing her say it back to her would render her the happiest and luckiest woman in the world. But she just wanted to tell her. To wear her heart in her sleeve and say those three words out loud. 

Once Karlie was back at her apartment, she took advantage of the couple hours she had available and took a hot and relaxing shower. She spent more than twenty minutes choosing the perfect outfit, and then settled for a simple grey shift dress. She applied minimal make-up, and then decided to leave her hair down. She run a hand through them, as she opted to wear a golden necklace and a bracelet of the same color. When her reflection satisfied her and she felt enough confident with the way she looked, she finally grabbed her purse and then exited her apartment. 

Karlie drove to Taylor's house, and then messaged her girlfriend quickly, telling her that she was outside her place. It took the baker exactly five minutes to descend the stairs and then plop down on the passenger seat of Karlie's car. The door closed, and the veterinarian breathed in deeply, getting incredibly flustered at the gorgeous sight of her girlfriend. Taylor wore a strapless black dress, her bare shoulders covered by a soft cardigan of the same color. The fabric around her body was tight, and it accentuated her chest and thighs; Karlie swallowed.

"Hey," she said. "You look...gorgeous," she smiled breathlessly. Taylor gave her a peck on the cheek and grinned, appreciating the comment more than she probably should. 

"Thank you," she replied. "So do you,"

Karlie scoffed, and turned on the engine. "I think you're the most beautiful girl of the whole wide world, Taylor," 

"Okay, now you're exaggerating," Taylor laughed softly, blushing.

"Shut up," Karlie dismissed her with a playful smile. The veterinarian reached out and placed her hand on her bare thigh, before Taylor quickly grabbed it and intertwined their fingers. A comfortable silence settled upon them, and in less than fifteen minutes, thanks to the lack of traffic, they reached the restaurant where they had their reservation for the night. 

They held hands on the small walk that separated them from the building, then Karlie, as the gentlewoman she was, opened the door for Taylor and let her walk in first. The restaurant's warm colors gave them a sense of tranquility, as soft jazz music served as the background music. It wasn't too crowded, but it also wasn't that huge of a place; it was chic and elegant, but at the same time peaceful and soothing. The perfect restaurant for a couple like them. 

A waitress welcomed them with a smile that was not too big for her face, then led them to their table. Only two other tables surrounding them were occupied; one by a family of three, the other by an a couple in their late sixties. The two women thanked the waitress as she gave them their menu and lit up the candle between them. 

"It's nice, isn't it?"

"It's perfect,"

Karlie smiled. She flipped open the menu, and when two minutes of silence passed, she glanced over at Taylor. "Cara told me of this place. She took Kendall here for their first date."

"Really?" 

The veterinarian smirked. "Hm," she hummed. "It happened one or two months ago. They're already at the domestic stage of their relationship now, so when they go out on dates, they go to Mc Donald's. Basically, Cara feels like she doesn't need to impress Kendall anymore."

Taylor chuckled airily at that. "You still like to impress me, then,"

"I like to spoil you," Karlie smiled broadly. "Besides, whenever I take you out to restaurants like this one, you always dress up, so, it's nice," 

Taylor shook her head as a smug grin took over Karlie's face. She averted her gaze, and before she could even roll her eyes at Karlie's flirtatious words, a waitress came over to take their orders. 

"So, tell me about yourself, stranger," Karlie joked once they were alone. 

Taylor bit her lip in order to hold back her laugh. "You're annoying, you know that?"

The veterinarian's entertained smile vanished a little, before being replaced by a timid and gentle one. "And you're beautiful, you know that?"

Taylor couldn't help but stare at her; observe the way her green eyes lit up and sparkled with not only delight, but also genuine awe. It had been awhile since someone had looked at her so intensely yet so gently, transmitting so many emotions and feelings without saying anything at all. Taylor smiled and nervously bit the inside of her cheek. She looked away, and Karlie lovingly reached out and grabbed her hand from across the table. There was something so romantic and just so intimate about the way Karlie held her hand and played with her fingers. Taylor stared at their locked hands, noticing the way the other woman's was bigger than hers and made it look so small. It was pathetic and unfair, Taylor came to the conclusion, that someone like Karlie existed. She was everything she had ever needed, everything she had ever wished for, and now that she was hers, she couldn't help but worry about their future, which was so dark, and so unsure and unspecific. Taylor worried about losing Karlie almost every day, as if it was the only thing she could do before the inevitable break up would happen. She didn't believe in fairy tales, or happily ever after. No one could possibly experience something so long term and infinite. No one could be so lucky to get to experience that, and certainly she was everything but lucky in life, but this time, she had hit the jackpot. And even if Karlie will break her heart one day, even if they will part ways and end their story terribly, their relationship will still be the best chapter of Taylor's life. No matter what happens. No matter how much pain Karlie's arrow would inflict, Taylor wouldn't mind being her prey.

"Hey, where did you just go?" 

The veterinarian squeezed her hand, and when Taylor looked up to meet her eyes, Karlie's lips turned upwards in a gentle smile. "Nothing," she replied. "I just got lost in my thoughts for a moment, sorry."

"Don't be," Karlie said. "Want to share them with me?"

Taylor shook her head wordlessly, and before the veterinarian could complain, their food arrived. For the first ten minutes of their dinner, they stayed silent, Taylor mulling over her useless worries and Karlie kindly giving her space. But when ten minutes turned into twenty and neither of them had said a word yet, the veterinarian sighed with a tense smile and asked quietly, "Is it something that I said?"

Taylor, caught off guard, stared at her with a puzzled look. "What?"

"I just—we're not talking, and you seem pensive, so..." Karlie nibbled her lip. "Did I do something wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Oh, God, Karlie I'm sorry!" the baker reached out and rubbed the knuckles of her hand. "You didn't do anything, I swear! I told you, I was just lost in my thoughts and—,"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes!" Taylor gave her a smile that was too big for her face. "Yes, I'm okay, Karlie," she added calmly, and now she sounded more credible to Karlie's ears. "I was just..." she hesitated, looking down at her plate as she played with her food. "Thinking about us and what will happen to us in the future..."

"Taylor—,"

"But it's okay! I know that it's useless to worry about that now, I'm just—,"

"—a worrier,"

"Yeah," Taylor sighed, smiling tentatively when Karlie nodded.

"I get that," Karlie said, finishing her salad. "I'm scared, too. But we don't need to worry about that, alright? We're in this together, and everything will be okay," 

"I know," 

Karlie knew that Taylor knew, but she also knew that the baker needed constant reassurance. "Are you having fun tonight?" 

"Yeah, the dinner is nice and you are..." Taylor smiled shyly when Karlie paused only to look at her with a playful grin. "—you are amazing."

"Best girlfriend ever?"

Taylor rolled her eyes. "Cocky."

Karlie smiled proudly at her words. "I take that as a compliment,"

Their playful banter continued throughout their dinner, and they spent the majority of their time laughing and talking, instead of focusing on their food. As Taylor kept on laughing because of Karlie's stupidly funny jokes, the veterinarian gestured to a waiter for the check. 

The waiter came to their table with a small smile, happily saying, "Would you like to order a coffee before I give you the check, ladies?" 

When Taylor looked up, her breath hitched in her throat and her heart stopped beating. The smile on her face was suddenly gone. Karlie's own grin dimmed a little upon the sudden change in her girlfriend's demeanor, and she couldn't stop staring at the way an eerie and unsettling fire lit up in her now dark blue eyes. 

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice incredibly low. Karlie felt the hair on the back of her neck stand, as she looked up at the old waiter and seemed to spot recognition in his blue eyes as they glanced at Taylor. 

"I..." he was at a loss for words, as he suddenly looked away from Taylor's intimidating eyes. "I work here."

Karlie stayed silent, now knowing what to do as she didn't seem to comprehend what was going on. Taylor's jaw continuously clenched and unclenched, as she didn't say a word and kept glaring at the embarrassed waiter. "Taylor—,"

"Well, then, someone else can bring us the check, thank you."

The waiter hesitantly nodded, ducked his head, and left without another word. Taylor stared at the spot he was previously standing on, and then directed her gaze at her empty glass of wine. Karlie, on the other hand, studied her face and tried to work out a solution. Weren't they laughing and joking two minutes ago? Why was Taylor so tense, all of a sudden?

When Karlie finally gathered the courage to speak, Taylor abruptly stood up and aggressively left a fifty dollar bill on the table, nearby the candle. 

"Taylor—,"

"You know what...here—take this. I can't stay here."

Karlie helplessly watched her as she took her purse and stormed out of the restaurant. When she finally realized what was happening, she glanced at the waiter that had upset Taylor, and saw him stare at Taylor's retreating form as well, with a frown on his thin lips. The veterinarian shook her head, and quickly picked up her things and exited the building, after having shoved another fifty dollar bill on the table, not caring about the change. When she was outside, she looked left and right, before spotting Taylor recklessly walk down the rather empty sidewalk. She run towards her, and when she caught up to her, she grabbed her wrist and not so gently turned her around. They stared at each other wordlessly for a moment, a horn of a car echoing in the distance. Then, Taylor shook her head and turned around once again, resuming her desperate escape. 

Karlie gritted her teeth. "Taylor, wait! Where are you going?"

"I'm going home."

The baker didn't seem to want to stop anytime soon, and when they passed by Karlie's parked car, the veterinarian sighed and exclaimed exasperatedly, "Taylor—stop! You're exaggerating."

Taylor suddenly halted and faced Karlie. They stood five feet apart, but then Taylor took three steps forward and raised her voice, "I am exaggerating?!" when they stood close enough, Karlie swallowed; she had never seen Taylor so frustrated and angry. Her eyes mildly shone with tears, and the veterinarian resisted the urge to pull her in and hug her tightly. "You—," Taylor paused, gathering her words as she looked around them. She run her hand through her perfectly wavy hair, and then pointed her index finger at Karlie, a furious look in her eyes, "You don't know what it means to lose both parents! You don't know that!"

As soon as those words escaped Taylor's mouth, Karlie knew. That waiter wasn't a simple and common waiter; it was Taylor's father. And suddenly, Taylor running away from the restaurant and consequently away from her father and her own girlfriend, all made sense to her. Karlie regretted saying that Taylor was exaggerating, because if she was reacting this way it was because her father was suddenly everywhere and had appeared out of nowhere, just like he did the first time. 

"You have both of your parents, and they love you! I lost mine when I was fourteen years old! So no, you don't get to tell me that I'm exaggerating, because you don't know what it means to lose your parents! You don't! So—leave me alone! Just... leave me alone." 

Karlie was speechless as she stared at Taylor. The baker stood breathless in the middle of the sidewalk, and they couldn't care less about the suspicious looks passersby were giving them. Taylor averted her eyes, her fists clenched and her shoulders tense. She shook her head and walked away without sparing her another word, and Karlie could do nothing but stare at her back and replay her words in her mind.

Over and over again. 


	18. the great escape ; chapter 17

Karlie didn't know for how long she stood there, motionless, in the middle of the sidewalk.

All around her, it was all a blur; the cars speeding by, the people laughing, talking, walking past her frozen body. Her hands were shaking, her lips were ever so slightly parted. Time seemed to stop, as her eyes never diverted their attention from the spot where Taylor was previously standing on. Her broken voice still echoed inside her dazed mind, her words still digging a grave of remorse in the deepest hollow of her soul. Karlie felt powerless, as if the mistake she had so wrongly made was beyond repair, irremediable. But had she known that waiter was Taylor's father, she wouldn't have said those words. She would never hurt Taylor intentionally. But was Taylor mad at Karlie, or was she mad at her father for still being so present in her life when she obviously didn't want him to be?

Karlie closed her eyes and sighed deeply, but behind her closed eyelids, her consciousness brought back the image of Taylor's hopeless and upset face. She shook her head, as if to chase away that haunting memory. And just when she was about to take a step forward and drive back home, thinking that for now, it was for the best, to leave Taylor alone, an unrecognizable and unfamiliar voice called for her attention. Karlie turned round, and in the midst of passersby, stood the waiter from before, hands fiddling and face illuminated by the lamppost.

"I'm sorry I ruined your night," he said apologetically, unable to meet her gaze. Karlie stared at him, and he appeared to be nervous and incredibly guilty. When the veterinarian replied with only silence, his lowered face slowly rose, and his blue eyes finally met hers. For a moment, Taylor's father eyed her. Then, he asked, "I'm Richard—Taylor's father. Are you a friend of Taylor's?"

Before Karlie could furrow her brows, she remembered that he had abandoned his daughter at the tender age of fourteen, and that he didn't know a thing about the adult version of her. "Yes," she replied, surprised to feel her throat so dry. "Yes, I am."

He nodded, seeming lost in his thoughts. Karlie wondered if he was about to say something else, and she didn't know if she wanted to hear what he had to say. Just as she was about to leave, he finally spoke, his voice uncertain and quivering. "I'm a good man," he stated, nodding his head. "I'm a good man, I swear. I know that I treated Taylor horribly by..._leaving_. But I'm a good man."

Karlie narrowed her eyes and averted her gaze. She was at a loss for words. She didn't know how to act around this man that had so suddenly turned Taylor's world upside down. Should she be polite, nod and then leave? Or should she confront him, look for the answers that perhaps Taylor would never be able to give her? Karlie swallowed, then looked at him again. He expected her to answer, but she pursed her lips and stayed silent.

Richard chuckled quietly, pushing his hands in the pockets of his small black apron. Then, he took a step forward, and said, "Taylor always leaves after an argument. She's always done that, even when she was a little kid," he smiled, as if reminiscing an old memory of Taylor's childhood. "She's stubborn, and she always wants to be right during arguments. That's why she leaves when it gets too bad. She needs time for herself. Time to think. And then she comes back," Richard smiled. "She _always_ comes back."

Karlie was reminded of all the fights they've had, of all the times situations got too difficult for Taylor to deal with, and realized that he was right. She always left, but she always came back.

"I know she despises me right now. I can't blame her, I despise myself too. I'm not proud of the last thirty years of my life. I've handled them in the wrong way, but I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to build a new life for myself, and just...be better," he said, sighing. "And I would really like to have a chance with Taylor. I would like to speak to her, apologize until she believes me, and then...if she doesn't want me to be in her life, I will leave her alone. But if there's a chance that she forgives me, and that she wants to reconnect..." Richard had a pleading look in his eyes, as if Karlie was the one that would choose his fate with his daughter. "I've _changed_. I'm a better man now. I _swear_, I'm a better man."

Karlie sighed, and refrained from rolling her eyes. "Listen," she said, trying to sound as confident as possible. "I don't know _you_, but I know Taylor. And if she wanted to get back in touch with you, I'm sure she wouldn't feel the need to flee every time you're near," the hopeful look in Richard's eyes dimmed, but Karlie continued. "You've made her feel horrible. When I saw her after she met you at the cemetery, she wasn't herself. She hated herself for even being born, just because you've made her feel like a burden. And the only thing you've done for her is make her feel sad and discouraged and just..." Karlie swallowed the anger down her throat. "She's literal _sunshine_, and you eclipse her light. And I just want to see her happy, and clearly, you're not part of her happiness right now."

Richard ducked his head in shame, and Karlie licked her dry bottom lip.

"I just—," Richard sighed helplessly. "I just want to be in her life again, _please_. I _miss _her."

Karlie looked away, and shook her head. "You should have thought about _that_ when you had abandoned her eighteen years ago."

With that, she turned around, and left him alone, feeling emptier than before.  
  
  
  
  


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Worn out, Taylor finally sat down on a chair. Lazily, she took off both her nametag and ivory headband, and placed them on the empty table. She put her head in her hands, and sighed.

It had been three days since she had last seen and spoke to Karlie. On one hand, she appreciated the fact that Karlie was giving her the space she had asked. On the other hand, however, she had been distraught ever since she had fled the night of their date. When she had finally returned home and _really _thought about what she had said to Karlie, she had immediately known that she had hurt her. Unintentionally, but still, she couldn't shake off the image of Karlie's pained face from her mind. It was always there, at the forefront of her thoughts, all day long. She would wake up in the morning, and remember the sadness that had been clouding her green eyes. She would speak to customers, prepare them coffee or bring them their sandwiches, and remember the way Karlie hadn't been able to hide her pain. She would go back home after a strenuous day at work, cuddle her little cat, and remember that Karlie hadn't followed her after she had said all those words. It was always there, like a thorn stuck in her skin and constantly stinging her. And she didn't know what to do. She didn't know if she should be the first to call the other woman, or if she should just wait for Karlie to reach out, to see if she cared enough.

The unstable status of their relationship brought tears to Taylor's eyes. She tried to get rid of them by taking a deep breath and pushing her fists against her eyes, and hoped that Cecilia wouldn't ask her questions. She knew she had her suspicions, but she couldn't bring herself to answer them. The bakery was about to close, the tables around her were desert, and in no time she would be back home, back in the loneliness of her apartment. She listened to Cecilia softly whistle to herself, while drying the last glasses with a worn out rag. Until she stopped, and the bell above the entrance rang, signaling the arrival of a customer.

When Taylor looked up, she was surprised to meet familiar green eyes instead of a faceless stranger. She let out a silent sigh of relief she didn't know she was holding, and sat back against the chair. Karlie stared at her for one moment, standing still on the threshold, before exhaling softly and glancing at the owner of the shop. "Hey Cecilia," she smiled tentatively. She rubbed her hands together, and tightened her coat around her body. Taylor never averted her gaze.

"Hey, Karlie!" Cecilia seemed to hesitate when feeling the palpable tension between the two women. "I was um...Taylor—I will close the shop and then I'm going to be in the back, alright? If you need anything, just yell," she smiled. She did what she had just announced, and then disappeared behind a door. And suddenly, they were alone. Karlie slowly walked towards Taylor's table, and then sat on the chair across her.

"Hey," she said quietly, with a hopeful smile that Taylor didn't return. "I um...how are you?"

Taylor stared at her until Karlie looked away, outside the window. She saw the veterinarian's jaw clench, as her ask was met with only silence.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner," Karlie continued. She placed her intertwined hands on the table, and kept her eyes on them for the entire time. "You said that you wanted to be left alone, so I gave you _space_. But...it's been _three_ days, and I haven't heard from you since our date, and I just...I got _worried_. Because you weren't in a good place with your mind the first time you saw your father after eighteen years. And I just...I wanted to check on you. I just want to know if you're okay."

Taylor's eyes softened at those words. Her heart clenched uncomfortably as she shifted in her seat, because Karlie was _so _good. She was _so _kind, and gentle, and selfless. She cared so much for her, she worried so much about her, that seeing her so distraught because of _her _made her feel horrible. She should have called Karlie the day after their argument. She shouldn't have let days pass. But Karlie was here now. She was sat in front of her, looking beautiful with her trench coat and wool grey scarf and her blonde hair gathered in that usual messy bun.

Taylor sighed. "I...I _don't _know," she replied truthfully. "He's just...he has to ruin everything. He ruined our night, and he made us fight when we wouldn't have fought if he hadn't appeared out of nowhere. I..." Taylor took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. "I _just _hate him. I hate him for leaving. I hate him for coming back. I _hate_ him."

Karlie frowned. "After you left...your father—,"

"—Richard."

The veterinarian was caught off guard by the correction, and when she looked up at Taylor, she was surprised to see her blue eyes look so cold and uninviting. "—Richard...we talked. He told me that he has changed, that he's a better man now, that he's sorry, and that he—that he would like to be in your life, if you let him be. But I don't know, I couldn't—,"

"No."

Taylor firmly shook her head, and clenched her hands. "Taylor—,"

"No, I'm not going to do that. I don't want to see him again. I'm _done_ with him."

"Listen, I know that it's difficult and that—,"

"_You don't understand_!" Taylor exclaimed. "You _can't_ understand, so don't tell me that it's difficult or some bullshit like that! I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to listen to what he has to say, so don't—don't insist."

"Just listen to me!" Karlie raised her voice. When Taylor pursed her lips and averted her gaze, Karlie took a deep breath. "I know that it's difficult. But maybe you should give him a chance. He really seemed to be sorry, and maybe he's just a great actor and is lying, or maybe he really cares about you. Maybe—,"

"If he cared about me he wouldn't have left me all those years ago."

Karlie sighed once again. "Taylor—,"

"Why are you on his side?! You should—,"

"There are no sides, Taylor!"

"Yes, there are! And you are defending him right now, when you _don't know him at all!_"

Karlie shook her head firmly and reached out, grabbing Taylor's hands from across the table. The baker stubbornly attempted to break free, looking away with hurt inside her blue eyes. "Taylor," the veterinarian said determinedly. She tightened her hold on the other woman, and then finally, Taylor stopped moving and let Karlie hold her hands. "There are _no _sides in this story. I understand if you don't see him as your father anymore, but he seems to care about you. He was your father in the past, before your mother died, and—,"

"Don't you dare bring my mother up in this," Taylor muttered darkly. Karlie clenched her jaw and tried not to let the baker's tone of voice fill her with pain.

"Okay, but—,"

"Why can't you just—," Taylor raised her shoulders and pursed her lips as she struggled for words. "—just be _on my side_? I want you to just let this go. I don't want to see him anymore. He's in the past, and he's going to stay there. Just—accept that I don't have parents anymore. One is dead and the other is not, but—,"

"Okay," Karlie interrupted her, squeezing her hands. "Okay," she said softly, more calmly. Taylor met her stare, and some of the familiarity returned in those sapphire eyes. Karlie immediately felt a little bit more at ease. "I accept that."

"So—you're on my side? You won't talk about him to me anymore or defend him anymore?"

Karlie swallowed a sigh. Not wanting to fight any longer, she smiled and brought their linked hands to her mouth. She kissed her knuckles, and her breath tickled Taylor's skin as she said, "I'm _always _on your side."

The hint of a smile finally appeared on Taylor's face, and the sight brought joy to Karlie's heart. The tension had lessened, even though some of it was still there, but at least Taylor seemed more relaxed now. They sat quietly in silence, just gazing at each other and reveling in each other's presence. The subject of Taylor's father seemed to be past them now, and Karlie hoped that in the future he will stop bringing problems to their relationship.

"Are we okay?" Taylor asked shyly, staring at their intertwined fingers.

Karlie chuckled. "We are okay," she confirmed, kissing the back of her hand one more time. She let her teeth graze her skin, and loved the blush that bloomed on Taylor's cheeks. Karlie then remembered that she had something else to say, and now that she was sure that the waters between them had calmed down, she nervously started, "I also wanted to ask you something,"

"Yeah, sure," Taylor smiled reassuringly. Her eyes were back to normal, and Karlie found peace in them.

"I, um...it's my mother's birthday this Friday. She lives in St. Louis with my father and—usually, I go back home for a few days, so..." Karlie took a deep breath and looked at Taylor. Her face was unreadable, and the veterinarian gathered the courage to finally ask her the question. "Do you, maybe, want to come home _with_ me?"

Taylor's brows slightly raised, and a wrinkle formed beside her mouth, as her lips ever so lightly turned downwards. She shifted in her seat, and didn't meet Karlie's eyes as she asked, "You want _me _to meet your family?"

"Yeah..." Karlie never let her smile vanish. "Unless you think it's too soon..."

"No, no," Taylor shook her head, a small tentative grin on her face. _That must be a good sign, isn't it? _"It's just...I'm just nervous. I mean, it's _your _family, and I don't have a lot of experience with family and all that."

Karlie cleared her throat and scratched the back of her neck nervously. "You don't have to feel obliged to come with me. It's just a few days at their house. But...I know they would be delighted to meet you,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Karlie confirmed.

"Then...I guess I'll go with you. I will take a few days off, I'm sure Cece won't mind," she softly laughed.

"Okay," Karlie sighed happily. "Then, it's settled," she checked her watch, and then got up. Taylor looked up at her expectantly. "I will call you later and tell you the details, alright?"

The baker nodded. "Alright."

Karlie stood beside her seated girlfriend, and smiled down at her. She tried not to let those three words slip past her lips, therefore she bent down and kissed Taylor's forehead, rubbing her shoulder with one hand. Before she could pull away, Taylor reached up and cupped her cheek, pulling her in for a goodbye kiss. They both smiled against each other's lips, and it ended prematurely when they both heard someone clear their throat teasingly. Karlie pulled away, and giggled when seeing Cecilia on the other side of the counter.

"Everything okay?" she asked with a warm smile.

The veterinarian nodded and looked down at her girlfriend. "Yes," she grinned. "Everything is _more _than okay,"

Taylor held onto her pinkie for a little longer, before Karlie promised once again to call her later. Then, she let her go and watched her as she leisurely walked out of the bakery. 


	19. daylight ; chapter 18

Waking up beside Taylor always felt like a dream.

Thursday morning, timid rays of the sun filtered through the slightly open curtains and landed on Taylor's sleeping face. Her expression was one of contentment and relaxation, her lips lightly parted and giving space to peaceful breaths. Karlie cuddled closer to her body, holding her tightly against her chest and rubbing her hand up and down her clothed back. Taylor stirred between her arms and hummed unintelligible words. Karlie smiled faintly and inhaled the sweet scent that her skin always seemed to emanate.

"Baby, wake up," she whispered against her ear. "We have to leave in a few hours,"

"Hm, I'm awake,"

Karlie softly laughed. When seeing no sign from Taylor's still frame, she disentangled herself from the mess that their limbs were, and got up from bed. The cool air of the bedroom made her shiver and wrap her own arms around herself. She padded towards the window and pulled the curtains open, letting in sunlight although it was still too early for it to be too strong. However, she heard Taylor groan from beneath the warm blankets, and when she turned round, she saw her pull the sheets over her head. "Come on, babe, get up," Karlie insisted, tugging at the grey covers.

"Five more minutes," she pleaded, her voice sounding muffled. The veterinarian shook her head and sighed, giving up. Taylor could be a stubborn sleepyhead sometimes, and today happened to be one of those mornings.

"Well, I'm going to prepare breakfast, then,"

They weren't exactly in a hurry. They had prepared their luggage the night before, so all they needed to do was have breakfast, shower, get dressed and then leave. Still, Karlie playfully rolled her eyes when all Taylor did was give her a thumbs up, not even addressing her statement.

Taylor's kitchen wasn't unfamiliar, but Karlie wasn't used to cooking in such a large room. She opened her fridge to get the ingredients for pancakes, and then started to prepare their early breakfast. During the fifteen minutes she used to make breakfast, she thought about the three days ahead of them. Her family would finally meet Taylor, and she knew that, initially, they would only see her as the woman that came after Margaret. The baker was going to be the first woman she would introduce to her family as her girlfriend after Margaret's death, and she just hoped that they would react well. She hoped they would see just how truly happy she was with Taylor, and just how happy she really made her. Her mother has always been supportive of the women she's been with, but she had been particularly fond of Margaret, of her down to earth, nurturing demeanor. Her mother had known from the start that Margaret would have been the one for her, but now that she wasn't here anymore, Karlie just hoped that her mother wouldn't judge Taylor just because she wasn't Margaret. Just because she had _replaced _Margaret.

Right as she plated the pancakes, soft footsteps echoed in the hall. Seconds later, Karlie felt two slim arms slip around her waist and a body hugging her lazily from behind.

"Good morning," she said happily.

"Morning," Taylor replied groggily. She slowly sat down on one of the stools around the kitchen island, and then watched her with enamored eyes.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Karlie asked with a lopsided smile. She sat down beside the other woman and swiftly pecked her lips.

"Nothing. I love mornings with you," Taylor confessed shyly with pink cheeks. The veterinarian couldn't help but kiss her blushing cheeks.

"And I love preparing you breakfast,"

They ate quietly, enjoying each other's presence and thanking whatever God had brought them together.

"Are you nervous for today?" Karlie finally asked, pushing away her empty plate and looking at her girlfriend. Taylor swallowed and drank a sip from her glass of water.

"A little bit," she smiled sheepishly. "I mean, I'm going to meet your family and that's a big deal,"

"They will adore you," Karlie grinned, unable to contain her excitement any further. She caressed Taylor's face and kissed her forehead. "You have nothing to worry about,"

"I know," Taylor said. "But I'm still nervous,"

"That's okay," Karlie smiled reassuringly. "I'm a little nervous myself."

They silently put their plates on the sink, and while one washed the dishes, the other dried them and put them in their respective places. "I'm going to take a shower," Karlie announced once they were back in the bedroom. "Want to join me?" she asked with a teasing smirk. "It will save time. And water,"

"I, uh—," Taylor nervously chuckled and scratched the back of her neck. Karlie giggled upon the adorable sight of a flustered Taylor. She winked at her and then proceeded to go to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Karlie undressed slowly, taking her time while she waited for the water to be hot enough. Then, after barely two minutes, she got in the shower cubicle and relaxed as soon as the water hit her bare body. Her mind almost drifted back to the thoughts from before, but then the glass door slid open and in slipped Taylor, red cheeks and a little smile playing on her lips. Karlie's lips parted as she blatantly stared at the baker's naked form; from her long legs to the curve of her hips, from the swell of her breasts to the slopes of her cheeks. Taylor's blue eyes sparkled as they gazed up at Karlie, gauging her reaction. The veterinarian softly smiled at her, and then finally reached out. They both stood beneath the stream of hot water that came from the shower head, as Karlie let her fingers rest against Taylor's hips, and Taylor grasped Karlie's bent elbows. Their foreheads touched, and Karlie watched the baker as she closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth that came from both her touch and the hot water.

Although there wasn't enough time for them to do anything besides showering, Karlie suddenly felt the need to make Taylor hers. She needed to suck every droplet from her body; she needed to feel Taylor's wet skin easily slide against her greedy fingertips. She needed to feel her closer, and so she did just that.

As soon as Taylor's eyes opened and blue met green, Karlie closed the gap between them and let their lips collide. The kiss was urgent and it soon became steamy, as Karlie cupped Taylor's cheeks and traced her tongue against her bottom lip, asking for entrance. When it was finally granted, Taylor moaned at the sensation and pushed her body flush against hers. The baker held onto her waist, as Karlie finally made a move and pushed her against the cold and damp wall.

Taylor didn't push her back, even though they were both aware of the fact that they needed to leave in an hour and they would be late if they wasted any more time. However, neither of the two cared, as their thoughts were only occupied by the other woman who was insistently attacking all of their respective senses.

Karlie kissed down her neck, and she placed one hand against the wall, closing her eyes as she began to suck on the sensitive skin of Taylor's neck. She was rewarded with quiet moans, their noises drown out by the sound of the water coming out of the shower head. Taylor's nails dug crescent moons on her lower back, and Karlie's fingers trailed along her taut abdomen, which rose and fell rapidly because of the erratic breaths coming out of the baker's mouth.

Karlie swallowed the loud moan that escaped from Taylor's parted lips, as her fingers finally came into contact with the sensitive spot between her legs. Taylor spread her legs and grasped Karlie's forearm, unable to keep on kissing her as Karlie set a steady and fast pace.

The veterinarian wrapped her left arm around her waist in order to not let her fall, and sloppily kissed her cheek and jaw, as she focused on the movement of her fingers. A cloud of steam surrounded them and fogged up the sliding glass door of the shower. Taylor loosely hung her arms around Karlie's shoulders, as the veterinarian finally entered her with determination.

Karlie looked down at her, wanting to see the ecstasy on her face; her nose scrunched up and her mouth agape, Taylor closed her eyes shut and threw her head back, wet blonde hair tickling Karlie's fingers as she caressed the small of her back. Taylor loudly moaned her name, as her hips moved back and forth, grinding on her hand and causing enough friction to send her over the edge. The baker came undone beautifully, a work of art exploding with all of its colors, and Karlie admired the show as she peppered her neck with butterfly kisses.

Taylor relaxed in her arms, as she tiredly held onto her back and let Karlie support all of her weight. They stood beneath the jet of hot water, and the veterinarian slowly rocked them back and forth, a warmth spreading throughout her chest as she felt each breath that escaped from Taylor's lips against her neck.

"Now this," Taylor breathed, pulling away and looking at Karlie with a tired smile. "_this _is a good morning,"

Karlie blushed and listened to her girlfriend's soft giggles as she awkwardly averted her gaze. "Come on, let's _shower_,"

Taylor let out another giggle and then reached out for the bottle of shower gel.  
  
  
  
  


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The two women left the apartment half an hour later than expected, and Karlie warned her mother of the delay that was sure going to happen. Taylor was the one behind the wheel, driving with the biggest smile on her lips as Karlie danced to the rhythm of an upbeat song. She bounced up and down, the leather of the passenger seat squeaking beneath her energetic movements. Karlie knew Taylor was nervous. She could see it in the way she drummed her fingers against the steering wheel; in the way her eyes kept going back and forth between the road and the tiny clock on the dashboard. And so Karlie did everything she could to make her laugh. To distract her from the impending events. It had been a while since she had brought someone home. Especially after Margaret. But Karlie just hoped that it wouldn't turn into a disastrous visit.

"By the way," Taylor began. "Doesn't _all of this_ kind of remind you of our road trip? Me and you, just driving down the highway and screaming lyrics of our favorite songs at the top of our lungs."

Karlie grinned. "That was my favorite trip ever, I think."

"And you have to thank _me _for that,"

"Since when are you so full of yourself?"

Taylor glanced over at her with a knowing smile. "You make me braver, you know that, right? With you by my side, I would literally fight against everything and everyone."

Karlie stared at her with a fond look. She bit her lip and directed her eyes out the window, but her mind was elsewhere. She thought about Taylor's words, about how she could relate to them, and about the way she said them. Taylor had sounded so certain, as if there was no doubt in how she felt about Karlie. But _what _were her feelings? Karlie knew that she was beyond the phase of _gentle_ _crush _and was now in the hopefully never ending period of _completely and utterly in love with you_. Karlie still didn't want to wear her heart on her sleeve and bear her feelings to the world, but she felt that if she didn't say those three words soon, she might as well explode like a volcano.

"We're going to make a stop at Mc Donald's because I'm hungry," Taylor stated matter of factly. As if on cue, her stomach grumbled and Karlie giggled in response. The baker parked the car in one of the empty spots in the parking lot and Karlie gathered their purses. They walked towards the entrance and then looked around for a booth.

When they were both seated after having made their orders, Taylor put their number at the edge of their table so that it would be more visible.

"So I told my mom that we're going to get there really late, so it's up to them if they want to wait for us. But I told them that they're free to go to bed if they're too tired to stay up."

At the mention of their arrival, Taylor began to fiddle with her fingers. "Yeah, that's reasonable. We'll probably arrive a little earlier than midnight."

Karlie nodded. Her phone pinged with a new message. "Oh, she replied," Karlie read the text. "She said that she really wants to stay up to greet us and..." Karlie smiled. "She really wants to meet you, so they'll probably still be awake when we will arrive tonight. She says she doesn't care about when,"

Taylor blushed profusely. "So, I'll meet your parents in less than twelve hours. Okay. Cool."

"Hey," Karlie grabbed her hand across the table. She saw the distant look in Taylor's eyes, and squeezed her fingers. "You have nothing to worry about."

"You already told me that," Taylor smiled weakly. "But I can't help it. They're _your _parents."

"And they _will _love you. They will see how happy you make me, and they will absolutely _adore _you, okay?"

Taylor nodded, but she still seemed skeptical. Karlie wished she could ease some of the stress she could clearly see in both her face and tense shoulders, but she knew that she wouldn't change her mind. Taylor was stubborn like that.

"Hey, by the way," the light in Taylor's eyes was back, as she announced, "Abigail is pregnant. And she chose me as the godmother."

"Really? That's wonderful news, babe!" Karlie exclaimed. Taylor was, to say the least, giddy and glowing with excitement. "How far along is she?"

"Five weeks. The baby's due this November."

"I'm really happy for them. Have they thought about names yet?"

"No, it's too soon. But knowing Abigail, as soon as they will know the gender, she will make an endless list of weird names for their baby."

Karlie chuckled, and then, before she could stop herself, she asked out loud, "Do you want kids?"

Taylor, caught off guard, coughed and shifted in her seat. Karlie realized her mistake, and Taylor's silence didn't help either.

"Wait, I mean—,"

"I think—,"

They spoke over one another, and they finished in an awkward chuckle. "You go first," Taylor offered.

Karlie nodded and didn't meet her gaze as she said, "I didn't mean it _that _way. We've been dating for barely two months, and I know it's too early and all that. But I just—wanted to ask, you know? I'm just genuinely curious, but you don't have to answer right away."

"No, I—," Taylor breathed deeply. "Yes. I do want kids. But I don't know if I want them, like, _right now. _I love babies, they're adorable even when they're loud and obnoxious, but I'm just—I'm just not ready yet, you know?"

"Yeah, I totally get it," Karlie still wanted the world to swallow her up as she bounced her leg up and down beneath the table. Taylor stared at her with an unreadable expression, and then placed a gentle hand over her arm.

"Hey," when Karlie's eyes looked up, Taylor asked softly, "You okay?"

"I feel like I made this awkward."

"No, it's okay. I told you how I feel about kids. And, anyway, we probably would have talked about it sooner or later, so, you know..." Taylor didn't know where she wanted to go with her words, therefore paused and exhaled shakily. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Yeah," Taylor nodded. "Do you want kids?"

At repeating the question, the baker blushed deeply. Karlie felt slightly better at the sight of the understanding and warm smile she was receiving. "Yes," she replied quietly. She stared at their locked fingers, and then smiled faintly. "I think I want two. Or three. It depends. Like, the dream would be two girls and a boy, but three girls would be fine. Either way—," Karlie realized she was rambling, but the smile on Taylor's face had developed in an amused and loving grin. "—Sorry. Yes, I want kids. But—I'm not ready yet. For kids."

"We're on the same boat, then," Taylor joked.

Karlie giggled, and then nodded, feeling ten times better now that they had cleared this subject. Four years ago, her vision of an ideal future had been with Margaret. They would have lived in the city with their three little girls, and when the three little girls would have grown up into adults and would have moved out of the house, the two of them would have bought a house in the country side and would have stayed them for the rest of their lives. But now, Margaret wasn't here anymore. And in her ideal future, it was Taylor who came to her mind. When she imagined herself playing with kids, she saw Taylor staring at her with a smile and her arms cradling their little newborn. When she imagined herself growing old, she saw herself sitting beside Taylor, their skin covered in wrinkles and their hair grey, but still, feeling a deep love for the other. Even if her life had turned upside down, the future she now imagined wasn't so bad, after all. As long as Taylor was in it, she would accept everything that the world would throw at her.

When Karlie looked up, Taylor was enthusiastically speaking about a customer that she had had to deal with the day before, and smiled gratefully. She laughed when she pulled weird faces and she laughed even more when her voice turned ten times deeper, imitating the sound of the old customer's voice.

And something inside of Karlie told her that this was everything. That Taylor _was _everything, and that she would spend the rest of her life with this woman. _I'm going to marry her one day._

"And you should have seen his face, when I told him that I couldn't—,"

"_I love you_."

Taylor stopped talking so suddenly that Karlie didn't even realize what she had just said. When she did, she opened her lips but only a bitter chuckle came out.

"Oh, God," she covered her mouth with trembling fingers and shook her head. _Stupid. Stupid._ "I can't believe that I said that out loud—I...I didn't want to say it _now_. Especially here. When we're literally about to eat junk food and we're surrounded by fifteen years old teenagers and I—oh, _God_. And I don't even—I don't even know why I said that like that. I just—," she stopped talking altogether when she noticed how pale Taylor had gotten. Just when she was about to say something more, a chirpy waitress arrived at their table with their food.

"Enjoy your meal!" she said, her bubbly personality shining through. She was obviously oblivious to the tension between the two women, and left before any of them could thank her.

Taylor still hadn't said anything regarding Karlie's confession, and started eating quietly. The veterinarian suddenly felt a lump build inside her throat, and regretted having said those three words out loud. She knew she was overthinking (Taylor saying nothing could simply mean that she wasn't ready to say those words back to her yet) but she couldn't help it. Taylor had yet to meet her stare, and Karlie didn't have the courage to open her mouth and speak. Strangely, they ate their lunch in relatively silence, an uncomfortable one, and Karlie wished she could just read her girlfriend's mind. Saying those words had made all of this feel more real, and she knew that all of this was scary. For the both of them. But now that Karlie's feelings had been unveiled, even though she didn't gain the reaction she had hoped for, she felt a lot better. She felt like she could finally breathe, now that Taylor knew how she strongly felt about her.

When they were finished, Karlie dreaded the next ten hours they had to spend on the road together. When they exited the Mc Donald's after they had paid, Taylor still had yet to say a word to Karlie.

They walked towards the car with a painful cloud of silence hanging over them, and when it became unbearable, Karlie grabbed Taylor's wrist and stopped them in the middle of the parking lot.

"Listen, I'm sorry for making all of this weird by saying those words," Karlie began, meeting Taylor's eyes and seeing how amazed she still was. "But I really meant them. I just couldn't help it, and I just wanted you to know that—,"

Karlie was interrupted by soft lips pressing against hers with urgency, and two gentle hands cupping her face. The veterinarian closed her eyes shut and kissed Taylor back, holding tightly onto her hips. Although the kiss lasted less than five seconds, it still managed to get Karlie breathless.

When they broke away, Karlie was about to apologize once again, but Taylor beat her to it.

"Taylor, I—,"

"I love you, too."

Karlie's heart stopped beating for a second, as she gazed deeply into Taylor's sapphire eyes. The midday sunlight burned hot against their bodies, but Karlie couldn't care less when the smile blooming on Taylor's lips shone brighter than the sun above their heads. Karlie tentatively grinned back, as Taylor pushed her forehead against her, bumping their noses together.

"You do?"

"I do," Taylor replied breathlessly.

Karlie couldn't help but laugh freely, kissing her again and wrapping her arms around her waist. She lifted her off her feet and Taylor squealed in surprise. They swirled once, and then Karlie put her down, never letting go of her waist.

"I love you," Karlie said with a smile so big that her cheeks hurt. Taylor kissed her again.

"And I love you,"

"I can't believe that we confessed our love for each other in the middle of a parking lot."

"Romantic," Taylor quipped.

Karlie hugged her tightly. She felt so light thatshe was sure she was going to fly up to the moon and back. And as Taylor laughed against her ear, for the second time that day, she thought, _I'm going to marry her one day._


End file.
